


Music to my Ears

by Latchingontoyou



Series: Everlong [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: F/F, F/M, HSAU, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-10 06:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 134,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3280721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latchingontoyou/pseuds/Latchingontoyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A HSAU where Laura, Perry, Lafontaine, Danny, Kirsch, JP, and Will are in the band and Carmilla, Natalie, Betty, Elsie, and SJ are in orchestra. A bet is involved, hearts get crushed, friendships are made, and new relationships are formed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Recital

**Author's Note:**

> As I decide whether or not to add anything that may be triggering or if someone asks me to add a certain trigger warning, all trigger warnings will be posted in the notes before you start reading.

_**Carmilla** _

“Cual es tu nombre?”

She bit her bottom lip as her forehead scrunched up in concentration. “Laura Hollis.”

“Cuántos años tienes?”

“Uhhhh……I-I know this I swear.” Her fingers tapped on the cover of her Spanish I textbook. She quickly glanced down at it.

“We can skip this question if you want. I don’t particularly mind.”

“No I can get this okay. Just give me a minute.”

I shrugged. “Whatever you say cupcake.” I looked down at my nails and started to pick at the red nail polish that was already beginning to chip away.

“Quince!” She squealed clapping her hands together.

“Cuántos hermanos tienes?”

“No tengo hermanos.”

“Cual es tu color favorito?”

Again her forehead scrunched up in concentration. “Azul.”

“Well that’s all the questions for today.” I began to put my textbook into my backpack.

“Wait! I still have to ask you these questions.”

I rolled my eyes and clasped my backpack shut. “Mi nombre is Carmilla Karnstein. Tengo dieciséis años. Tengo uno hermano y mi color favorito is negro.” I stood up from my desk and walked over to the front of the classroom to Ms. Standford’s desk to drop off the worksheet with Laura’s answers written on it before leaving. I risked a quick glance back to see her scrunched up face as she was staring down at her own worksheet trying to fill in the questions with the answers I had given her.

* * *

_**Laura** _

“Hey Laura!” I turned around to see LaFontaine sprinting toward me while waving their hand in the air.

“Hey LaFontaine.”

“How did Spanish go?” They quickly fell into step with me as I made my way to my Geometry class.

“It was just peachy what with Carmilla being my partner for the last part of class.”

Their eyebrows furrowed. “That must have been horrible. Did she even talk to you or did she ignore you like she ignores everyone by reading her book?”

“Oh no she actually participated this time. She just spat out her answers to the questions in like a minute and left me there to figure out all of what she said since she booked it out of class.”

“LaFontaine! Laura!” Perry waved her hand in the air as she approached us holding her Home Economics textbook to her chest. “You both ready for the quiz in Geometry?” She fell into step next to LaFontaine.

I groaned. “Is that today?”

“Wow Hollis. You actually didn’t study this time?” LaFontaine pressed their hand to their chest feinting being shocked.

“I completely forgot.” I groaned again. “What are the chances that Mr. Hendrix forgot?”

“Not a one. Though I’m sure he’ll understand that you spent your entire night rewatching _Buffy_ and had no time to study for his quiz.” Their mouth turned into a big grin.

“I was not up all night watching _Buffy_.” They gave me a pointed look. “I stopped to watch _Grey’s Anatomy_.” I blushed.

“Well Laura maybe you should concentrate more on your school work instead of whether or not you will be missing your favorite TV shows,” Perry added.

“Come on or we’ll be late.” LaFontaine grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me to class against my will.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey you three. Over here!” Danny called across the band room to us as we walked in. She was sitting with Kirsch playing out some rhythms on her snare drum while Kirsch looked over the sheet music he was holding and making some adjustments with his pen.

“I never thought I’d see the day you two get along for longer than thirty seconds,” I said as I sat down in one of the nearby chairs.

Danny rolled her eyes. “We just both ended up agreeing that this particular sheet music needed some more flare from our section seeing as how some people will be boring everyone to sleep.”

“Yeah little nerd hottie, we need to wake the people up and get them dancing.”

“Kirsch no.” Danny glared at him and he looked at her with innocence.

“What?”

“How many times do we need to tell you that referring to us as ‘hotties’ is offense?”

He looked down at his snare drum and picked at the brass edges. “Sorry hot- everyone.” LaFontaine grinned at his use of “everyone” instead of ladies. He was really trying.

“So what makes you two think that some people will bore the audience with some sections of the piece?” LaFontaine asked quirking their eyebrow up.

“Well trumpets are just loud and don’t sound good on their own and neither do flutes.”

“I have you know that I play a wicked trumpet solo outside of this room,” LaFontaine scoffed.

“Flutes are not meant to cause some form of a…of a…flare,” Perry added shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

They all looked at me. “I think everyone’s instrument is important when it comes to the big picture.”

Everyone broke out into a smile. “Always the optimist,” LaFontaine laughed.

The door to the band room banged open and we all turned to see what was going on. Will stood at the entrance for a moment then sprinted through the front of the room to the band closet that held all our instruments. He slammed the door behind him and the sound of the lock clicking into place was heard throughout the now silent room. It was a few seconds later that he opened the door to poke his head out. “Please don’t tell her I’m in here,” he said to everyone standing in the room. He closed and locked the door again. I looked to our little group to see mirrored expressions of confusion. JP went over to the main door and closed it, so that we wouldn’t bother people with how loud we were.

It was of no use because not even a minute later the door banged open again and we all turned to see Carmilla standing at the entrance of the room wearing her nice fitting black leather pants (okay so they were very nicely fitted and made her look sexy), her Joan Jet concert T, and holding possibly a white shirt in one hand and a black sweater in the other. She waltzed over to the closet and banged on the door. “Will open this door right now!” Of course he didn’t answer (neither would I if I had angered Carmilla). “Will you better open this door! I do not have time for this!” She continued to bang on the door to no avail. “God dammit open the door! I have to get back to the orchestra room before I am late for our recital!”

“No way! Your gonna kill me!” He shouted from the other side of the door.

“Let me make this clear again. I. Do. Not. Have. The. Time!!” She punctuated. “Now open up this door and give me your shirt so I can at least be wearing something decent besides this T-shirt and my white shirt that you so conveniently spilled orange soda on and didn’t tell me about!” She banged on the door a couple of more times.

“Promise you’re not gonna kill me?”

She huffed and placed her hands on her hips. “Yes! Now give me your stupid shirt!”

The door opened and he poked his head out. “What will I wear? I forgot to put a shirt underneath.”

She held up the black sweater. “You get to wear my orchestra sweater. Now hurry up.” She pushed passed him into the room and locked the door.

No one spoke for a moment and just kept looking to one another. “Did she say that orchestra was having a recital today?” Danny asked.

“Yeah why?” LaFontaine answered.

“Well normally we wouldn’t have class if they have a recital which means…”

“Oh no way Summer Psycho. Don’t even say it.”

Danny swatted Kirsch’s arm.“Yes. It means Mrs. Truman forgot and we’ll have to go sit through it to show ‘our support for our fellow music seekers,’” She finished mimicking Mrs. Truman.

LaFontaine groaned and Perry gave them a pointed look. “Well I think it is a good thing to support one another every once in a while,” Perry said happily.

The door to the closet opened and Will stepped out wearing the black sweater that had the school’s Panther logo on the front. He shuffled to the back of the room and I was able to see ‘Silas Orchestra’ written along the back in white lettering. Surprisingly the sweater fit him just right which meant it fit Carmilla a little too big since she was shorter than him by three inches. The door opened again and out stepped Carmilla with Will’s black button up shirt on and tucked into her leather pants. The top three buttons were undone and plunged open to reveal her slender neck and part of her chest. She rolled the sleeves up to her elbows and honest to Hogwarts I didn’t believe she could get any sexier than she already was…and beautiful…way more beautiful.

She looked up after finishing rolling up the sleeve on her right arm and smirked. “Hey cupcake you’ll hurt your jaw if you keep your mouth open for any longer.” She winked and walked out of the classroom. I closed my mouth and gulped as I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks.

“Crushes on orchestra girl.” I looked over to see the wicked grin on LaFontaine’s face. If Perry wasn’t sitting between us I would so smack their arm.

“I-I don’t have a crush on her.”

“Sure you don’t Hollis.” They rolled their eyes.

“Hello class!” Mrs. Truman walked into the class wearing one of her sunshine smiles. “So I completely forgot that orchestra was having a recital today for our Alma Maters, so I thought that we would show some school spirit and music comradery by going over to watch them play.” I turned back as I heard the thump behind me. Kirsch had hit his head against his snare drum in frustration.

* * *

**_Danny_ **

LaFontaine was doodling in their notebook, Kirsch was playing a game on his phone, and Perry was actually enjoying the recital. I think she has some secret interest in classical music. I looked over to Laura on my right and saw her chewing on her bottom lip. She didn’t look as if she was enjoying the recital, but it didn’t look like she was disinterested either. I looked at her some more and then tried to follow her line of sight. I frowned. Of course she would be staring at the brooding woman clad in leather. I mentally rolled my eyes. I have no idea what it is that Laura sees in that girl. She’s all dark and annoying. She never talks to them aside from calling Laura ‘cupcake’ or ‘cutie’ or some other name that was not her actual name and calling the rest of us some variation involving ‘puppy’ or ‘ginger.’

I stopped tapping my fingers against my thigh and started to pick at a loose string instead. It was getting time to retire these green pants and get another pair. I kept picking at the loose thread. Why did it have to be her? It could be any other girl at this school, but why did it have to be her? I mean it was okay when she had a brief little thing for Elsie on the first day of class during freshman year, but of all people Carmilla. I thought she would be over it by now, but here they are a year later after they bumped into each other by their lockers after school one day during freshman year. I don’t know what Carmilla said to her, but she has been crushing on her the whole time even if she says she’s not and refuses to acknowledge it.

Speaking of Mistress of the Snark, she got up and moved to the center of the stage with her violin. She took her stance tucking the violin under her chin then closed her eyes. I looked over at Laura and saw her sit up straighter with her hands clasped together on top of her lap. She stared at Carmilla intently as the soothing sounds of her violin began to fill the room. I looked back to the stage. Carmilla’s eyes were still closed as she played. It almost seemed like she was playing from her heart which is a stretch since I believe she doesn’t actually own one, yet from the heart none the less. I could actually say she looked almost peaceful; vulnerable. It was a totally different Carmilla on that stage than the frustrating one I was used to. It almost seemed like the music was flowing from within her out into the open giving us a piece of herself. She was really good (not that I would ever admit that out loud).

I looked to Laura again and slumped in my seat. She was fascinated by Carmilla. It almost seemed like the song that was being played by the snarky one had enchanted her. I looked back down at my pants and went back to playing with the loose thread that was now beginning to create a hole above my knee cap. Yup, definitely time to go buy a new pair.

The piece came to an end and everyone began to clap. I looked up to see Carmilla bow and walk back to her seat. I do like to torture myself it seems. I glanced at Laura against my better judgment to see the smile that was lighting up her beautiful face. I wish she would smile at me like that. I wish she would just look at me. Not as a friend, but as something more. I wish she would feel something for me the way she feels something for her.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“Wasn’t that performance just superb!” Perry said cheerfully obviously having enjoyed it.

“Yeah. Who knew Laura’s crush would be so good,” LaFontaine added as they threaded their fingers through Perry’s.

“She is not my crush!” I said feeling the blush slowly creeping its way back up to my cheeks as I crossed my arms over my chest. LaFontaine rolled their eyes.

“Okay Summer Psycho and little hot- everyone. I have to jet, but I will see you all in class tomorrow.” Kirsch booked it before Danny could punch him in the arm for calling her Summer Psycho again.

“I hate to say this, but I’m with Kirsch here. I have to go. Summer Society meeting, so see you all tomorrow.” She waved and jogged away.

I looked to LaFontaine and Perry. They were still holding hands and looked to be having one of their many silent conversations only using their eye contact. I looked everywhere but at them as to give them some semblance of privacy. It was when I decided to turn around that I saw her walking out from the back entrance/exit to the auditorium stage. She was chatting with Betty and seemed to be smiling. Odd she never smiles. It’s adorable. I wish she would smile more. Her eyes found mine and I quickly looked away trying to make it seem like I was not just openly staring at her…again.

I turned back to LaFontaine and Perry and was met by LaFontaine’s usual goofy smile that says they caught me staring at Carmilla…again. I rolled my eyes. “What did you two decide on?”

“We decided that we should all go to Perry’s and eat some of the cookies that her mom made and watch a movie.”

Perry opened her mouth then closed it as her eyes seemed to bulge out of their sockets. I looked at her questionably. “Hey cutie.”

I stood still for a moment before turning to be face-to-face with Carmilla. “H-hi,” I stammered.

Her mouth turned up into her usual smirk. “Did you enjoy the show?”

Oh my god. Was she really trying to have a conversation with me? Like an honest to Hogwarts conversation? Oh geeze, I can actually smell the scent of roses coming from her. Focus Hollis! “Y-y-yeah. I really liked it. Especially when you did your solo. I was honestly surprised that you could play that well, not that I didn’t think you could play that well, but it was still surprising since you normally don’t seem like you can care to be so genuine towards something. I mean you can be, but it was still surprising and I’m just going to shut up now.” I fidgeted with my hands.

A small smirk crept onto her face. “Thanks cutie. What a way to give a compliment,” she said sarcastically. I looked down at the ground. “Well as much fun as this has been, I have to be heading back to the orchestra room. See you around sweetheart.” I looked up to see her smirk before she turned and left.

“Smooth Hollis.”

I groaned and threw my head back. “LaFontaine…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com and get updates on chapters, some music I listen to while writing (not gonna say if said song has anything to do with the specific chapter being written at the time), or you want to submit art work based on this fanfic or ask me questions.


	2. Food Fights and Bad News

**_Laura_ **

“What is up with all of these darn Zetas in the cafeteria today?” Danny sat down next to me as she waved her hand at the table full of Zetas.

“Kirsch said something about having an impromptu meeting during lunch since a couple of the guys are going on a field trip for the rest of the day for their mechanics class.” I grabbed my chocolate milk and looked up to meet Danny’s confused gaze. “He is my friend you know.”

“And sometimes I wish I could forget it.”

I rolled my eyes and drank my chocolate milk. I looked around the room and spotted Will moving away from the table of Zetas and headed over to where the orchestra people were sitting. He tapped Carmilla on the shoulder and handed her something small and black. I squinted trying to see what exactly it was. She pocketed it then said something to Will that made him frown. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at her. She raised her hands up in surrender and said something else that made him deflate. His shoulders slumped and he slowly nodded his head. She reached out and took his hand while saying something else that brought a smile to his face. She let go of his hand while a smile spread across her face as well. She looked so beautiful when she smiled.

“Earth to Laura!” I blinked as a hand started to wave in front of my face. “Welcome back. Thought you got abducted there for a moment.” I glared at LaFontaine. They rolled their eyes. “As I was saying. I think we should have a sleep over this weekend since it’s been a while that we’ve had a free weekend from band and Summer Society stuff. What do you think?”

“I think that would be good. My place as usual?”

“Of course. Your dad is the only parent out of all of ours who actually doesn’t still try to get us to be straight.”

I laughed. “He is the best.”

There was a splat noise to my left where Danny was sitting and I looked up at her. My eyes felt like they were going to fall out as I saw the big blob of mashed potatoes that started to fall from her face in small clumps. She looked over at the table of Zetas and saw one of the Zeta guys looking at her with a grin and his spoon poised to launch another round of potatoes at her. She grabbed a handful of her own potatoes and pitched it straight at the guy who ducked at the last minute to only have it hit the Zeta behind him.

“Oh no!” Perry squealed.

Danny stood up launching more potatoes at the Zetas. “This is war!” At that more Summer Society sisters who were spread out amongst their friends turned toward Danny to see her throwing more food at the Zetas. They picked up their own trays and started to make their way to join their President in the food fight. The Zetas saw the approaching girls and they all started to reach out for food. I ducked down under the table to avoid peas and corn that were tossed at Danny, but were obviously off course. LaFontaine and Perry were already under the table. Perry was clinging onto LaFontaine.

“Alright we need to get out of this cafeteria now,” LaFontaine said while looking at how stressed Perry was becoming.

“How do you suppose we do that?” I asked moving over as a clump of mashed potatoes splattered across the floor landing a bit under the table where my hand was resting.

“We’ll grab our trays and use them as shields and make a dash for the doors.”

I peeked out from under the table then ducked down quickly as a piece of turkey flew my way. “Ok. It’s going to have to be now or never since Danny has moved over to the other table.”

“Gotcha.” LaFontaine and Perry’s heads disappeared as they looked out from under the table to grab their trays. I arched my hand over the table and felt for my tray. Once finding it I pulled it under the table. I emptied the contents off to the side. “Alright on three.” LaFontaine emptied their’s and Perry’s tray and crouched getting ready to make a break for the exit. “One…two…” They squeezed Perry’s hand. “Three!” They scrambled out from under the table dragging Perry behind them.

I followed behind them pulling the tray up to cover my face as a glob of gravy found me. I kept running weaving through the mass of bodies moving around trying to find food to throw. I ducked as a banana flew over my head. In doing so I slipped on a spot of gravy and milk and landed on my butt. LaFontaine and Perry turned around at the sound of my groan. They turned around and successfully blocked a hotdog from hitting me. “I think we should get under another table,” I yelled out over the screams of Zetas, Summer Societies, and other people. LaFontaine nodded their head and pointed to the table just off to the right. Perry helped me up and we all made a dash for the table.

Once we ducked under it I saw that Carmilla was also hiding out here. “Oh no. you dimwits are going to have to find another table to hide under.”

“We are not going back out there so either you share or you can leave,” I snapped having lost my patience with this whole food fight.

Her eyes widened. “So you do have some bite.” She smirked. I rolled my eyes. This is not how I wanted our next conversation to be like. “Well maybe you should tell your girlfriend to stop this ridiculous food fight with the Zetas.”

I stared at her. My girlfriend? Wait who would…did she mean Danny. Oh god she means Danny. No way. No freaking way. I shake my head. “Danny is not my girlfriend.”

“Could have fooled me.” For a brief moment I could see something in her eyes that wasn’t the normal frustration or annoyance that usually inhabited them. I bit my bottom lip as we continued to stare at one another. The usual tightness of my heart made breathing almost impossible as I stared into her eyes. She wasn’t looking away and I could see her eyes slowly begin to deepen into a darker brown as a wall seemed to be getting taken down little by little.

“Everyone stop!” A voice yelled from a megaphone. She tore her eyes away from mine and the walls were immediately put back up. “Those of you holding food in your hands start making your way to the front office.” This was met with a groan as the shuffling of feet began to make their way to the exit. “Anyone hiding under a table must head to class immediately!” Carmilla was out from under the table in a flash.

“Thank god. The tension between you two was becoming unbearable,” LaFontaine followed Carmilla with their eyes then grabbed Perry’s hand to help her out from under the table.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I slipped out from under the table and followed them through the exit to our lockers.

“You two were staring at each other for a solid five minutes.”

I furrowed my brows. “No. It was only for a moment.”

“It may have seemed like a moment to you, but I timed it and you two were staring for five minutes.”

“LaFontaine leave Laura alone.” Perry rubbed their arm as they sighed. “Laura we just want you to be careful is all. Carmilla doesn’t exactly have the best of reputations when it comes to girls.”

“I know.” I looked down at the ground and shuffled my feet a bit.

“Oh sweetie it’s okay.” Perry’s arms went around my shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Like Carmilla would ever cha-Ow!” I giggled against Perry’s shoulder before stepping out from her hug to see LaFontaine rubbing their arm faking like the smack hurt more than it did.

“Now let us get to class before we are later then we already are.” Perry grabbed our shoulders and pushed us in the direction of our English class.

 

 

 

 

I sat there doodling on the side of my notebook. LaFontaine and Perry were passing notes to each other whenever Mr. Truman would turn his back to write something on the board. I wonder what it feels like to be so completely in love with someone who wasn’t just your partner, but also your best friend. Like you didn’t have to say words in order to know what the other was feeling or trying to say. That with just a look the other knows what you’re thinking and feeling or even by the subtle way your body tenses up or shoulders slump. To be able to fill in where the other is lacking and to just have someone be there. To have someone be by your side.

Perry and LaFontaine stared into each other’s eyes. LaFontaine’s smile took over their entire face and Perry’s was coupled with a blush. I want that.

 

 

 

 

 

Sweat was dripping down my face as I stood still looking at Mrs. Truman standing on the podium. She was nice and sweet most of the time, but once marching practice started she was like a drill sergeant. All the niceness left her voice and face and she focused on making sure we had our steps right. One wrong step and she immediately stopped everyone and had us all do it all over again from the beginning. It was because of this we were all in shape even if some of us didn’t play sports during marching band season.

“Alright we’re going to run through this one more time before I call it a day!” Mrs. Truman shouted from the podium for the fifth time today. The sun was beginning to go down and the football players were starting to get antsy from wanting to actually run some practice plays despite this being their conditioning day. “If we get this right we will not have to come back out here tomorrow to do it.” Okay that was a lie. She was going to have us run through this every day until it became muscle memory like she always does before we have a big performance. Granted the Fall Marching Band Competition was another month and a half away, but she still wanted us to be perfect since we have yet to lose in the past five years that she has been in charge (last year was brutal since a lot of us were new, so ice baths became a regular routine for LaFontaine, Perry, and I). “Alright. On my whistle!” The whistle sounded.

The snares started to play. I raised my mallets and began to drum out my part of the melody. From there the rest of the band joined in. The sound of the whistles from the drum major and Mrs. Truman folding her hands behind her back signaled that we were going to start to move into formation. I let out a subtle huff to steel myself up since formation was typically what I always messed up on. I focused on the melody I was playing and relaxed. My body took over as I completely got lost in just being in the moment of the music. My heart beat at the same tempo as my drum as I moved according to the drum majors whistles and the people around me. It was easy to just let the music wash over me and take control whenever I wasn’t stressing out about messing up my steps. It was times like this that I could just lose myself and feel free from everything. I was in my own little world.

 

 

 

 

 

“Finally. Any longer and I was going to die!” Kirsch gently set down his snare then flopped down on his back on the grass. Everyone was pretty much sitting or lying down after having to repeat the entire march two more times.

“I swear she lives to kill us all,” Danny said as she plopped down beside me.

“As much as I enjoy being drum major, I am going to hate it when we start doing all of this in our uniforms,” JP said as he handed out cups of water to us before sitting down.

“Let’s not talk about uniforms. I can barely stand the heat now,” I groaned.

Danny shrugged. “It’s only bad for a bit until the temperature starts dropping next month and by the time the competition roles around we’ll be used to it and won’t sweat as much as all the other bands.”

I laid back against the grass and stared up at the sky. “I’m so tired.”

“Well then before we all fall asleep out here from exhaustion we should all head back to the band room to put our instruments away and get home,” Perry said.

“Sounds like a plan.” I got up and my body protested by making me feel every ache and pain possible. “Looks like an ice bath night.”

“Attention everyone!” We all stopped to look at the happy face of Mrs. Truman. “I just have a quick announcement before everyone leaves.” She looked at all of us making sure she had our attention. “Well as everyone knows, the school will be celebrating our centennial year of being founded and with that, the school wants the band and orchestra to do a joint piece together after winter break.” Unified groans and mumbling was heard from all of the members of the band. It was an unspoken understanding that band and orchestra hated each other, mostly because orchestra people were stuck up and felt superior to us because they were “practitioners of the classical art of music while band was the butchering of the great and ancient art” even though drums have existed for like ever (okay not sure how long drums have existed, but like come on). “Enough!” Mrs. Truman’s marching command voice silenced us immediately. “We will be doing this and because Mr. Voyer and I know you don’t get along with each other we decided to assign you partners so you could get to know one another on a personal level in order to make it easier to play with one another during practice and the performance. I will have the list of who your partner will be sometime next week. Just know that after our competition we will start practicing with them, so you better be on good terms with one another by then or great actors.” She gave us a pointed look then her usual smile came back. “Now go home and get plenty of rest.”

“I feel like one of my lab rats right now.” LaFontaine ran their hand through their hair as they sighed.

“They really are trying to kill us,” Danny said angrily.

“Come on it shouldn’t be that bad. Maybe once we actually get to know one another as more than just band and orchestra people we might actually get along.” Everyone looked at me as if I had said I’d be giving up cookies. “Right?”

Perry was the first to break into a smile. “I’m with Laura.”

Everyone else shook their heads and laughed. “Only you could see the bright side in all of this,” JP said before picking up my bass drum.

“Hey I can carry my own instrument!”

“I know, but I see your dad in the parking lot already.” I turned around to see my dad sitting in his red pick-up truck. He waved once he saw me looking at him.

“Right. Thanks JP. I owe you.”

“No problem. Now go before he gets worried that you’ve injured yourself and takes you to the hospital.”

I laughed. “Okay. Bye everyone.”

“Bye Laura.”

I ran past everyone to grab my backpack from the bleachers than ran over to my dad’s truck. “Hey kiddo. Had a good practice?”

“Yeah. I’m exhausted though.”

“Well dinner is already made. You just have to warm it up.” He pulled out of the school parking lot.

“Thanks dad.”

He shrugged. “It’s marching season. You’ll always be late to dinner.” A small smile crossed his face. “So anything new?”

I sighed. “We have to do a performance with the orchestra kids to celebrate a hundred years of our school being open.”

He furrowed his brows. “Don’t you two hate each other though?”

“Yes. Which is why Mrs. Truman and the orchestra instructor decided to pair us up and force us to get to know one another.”

“That might not be a bad thing. It might actually get y’all to like each other.”

I smiled. We were more similar than I would like to admit. “I hope so.”

He looked at me and nudged my shoulder. “You’ll be fine. You’re the best at making friends.”

I smiled back at him then leaned my head against the window. I do hope we can get along or at least tolerate one another to get through a performance together. As much as my body was aching right now I wish I could be marching again so I didn’t have to think about all of this. The volume on the radio got louder and I smiled. Dad always knows how to make me feel better.


	3. Seeing the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the "*****" mean same character pov, just a different day

**_Laura_ **

“Alright, what movie did you all decide on?” I set the bowls of Doritos and popcorn down on the table before taking up my spot between Danny and LaFontaine.

“Well we can’t decide between _The_ _Road to El Dorado_ and _Emperor’s New Groove_.” LaFontaine kept scrolling through my Netflix.

“Oooo…I love both of those movies.”

“We know.”

I chewed my bottom lip and glanced at all of them. “So… _Emperor’s New Groove_?”

A shit-eating grin spread across LaFontaine’s face as they looked at me then at Danny. “You owe me five bucks.”

Danny shook her head. “Damn it.”

I crossed my arms and pouted. “You two seriously made a bet on what movie I would pick?”

“Sorry Hollis, I just knew you would pick Emperor’s New Groove but someone was adamant that you would choose Road to El Dorado.”

“And what if I had chosen another movie entirely?”

They looked at Perry. “Well that’s where Perry’s choice comes in.”

I quirked my eyebrow up. “Perry…what movie did you choose?” She flicked her hand in the air to dismiss my question. “Perry?”

She reached out for the popcorn bowl and placed it in her lap. “I chose _Mulan_.”

I smiled. “Sometimes I think Perry knows me better than you two do.” I snatched the remote away from LaFontaine. “ _Mulan_ it is.”

“Looks like I don’t owe you five bucks.”

“Shut it Danny!”

I smiled as I grabbed the bowl of Doritos. I glanced at LaFontaine and saw that they had already begun to run their fingers through Perry’s hair. She sat back against the couch to make it easier for LaFontaine to work through her hair. Danny slung her arm across the back of the couch letting her fingers dangle just above my shoulder. I shoved a Dorito in my mouth to cover the sigh that wanted to come out. I like Danny I do, but I don’t like her in that way…anymore.

I looked down as I saw my phone light up on the table. I leaned forward and unlocked the screen.

“Who is it?” Danny asked.

“It’s Kirsch.”

**Kirsch: Yo! So like Mrs. Truman sent us an email cuz**

**like she canceled class Mon. It has our**

**partners name on it.**

**Me: Great. Did you see who all of us were paired up**

**with?**

I put my phone in my lap and paused the movie. “So Kirsch said Mrs. Truman canceled class Monday, but emailed us a list with our partners for the whole orchestra and band bonding thing.”

“Did he say who we were paired up with?” Perry asked leaning on LaFontaine’s thigh to look up at me.

“Not yet. I just asked him about it.” My phone vibrated and I unlocked the screen again. “Shit!”

“Woah Hollis. Must be bad if it’s got you using actual cuss words,” LaFontaine said.

“I’m paired up with Carmilla.”

“Shit.” They patted my shoulder. “You’ll survive so long as you don’t drown in embarrassment.”

“Not helping LaFontaine.”

“Who did he say we have?” Perry asked.

“You’re with Natalie. Danny is paired with Betty. LaFontaine is paired with Elsie. Kirsch got paired with SJ.”

“Good luck with Elsie,” Danny said with a big grin on her face.

“If I didn’t have Perry I would totally just disappear right now.”

Perry rubbed their thigh soothingly. “We’ll all get through this. Now let’s get back to the movie.”

For my sake I hope Perry is right.

 

***************

“Hey Danny where you headed?” I caught up to her in the hall.

“Since band is canceled today I thought I’d do two hours of detention so I can hurry up and get away from all those Zetas.”

“Oh yeah. Why did that Zeta guy start the food fight?”

Danny scrunched up her face. “Apparently his girlfriend dumped him because she likes me and didn’t want to stay with him knowing that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Kirsch made him apologize to me then gave him a lecture during detention about how it’s ‘not cool to go after people just because your girlfriend breaks up with you for them.’”

I smiled. “Kirsch is a good guy.”

She scoffed. “Yeah sure. He then tried to give me a lecture about how ‘I shouldn’t be stealing bro’s girlfriends,’” She said pitching her voice low to imitate Kirsch. “I ended up punching him in the shoulder and got more detention for it after I told him women are not property and can leave a relationship for whatever reason they want.”

“Well, are you going to meet up with Betty after detention?”

“Nah. I got her number from someone in art class, so I’m just gonna text her and set up another time to meet up. What about you?”

I scowled. “Well she kept walking away from me so I had to track down Will and force him to tell me where Carmilla will be right now.”

Her eyebrows quirked up. “Force?”

I shrugged. “Krav Maga lessons come in handy for more than just self-defense.”

She nodded her head. “Pretty ballsy of you. Well good luck with Morticia.”

“Thanks. Try not to kill Kirsch during detention.”

She laughed. “I won’t promise anything.”

 

 

 

 

 

I made my way down the hall after stopping to talk to LaFontaine and Perry about whether or not they were meeting their partners today. LaFontaine looked like they were going to be sick and Perry was extra anxious because of that. I hope they’ll survive their meetings.

I turned the corner and walked over to the door of the library. Will said Carmilla spends her time in the library whenever orchestra is cancelled or she wants to just ditch it all together. He looked agitated when I asked him where in the library she hung out at and seemed to dart his eyes around to avoid eye contact with me as he said she would be in the very back corner of the library. He shuffled away from me as quick as possible after and was gone before I could ask him what exactly was wrong with him.

I pushed the door to the library open and began to make my way to the back corner. No one was in here which is not so surprising since it is the library and everyone avoids the library like the plague. I detoured into the fiction section of the library and stopped to see if they had the Harry Potter series here. One can never read Harry Potter enough times. Unfortunately the books weren’t there. I sighed and kept walking to the back of the library. Just as I turned the corner of the last shelf I froze letting my mouth drop.

She was standing between the legs of some girl sitting on one of the desks that lined the back wall…wait…isn’t that…no way…oh my god it’s Elsie! Carmilla put her hands on the desk on either side of her and leaned in to kiss her. Elsie’s arms went up to wrap around Carmilla’s shoulders. I let out a squeak that had them both turning. I opened my mouth then shut it then opened it again. I gripped the strap of my backpack then turned and walked away to the front of the library. No wonder Will was so anxious when talking to me. He basically just told me where Carmilla takes her “study buddies.” I kept walking ignoring the calls coming from behind me. I didn’t exactly know where I was going, but anywhere that is not the library was good with me.

 

 

 

 

 

I sat underneath the bleachers with my legs pulled up to my chest. My heart ached and I groaned for the umpteenth time already. I pressed my forehead against my knees and hugged my legs tightly. I knew she was a player, but to actually see it was a different thing from knowing.

“Laura?” I looked up to see Perry standing there with concern in her eyes. LaFontaine was standing behind her with a sad look on their face.

“How did you know?”

Perry sighed and made her way over to me and sat down on my right while LaFontaine sat on my left. “Elsie said that we might want to find you.” Perry looped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close. “I’m sorry you had to see that sweetie.”

“Did Elsie say-“

“No, but it’s not hard to guess what with it involving Carmilla,” LaFontaine cut in giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

I sighed and snuggled into Perry more. “Why does it hurt so much?”

“Because you like her,” LaFontaine answered.

“I don’t know how I’m going to talk to her now.”

“Well you knew she had flings with a bunch of girls and that never stopped you before,” they said with a hint of sarcasm. I could hear Perry slapping LaFontaine’s hand.

“Be nice.”

“Sorry Laura.” They put their hand back on my shoulder. They sighed. “Look, what you saw doesn’t necessarily mean that Carmilla is a bad person.”

I shot up and stared at LaFontaine as if they said that surviving on cookies was possible without any health risk. I glanced at Perry to see the shock look she had on her face as well. “Ok who are you and what have you done with LaFontaine?” I poked them in the side.

They rolled their eyes. “Look I never said anything because it wasn’t really a big deal, but Carmilla kind of actually decked a kid in our Biology class early this semester because they weren’t respecting me and kept calling me she and Susan.”

“Sweetie why have you never told me this?” Perry asked.

“I didn’t want you to worry especially since Carmilla handled it and made him so afraid that now he makes it a point to talk to me only when Carmilla is within hearing distance.” They waved their hand to dismiss the incident. “Anyway. Carmilla has some good in her. It’s just buried deep, deep, deep down.”

“I know. It just still makes my heart sink.”

LaFontaine nodded. “I know it sucks to see someone you like be with someone else, but you can’t let that stop you from trying unless they’re in a committed relationship with that person.” They shrugged. “And from what I know, Carmilla does not do relationships.”

I nudged their shoulder. “Thanks LaF.”

They smiled. “Now come on. We’ll head to your place and binge watch Buffy while eating cookies.”

I perked up at that. “Have I told you you’re both the best?”

Perry rubbed my back. “We know sweetie. Now come on. I have some chocolate chip cookies to bake for our marathon.”


	4. Apologies and Text Messages

**_Laura_ **

I jumped at the sudden thud to my right and looked to see Carmilla settling into the empty seat next to me. I looked around the table highly confused. I met Danny’s gaze and saw her look of disgust. “Who said you could sit with us Elvira?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Since someone won’t stop avoiding me,” she gave me a pointed look, “I invited myself.”

I sipped at my chocolate milk as everyone’s eyes fell on me. “I’m not avoiding you,” I whispered shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

“Oh, so you’re just training for track and field by sprinting away every time you hear my voice?” I fidgeted under her gaze. “I thought so.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “Look cutie I want to get this stupid assignment done as quickly as possible so,” she reached into her backpack and pulled out a sheet of paper, “I printed out the questions so you can answer them and I’ll just email mine to you later.” She held the paper out to me.

I stared at the paper then took a steadying breath before looking her in the eye. “No.”

Her eyes widened a bit. “What?”

I squared my shoulders. “No. Our teachers added on this assignment for a reason, so if you want the answers to those questions you’ll actually have to spend time with me…preferably not in the library,” I added the last part weakly.

She crumpled the paper and launched it at the Zetas hitting her brother with it on the back. He turned around searching for the culprit then locked eyes with her. He stuck his tongue out at her then went back to his conversation. She looked back at me. “Fine. I don’t want you barging in on me when I’m meeting with one of my study buddies anyway.”

“I didn’t barge in!” I pointed my finger at her. “You shouldn’t even be doing that in the library anyway.”

She shrugged. “It wasn’t a problem until you threatened my brother which by the way isn’t something I’m going to forget about.”

I deflated a bit. “I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s not me you have to apologize to cutie.”

“Right.” I chewed my bottom lip then got up. “I’ll be back. No one kill Carmilla while I’m gone.” I gave everyone especially Danny a reaffirming look.

She shrugged. “I’m good as long as she keeps her mouth shut.”

“Danielle Lawrence!” Perry chastised.

“Go Laura we’ll keep these two in line,” LaFontaine said waving me away.

I gave Danny another look before walking over to the table of Zetas. Kirsch saw me first as the spoon he was balancing on his nose dropped onto his tray. “Hey little nerd hott-Laura,” he corrected last minute. Will stiffened at the sound of my name.

“Hey Kirsch. Mind if I steal Will away for a bit?”

“Sure thing.”

“Will?” I said tentatively.

His shoulders slumped. “Ok.” He got up. He quickly stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Let’s go over here.” I stepped away heading to an empty spot by the exit. I looked over my shoulder to make sure he was following me.

He kept his head down. “So what did you want to talk about?” He looked up at me briefly.

“I just wanted to say sorry for last week. I didn’t mean to threaten you with my Krav Maga skills because I would never use it anyway unless you tried to hurt me physically because I’m not a fan on injurying people, but since I’m short people don’t take me seriously so I have to use what I can in order to get what I want, but that’s not the point here. I shouldn’t have done it and I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me, but like you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I huffed out in less than a minute.

He stared at me for a moment before a smile lit up his face. “You are pretty small.”

“Hey!” I gave him a playful shove which made him laugh.

He pulled his hands out of his pockets and relaxed. “Sooooo scary.”

“Whatever.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

His smile went away. “I just hope you didn’t get scarred for life.”

“What do you mean?”

He scratched the back of his neck. “I know you like my sister, but she’s not a relationship person and I didn’t want you to get hurt from seeing her with someone else.”

I softened my gaze and reached over to give his arm a reassuring squeeze. “Thanks Will.”

He nodded his head. “I accept your apology by the way.”

I smiled. “Can I give you a hug?”

“Sure.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist as his went around my shoulders. I stepped back. “Thanks again for thinking about my well-being, but I can handle myself.”

He smiled and squeezed my shoulders gently. “I know that now, so good luck with getting her to cooperate.”

I rolled my eyes. “I feel like I’m going to need all the luck in the world.”

“Only at first.” He pulled out his phone. “Here. Put your number in my phone so if anything you can always message me.”

“Thanks.” I typed my number into his phone. “Just know you can also message me if anything too.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He tucked his phone back into his pocket.

“Hey, how do you know that I like Carmilla?”

He smiled. “I’m not blind you know. I see the way you look at her.”

I blushed and looked at the ground. “Does she know?”

He scratched the back of his neck. “Nah. Even if she did it wouldn’t change the fact she’d just tease you to death.”

I nodded my head. “Don’t tell her.”

“I won’t. Like I said she’s not a relationship person anyway.”

“Right.”

He pointed over at the Zetas. “I’ma head back. Kirsch wanted to talk about possibly having a meeting this Friday.” He playfully punched my arm. “Try not to go all ninja on my sister.”

“I won’t make any promises.” I winked at him then went back to my table.

 

Danny was gripping the edge of the table to the point her knuckles were pale white while Carmilla was smirking as she took a drink from her iced tea. Perry took to sitting between the two of them while LaFontaine had their biology book open going over notes they had written. “What happened?”

LaFontaine pointed her pencil at Carmilla. “She insulted _Pride and Prejudice_.” They pointed at Danny. “She lost the argument.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What was the argument about?”

“Whether or not Mr. Darcy was a good guy.”

“Oh.” I looked from one to the other. “So what was the conclusion?”

“Mr. Darcy is an asshole,” Carmilla stated.

“Just because you don’t believe in love-

“I never said I didn’t believe in love. He’s just a ridiculous character,” Carmilla cut in.

“Listen Elvira-

“Enough!” I held my hands up at them. “Both your views are valid.” Danny’s jaw clenched. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Now how did this argument even start?”

Perry coughed and I turned my gaze to her. “Danny had laughed at Betty’s favorite book and that made Carmilla mad, so Carmilla asked what Danny’s favorite book was.”

“Thank you Perry.”

She rolled her hands in the air. “Yes well I don’t want another argument starting, but I am going to leave now. LaFontaine?”

“Coming.” They scooped their book and notebook into their bag then followed Perry out fitting their hands together.

“I’m going to.” Danny grabbed her bag and tray and walked off.

That left me with Carmilla. She rolled her eyes. “Not my fault Clifford has bad taste in books.”

“Really? What’s your favorite book then?”

“I don’t have one. Though my favorite genre is philosophy.”

“Right.” I uncrossed my arms and made my way around the table to sit next to her. “My favorite is the entire Harry Potter series.” She quirked an eyebrow. I shrugged. “One question down a few more to go.”

“Right. As much fun as this has been I’m going to be going now.” She grabbed her tray.

“Your brother has my number, so just get it from him and message me when you want to know the answer to another question.”

She smirked. “Sure thing cupcake.” She winked then walked off.

I watched her as she left trying really hard not to stare at her butt. God, this was going to be a difficult couple of months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I tapped my pencil against my notebook. “LaF, can you help me with this Chemistry question?” I turned my notebook around so they can read the question.

They took my pencil and began to solve the equation for me boxing, highlighting, and scribbling notes for me. “Here you go.” They turned the notebook back to me.

“Thanks.” I went over the notes following the steps they did.

“You know LaFontaine you should really let Laura do it herself if she’s truly going to learn.”

They shrugged. “Come on Perr. You can’t be the only one who gets free answers from me.”

Perry threw a pillow at LaFontaine. “It is not free answers if I have you explain it to me after,” she huffed.

“Sure Perr.” LaFontaine’s gaze fell on me. “So, are we going to talk about what happened at lunch today?”

I chewed on my pencil while trying to copy the steps LaFontaine had done for the next equation. “What about it?”

“Well, you actually stood up to Carmilla instead of letting her have her way like she always does.”

I rolled my eyes catching the double innuendo. “I just don’t want her taking the easy way out of our assignment.”

“Is that the only reason?”

I tapped my pencil against my notebook. “So maybe I want an excuse to hang out with her for longer than twenty minutes.”

LaFontaine’s lips formed into a shit eating grin. “Pretty hardcore there Hollis. Using this situation to manipulate your crush into spending time with you.”

“Yeah well I also suck at acting, so Mrs. Truman would know right away that we didn’t spend any time together at all.”

They shrugged. “That’s true. You’re pretty easy to read when you’re lying.”

My phone vibrated. I picked it up and unlocked the screen.

**Unknown number [7:43 PM]: What’s your fav movie?**

**Me [7:43 PM]: Who’s this?**

**Unknown number [7:44 PM]: Carmilla.**

**Me [7:44 PM]: Not telling you**

**Carmilla [7:46 PM]: Why not?**

**Me [7:48 PM]: Because I’m not going to give you answers**

**simply because you texted me**

**Carmilla [7:52 PM]: Fine. Lets meet tomorrow after school**

**Me [7:52 PM]: Nope.**

**Carmilla [7:53 PM]: What do you mean no?**

**Me [7:58 PM]: Either we do a movie marathon or you don’t**

**get your answer**

**Carmilla [8:05 PM]: Fine. Your place. I like popcorn.**

**Me [8:07 PM]: Tomorrow after school then. I’ll meet you**

**and we can walk together.**

**Carmilla [8:11 PM]: Whatever.**

I smiled. “Was that broody and mysterious?” LaFontaine asked.

“Yeah. We’re going to watch a movie or two tomorrow.”

“Nice.” They held their hand up for a high five.

“Thanks.” I gave them a high five then went back to my homework.

“Try not to ramble or die from blushing too much.” I looked up to see LaFontaine’s shit eating grin.

I whacked them with my pillow. “Shut up!” I laughed as they waggled their eyebrows.


	5. Honest Feelings

**_Danny_ **

I walked into class expecting to see Laura sitting in the front row as usual, but was surprised to see her sitting in the back of class. She always complains about not being able to see the board from the back, so this was an odd start to the day. I went to the back corner to my usual and looked at her once I settled into my seat. “So, want to explain the sudden seat change?”

She shrugged. “I stayed up late watching Dr. Who, so I don’t want to get caught if I end up falling asleep during class.”

I smiled. “You and your Dr. Who.”

“I refuse to watch the new season until I have watched all of them again from the beginning.”

“You should really consider not watching episodes past a certain time. You need at least seven hours of sleep.”

“I’m fine. I’ll just be sluggish the entire day.”

“My point exactly. You’re just lucky band was cancelled again today. You should use the time to get some sleep.”

She chewed her bottom lip. “I’m actually going to be spending the day with Carmilla watching movies.”

My body tensed. “You’re spending the day with all dark and annoying? Who else is going to be there?”

“It’s just going to be Carmilla and I hanging out at my place.”

I gripped my pencil tightly. “You’re going to be alone with her? Laura are you sure that’s the best idea?”

She whipped her head to the side to glare at me. “Why wouldn’t it be a good idea?”

I rolled my eyes. “Well she’s a freaking womanizer Laura. Who knows what she’d be able to convince you to do with her.”

She crossed her arms. “You don’t think I can handle myself around her? That I would just so easily let her manipulate me into doing something I don’t want to do simply because I like her?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No you just meant that I can’t take care of myself and that you have to be there to protect me. This is the reason why I said no to dating you. You’re too over protective when I can fully take care of myself. I don’t need someone to take care of me and to shield me from the world. I need someone who’s going to support me and be there when the world decides to kick me around a bit.”

“Laura-

“No. Save it Danny. I’m done talking to you.”

She uncrossed her arms picking up her stuff and moving to the seat two rows in front. I ran my hand through my hair. Way to go Lawrence. I hit my head against the wall to my right. I can’t help it if all I want to do is protect her. I know she can protect herself, but she’s so small that I just can’t help but worry about her. She’s a ray of sunshine and I would hate to see someone darken that part of her. I would hate to see the light go out from her.

I put my head in my hands. I want to be with her. I want to show her how much I care and how much I like her. I want to be able to hold her hand and to take her on dates. I want to be able to hug her and kiss her whenever I buy her chocolates or cookies when she’s feeling down. I just ache to be with her, but I also can’t stop the part of me that wants to beat down everything and anything that would threaten to hurt her. This is the very part she dislikes. I can change. I can. I hope. Someday.

I sighed and glanced over at her. She was slumped in her seat from not sleeping enough and was scrolling through her phone. She sat up a bit and I could faintly see a smile cross her lips. I want to be the cause of that smile.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

I straddled the bleacher as I dug into my lunch of cookies and chocolate milk. The football team was using their lunch time to get in some extra practice and the rest of the bleachers were littered with girls openly staring at them. I sighed. I hated eating lunch outside, but I don’t feel like going into the lunch room to see Danny. I was being harsh I know I was. I ran my hand through my hair. I’m going to have to apologize to her at some point, but not now. Right now I need to calm down and she needs to understand I can handle myself. Hopefully this time she gets the message. I don’t exactly know how much longer I can keep telling her this same thing before she backs off.

I sighed again and looked around me. The majority of people were laughing and smiling with their friends and here I was sad and being a recluse. I pulled out my phone. I should probably message Perry so she won’t worry about me. “Watch out!”

I turned in time to duck as the football went soaring straight o where my head was a moment before. “Shit!” I dropped my phone and watched it bounce down off the railings to the dirt ground below.

“Oh shit. I am so sorry.” I looked up to see Nathan clambering up the bleachers to me. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah fine. Just dropped my phone is all.”

“You sure?”

“Yes I’m fine Nathan.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Ok good. Good. Look, can we like not tell Kirsch about this. He’ll sit me down and give me a lecture about being more careful.”

I smiled. “Accidents happen, but yes I won’t tell Kirsch.”

He smiled wide. “Thanks Laura. You’re an awesome bro. You should totally come to the football game this Thursday and see me play.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You do know I’m in band with Kirsch right and that we play at the games?”

“Oh yeah. Totally slipped my mind. Well at least you’ll have a good seat to watch me being awesome.” He winked then moved up the bleachers to grab the football. “Well see ya!” he took off back to the field before I could say another word. I rolled my eyes. I’m going to have to talk to Nathan about me being gay and not interested or maybe have Kirsch talk to him for me. Yeah I think that would be better. I’m not really good with telling people.

I packed the rest of my cookies into my back pack and finished off my milk before making my way down the bleachers to retrieve my phone from underneath them. I tossed my milk into the trash can then move under the bleachers. The good part about me being short was that I could fit underneath the bleachers without hitting my head on the seats above me. The bad part was that it was a jungle gym of weaving around, over, and under the support railings. One wrong step and you might find yourself face planting or on your butt. I carefully made my way to the spot I was sitting above and searched the ground for my phone. It was tucked against one of the railings. I grabbed it then turned around looking to head straight out into the back instead of back through the side where I came from. I nearly dropped my phone again.

Carmilla was leaning against the wall with her arms wrapped around the waist of some girl. They were tucked into the crevice that lead to the bathroom that was only unlocked during sporting events. Carmilla leaned forward and captured the girl’s lips. The girl’s hands slid into her hair and held her firmly. I opened my mouth then shut it. I turned deciding to go back the way I came instead of interrupting…again. How many spots does she even have to be meeting all these girls? I huffed. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Don’t think about it. Just don’t. She’s just a crush you have. Nothing more. Just let it go. She can meet with any and as many girls as she wants. Let it go.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

**Willy Boy: Hey be nice to Laura tonight**

**Me: Why do you care? You got a crush or something**

**because I’m sure she’s gay**

**Willy Boy: Duh. I know. I also know ur a jerk.**

**Me: Ouch that stung.**

**Willy Boy: Whatever Ms. Tough Exterior. Just make sure**

**to not do anything to her.**

**Me: What could I ever do to the tiny gay?**

**Willy Boy: She’s not like the girls you hook up with**

**Me: No shit Sherlock tell me more**

**Willy Boy: Just don’t hurt her you spaz**

**Me: Won’t make any promises**

**Willy Boy: :/**

I tucked my phone back into my pocket and leaned against my locker. Yeah I know Laura isn’t like the girls I hook up with. She’s better. She’s kind, honest, caring, and passionate. She’s also very cute and adorable. It’s because of those reasons that I haven’t made a move. She’s too good for me and she deserves better. It was shocking to know her and the Red Giant weren’t dating. They seemed like a couple and honestly would make a good couple. Maybe I should just text her to cancel this movie thing. I agreed simply so I could spend time alone with her, but maybe that isn’t such a good idea now that I think on it. I don’t know what I will do when I’m alone with her in reality as supposed to my fantasies. Kissing is for sure off the table and so is holding her hand or looking at her for long periods of time or at all. Okay, yup I need to cancel this thing.

“Hey Carmilla!”

I turned to see her jogging down the hallway. “Hey creampuff. What’s the rush?”

She stopped in front of me and took deep calming breaths. “Just thought you might have left since I’m late.”

I shrugged. “It’s only ten minutes.”

“R-right.” She ran her hand through her hair. One of her many ticks along with biting her bottom lip.

“Though you do owe me an explanation.”

She bit her bottom lip. I couldn’t help but smirk. “I had to talk to Kirsch about something real quick.”

“The big puppy? What about?”

She shook her hand to dismiss my question. “Nothing really. Let’s get going before my dad decides to show up to make sure I haven’t been kidnapped.”

“Oh. You really think I could kidnap you cupcake?” I drawled.

A blush crept its way onto her cheeks. “N-n-no.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Too bad. I think I might enjoy kidnapping you.”

Her eyes widened slightly. “l-let’s just go.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind her.

I stared at her ass for a bit. I could just keep enjoying this view, but she does have a strong grip. “Cupcake, mind loosening your grip a bit?”

“Sorry and my name is Laura.” She let go of my hand. That is so not what I meant.

“Ok cutie.”

“No. Use my name.” Her nose scrunched up in anger.

“What’s wrong with me using nicknames?” I crossed my arms and tapped my fingers against my arm.

“I’m not one of the girls you hook up with, so you have to use my name not these ridiculous nicknames you use because you can’t remember a girl’s name.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “What makes you think I don’t remember those girls’ names?”

She waved her hands in the air. “I don’t know because they’re so many of them.”

Ok hearing that from her hurt. “There’s not that many and I do remember their names thank you very much.”

“Then why the food nicknames for me?”

I shrugged then uncrossed my arms. I leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Maybe I just think you’re very sweet.” She shifted slightly and I could just feel the shiver that went down her spine. I ran my fingertips along her arm.

She stepped back much to my displeasure. “Seriously we need to get going.” She turned and walked off ahead of me.

I sighed. Good going spaz. You made her uncomfortable. I followed behind her. I wish she would take my hand again. Hers felt nice within mine. Like we fit together, but we don’t. A light as bright as her deserves a light just as bright.

* * *

  ** _Laura_**

I put the key into the lock then pushed the door open. “Well welcome to my home. Looks like my dad isn’t back from the grocery store yet, so you’ll have to wait for the popcorn.” I stood to the side as Carmilla stepped into my house for the first time ever. Oh god. This is her first time in my house. I really should have cleaned my room when dad told me to do it yesterday after Perry and LaFontaine left. Crap.

“Is your house solely the entrance or is there more to it?”

I jumped a little. “Y-yeah right. Follow me.” I lead her to the kitchen. “This is the kitchen. Feel free to grab whatever you want from the fridge. The snacks are usually in this cabinet.” I opened the cabinet to the right of the fridge to show all of the snacks that were there.

“Someone likes cookies a lot,” she said with a slight smile.

My heart threatened to jump out of my chest. “Yup. I do.” I made my way out of the kitchen. “The living room is through there and then my room is upstairs.” I started to climb the stairs. I looked back to make sure she was following and sighed when she was. I opened the second door to the left to reveal my room. Yup, should have definitely cleaned yesterday. “This is my room.”

She walked making it a point to look at all the drawings I had pinned to my sky blue walls. “Did you draw all of those yourself?” She walked up to one of the drawings. It was one of an old lady sitting on a bench reading a book. My favorite one that I have displayed.

“Yes. I like to go to the park sometimes with my sketchbook and draw what I see.”

She nodded her head and looked at me with awe. “These are really good.”

I blushed. “Thanks.” I shifted and bit my bottom lip. “So you can like leave your stuff on my bed and we can head into the entertainment room next door to get those movies started.” She was walking around taking in every drawing.

“Sure.” She stared at the last drawing for a while then slid her backpack off depositing it onto my bed.

“Right follow me.” I lead her to the door before mine and opened it.

“I was wondering what was in this first room.” She stepped into the entertainment room and made her way to the couch.

I smiled. “Yeah. My mom originally wanted to give me this room because it’s much bigger than mine, but my dad was afraid that I would fall down the stairs one night if I decided to wander around by myself.”

“Where is your mom anyway?”

My heart squeezed in my chest. I looked down at the ground. “She passed away a long time ago.”

“Shit!” I looked up to see panic in her eyes. “I am so sorry Laura. I didn’t know.” She ran her hand through her hair. “God I feel like a jerk.” She looked down at the ground.

“Carm?” She tentatively looked up at me. “It’s ok. It’s not like we went to the same elementary or middle schools growing up, so you wouldn’t know.”

Her shoulders slumped. “I feel like I should have though.”

I shook my head. “It’s ok. Really.”

“I’m sorry.” She walked over to me and took my hand. “I’m sure she was the best though.”

I smiled weakly. “How would you know?”

She smiled. “Because she raised you long enough to help you be a good person.”

I tried to hold back my tears. I nodded. “You’re right. She was the best.”

She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Now let’s get these movies started because I don’t feel like spending the whole day being bored out of my mind.”

“Hey! The movies I planned for today are not boring.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Oh yeah. What movies did you pick to watch?”

“Just the only two movies that could ever top Harry Potter for me.” I walked past her to the shelf where the movies were. I picked out my two favorites and turned around to show them to her. “ _Ten Things I Hate About You_ and _Begin Again_.”

She groaned. “Seriously? Chick flicks.”

“Oh shush and sit down.”

She dragged her feet as she took the spot in the middle of the couch. I popped _Ten Things I Hate About You_ in first then grabbed the remote before settling down on her right. “No falling asleep or we’ll watch them all over again.”

I looked in time to see her roll her eyes. “Just play the movie cupcake.” I pressed the play button then settled in to watch the movie.

Twenty minutes into the movie dad popped his head in. “Hey ladies I got the popcorn if you still want it.”

I paused the movie and made my way over to him. “Hey dad. This is Carmilla from orchestra.”

He stepped into the room extending his hand out to Carmilla who had walked up beside me. “Nice to meet you. I’m glad Laura has finally made a friend who doesn’t bang on a drum or play a loud trumpet.”

“Dad!”

“I’m kidding kiddo.” He smiled big.

Carmilla laughed and shook his hand. “I play violin so I tend to still make a lot of noise.”

“Guess I’m going to be needing more ear plugs then.”

“Dad!”

He laughed. “Alright. I’ll leave you ladies to your movie night. It was nice meeting you Carmilla.”

“Same to you Mr. Hollis.”

He walked out of the room shutting the door closed behind him. “Sorry. He likes to think he makes the best jokes.”

She shrugged. “I think he’s funny.”

“Don’t you dare tell him that or he’ll never stop.”

She smirked. “That would be fun to see.”

I groaned. I made my way back to the couch. “Come on. We still have two movies to watch.”

She plopped down next to me and pulled the bowl of popcorn into her lap. “Now I can ignore this movie by eating popcorn.”

“Carm…”

She waved her hand. “Play the movie cupcake.”

 

 

 

 

 

I woke to the feeling of fingers being run through my hair. I stiffened. Oh right Carmilla. Carmilla. Shit did I fall asleep? Crap. I think I did. I really should have gone to bed early last night. Her fingers kept running through my hair. Wait am I lying on her lap? Oh god I am. Crap, crap, crap. I should probably get up, but like this feels so good. I can just stay like this for a little longer. I mean what could it hurt to have her keep running her fingers through my hair or to feel the smoothness of her thighs against my cheek? My sanity that’s what. Plus it’s not good to use someone. Ugh, why do I have to be so nice sometimes? I just really want to take advantage of this situation. I sighed eternally then began to shift a bit as if I was just waking up.

Her fingers stilled then moved away from my hair. Dammit! I pushed myself up into a sitting position and stared at the screen. _Begin Again_ was still playing and was almost at the end. I looked to see her staring intently at the screen. “What do you think so far?”

She shrugged. “This one wasn’t too bad. I like that it’s primarily all about the love for music and not a relationship even though the relationship crap is still there.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I really like the soundtrack for this movie as well.”

She nodded. “I can see the appeal.” Her phone vibrated on the table in front of us. She leaned forward to pick it up. “Damn.” She ran her hand through her hair and shoved her phone in her pocket. The movie came to an end. “I have to get going.” She stood up and I couldn’t help but pout at the sudden news. She chuckled. “We can pick this back up this weekend.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.” Her gaze softened.

“Great. Let me walk you out.” We went back to my room to grab her backpack then I walked her downstairs to the front door.

She popped her head into the living room. “Goodbye Mr. Hollis. Thanks for having me over.”

“No problem. Come by anytime,” he answered.

I opened the door for her. “So this weekend right?”

She sighed. “Yes cutie.”

“Great.” I pulled her into a hug before I even really thought about it. “I’ll see you around then.”

“Duh.” She smiled then walked off.

“Hey!” She turned. “What my dad to give you a ride?”

She shook her head. “I only live ten minutes down the road cupcake. I’ll survive.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. I’ll see you then.”

She waved. I closed the door before she could see the huge smile on my face. Carmilla will be spending the weekend with me. Crap. Carmilla will be spending the weekend with me. I bit my bottom lip. Well this will be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com and get updates on chapters, some music I listen to while writing (not gonna say if said song has anything to do with the specific chapter being written at the time), or you want to submit art work based on this fanfic or ask me questions.


	6. The Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "*****" mean same character pov just different day

**_Carmilla_ **

I gripped the strap of my backpack tightly as I walked down the street toward Laura’s house. It really was only a ten minute walk since I live on the corner of the next street over. Funny how we could live so close to each other, but not really notice it. I rounded the corner onto her street. Now would be the perfect time to just turn around and go back home. I could always claim that I had forgotten I had something to do today. My feet kept walking toward her house. Obviously my body has other ideas. I gripped the strap to my backpack even tighter.

I took a deep breath before walking up to her front door. I rang the doorbell and picked at my nails. The door opened. “Hi Mr. Hollis. Is Laura here? She told me to be here by ten.”

He chuckled. “No need to be nervous Carmilla. She’s here just up in the music room. She had a bit of a bad day yesterday during band practice, so she’s working out some stress.” He opened the door and waved me in. I hesitantly stepped inside. “It’s the door right next to her room.”

“Thank you. And it’s nice to see you again. I hope I’m not bothering you.”

He smiled. “A friend of Laura’s is never a bother unless it’s at an ungodly hour.” He scrunched up his face as if remembering a particular occurrence.

I smiled. So that’s where that look comes from. “I’ll try not to throw a party at three in the morning, but I won’t make any promises.”

He shook his head and laughed. “Have fun watching Harry Potter all weekend.” He winked and smiled before walking into the living room.

Crap does he know something I don’t? I took a deep calming breath then walked up the stairs. I stopped at Laura’s room tossing my backpack onto her bed. I looked around her room and noticed that there wasn’t anywhere else to sleep but her big queen size bed. I wonder if they have a guest room. Or does she expect me to share the bed with her because it is really big, but I think I might die from a heart attack if that’s the case. I can handle sitting on a couch watching movies, but so help me if I have to share a bed with her this weekend. I took another deep calming breath. My heart finally began to slow down to a normal pace.

I stepped out of her room and went to the next door that Mr. Hollis said was the music room. I turned the door knob slowly trying to make sure it didn’t give me away. I wonder what she’s doing in here that her dad had to make a music room which is obviously sound proof since I can’t hear anything from the hallway. I pushed the door open slowly and as quietly as I could then poked my head in. I was met with the sound of an electric guitar whose amp was cranked up so high I could feel my ears begin to ring. I placed my hand on the door frame to help me balance as my ears adjusted to the volume.

Laura was in the middle of the room with her legs spread apart into a form of a half lunge to the left with her fingers working at the strings of the neck of the guitar. Her hair was tossed up into a messy bun and stray hairs were sticking to the back of her neck. Her face was scrunched up in concentration as her body rocked to the rhythm she was making with the pic in her hand. Her fingers moved up and down the neck of the guitar. I wonder what those fingers will feel like elsewhere. I bit my bottom lip pushing the door open more so I could lean against the door frame. I shook my head. No Carmilla. You are not allowed to think those things. I folded my arms across my chest and watched as Laura played oblivious to me standing here watching her. I closed my eyes to stop myself from thinking other inappropriate thoughts and actually listened to the song she was playing. I chuckled finally placing the song.

The sound of the guitar suddenly stopped and I opened my eyes to see her staring at me with wide eyes. I smirked. “I wouldn’t have figured you to be able to play the electric guitar cutie especially be able to play Nirvana’s _Smells Like Teen Spirit_.”

She opened her mouth then closed it then opened it again. “Carmilla?!”

“Don’t seem too surprise to see me. You did invite me to stay over this weekend.”

She lifted the guitar strap up and over her head and walked over to the stand placing it gently in its place. “I just didn’t think you’d actually be on time.” She pulled out the rubber band holding her hair in place in a bun and her hair cascaded down.

I licked my lips at the sight of how utterly sexy she looked with her hair now down in messy waves around her and sweat still gleaming off her face. I looked her up and down finally seeing the red tank top she was wearing paired with the black skin tight jeans that hugged her curves and the black bra that peeked out just over the neck line of her tank top. “Contrary to popular belief, I do like to be on time sometimes just to throw people’s perception of me off.”

She ran her fingers through her hair working out the waves and straightening it out. She smiled. “Was someone anxious to come over and spend time with me?”

Did she really just say that? Calm down Carmilla. I shrugged. “I was actually looking forward to all the free food.”

She put her hands on her waist. “Well there will be no food until you get through the first Harry Potter movie.”

“Do I have to be awake during this endeavor?”

She rolled her eyes. “How are you this grumpy about Harry Potter? It’s like the best series ever.”

I shoved off the doorframe with my shoulder. “Wizards just don’t do it for me sweetheart.”

She smirked. “What about witches?”

I tapped my finger against my chin. “That’s debatable.”

She laughed. God I want to make her laugh more often. “Let’s go grumpy cat.”

“You know I still can’t really see you as an electric guitar player.” I backed out from the entrance to let her pass by me.

“What did you see me as?”

“I would think you were more of the acoustic guitar person singing about rainbows and sunshine everywhere.”

A sad smile took the place of her beaming one. “I do play the acoustic as well, just not as much anymore.”

Nice going smart one you just made her sad. I bumped her shoulder with mine. “Do I at least get a bowl of popcorn if I’m going to subject myself to this form of torture you are going to put me through?”

A weak smile replaced her sad one which is an improvement. “I’ll think about it.”

* * *

  ** _Laura_**

A pillow hit the side of my face. “Carm!” I grabbed the pillow and glared at her.

She looked at me poking her bottom lip out to form a pout. She’s so adorable. “Cupcake can we take a break? We just watched three movies in a row. Plus I’m hungry.”

I sighed. “We just ate lunch not that long ago.”

She rolled her eyes. “If you bothered to pay attention that lunch was like four hours ago before we started _Harry the Snake Talker_.”

I groaned. “It’s _Chamber of Secrets_.”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

I threw the pillow back at her. “You’re a pain.”

“And also hungry.”

There was a knock at the door before dad popped his head in. “Has she forgotten that people need to eat?”

“Yes!” “No!” We said at the same time. I shot her another glare.

He laughed. “I’m going to order some pizza. What type of toppings do you like Carmilla?”

“All meat.”

He smiled. “Kid you just found your way onto my good side permanently.”

Carmilla did a fist pump. “Perfect!”

I groaned and put my face in my hands. “I’ll let you two know when the pizza gets here.”

“Thanks dad.”

The door closed and Carmilla looked at me. “We are not starting the fourth movie until after we eat.”

I pouted. “But Caaaarrrmm…”

“No.” She threw the pillow back at me. I deepened the pout and she shook her head. “No.”

“Fine. What do you want to do?”

“Sweetheart I’m the guest here. You’re supposed to entertain me.” Her eyes bore into mine as I thought about all the ways I want to entertain her then looked away. A blush threatened to creep up to my face.

“H-how are you at table tennis?”

“Never played before.”

“What?!” I jumped up from the couch and grabbed her hand. “We need to fix this right now.” I dragged her out to my back porch.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

“Nice yard.” I walked out onto the grass.

“Thanks. My dad wanted me to be able to move around, but still be safe.”

I walked over to the small batting cage. “Mind if I try?”

“Go ahead.”

I walked into the batting cage and picked up the bat. I got into the right batter’s box and turned on the pitching machine. The ball came flying at me. I swung the bat as hard as I could and missed. I bit down on my lip in frustration. I tried again and missed. I tried a couple more times missing each time.

“You are definitely not made to play sports.”

I stopped the machine. “I am in cross country you know.”

“Let me rephrase it then. You’re not made to play contact sports.”

“Whatever.” I put the bat down.

She stepped into the batting cage and picked up the bat. “Let me help you.” She handed me the bat. I sighed heavily, but took it.

She walked up behind me pressing her front to my back and making my heart skip a beat. She placed her hands on my hips. My breath caught in my throat at her touch. “You need to lower your hips down a bit more.” She gripped my hips pushing me down until my knees bent. “Now spread your legs a bit more until they’re a hips width apart.” I looked down thankful for the distraction from the feeling of her hands on my hips. Her arms wrapped around me as her hands went on top of mine. Her lips were right at my ear. I bit down hard on my lip to hold back the shiver that wanted to go down my spine. “Now your hands will go here. Then this elbow needs to go up more.” She raised my elbow then dragged her fingers along my arm onto my shoulder before giving it a squeeze and stepping back. I took a calming breath now that she wasn’t pressed against me.

“Okay. Now you’re going to use your whole body to swing the bat, but especially your hips.” I nodded. “Alright get ready.”

The pitching machine started. The ball flew at me and this time I used my whole body to swing the bat and hit the ball. The ball hit the back fence making it rattle. I smiled and the machine shut down. “Woah, you learn quickly.”

I shrugged. “Not that hard.” I brought the bat up to rest on my shoulder.

“Let’s see if you’re still saying that after I beat you at table tennis.”

I smirked. “Bring it on cupcake.”

* * *

**_Laura_ **

I sighed internally. Stupid brain shut down! The events of yesterday kept playing through my mind. I kept messing up the formations during band practice which made Mrs. Truman come over and have me sit down and watch the entire formation from start to finish in order to see how it was supposed to look like. Everyone looked at me angrily or in the case of my friends, with pity. I would rather take the anger than the pity. I rubbed my eyes and slung my arm across them. Six years. It has been six years since she passed away and it still hurts as if it was yesterday. I had been avoiding this day all week and trying to take my mind off it by watching all my favorite TV shows, but it hadn’t worked. I sighed again. I glanced at Carmilla lying down next to me. I wonder if she’d get mad if I woke her. I looked away and chewed on my bottom lip.

“Carm?” I turned over onto my side to look at her. she was lying on her stomach with her face turned toward me. “Carm?” I poked her side.

“Go to sleep.”

I poked her side again. “Caarm…”

“Sleep.”

“Caaaarrrmm…” I whined.

She buried her face in my yellow pillow then turned back to look at me. “What is it creampuff?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Really? I would have never guessed,” she said sarcastically.

I pouted. “Don’t be mean.”

“What else should I do?”

“Comfort me duh.”

She frowned. “I don’t do comfort.”

“Please?” I begged.

She huffed. “Fine come here.” She turned onto her side and opened her arms for me.

I quickly shuffled over to her and buried my face in the crook of her neck. She smelled of roses and pine trees. “Thanks.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist and held me close. She felt warm and comfortable. She felt relaxing and my body eased up. “You ok?”

“Why do you ask?”

I could feel her neck twitch with a sigh against my cheek. “I can actually give a fuck every once in a while especially since you seemed a little off earlier in the music room.” I frowned. “I cuss sometimes deal with it.”

I gripped her shirt. “Today was the day my mom died.”

“Oh.”

I slid my hands onto her back and gripped her shirt tighter. “Today marks six years since she passed away.” I could feel her whole body stiffen. “I kept messing up in band yesterday during formation because I couldn’t concentrate hence why I was in the music room working it out through my guitar when you got here.” Her body relaxed which made me happy. “Sorry to lay this on you even though we don’t know each other very well.”

It was silent for a moment. “At times it is with the people we don’t know well that we’re able to easily talk to with honesty.” Her fingers began to trace circles against my back through my shirt. I wish she would just slide her hand under my shirt and do that. It would feel nicer. As if knowing what I was thinking she slid her hand under the back of my shirt and began to trace circles directly onto my skin. “Why did you ask me to spend the weekend at your place instead of your friends?”

I relaxed into her more. “They would have just focused on trying to make me feel better and look at me with pity and sadness. I don’t need to see those looks on their faces especially not today.”

She began to stroke her hand softly up and down my back. “I guess subjecting me to hell is a lot more entertaining than the ginger squad.” I could feel her laugh and a smile crossed my face.

“Harry Potter is not a form of torture.”

“Only to you cupcake.” I pinched her back. “Ow! No reason to get violent cutie.”

“Whatever,” I mimicked her snarkiness as much as possible. I shifted a bit then concentrated on how comfortable she felt and how sweetly she smelled. It made me super drowsy. I began to fall asleep.

“I know I said this before already, but sorry about your mom.”

“Thanks Carm.”

“Go to sleep Laura.” I yawned and did just that.

***************

 

I woke up snuggled into her and took a deep breath breathing her in. She was warmer now compared to last night. It might be from the combination of both of our body’s heat. I wrapped my arms around her waist and closed my eyes. Maybe I can fall back to sleep for just a bit longer. Her arms twitched from around my waist and then began to slide away as she rolled away from me. I opened my eyes and was met with the sight of her stretching. Her arms were above her head as her shirt rode up more to show her very toned stomach with faint lines outlining her abs. I want to reach over and run my hand over her stomach to see how they’d feel.

“Morning creampuff.” She turned onto her side again to look at me.

“Morning. Didn’t peg you for a morning person.”

She shrugged. “I’m not really, but I actually did get some decent sleep last night.”

“Same.” We stared at each other for a while.

She looked away and sat up. “Let’s get some breakfast before you bury me with the rest of Harry Potter.”

I smiled. “Yeah yeah. Just admit you’re anxious to start the next movie.”

“Not a chance.” We took a box of cereal and a gallon of milk to the entertainment room and began the end of our movie marathon.

 

 

 

 

 

It was around five o’clock when we finished watching the entire series. “Hey so we spent this entire week watching my favorite movies. What movies do you like?”

She shrugged. “I’m not into movies. I prefer to read.”

“Not even one movie?”

She tapped her chin with her finger. “ _A League of their Own_.” My eyes widened. “What?”

I shook my head. “I just never thought that movie would be your favorite.”

She looked away. “It’s a movie about women being able to play baseball for an actual league for the first time ever, of course it’s one of my favorites.”

I smiled. “Maybe we can watch it sometime this week?”

She smiled. “Don’t count on it sweetheart.”

I laughed and leaned against the door frame of my front door. “Thanks for coming over this weekend.”

“How else was I going to get you to answer the stupid question on our assignment sheet?”

“Right. I’ll see you at school then.”

She smirked. “Maybe.” She winked while walking backwards then turned to head back home.

I watched her walk down the street until she turned the corner. I closed the front door and stood there at the entrance for a bit. She had actually called me by my name and it felt comforting. Everything about her felt comforting. God this crush is getting worse and worse and this weekend did not help.


	7. All These Conflictions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: cussing and misgendering

**_Carmilla_ **

I closed my book and lay down on my back throwing my arm over my eyes. This is the fifth time I have had to stop reading because I can’t stop thinking about her. Her hands on my hips and her whispering in my ear. The feel of her body pressed against mine through the night. Her breath against my neck. It was all too much. I rubbed my eyes. I can’t do this. Not again. I ran my fingers through my hair. What was she doing to me? This girl who is a bright star within the darkness of the night sky. I sighed stretching my arm across the bed. Stars are not meant to be locked in a box but admired from afar. A star never to be touched.

“Are you brooding again?”

“I don’t brood.” I threw my book at him.

He ducked letting it fly into the hallway. “Right. Definitely not brooding.” He walked into my room and sat on my bed. I scooted over for him. He lay down next to me. “So that bad huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“The sleepover. Did it really go that bad?”

I picked at my fingernails. “It was fun.”

“So…?”

I waved my hand in the air before running it through my hair. “She’s too good.”

He sighed. “You know, you deserve some good in your life.”

I frowned. “Yes because that went very well last time.”

He pressed the back of his hand to mine. “Ell wasn’t a good person. She pretended to be a good person, but she wasn’t.”

I grabbed his hand squeezing it trying to release the pressure that was weighing down my chest. “I was so stupid.”

“You were in love. Not much actual thinking goes on when you’re in love.”

I laughed, “Yeah just ask our mother.”

He laughed. “Yeah well it’s not like she doesn’t make sure to tell us every day that we were the biggest mistakes of her life.”

I squeezed his hand. “I was the mistake. You were actually planned.” I tried my best to keep from trembling.

He stayed quiet for a while. “I love you, you know that right?”

“You’re the only one who does.”

He squeezed my hand. “If you don’t screw things up with Laura, she could love you too.”

I know she can. “I doubt it. With my track record it’d be a miracle if someone actually fell in love with me.”

“Too bad we’re not religious or that miracle might actually be possible.” We both laughed.

“I think the day either of us claim a religion would be the day mother dies of a heart attack.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Yes well mother is all about making it on your own no matter the cost.”

I squeezed his hand harder. This time I couldn’t stop from trembling. “Some costs are just too high.”

He ran his thumb soothingly against my hand. “You’re not that person anymore.”

“Sometimes it becomes a possibility, especially when mother decides to grace us with her presence.”

He propped himself up on his arms and stared down at me. He poked my arm until I removed it from my eyes. His eyes bore into mine. The same eyes as mine and the same as her’s. What I would give to have shared the same eyes as my biological father, but then I wouldn’t be as connected to Will if I had since he looks exactly like his biological father minus the eyes.

“You had to fight your way back from that and I don’t want to see you like that again. You just didn’t break yourself, but you broke me too.”

I whispered, “I won’t put you through that again. I promised then and I’m keeping it now and years from now.”

He nodded his head then lay back down. “So what are you going to do about Laura?”

I let out a long breath. “I’m going to stay away from her of course.”

“Right. Good luck with that.”

“Tell me about it.” I ran my hand through my hair again.

“So…want to go grab something to eat?”

“Antonio’s?”

He rolled off the bed. “Last one there pays!” He took off running.

“Hey you brat!” I jumped off my bed and followed him.

* * *

**_LaFontaine_ **

**Blondie [6:45 AM]: Hey**

**Blondie [6:57 AM]: Hello!!!!!!!**

**Blondie [7:10 AM]: Answer ur phone!!!!**

**Blondie [7:30 AM]: Stop being a prick and answer me.**

**Blondie [7:42 AM]: Fine. I will see you at school**

I tucked the phone into my pocket and took some deep calming breaths. I’m avoiding Elsie. I should probably talk to her about what happened last night when we actually were able to schedule a time for all of us, including Perry and Natalie, could go out and have a conversation. They had busy schedules with orchestra, Summer Society, and tutoring so it was great that we could actually find a damn time to meet. It seemed to be too good to be true which was proven when Elsie kept messing up my pronouns even though I kept correcting her which she only responded with a wave of her hand or an eye roll. It was so frustrating that not even Perry could calm me down by holding my hand. It just got to the point where I ended up calling her a bitch and storming out of the pizza place. Of course Perry paid for both of our shares before following me which is something I still feel bad about, but I am still so angry with Elsie.

I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles went white. What’s so hard about using someone’s correct pronouns and respecting their identities? Oh right, people can’t comprehend the concept of their being more than just two genders as well as two sexualities. The car door opened and Perry climbed in. “Hey Perr.”

Her smile turned into a frown. God I hate when I’m the cause of that. “What’s wrong sweetie?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

Her hand went to my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Is it about last night?”

I let out a deep breath and chuckled. “She’s tried getting me to answer her texts this morning.”

“You haven’t answered her?”

“Hell no.”

“LaFontaine!”

“Sorry. No I haven’t. I don’t want to talk to her.”

Her hand moved to softly stroke my cheek. I closed my eyes concentrating on the feel of her soft fingers caressing my cheek and allowed myself to relax a bit. “Sweetie you need to talk to her and find out what she has to say. Minus her disregard for your pronouns and she really isn’t as bad as everyone makes her out to be. She’s just blatantly honest which makes people think bad of her.”

I leaned into her touch and nodded my head. “I know. It’s just…you know how I feel about my identity and my pronouns and I’m just getting tired of having to fight for that mutual respect.”

Her hand moved from my cheek to run through my hair and scratch at the back of my neck. “I know sweetie. You should give her a chance though.”

“I’ll think about it.” I looked at her to see a small smile.

“That’s the best I’ll get from you I suppose.”

I smiled. “Do I get my good morning kiss now?”

She playfully swatted at my shoulder. “Only thinking about my lips how one track minded of you.”

I pouted. “Can you blame me? Your lips are sooooo kissable.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Drive or we will be late.”

My shoulders slumped as I put my car into drive and pulled away from her house. I felt the softness of lips against my cheek. “Good morning,” she whispered in my ear.

I grinned. “Morning to you too.”

* * *

  ** _Danny_**

I walked on the track with my water bottle in hand. I was cooling down after running three miles. It felt good to run off everything that was bugging me this past week. Arguing with Laura was the hardest thing, but Betty continuing to blow up my damn phone all day and night because I don’t have the time to actually meet up with her and talk has got to be the most frustrating and annoying thing ever. How the hell does she not understand the fact that I just don’t have the time to sit down and have a conversation with her? Plus it doesn’t help that I sent her the answers to all the damn questions on the assignment sheet and she has yet to get back to me with her’s. How hard is it to write the answer to favorite food, color, books, movies, bands, and what not? It took me twenty minutes and she’s taking a century.

“So this is why you can’t meet me before school?”

I stopped and turned to see her walking up behind me. “Are you following me?”

“I don’t follow I lead.” She stopped right in front of me. “Now I’m going to lead you around the track so we can actually have a conversation or you could go back to jogging and I can go back to staring at your ass and nicely toned legs.” Her eyes wandered down to my legs which made me shift uncomfortably. She licked her lips then looked back at me. “So what’s it going to be?”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t really have the time since I have to go shower before first period.”

“I can join you.” My eyes nearly popped out of my head. She laughed while drinking me in with her eyes. "I meant I can wait until you’re done in the shower.” She raised her eyebrows as if daring me to say what I was actually thinking.

Nope. Not going to give her the satisfaction of hearing that I just thought of her in a shower with me. Not that I like her or anything, but she is beautiful and I can’t help it. Which now makes me sound like a hormonal guy. Then again it has been a while since I last had a physical relationship with someone. Ok sexual frustration is partly at fault here. “Like I said I don’t have time.” I looked down at my watch. “Which actually I have to go now since I’m behind schedule.” I quickly walked passed her.

I forget that she’s also tall so she quickly fell into step with me. it was actually nice to not have to cut my strides in half to match someone for once…well besides when I’m walking next to Kirsch. “Well we have some distance between us and the locker room, so why are _The Fast and Furious_ movies your favorite movies?”

I grabbed my backpack off the floor next to the fence boarding the field. “I like cars.”

“That’s it?”

I shrugged. “What did you expect me to say?”

She put her hands in her pockets. “Oh I don’t know maybe that Michelle Rodriguez is super hot and one of the reasons why to actually watch the movies.”

“She is good looking, but I’m more invested in the cars especially since I work on cars on the weekend with my dad.”

She raised her eyebrow at me. “You know how to fix cars?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “My family owns a car repair shop.”

She smiled. “Well then since you know your way around cars mind taking a look at mine. The steering wheel has been giving me trouble lately.”

“Probably just needs some power steering fluid, but yeah I’ll take a look at it for you.”

“Great!” She skipped ahead of me and opened the locker door for me. “After school.”

“What?”

She rolled her eyes. “Take a look at my car after school.”

“Oh. Right. I have band practice.”

She placed her hand on her hip. “Okay then what do you do during your free period?”

I looked down at my watch. “I usually do some light running to warm up for band.”

“Not today.” She pulled out a sharpie and grabbed my arm. She wrote on my arm “2:45 meet with Betty.”

“What the hell?! That’s a sharpie!”

She capped the sharpie and stuck it back in her pocket. “Duh. I do have eyes.”

“Why did you just fucking write on my arm with a sharpie?!”

She giggled. “It won’t wash off, so you can’t forget to meet with me.” She put her hand on my back. “Now go shower so you won’t be late to first period and I will see you during free period in the parking lot.”

“You’re crazy you know that.”

“And you do too much.” She pushed me into the locker room. “See you later long legs.” She winked and closed the door on me.

“What the fuck.”

* * *

**_Kirsch_ **

“Bro your girlfriend’s here.” Will pointed behind me.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” I checked the ball to him.

“Three dates in one week says different.”

I started to slowly dribble the ball. “They were not dates.”

“Bro you paid all three times. They were dates.”

I rolled my eyes then stutter stepped to the right before going left and blowing right by him to do a layup. “And that’s game!” I fist pumped.

“No wonder you’re the captain of the basketball team.”

“With more practice you’ll get there lil bro.” I patted his back.

“Yeah.” He looked down at the ground for a bit as his shoulders tensed up. He looked up at the bleachers. “You still good to practice with me tomorrow morning?”

I smiled. “Of course bro.”

“Right. Have fun with your girlfriend then.” He took off running while laughing.

I frowned. “I’ll see you at lunch!” I called after him. I shook my head and tucked the ball under my arm and walked over to the bleachers. “Hey SJ.”

“Well hello.” She put her book down giving me a bright smile.

Totally will not be getting over that smile anytime soon. I felt myself give her a goofy smile. “So like what can I do for you?” I plopped down next to her.

She smiled and brought a strand of her hair down to her finger tips and twisted it around her finger. “I just realized we never really talked about what it was we wanted to do once we graduated.”

“Oh yeah right. Guess I kinda got caught up talking about basketball.”

She put her hand on my thigh and shook it. Okay yeah my thigh’s gonna be burning from that contact for the rest of the day. “I like when you get passionate when talking about basketball.”

“Yeah?” I tilted my head.

“Yes.”

“Cool, so like do you wanna go out to eat this weekend or something so we can finish up our assignment?” I started to tap my foot on my other leg so I wouldn’t bounce her hand off my thigh.

“That sounds great to me. Our usual?”

“Yeah totally. When?”

She squeezed my thigh. “I was thinking Friday.”

I nodded my head. “Yeah. I’ll pick you up at seven then.”

She leaned forward putting pressure on my thigh and kissed my cheek. “I’ll see you Friday then.” She picked up her book and walked out of the gym.

I gulped and watched her leave before hopping up and running to the hoop to do a slam dunk. “Hell yeah!”

* * *

**_Laura_ **

I walked into the library after fighting with myself about whether or not to go in because of what happened last time, but like I think she likes me…maybe. I don’t know. This weekend was somewhat confusing. I mean I totally did not mean to get all up and close with her in the batting cage, but at the same time a girl’s got to girl the hell up sometimes and take things into her own hands. Plus her body felt so good pressed against mine and touching her was electrifying. Having control of her like that was electrifying. I bit down on my lip. Breathe Laura. Breathe. I let out a low breath and walked toward the back of the library.

I stopped at the last book case and slowly peeked around the corner. My heart dropped. Obviously I’m the only one who’s developing deeper feelings here. I turned and back tracked out of the library. What was I thinking? Just because she spends a weekend with me and is not the seductive always snarky person she is doesn’t mean she likes me. I’m stupid. I really am. I slammed the door to the library hoping she would hear and detach her stupid (beautiful) face and kissable lips from the girl as well as her hands from under the girl’s skirt. Stupid. She’s a player and I just have to accept that. She will never feel the way I feel about her which is what exactly? It’s not a crush, but it’s not anywhere near what I would consider love. It is a weird in between space I guess. I can handle that. I can come back from that. I can do more then come back from that. I can crush these feelings altogether. I just need to not get too close.

I need to not let myself fall for all the parts of her that she shows me. The parts of her that I suspect that only I have seen. The part where she has an incredible smile or an adorable pout as well as doing fist pumps in the air. The part that is comforting even though she says she doesn’t know how to do the whole comfort thing. Yeah, I need to not fall for those parts. They’re too dangerous.

I shook my head. I looked around me and saw that I was by my locker. I opened it to put my bag in and then walked off to go to lunch. Being around my friends should help get rid of this sinking feeling in my chest. I should probably suggest a sleepover with them this weekend. I’m sure they’re not too happy that I ignored them in order to have a sleep over with Carmilla, but what I told Carmilla was true. I really just didn’t want to deal with their sadness and pity for me. I just wanted a normal weekend. I wanted to show mom that I was ok and that I wasn’t as sad anymore. That was not going to happen with them there. Plus Carmilla was fun to hang out with all weekend. It was nice to see her be all smiles. Ok stop that right now Laura! You. Need. To. Get. Over. Her. I sighed. This might take a while.

* * *

**_Elsie_ **

I slammed my tray down by the science nerd. She…they jumped. I opened my bag of chips. “What are you doing?”

“For someone so smart I’m surprised your observational skills suck.” I popped a chip in my mouth.

“No. I mean I see that you’re eating. I’m just wondering why you’re eating here at this table. Doesn’t orchestra usually take up that table?” She…they pointed at the table on the other side of the cafeteria that was being occupied by other orchestra kids.

“Well looks like you really didn’t lose your ability to see.” I twisted the cap on my ice tea and took a sip.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” She…they tapped her…their fingers on the table.

“Well if someone would answer my texts then maybe I wouldn’t have to sit here with you losers.” I put my ice tea down on my tray and ate another chip.

She…damn it! They. They frowned. “Did it ever cross your mind that I really just don’t want to talk to you?”

I stared at her…them. “It did, but I chose to ignore it.”

“You’re such a bitch.”

“Oooohh….tell me something I don’t know Yoda.”

Her…fuck! Their. Eyebrows shot up. “You watch _Star Wars_?!”

“Don’t act so surprised. It is a classic.”

She…for fucks sake. They. They shook their head. “I would have never guessed you watched _Star Wars_.”

“You would think that since you love science so much you would know better than to judge something by the way it looks.”

She…ugh. They. They had a deer in head lights look. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t…I would never…I just…sorry.” She…they looked down at the table.

I sighed. “Don’t be. I should be saying sorry…for last night.” She…this is gonna take a while. They. They stiffened.

“Can we not talk about last night?” She…they whispered.

“Unfortunately for you I don’t like dropping topics, especially important ones.”

Her…their. Their hands bunched up into tight fists. “Look I am not-

“I’m sorry,” I cut in. She…they. They looked up at me with her…their mouth open. “I know it’s important to you to go by they, them, their pronouns, but you have got to cut people a break for crying out loud. All of us were raised knowing only he and him and she and her pronouns while they, them, their pronouns are used as plurals for a group. It’s not that easy to fucking change a pattern of speech that has been implemented, restricted, corrected, and guarded by the whole population in just one hour. It’s something that takes some damn time since it’s not every day and a mass of people that say they go by those pronouns. So you need to learn to chill and not act like a jerk and brat every time things don’t go your way.” She…they opened her…their mouth to say something and I held my hand up to silence her…them. “I wasn’t trying to be a bitch about it last night, but you weren’t exactly being patient with me either. From the first slip up you basically shut me out and started acting like I kicked a puppy right in front of you which then made me want to be a bitch and purposefully mess up your pronouns which is not cool and I hated doing that and it won’t happen again because that is a form of abuse in the way I did it and disrespect. So with that said, I need you to learn some damn patience with me while I relearn how to speak and form sentences when referring to you.” I opened my ice tea taking a big gulp from it.

She…they furrowed her…their brows and picked at her…their bag of chips. She…they nodded. She…they let out a strained breath. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I forget that it’s not easy for everyone to just switch their speech pattern right away. I’ll be more patient if you try really hard.”

I ate another chip and stared at her…them. Them. Them. Them. “I will. Give me time, but for now we should try to hang out again and actually get through those ridiculous questions.”

She…they. They. They. They. They smiled. “Yeah because I would really like to know how you would handle a zombie apocalypse.”

I rolled my eyes. “I repeat: ridiculous questions.”

* * *

**_Danny_ **

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor made me look behind me as I chugged my milk. I frowned as Betty settled in next to me. “What are you doing?”

She sat down next to me and crossed her legs before opening her milk carton. “Eating lunch duh.”

“You don’t sit here for lunch.”

She took a sip of her milk. “What are you the cafeteria monitor?” She smiled.

God I want to wipe that stupid (wonderful) smile off her face. “No, but you sit over there.” I pointed to the orchestra table.

She raised her eyebrow at me. “So Elsie gets to sit here and talk to LaFontaine, but I can’t sit here and talk to you?”

I opened my mouth then closed it for lack of a comeback. “Do what you want.”

“Looks like someone got tongue tied.” She popped a fry into her mouth as a smug grin formed on her face.

God she’s really trying my patience. “Look, if you’re here to make sure I keep my promise to look at your car during free period then yeah I am.” I waved my arm at her with the sharpie still blatantly visible after scrubbing until my arm began to hurt and it turned red. “Not hard to forget.”

She giggled and touched my arm tracing her own writing. A tingling sensation shot up my arm. “I do love my handy work sometimes.” She winked and removed her fingers from my arm.

I already miss her touch. Wait I miss her touch? No not happening. I like Laura. I want to be with Laura. I’m just frustrated because Laura doesn’t want me. Laura doesn’t want me. I closed my eyes. Just because she doesn’t want me doesn’t mean I have to jump at the first person that shows me attention. “I just hope it washes off at some point.” I looked at her as she ate another fry.

She smiled. “Yes, well if you don’t want me to use a sharpie on you again you need to make time to hang out with me this weekend.”

I shook my head. “Is that what’s going to happen? I don’t hang out with you so you write on me with sharpie to make sure I do?”

“If that’s what I have to do then yes.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out the aforementioned sharpie. I looked from her to the sharpie then back to her before lunging at it. She pulled it back out of my reach. Wow, out of my reach. That’s a first. “Nope. You’re not taking it.”

“Give it to me,” I growled still trying to reach across her body for it.

I forgot how close this made me to her until I felt her breath against my ears. “Just meet with me and I won’t have to use it on you.”

I blushed. I pulled back to sit fully in my chair. “Fine. When?”

She smirked and put the sharpie back in her pocket. “Saturday at eight. Meet me at La Vida.”

I sighed. “Fine. Just text me to remind me.” She reached into her pocket. “I said text me. I promise I won’t forget if you text me.”

She giggled and ran her finger along her bottom lip. “Better not.”

I tilted my head back in frustration. “I won’t.”

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

I walked into the cafeteria to see that Elsie, Betty, Natalie, and SJ were all sitting with their band nerd counterparts. Will was also there sitting between the science ginger and the big puppy. I spotted Laura sitting next to Danny and laughing at something that someone said. I took a deep calming breath. She glanced my way and her face fell. She looked down at her tray. Yeah that confirms my suspicions that she was the one who slammed the library door. A part of me wants to beat myself up for hurting her, but the other part of me is glad. Maybe this will keep her from wanting to get closer to me. Maybe this will remind me that I don’t deserve her. That my hands don’t deserve to touch her in the way they ache to do.

I steeled myself and walked over to them sitting down between Laura and SJ. “Hey Carmilla. We were wondering when you would show up.”

I smirked. “Well I was sort of…busy,” I emphasized the last word. She nodded.

“Well here you go then. You’re probably thirsty,” she winked as she handed me my favorite ice tea.

I raised my eyebrow at her. “You know me so well.” I opened the ice tea and took a long drink as a joke. She laughed and shook her head before turning back to Kirsch.

I looked at Laura. “How’s your day going cupcake?”

She picked at her mashed potatoes. “It was alright. Had a quiz in Geometry that I’m pretty sure I failed.”

“Well you always have the next one.”

“Yeah.” She put her fork down and reached for her chocolate milk.

The sad look on her face was breaking my heart. No. Don’t break now. You have to do this. You are you and she is her. You are from different worlds. You realized this this weekend. You realized it from the moment you walked into her home. She is warmth, love, and happiness. You are neither of those. “So when do you want to watch my favorite movie?”

She picked at the rim of her milk carton and chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m actually going to be hanging out with my friends, so not this week.”

Nice going Carmilla. She doesn’t even want to hang out with you. Yeah you wanted to have her keep her distance from you, but being friends wouldn’t have been too bad. “That’s fine. Just let me know when you have time.”

She scoffed. “Or you can let me know when you’re not ‘busy.’”

Ouch. Ok I deserved that. I shrugged it off making sure to look like it didn’t have an effect on me. “Sure thing creampuff.”

Her face scrunched up. “Right. I’m heading out.” She picked up her tray. “I’ll see you all at band practice,” she said to her friends. They all looked at her.

Danny twitched as if wanting to go after her, but stayed where she was at. Perry began to push her fingertips together. LaFontaine just gave them a confused look. Kirsch was the one that actually got up to follow her. What a useless bunch they are except the big puppy. He’s a good one especially to Will and apparently to Laura as well. Will gave me a pained look and shook his head. I took another drink from my ice tea then left without saying anything. No use continuing to sit there with all of them. Too much happiness and flirting going on. It’s suffocating.

* * *

  ** _Laura_**

“Laura…” I ignored him as I kept playing. “Laura!” Ignore him. “LAURA!” I stopped in the middle of playing and turned to look at him. He had put the bass guitar down beside him as he sat down on the amp connected to it.

“What Kirsch?” I spat.

He winced. “ _I Hate Everything About You_ by Three Days Grace.”

“I know what I’m playing,” I snapped. He winced again. I took a deep breath. Stop taking your anger out on your friends. “Sorry.”

He shrugged and gave me a small smile. “Carmilla?”

I slipped the guitar off and sat on the floor placing it on my lap. “Yeah.” I plucked a string. “Thanks for hanging out with me after band practice.”

He sat down in front of me. “Of course little nerd bro.”

I smiled at his nickname for me. “I appreciate it. Everyone else kind of just walked away.”

“Don’t blame them. For someone so small you were really hitting your drum today.”

“Hey! I am not that small,” I pouted.

He gave me a goofy grin. “Compared to me you’re a hobbit.”

“Well duh you giant elf.” I shoved him making him laugh. His laugh was infectious so I couldn’t help but laugh as well.

He settled down and tapped my knee. “So…?”

I chewed on my bottom lip. I looked at the ground between us. “I saw her with another girl again, but this time her hands were in other places.” I looked up at him.

He furrowed his brows in confusion then his eyes widened with realization. He nodded his head. “Right.”

“Yeah.” I chewed on my lip some more.

“You ok?”

I looked down at my guitar and plucked another string. “It sucks. I thought we connected this weekend, but it looks like it was just me.”

“Connected how?”

I ran my hand along the strings of the guitar. “I’m not sure. We just connected you know. I got to see another side of her.”

“You think she likes you likes you?”

I set my guitar to the side and buried my face in my hands. “Yes…no…I don’t know…maybe?”

He put his hand on my shoulder and waited for me to look at him. “She would be lucky to have you, but like if she doesn’t feel like that for you then why not at least be her friend. Sounds like to me that the little hottie is actually human when around you.”

I nodded. “I have to stop crushing on her first though.”

“I don’t think you can ever stop crushing on her. She’s Carm-sexy after all.” He waggled his eyebrows and I swatted his arm.

“Kirsch!”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Well it’s true. Little hottie is sexy. I don’t blame you for not being able to stop crushing on her after what you saw.”

“Ugh.” I flopped down onto my back. “I’m screwed aren’t I?”

“If she likes you like that you might be one day,” he said teasingly.

“Kirsch!” He laughed some more. “Geeze between you and LaFontaine I might meet an early grave due to embarrassment.”

He shoved my knee. “You’ll be fine Laura. You have too much energy in that tiny body to go to an early grace.”

“Oh my god.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“But yeah. You’ll get over Carmilla in that way and be good friends.”

I propped myself up on my arms. “Thanks Kirsch.”

“No problem lil nerd bro.” He stood up and offered me his hand. “Another round?”

I moved to grab his hand and let him pull me up. “Definitely.” I grabbed my guitar and slung it back onto my shoulders.

“What song?”

“ _In The End_.” He nodded and cranked up his amp a bit more.

I took a deep breath. Friends. I can do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned: Three Days Grace-I Hate Everything About You and Linkin Park-In The End
> 
> You can go to musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for chapter statuses, sneak peeks, music that may or may not be related to chapters, and ask any questions. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	8. Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: cussing and emotional child abuse.  
> the "****" mean same character pov just different day.

_**Carmilla** _

I glanced down at my phone willing it to light up with a new message.

“If you stare any harder you might be able to set it on fire.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I turned the page in my book.

“You aren’t fooling me. You’re waiting for her to text you.”

“I’m waiting for who?”

He sighed. “You’re stubborn you know that?”

“And you’re still here.” I closed my book and looked at him. “What’s wrong?”

He slipped his hands into his pockets. “I need your help.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “What did you do?”

“N-nothing.” He tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I’m going to try out for the basketball team.”

“Are you crazy?!” I quickly jumped to my feet. “You know mother’s rules!”

He looked down at the ground. “I know, but I really want to play. I just-I’m just…I’m getting good at it.”

I crossed my arms. “You’ve been playing.”

“Just uh practicing with Kirsch in the mornings.”

“You’re an imbecile you know that. What are you going to do if you get injured?”

“Mother’s hardly ever home, so it’s not like she’ll even know.”

“Right because we can hide a visit to the doctor’s office when she gets immediate messages from our physician whenever we go.”

“I know. Just.” He let out a ragged breath and ran his hand through his hair. “Please. I don’t want to be an outcast because of mother.” He stared into my eyes and pleaded, “Please.”

I closed my eyes taking in a deep breath then let it out slowly. “Luckily I still have that first aid kit, but if the injury is too serious we’re going to our family physician.”

“Thank you.” He smiled.

“Don’t make me regret this.”

He nodded then left my room. I sat back down on my bed and stared at my phone. I could use a dose of sunshine right now to calm down the feeling of impending doom.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

I chewed on my bottom lip and put my phone down again for the twelfth time in five minutes.

“For crying out loud just text her and put us all out of our misery!” LaFontaine said exasperated.

Perry gave them a death glare. “Laura dear if you want to talk to her then send her a message,” she said nicely.

I chewed on my bottom lip some more. “Seriously Laura message her before I do,” Danny added looking ready to lunge at my phone.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone to keep it away from Danny. “I want to.”

“But…?” LaFontaine tacked on.

“I-I don’t know really.” I tapped on the back of my phone.

Perry slid off my bed and sat next to me. “Laura did you like spending time with her last weekend?” I stared at my phone and nodded my head. “Do you want to spend more time with her?” I nodded again. “Then you need to message her.”

“But Per-

“Not ‘but’s.’” Perry tapped the screen on my phone. “Message her.”

I stared at my phone for a second before unlocking it.

**Me [5:45 PM]: Hey**

**Carmilla [5:53 PM]: Look who finally decided to message me**

I rolled my eyes.

**Me [5:54 PM]: I’m not the only one with a phone**

**Carmilla [5:57 PM]: True, but I’m not the one who’s spent a week avoiding someone**

Crap. She’s got me there.

**Me [5:57 PM]: Sorry…**

**Carmilla [6:10 PM]: Don’t be**

**Carmilla [6:12 PM]: …are you alright?**

I chewed my bottom lip and stared at my phone.

**Carmilla [6:18 PM]: I’m sorry**

**Carmilla [6:22 PM]: You can text me any time you know so we**

**can avoid these incidents**

**Carmilla [6:22 PM]: Or just in general**

I smiled.

**Me [6:23 PM]: Be careful what you wish for**

**Carmilla [6:25 PM]: Maybe I don’t want to be careful**

Is she…? No. Most likely not.

**Me [6:26 PM]: Well expect more texts from me now that I have**

**an open invitation**

**Carmilla [6:27 PM]: Ok let’s be reasonable here**

**Me [6:27 PM]: Nope. Too late**

**Carmilla [6:28 PM]: Cupcake…**

**Me [6:28 PM]: Carm…**

**Carmilla [6:32 PM]: Fine, but don’t wake me up in the morning**

**Carmilla [6:32 PM]: Or in the middle of the night**

I giggled.

**Me [6:33 PM]: I’ll try not to grumpy cat**

**Carmilla [6:34 PM]: Laura…**

**Me [6:34 PM]: Carmilla…**

**Carmilla [6:35 PM]: :/**

**Me [6:36 PM]: :D**

**Me [6:37 PM]: So I have band tomorrow, but do you wanna come**

**over and watch movies?**

**Carmilla [6:44 PM]: Sure thing cupcake. I start cross country**

**tomorrow so I’ll have to stop at home to**

**shower.**

**Me [6:45 PM]: Ok. see you tomorrow!!!!**

I locked my phone feeling happier than I have all week. I get to see her and hang out with her tomorrow.

“Look who’s all smiles now. Are you and your girlfriend talking again?” LaFontaine grinned.

“She’s not-we’re not-oh shut up!” I threw my pillow at them. They threw their head back and laughed.

“At least you’re not moping around anymore,” Danny stated.

“Ugh. I was not moping.”

Perry patted my shoulder. “Sweetie you were moping.”

I buried my face in my hands. “I dislike all of you.”

 

*****************

I lugged my drum out to the football field and set my backpack down on the ground by the fence. I looked around trying to see if the cross country team was out there already. As usual it was just a couple of guys from the football team trying to run a couple plays before one of us kicked them off the field so we could practice. I grabbed my drum and headed onto the field once I saw that JP was walking out to the football players. As usual they tried to talk JP into letting them have the field for a bit longer, but JP just stood his ground and shook his head then pointed to the track that goes around the field. I set my drum down and pulled my hair back to tie it into a ponytail.

“When are they ever going to learn that when we come out here we get the field and they can hit the track or the weight room?”

I laughed. “JP they are never going to learn. We can win as many titles as we want, but they will still only see us as band geeks.”

He huffed and crossed his arms. “At least we win titles. They can’t even win enough games to get to the championship.”

I shrugged. “Don’t let them hear you say that or they will go on forever about how they think the refs are being paid by the other teams to ensure we lose.”

He threw his hands in the air. “I wish it was that. If I wasn’t drum major my friends at the other schools would make fun of me for going here.”

“Yeah our music program is very selective.”

He quirked his eyebrow at me as he gave me a playful smile. “You sure because I still think you’re too short to be playing the bass drum.”

“JP!” I shoved him making him lose his footing.

“I’m kidding Laura.” He laughed and gave me a small shove. “You’re the best drummer we have once the competition starts.”

“Only during competitions?” I crossed my arms and stared at him.

He waved his hand around. “Uh Laura, all of us end up being here all damn day long because either you mess up the formation or Kirsch decides he wants to throw in a drum solo.”

I shrugged. “I hate when you’re right.”

He pulled me into a hug. “Don’t worry little one you’ll always be ready during competitions and then it’s us who have to keep up with you.”

I squirmed out of the hug. “Hey I’m not that short!”

“Laura face it you’re shrimp size!” LaFontaine’s voice carried over to me from their section.

“You’re only an inch taller than me!”

“An inch is an inch!”

I shook my head as JP laughed. “Alright Laura. I got to go talk to the other majors.”

I waved him off. “Have fun jumping around.”

“I always do.”

I put my hands on my waist then looked around. The cross country team was still not outside. Did Carmilla lie about her having practice as a way to say she will be doing other things? Nope, not going to think about it. Danny and Kirsch made their way over to me and put their drums down. We moved off to the side and started to stretch out before heading off to do a lap or two around the track. Not many people realize that you actually need some form of stamina in order to be a part of the marching band. A lot of the people that had tried out just thought they were just going to be standing around or that the formations would be easy to do. Good thing our program is selective because the tryouts for marching band really put a person through the ring to weed out those who were serious and those who were just doing it for the fun of it. Not like we don’t ever have fun, we’re just extremely focused once we all have our instruments at the ready. I guess you can say we also have game faces even though we’re not a sport.

I looked around and saw Mrs. Truman heading out onto the field. I rounded the last corner and saw Carmilla leaning against the fence looking straight at me. I waved at her as I quickly made my way to my drum. I was ready to go and stood at rest with everyone else as Mrs. Truman climbed onto her podium. My eyes wondered to the track field to see Carmilla. My mouth fell open. Last year they never practiced on the track because it was being redone, so I have never actually seen her in any practice clothes. Now I wish they wouldn’t practice on the track (that’s a lie) because wow, her shorts (and everyone else’s) were very short. I could see her very sculpted calves and thighs. Also her butt was just wow. I closed my mouth and looked away. I heard loud laughter and I followed the sound to see LaFontaine looking at me. They winked and then faced forward as Mrs. Truman called them out for being loud.

I glanced back at Carmilla and god damn it. She had her legs spread and was bent forward stretching out her leg muscles. Her hands were touching the ground and honestly what is the point of even wearing shorts? They barely covered her butt which yet again wow. She slowly moved over to the right to stretch. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun exposing her slender neck. I bit down on my lip as she lowered herself down into a deep lunge stretching out her left leg. I stumbled forward as I was hit in the back. I could hear LaFontaine cracking up with laughter as I moved forward to keep my balance.

“Ms. Hollis!”

I looked up at Mrs. Truman and waved my mallet at her. “Sorry Mrs. Truman!”

“Let’s start again and hopefully we can make it past the first two steps.” She glared down at me and I flinched.

I snuck a glance at Carmilla and saw her standing there with her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face as she talked to someone on the team. I closed my eyes. Ok Laura get it together. It’s time for band. I opened my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. JP blew his whistle and the snares began to play. I raised my mallets and along with the other bass players, began to play. JP’s whistle sounded again and we started to take our steps. Which did not help me at all. I got a clear view of Carmilla sitting on the floor with her legs spread open and leaning back on her hands. How I would like to be between those legs. I glanced up and met her gaze. She stared at me and I caught her slowly licking her lips. I stumbled and someone quickly grabbed me by the shoulder to keep me from falling.

Mrs. Truman blew her whistle. “Ms. Hollis!” I cringed at the anger that was present in her voice. “Are you planning to practice or not?”

I raised my mallet again. “Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am.” Everyone moved back to their starting positions. I heard LaFontaine laughing again and turned to glare at them.

We all stood at rest and waited for JP’s whistle. I took some calming breaths to not only get it together, but hopefully get certain thoughts out of my mind. I looked to see JP walking over to my section. Oh great. Mrs. Truman is pulling me out again. JP relaxed his posture when he came to stand at my side and looked like my friend and not my drum major.

“You ok?” He asked looking at me with concern.

“Yeah. Just a bit distracted is all.”

He quirked an eyebrow up and looked over his shoulder. He turned back with a ridiculously goofy grin on his face. “Oh I see.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “What do you see?”

He chuckled. “Laura I know you, and a certain someone on the cross country team seems to purposely be trying to get your attention and it is working much to our dismay.” He put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Instead of being the watcher why not be the watched?” I gave him a confused look. He leaned closer to whisper in my ear allowing me to look over his shoulder to see Carmilla smirking like there’s no tomorrow. “Make her watch you for once.” He stood up and winked before turning and walking back to the front.

I looked at Carmilla and saw her raise her arms up in the air to stretch her back out causing her chest to pop out more. Ok. Now that was just being cruel. I looked away. Alright, fine. If she’s doing this on purpose then I am for sure going to make her look at me. I rolled my wrists and neck and trained my focus on the person in front of me. Game face Laura.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

To say I wasn’t looking would be a lie. I leaned against the fence watching as Laura jogged around the track. She looked cute with her little purple shorts and white tank top. She rounded the corner and looked at me. She waved then went over to where her instrument was. A bass drum. Really? Out of all the instruments she could have chosen she chose that one. She strapped the drum on and it seemed to swallow her whole, but she still had a line of vision. I bit down on my lip. Maybe I can have some fun with this since this is the first time we practice at the same time since the track was under construction last year. Plus I wonder if I can make her mess up. I bit down on my lip then smirked. I slid my track pants off. Luckily I wore my very short black shorts that barely covered my ass. I tied my hair up into a bun.

I moved to where I thought she would have a good view. I have to stretch, so why not give the tiny gay something to look at while I’m at it. I turned my back toward her and spread my legs apart. I laced my fingers together and moved the top half of my body forward to touch my hands to the ground giving the backs of my legs a good stretch. I heard loud laughter coming from the field. I stayed put because I really do need to stretch out. I pulled my hands from the floor and moved to my right leg bringing the top half of my body to rest against it and wrapped my hands around my ankle. From there I went into a deep lunge keeping my left leg straight with my toes pointing up.

“Ms. Hollis!” I smirked before switching to stretch my right leg out and ignored what else the teacher was saying. I stood up.

“Hey Carmilla!”

I put my hands on my waist. “Hey Sam.”

She walked over to me. “How’d your summer go?”

“Pretty good.”

“Did you stay in shape?”

I gave her a pointed look. “Do I look like I put on some weight?”

She laughed. “Of course not you never do.”

“Sam!” Michael waved his hand at her.

“Well I’ma go see what he wants.”

“Sure thing.”

I sat down on the floor facing the field and spread my legs apart. I heard a whistle and watched as the band started to move. I leaned back on my hands. Once some guy moved Laura came into view and she stared at me. Her eyes went from obviously staring between my legs to meet my gaze. I stared into her eyes seeing the want that had made itself visible. I licked my lips. I would love to see that look in her eyes in the bedroom. She stumbled and someone had to catch her by the shoulder. I smirked.

“Ms. Hollis!” I shook my head tuning out the rest of the exchange.

I sat up then laced my fingers together before lowering the top half of my body to be parallel with the ground. I stretched out both legs before standing back up. I was still smirking from getting her in trouble again. I snuck a glance at her to see some guy move away from her. I faced the field and laced my fingers together before pulling my arms up above my head and stretching them up toward the sky and backwards to stretch out my back, but also popping my chest out so she could get a good look. Once I felt my back pop a bit I lowered my arms. I looked over to her and saw that she had her face scrunched up in concentration. It was one of my favorite faces that she makes. The whistle blew again and they started to move.

I saw her hands go up and start to bang against the drum. My mouth slightly dropped open. She was loud. Like super loud. I heard her drum above all the other ones that were playing. She turned as everyone faced north and I could see the muscles on her arms. I lowered my gaze and saw the toned muscles on her legs that I had missed while watching her jog. They turned again to face the east and my mouth almost hit the floor. The muscles on her shoulders and back strained against her white tank top. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t affecting certain areas of my body. I shook my head to clear it and walked over to my teammates.

“Can we start running already?” I asked the captain. I just need to get moving and I will be completely fine.

“Yeah sure.” She looked at everyone. “Alright people we’re going to do three miles today with no times just to ease back into things. If you feel like you’re cramping or just need a break, don’t push yourself. We have all season for that.” She clapped her hands. “Now let’s get going!” I glanced back to the field. They were all facing east again with their backs to us. I focused on Laura and saw her slip her drum off before bending forward to pick something up off the ground and fuck me because her ass is wonderful.

“Carmilla!” I looked away to see my captain had stopped to stare at me. “Are you going to start running or not?”

I cleared my throat. “Yeah.” I glanced back at the field to see a small smile on Laura’s face as she twirled her drum mallet in her hand before picking her drum back up. I licked my lips then shook my head. Run Carmilla!

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Me: Hey hope your tryouts are going good.**

**Will be at Laura’s. If you need anything**

**don’t bother me.**

**Troublemaker: Cool!**

I slipped my phone back into the pocket of my track pants and opened the door to my house. I looked to the corner of the street to see Laura disappear around it then entered my house. A quick shower and I will head over to her house.

“Carmilla dear?” I almost dropped my keys on the floor. She’s not supposed to be here. She should still be in Italy.

I gulped down my panic. “Mother?”

She came out from the kitchen wearing one of her fake smiles. “Carmilla dear. I was wondering where you were. Why are you dressed like that?” Her face became blank as her eyes took in my appearance.

I tried not to fidget under her harsh gaze. “I had cross country practice today.”

She walked over to me slowly measuring every step to fit her words. “And you did not think to change into something more appropriate before coming home?” She stopped right in front of me and grabbed my face in her hands forcing me to look up at her.

“I got a ride from a teammate so I wouldn’t have to walk home,” I lied.

She sighed. “Well at least you did not walk home looking like that. What would people think if they saw you looking like that?” Like a teenager. “No matter. Only your teammate saw you which is not such an unbearable piece of knowledge.” She held my face in her hands. Her tone dropped to one with malice in it, “But if you make this a regular occurrence I will have no choice but to remind you of your manners.”

I fought the sinking feeling in my stomach. “Yes mother.”

She let go of my face and caressed my cheek. “You must never forget that I gave up my life to give birth to you, so how you conduct yourself is a direct reflection of me. Do not disappoint me for I dearly dislike having to remind you of your place and manners.” She dropped her hand from my face and it felt like it was on fire.

“Yes mother.”

Her eyes lit up. “Now where is your brother?”

“He stayed to do some cardio since he spent some time after school working on a paper.” It was technically not a lie because he does have a paper to work on.

“Well no matter. At least I got to see one of my darling children,” she said darling as if it poisoned her mouth. “I have to go now. I am expected in Greece. Do not forget to keep up with your lessons and make sure William does as well.” She moved past me leaving the air feeling colder than it actually was. “I will be back sometime next month.” I heard the door open. “Do not forget that I did not give birth to you for you to come second,” her voice was hard.

“I won’t mother.”

“Tell your brother I said bye and I love him.”

I tried not to buckle under the adoring way she said that. “I will mother.” I heard the door close.

I fell to my knees and doubled over to press my forehead to the ground. Deep breaths. Take deep breaths. You can get through this. You are not weak. You can get through this. Breathe. I clenched my fists and started pounding on the floor. Fucking breathe! Don’t you dare fall apart. Hold it in. Hold it in. Breathe. Take deep breaths. I clenched my jaw fighting the tears that threatened to fall. Do not cry because of her. Do not cry because of her. You can get through this. You always get through this. Now breathe! I opened my mouth taking in gasping breaths. Calm down. Calm down. I slowly unclenched my fists and felt the weight slowly falling off. There you go. See you are strong. You are strong. You. Are. Strong. I pushed myself up onto my feet. You are okay.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“Hey cupcake.” She was wearing very short black jean shorts with knee high black socks and a green button up paired with black boots.

“Hey. I was wondering if you were still going to show up.”

She shrugged. “I like to take my time.” She bit her lip slowly.

The sight sent shivers down my spine. “Right.” I moved to let her in. “You ready to watch your favorite movie?”

“I’m always ready.” She stared straight into my eyes. I looked back and saw something else there. She blinked and it disappeared. Weird.

“Come on then.” I grabbed her hand noticing that it felt somewhat cold like she had it submerged in a bucket of ice.

“You got the popcorn already cutie?”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course. I know how much you love popcorn.” I looked back to see the small smile she had.

I opened the door to the entertainment room and lead her to the couch. “I brought some blankets this time because I sort of got cold last time.”

She sat down and unlaced her boots before slipping them off and setting them to the side of the couch. “Fine by me.” She pulled her legs up and grabbed one of the blankets covering herself up. I knew she would never admit that she also got cold last time, so I’d have to settle for this.

I placed the movie in the DVD player. “My dad is getting pizza again. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Meat lovers?” She said hopefully.

I smiled. “No, cheese.” She frowned and I couldn’t help laughing. “Silly. Of course he’s getting you meat lovers.”

Her face picked up. “Good.”

I got under the blanket and grabbed the remote to skip through the advertisements. The couch creaked and I glanced at her through the corner of my eye to see her scoot closer to me. I got to the movie menu and pressed play. The couch creaked some more and her thigh pressed against mine. Her body felt cold and not the type of cold that felt like she needed a blanket to warm up. It was the type of cold that felt like she just got out of an ice bath. Maybe she did. She was in cross country. Maybe her body ached like mine did after some band practices. I chewed on my lip. Or it might have something to do with what I saw in her eyes earlier. What the hell? I turned so my back was against the arm rest and opened my legs to pull her against me.

She stilled from the sudden change of position and from me pulling her against me. I felt the deep breaths she took then she relaxed into me. I stretched my legs out on either side of her and wrapped my arms around her. She curled in against me and laid her head against my chest. It was definitely related to what I saw in her eyes because she seemed to tremble against me a bit. I pulled the blankets up more to cover her shoulders and rest my chin on top of her head. I ran my fingers slowly up and down her arm. Maybe she’ll tell me sometime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for news, updates, and random music.


	9. We're Both Worried About You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: alright so probably just one cuss word

**_Will_ **

I slowly and carefully slipped out of bed so I wouldn’t wake her up. I pulled the blanket up to her shoulders then went to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and checked to make sure everything that’s supposed to be there is there. I opened the door on the other end and entered her room. I checked every spot that would make a good hiding place and all obvious places as well. Satisfied, I walked back through the shared bathroom to my room. I grabbed my phone to shut my alarm off before it rang out and I saw I had messages.

**Short Stuff [6:02 AM]: Hey Carmilla isn’t answering her phone, so**

**is she ok?**

**Short Stuff [6:03 AM]: She seemed off last night so I’m just worried**

**Short Stuff [6:04 AM]: Sorry for texting this early**

**Short Stuff [6:04 AM]: Good morning btw**

I put my phone down and gripped the edge of the sink with both hands. I let out a breath and some fear. I stood up straight grabbing my phone and turning to lean back against the sink. I ran my hand through my hair and looked at Carmilla curled up into a small ball. Thank God or whoever, whatever, is out there for Laura Hollis.

**Me [6:56 AM]: Hey just woke up. She’s fine.**

**Short Stuff [6:56 AM]: Oh that’s good! I was just worried because**

**she wasn’t her usual self last night.**

**Me [6:58 AM]: Yeah don’t worry. She was just super tired.**

**Short Stuff [6:59 AM]: Ok great! I’ll see you in band later. Text me if anything**

**comes up**

Ok she obviously didn’t believe me.

**Me [6:59 AM]: Sure thing**

“Will?”

I looked to see Carmilla sitting up and looking confused. “Right here.” I walked back into the room.

“What time is it?”

I hoped onto my bed. “Seven.”

She ran her hand through her hair and stayed silent for a while. “Did you go through my stuff?”

I shrugged. “Do you really have to ask that question?”

She pulled her knees to her chest. “I told you where I was going.”

“I know.” I picked at my bed sheet. “But since mother showed up I just got worried.”

She sighed. “I said I wouldn’t lie to you again.”

“I know.”

“Then?” I shrugged. “Will?” She grabbed my hand. “Look at me.” I let out a shaky breath and looked at her. “You don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

“Where have I heard those words before,” I said with a bit of sarcasm and hurt.

Her gaze softened in understanding. “I mean it.” I nodded. “I’d let you know otherwise.”

“I know.”

She squeezed my hand then slid off the bed. Then I was hit with a pillow. “Let’s get to school.” She smiled and walked out of my room.

I wasn’t about to mention that I saw the tub full of ice that had yet to melt by the time I got home and she was gone. She’ll tell me when she’s ready. At least I hope she will before she pushes herself way too far. Yeah, I need to keep a closer eye on her.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

**Me [8:20 AM]: This class is boring.**

**Sunshine [8:22 AM]: What class?**

**Me [8:22 AM]: Classics**

**Sunshine [8:23 AM]: No wonder**

**Me [8:23 AM]: ?**

**Sunshine [8:26 AM]: Classics are boring**

**Me [8:26 AM]: Take that back**

**Sunshine [8:31 AM]: Oh so it’s not boring?**

**Me [8:33 AM]: No…yes...sometimes**

**Sunshine [8:33 AM]: Just admit it’s boring**

**Me [8:40 AM]: Today’s class is boring. Classics are not**

**Sunshine [8:47 AM]: Sure…**

I tapped my pencil against my notebook.

**Me [8:52 AM]: What class are you in?**

**Sunshine [8:52 AM]: Journalism**

**Me [8:53 Am]: With Clifford?**

**Sunshine [8:53 AM]: Yes -_-**

**Me [8:55 AM]: Why the face?**

**Sunshine [8:59 AM]: No making fun of my friends!**

**Me [9:07 AM]: It’s too easy though cupcake**

**Sunshine [9:10 AM]: And no more food nicknames!**

**Me [9:12 AM]: Not gonna happen creampuff**

**Sunshine [9:12 AM]: -_-**

**Me [9:13 AM]: <3**

Shit did not mean to send that.

**Sunshine [9:18 AM]: A heart really?**

**Me [9:21 AM]: Don’t over analyze it Lois Lane**

**Sunshine [9:21 AM]: Right.**

**Sunshine [9:22 AM]: Want to sit with me during lunch?**

My heart skipped a beat.

**Me [9:25 AM]: Asking me out on a lunch date?**

**Sunshine [9: 27 AM]: Just yes or no!**

I bit my lip to stop from laughing.

**Me [9:28 AM]: Sure thing cutie**

**Sunshine [9:30 AM]: Good. Now pay attention in class**

**Me [9:32 AM]: Same to you buttercup**

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and rolled my head back. Great first boring classics and now homeroom where it will be even more boring classics since Mrs. Clemons doesn’t ever have anything planned for homeroom. The school’s fight song played over the speakers signaling the start of homeroom and morning announcements. I opened my notebook and started to doodle something in it.

_“Good morning fellow sleep deprived students of Silas!’_

I smiled. JP was good at slipping in some things during morning announcements.

_“Today is another day that we don’t want to be here, but have to because it is the law so sit up straight and pretend you actually care.” He cleared his throat. “First off come see the band, or more specifically me, this weekend during the home football game where hopefully we actually win. Next, cross country people make sure to get your registration fees in by this Friday as well as your physicals even though some of us can tell you are in very good shape.”_

I had to cough to cover up my laugh because he so directed that one to Laura which I’m pretty sure she’s probably turning red in class right now.

_“Next is a reminder that homecoming is coming up soon, so don’t forget to vote on this year’s theme because no one wants to do an under the sea party for the third time in a row. Finally, the science fair is coming up so people please actually put some effort into it some people are starting to get a big head.”_

And that was for science ginger.

_“Have a good day Silas Panthers and remember that I’m still currently single and ready to mingle.”_

All the girls cheered making the guys grunt with jealousy. My phone vibrated.

**Sunshine [9:37 AM]: LaF is going to be a pain during lunch**

**Me [9:38 AM]: No worries you can stare at me to tune them out ;)**

**Sunshine [9:42 AM]: I have no problems with ignoring you**

**Me [9:45 AM]: You couldn’t even if you tired cutie**

I set my phone down on my desk and tapped my pencil against my notebook. I kept glancing down at it. Ok maybe she can ignore.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

I drank my chocolate milk slowly glancing at the entrance to the lunch room every so often. So maybe ignoring her for the rest of homeroom was not a smart move. I looked down at my plate and picked at my mashed potatoes. Maybe she’s angry and won’t show up because way to go Laura you made the wrong decision. I chewed on my bottom lip. I looked up when I felt finger tips brush against my arm. She gave me a smile and sat down next to me. I smiled.

“You had me worried.”

She shrugged. “Not everyone can be on time for a date.” She smirked.

I opened my mouth then closed it. I opened it again then shook my head. “T-this is so not a date.”

“You’re right. Too many of your friends are here.” She opened her chips and stuck one in her mouth.

I chewed on my bottom lip. She looked better today. “Are you ok?” She tilted her head to the side and looked at me confused. “You seemed off yesterday.”

Something flashed into her eyes before they hardened. Was it panic? “I’m good cupcake.”

I reached my hand over and laced my fingers with hers. “Ok.”

She didn’t pull her hand away from mine so I pulled it into my lap and went back to drinking my chocolate milk. A smile stretched across her face as she ate another chip. Her thumb caressed mine and I felt butterflies in my stomach. She scooted her chair closer to me until our shoulders were almost completely touching.

“Hey Carmilla,” a brunette girl said walking up to her with a smile on her face.

“What can I do for you?” Carmilla asked indifferently.

“Just wanted to know if you want to meet in the library later?” Her hand went to Carmilla’s shoulder and I started feeling sick.

Carmilla squeezed my hand. “No thanks. I’m not interested.”

Her eyes flickered to me then back to Carmilla. “Is that so? I wonder why that is?” She asked teasingly.

Carmilla fixed her with a glare. “It’s none of your concern. Now let me eat my lunch.”

The girl backed off. “And here I thought your absence was just temporary.” She turned and stormed off.

“What did she mean?” I asked nudging Carmilla’s shoulder.

She twirled her ice tea. “I haven’t been seeing the other girls for a week now.”

My stomach did a backflip. “Why not?”

She leaned her head in her hand and looked at me. “Someone else has been taking up my time.”

I bit my bottom lip. “Not last week.”

She smirked. “It doesn’t always have to be a physical occupation.”

“Oh.” My stomach twisted and I squeezed her hand. “So want to hang out at my house after school.”

She smiled. “I was thinking more along the lines of you coming to my house for once.”

My mouth dropped open. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yes cupcake. Really.”

“Y-yeah. That’d be awesome!”

She chuckled. “Contain your excitement cutie.”

I smiled wide. “Does this mean I can refer to you as my friend now?”

She leaned in and whispered making me feel like a bolt of electricity went through my body, “You can call me whatever you want.”

I gulped. “R-r-right.”

She bit her lip then went back to eating her chips. She was going to give me a heart attack.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

I opened the door to my house and let her in. “Welcome to House Karnstein,” I said dramatically.

“Wow.” She looked around taking in the high ceiling and the chandelier. “Did your mom renovate?”

“Yes. She pretty much made all the other rooms smaller so she could have a big entry way with a visible staircase and crystal chandelier.”

She nodded her head. “Well it is nice.”

I shrugged. “It’s alright.”

She grabbed my hand. My heart wanted to leap out of my chest. “So what do you have planned?”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “I didn’t get that fair.”

She giggled. “What do you feel like doing?”

You. “Not sure. Let’s drop your stuff off in my room and go from there.”

“Lead the way.” I laced my fingers with hers and pulled her up the wooden staircase to my room. I opened the door and lead her in. “Wow Carm!” The nickname made my heart flutter as usual. “You have a window nook?”

She put her backpack down and made her way over to my window to sit down in the nook. “It was the only request I had of my mother.” More like the only request she granted me.

She settled herself in and stared out the window. “I’m glad. You have a good view at the sky.”

I walked over to her and she crossed her legs to give me room since the nook was really built to fit one person comfortably unless two people were laying on each other. I sat down and leaned my head against the window pain. “The stars are beautiful to look at at night.” I looked away from the window to her. The light from the afternoon sun shined on her face highlighting the softness of her features. It was comforting and breath taking at the same time.

She smiled. “I bet you spend a lot of time looking at the stars.”

I looked away so I could actually start breathing again. “It’s comforting looking up at them and thinking about how small we are in comparison. Just wondering about all the lives we may have lived and people we may have been. That it all doesn’t really matter to them as they shine above us in the night sky.”

“You really are invested in those philosophy books.”

I smiled and turned to her. “And you probably read Harry Potter over and over again.”

She laughed and shook her head. “Tell me something else about you.”

I stood up. “If I told you everything I wouldn’t be able to keep my air of mystery now would I?” I walked over to my bed and sat down.

“What’s that building in the back?”

I leaned back on my hands. “It’s our studio. It’s where Will and I practice.”

She looked at me curiously. “What do you practice?”

I shrugged. “Our instruments, singing, dancing, and acting.”

She stood up and held her hand out. “Show me.”

I froze. I really did not want to go there even though I sounded nonchalant about it. I had been avoiding that studio for months now. I felt the panic begin to build up and spread throughout my body. Her hand found mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Sorry.” I looked at the warmth and concern in her eyes as she chewed on her bottom lip. A habit she has when she’s feeling anxious about something. “Want to watch a movie on your unnecessarily big TV?” She looked at the TV like it offended her. I burst out laughing. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Carm what?” She pouted.

I poked her bottom lip. “There’s nothing wrong with having a big TV.”

She waved her free hand in the air. “I don’t see why everything has to be so big.”

I giggled. “Well cutie it does make watching movies better.”

She huffed. “Whatever.”

I scooted over on my bed until my back was against the headboard and grabbed the remote. “Come on. Let’s watch a movie.” I patted the space next to me. She eyed me then crawled onto my bed toward me. My heart stilled.

“What movie did you have in mind?” She settled in next to me.

I gulped trying to bring myself back to life. I turned the TV on and went to the Netflix app. “You want something happy or sad?”

“I haven’t watched _Brother Bear_ in a while.”

“Seriously cupcake?”

“What?”

“A Disney movie?”

“There’s nothing wrong with Disney movies.”

I shook my head and found the movie putting it on. Why bother arguing when I’m just going to give in anyway. I glanced at her through the corner of my eye and saw the huge smile on her face. Great she even knows it too. She laced her fingers with mine and leaned her head on my shoulder. I rubbed her thumb with mine and leaned my head against the top of hers.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for freaking out.”

She squeezed my hand. “Don’t worry about it. We all have things we’d like to avoid.” She sounded sad and I kissed the top of her head.

“Thanks Laura.”

“You said my name.” Her voice perked up.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

She let go of my hand and moved to rest her head in my lap. She pulled my arm over her waist and laced her fingers with mine again. I smiled and started to run my fingers through her hair. I closed my eyes. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve her. I pulled her hair back behind her ear to expose her cheek. I leaned down and kissed her cheek gently. She smiled wide and brought our joined hands to her lips and kissed the back of my hand. Maybe I can give in just for today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to go to musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com to ask questions, get updates, get random music, and anything else i can think of.


	10. The Weekend Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Child abuse, broken bones, cussing  
> The "*****" mean same character pov just different day.

**_Laura_ **

She leaned over to get a good look at my screen. We were sitting outside waiting for both our practices to start. Today was just supposed to be an easy day since we were playing at the football game tomorrow. Just a quick practice to get final details down for the half time show we had to put on. Carmilla was getting ready for a competition this Sunday. I chewed on my lip. I want to ask her to come to see me play, but I’ve never actually seen her at a game. She probably has other things to do. I mean she might have a girl to see. Her shoulder pressed against mine.

“What are you playing buttercup?”

“Trivia Crack.” I scrunched up my face as I stared at my choices for this science question. And of course I got it wrong.

“What’s it about?”

I move my arm behind hers and lean into her so our faces were closer together as I move my phone into her line of sight. “You answer questions based on categories like art and history and you play against your friends to see who wins and knows the most.”

She looked at my screen and chuckled. “Looks like science ginger is kicking your ass.”

I frowned and moved away. “I will win eventually.”

“Sure cupcake.” She looked down at her phone. “How do I get the game?”

“You have to have Facebook and then you can download it from the app store.” I slipped my phone in my pocket. “And if you want to play anyone they have to be your friend on Facebook and have the game as well.”

I leaned back on my hands and watched her tap away on her phone. “Cupcake?”

“Yes?” Great when did I start answering to those darn food nicknames.

“Can you come look at this real quick?” I moved closer to her resting my chin on her shoulder. Just as I was about to get a look at her phone she raised it and I had to follow it up. There was a snap and she lowered the phone.

“What did you just do?” My phone vibrated in my pocket. I scowled and took it out. I had a notification from Facebook. I tapped on it and couldn’t stop myself from smiling like a goof ball. She had made the picture she secretly took her profile picture and was asking to be my friend. “Did you just make a Facebook profile?” I tapped the add friend button.

She shrugged. “I want to kick your ass in this game.” My phone vibrated again with a game notification from her.

“Sure you do.” I opened up the game and started my turn.

“Laura!” I looked up to see Nathan running over to me.

“Hey Nathan.”

He kneeled down. “So I’m throwing a party after the game tomorrow regardless whether we win or lose. You down?” I chewed on my lip. “Your girlfriend here can come too.”

My eyes widened. “S-She’s not-we’re not-

“I’m not her girlfriend, but I’ll still show up,” Carmilla interrupted.

“Oh awesome. All hot girls welcomed.” She rolled her eyes. “Laura?”

“Yeah I’ll go.”

“Great! I’ll see you both there!” I jumped up and went back to his teammates.

I looked at Carmilla and saw her quirked eyebrow. “What?”

“You party?”

I shrugged. “Just once in a while.”

She smirked. “And here I thought you were just a naïve provincial girl.” I scowled. She laughed and stood up. “That bunched up face you make is so adorable buttercup.” She held her hand out for me.

“Whatever Carm.” I stood up and started chewing on my lip.

She stared at me and placed her hands on her hips. “What’s wrong?”

I looked down at the ground. “I was just wondering…” I trailed off.

“Wondering what cutie?”

I took a steadying breath. “Would you come watch me play this Friday? I mean I never see you at the games so you don’t have to come at all if you don’t want to. I just thought that maybe now since there’s that party we could…um… go together after the game. Oh wait, we can just meet up at my place after the game, so like seeing me play is totally your choice and you don’t-

She pressed her finger against my lips and I stopped talking. “Yes.” She moved her finger.

“Really?”

“Under one condition.”

“Yeah sure anything!”

She smiled her small smile that I liked so much. “You come watch me at my cross country meet this Sunday.”

“Of course!” I lunged toward her and gave her a hug.

“Whoa there creampuff!” She grabbed my waist.

I pulled back keeping my arms wrapped around her neck. “Sorry. I like hugging and I have been doing my best not to hug you because I can tell it’s not something you like doing, but I couldn’t help it right now and-

Her finger pressed against my lips again and I went silent. “It’s fine cupcake. I don’t mind if it’s you.” I smiled against her finger and she pulled it away.

“I’ll remember that.”

She pulled away. “I have to start running now, so I’ll see you later.” She began walking away.

“Right. See you later!” I watched her as she turned around and took off running. I pulled my phone out and went back to her Facebook page. I download the profile picture and set it is my lock screen background.

 

****************

I did my best to button up my jacket while running to make it to the line-up. I got so absorbed in my research project for journalism class that I lost track of time and had to rush to get ready and head to the field. Thankfully JP had texted me asking where I was (more like “Where the fuck are you shorty?”). I ran under the bleachers to the small tunnel that was in the middle (our school thought it would be cool to have a tunnel under the bleachers for the sports team to run out off, but mostly band used it to set up and march out like we were cool). I rounded the corner to see everyone standing there adjusting their uniforms, talking, and going over the formations and music. I snapped the last button into place on my jacket and made my way to the drumline section where my drum was waiting. JP was standing by it with his arms crossed. I bit back a laugh. He looked absolutely ridiculous with his black busby and red plume, but his angry face made the laugh I was holding back sink to the pit of my stomach. He was pissed.

“Nice of you to join us Hollis.” Oh crap. He was really pissed.

“S-sorry.”

He put his hands on his waist and glared at me. “Please do tell what was so important that you decided to be late.”

I gulped and stared at the floor. This was just him being a drum major. “I-I’m sorry. I got caught up in my journalism project that I lost track of time.” I fidgeted shifting my weight from one foot to the other.

He sighed. I looked up and he looked very stressed and worn out. “Come here your citation cord is positioned wrong.”

I moved over to him and let him fix my citation cord. “Sorry for being late.”

A small smile played on his face. “I was just worried. What would I do without my short stack on the field?” I glowered at him which made him laugh. He finished adjusting my citation cord then moved on to my plume. “No really. You’re the best Laura and honestly you keep me sane and make my job easier since you keep Danny from killing Kirsch half the time.” I smiled. He frowned when he looked past me. “Which can you get Danny to stop punching Kirsch in the shoulder? The guy is annoying enough as is with his impromptu drum solos that I don’t need his arm falling off during the performance and messing it up.” He swept his hand over his frame. “I mean I know everyone comes to watch me, but it would be nice if they actually pained attention to what we play,” he said cockily with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah right JP. Keep dreaming.”

He winked and chuckled. “Just keep Danny from tearing Kirsch’s head off please.”

“Sure thing.” I adjusted the chin strap on my shako before turning to walk over to where Danny was punching Kirsch in the arm again. “Danny stop,” I said firmly. She looked at me and crossed her arms.

“Well he started it.”

“Oh whatever Summer Psycho!”

“Look here popped collar-

“Enough!” I yelled bringing my hands up to grab both of their arms. “What is the problem here?”

“Summer Psycho here doesn’t like my idea for the fundraiser we have to do to go to the competition next month.”

“It’s a stupid idea!”

“Just because you can’t do it-

“That’s it!” Danny made a lunge for him and stepped in between them shoving against their stomachs to hold them back since that’s as far as I can actually reach for these two.

“Enough!” I yelled again. They stopped cringing from the volume of my harsh tone. “What was the idea?”

Kirsch scratched the back of his head. “I was thinking of doing a three point shootout competition. People pay to play against each other to see who can make the most three pointers before time runs out and they win like a t-shirt or something.”

I crossed my arms. “Danny?”

She went to run her hand through her hair, but remembered it was in a bun. “No one is going to want to pay money just to get a stupid T-shirt as a prize, so I said we should do a bake sale or something.”

I looked at Kirsch. He shrugged. “Bake sales won’t make a lot of money.”

I sighed. “Ok. This is something the whole band votes on, so neither of your ideas may get chosen. Now, stop trying to kill each other and focus on our performance.”

They both looked at the ground. “Sorry,” they said in unison.

“You’re forgiven.” They both moved to pick up their drums.

I walked over to my drum and had to keep myself from stopping dead in my tracks. Carmilla was leaning against the wall next to my drum wearing her black leather pants paired with her black boots, black tank top, and red flannel with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her hair fell in their usual curls over her shoulders and her bangs fell over her right eye just a bit. She had her arms crossed and was staring at me with a playful smile. My heart threatened to beat out of my chest. How can someone like her be the picture of beautiful and sexy at the same time? It had to be a conundrum.

“Very impressive cutie,” she said while pushing herself off the wall.

“What is?”

“The way you handled Xena and the big puppy.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes they can be a bit ridiculous, but they’re friends even if they won’t admit it.”

“Sure.” She looked me up and down slowly. “That band uniform is something.”

I crossed my arms. “What’s wrong with it?”

She smirked. “Nothing. I was just expecting you to be wearing those big furry hats is all.”

I smiled. “Only the majors wear the busby. The rest of us wear a shako.” She looked at me with a confused scrunched up face and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry. A busby is the fur hat you were referring to and a shako is the hat I am wearing. This feather here,” I pointed to my plume, “is called a plume.”

She nodded. “I see.” She stepped closer to me and grabbed my jacket beginning to unbutton it.

My eyes widened and I gulped. “W-what are you doing?”

She kept unbuttoning my jacket. “You skipped a button.” She stopped before the last two buttons and started to rebutton my jacket the right way.

“Oh…thanks.” I watched her button my jacket up thinking of how this would be better under other circumstances where my clothes would be coming off.

“No problem creampuff.” She buttoned the last one then smoothed out my shoulders. “There. Now you look cuter.”

“Thanks.”

She smiled. “I’ll be watching you closely cutie.” She smirked and walked out of the tunnel to sit in the bleachers above.

Oh god. Carmilla was going to watch me play. My heart rate accelerated.

“Alright everyone it’s time!” JP called out.

I quickly strapped on my drum and grabbed my mallets. Focus Laura. Just focus on the performance. JP blew his whistle raising his baton in the air to lead us forward onto the field. You got this.

* * *

_**Carmilla** _

If I thought Laura was loud before that one day during her practice, this was a whole other dimension of loud. Not even Will could keep up with her. She was on a field of her own. Everyone was nodding their heads or throwing their fists in the air as the band played and marched around the field. Laura looked fierce and I could see why they had selected her to play in the band. She was a whirlwind and booming force that everyone else had to keep up with it. I had to stop myself from smiling. Big things do come in small packages even though she’d argue that I’m only an inch taller than her.

The band finished up and then the drumline stepped up to do their thing. Laura was small compared to everyone else in height at least because her overall self was bigger than everyone. She played with a confidence and self-assurance that you wouldn’t believe she had because she was all smiles and dorkiness on a regular basis. It was endearing to say the least. It was another thing I liked about her. I only caught glimpses of this side of her through her feminist rants over the phone or when she was talking about something that happened during journalism. Now it was on full display for a long period of time and I turned to look around the stadium. There were some girls smiling and clapping while pointing to the field. I frowned. Yes this side of Laura is attractive as fuck and no she isn’t mine so I shouldn’t be jealous, but that still didn’t stop me from giving certain girls a look of disgust in case they were drooling over Laura.

The drumline finished up and exited the field. Just have to get through the second half of this game and then we can go to the party.

“So what’s up with you and the tiny gay?” Elsie asked from behind me.

“That’s what I’ve been wondering as well,” Betty added.

I leaned back onto the bleacher behind me. Thankfully no one decided to sit behind me or I would have made them move. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come off it Carmilla. We see the way you look at each other,” SJ said getting straight to the point as usual. “Are you going to date her or fuck her?”

I did my best not to flinch at the last part. “That’s none of your business now is it.”

“So that means you’re trying to bed her,” Elsie said with a seductive voice. “I wonder how long it will take before you actually do get her in bed.”

“I’m betting April,” Betty stated.

“Yeah right. Carmilla will have her before this semester is over,” Elsie corrected.

“I’m going to say during spring break in March,” SJ added.

“Look you two have not been with Carmilla, so I’m sticking with the end of this semester,” Elsie added smugly.

“Please not all of us want to jump Carmilla’s bones,” SJ scoffed.

“Right because some of us like puppies,” Elsie bit back.

“SJ is right, not everyone wants to do Carmilla,” Betty interrupted.

“Yes some people want to do tall gingers,” Elsie teased.

“Hey, I like my partners taller than me. I am 5’10 you know,” Betty said nonchalantly.

“Well in any case, March and April are unrealistic,” Elsie reaffirmed.

“Will all three of you shut up?!” I snapped. God these three women were annoying. Why do I even put up with them? “No one is betting on anything because I am not planning on doing anything.”

Elsie sucked her teeth in the annoying way that grated on my damn nerves. “Sure...I say twenty bucks.”

“Agreed,” Betty and SJ answered together.

“I swear if you go through with that damn bet I will destroy you all.”

“Sure you will,” Elsie chuckled.

“No worries Carmilla we’re just playing around,” Betty added softly moving to pat my shoulder.

I ran my hand through my hair. These three were ridiculous.

 

 

 

 

I leaned against the wall by the girl’s locker room waiting for Laura to come out. The party didn’t start for another hour, but I really wanted to grab some food since I skipped lunch today.

“Carmilla!”

I looked up to see Will heading over to me. “What did you do?”

He stopped in front of me and smiled. “Nothing. Did you see me play?”

I smiled. Ok so technically I stared at Laura the majority of the time, but I’m not completely heartless. “I did. You’ve gotten a lot better from when you were playing in our back yard.”

He smiled. “Yeah. It’s the best.” He slid his hands into his pockets. “So I’m going to be going to the party as well and will be getting a ride there. Did you and Laura want to come along as well?”

“Not sure. Will have to ask her.”

“Hey Carmilla!” Laura exited the locker room and instantly found me. God she’s beautiful. She had on grey high waisted jeans, a yellow V-neck shirt, and her hair in a side braid. “Hi Will.” She smiled.

“Hey did you need a ride to the party?” He asked her.

“No. I think we’re good. I was hoping to maybe go get some food because I’m starving right now.” She looked at me questioningly.

I nodded. “I don’t mind. Food sounds good right now.”

Will nodded. “Well I’m getting a ride from Kirsch and we were just talking about stopping at McDonald’s before heading to the party.”

“Then yes to the ride,” Laura replied immediately.

I really wanted to spend some time alone with her before hanging out with all the imbeciles from our school. “That’s fine with me.”

“Great let’s go!” She grabbed my hand lacing our fingers together. Ok I can forgive her if she just doesn’t stop holding my hand.

We followed Will over to Kirsch’s car. He had an old beat up truck that sat three people up front, so this was going to be interesting with four of us.

“Hey Kirsch!” Laura let go of my hand. I frowned. She went up to give him a hug.

“Hey little nerd.” He hugged her back. “You need a ride?”

“Yeah Will asked us if we needed one and then mentioned McDonald’s.”

He nodded as he looked at me. “Right. Did you ladies want to sit in front with me and Will and can ride in the back or did you want to ride in the back?”

I quickly went over to the truck and hopped into the back of it sitting on the cold metal. “I guess we’re sitting in the back,” Laura answered before climbing in after me.

“Great. Will!” Kirsch called. Will had gone back to talk to someone.

“Coming!” Will jogged over tapping the side of the truck before climbing into the passenger side of it.

I moved to let my head rest against the glass separating the inside and outside of the truck. Laura settled down next to me and took my hand again playing with my fingers. She chewed on her bottom lip as Kirsch pulled out of the parking lot. “So…” She looked down at our hands. “What did you think?”

“About what?”

“The band?”

“Did the band play?” I teased.

She raised her head to scowl at me. “Carmilla!”

I laughed. “Cupcake I was only watching you and wow. You’re really good.”

Her smile lit up her face. “Really?”

I smiled. “Really.”

She nodded then leaned her head against my shoulder. “I can’t wait to see you run this Sunday.”

“Is that because you get to stare at my legs a lot?”

She swatted my thigh. “No!”

I giggled. “Calm down creampuff. I was kidding.”

She huffed. “Maybe I won’t go.”

My heart sank a bit. “Really?” I tried not to sound hurt, but the way she moved to stare at me made it clear that I failed.

“Carm. I wouldn’t miss it for the world even if you are being a jerk.” She smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back at her.

“Good because someone needs to fully appreciate how my body looks in my cross country uniform.” I smirked.

She swatted my shoulder. “Carmilla!”

I threw my head back and laughed. She shook her head and settled back down resting her head on my shoulder again. I kept my head tilted back taking in the stars as Kirsch drove us to McDonald’s. It wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend some time with her, but having her pressed against my side playing with my fingers was better than I could have hoped for.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

Will and Kirsch took off as soon as the car was parked. Carmilla and I took our time getting out of the back of the truck before walking into the party. Carmilla moved ahead of me to open the door for me. I smiled. She did that for me a lot during school. I stepped into the house and heard the music blaring from speakers placed all around the house. Nathan’s parents didn’t like to watch movies, but they did like to be able to walk anywhere in the house and hear what was going on in a movie. I looked back holding my hand out for Carmilla. She gave me a small smile and took my hand. I led her over to the kitchen to where the alcohol was and grabbed us both a bottle of beer. I let go of her hand to pop the tops off them.

She moved closer to me avoiding the many people hanging around the kitchen. “You seem like an expert at that cutie,” she whispered softly into my ear sending chills throughout my body.

“This isn’t my first party.”

She grabbed one of the beers. “I wonder if there are other things that aren’t your first,” she said seductively. I swear she’s going to send me to an early grave with her hot and cold routine. Luckily tonight seems to be a good night.

I took a long drink from my beer to calm my nerves and ended up drinking more than half the bottle in one go. I looked to see her quirk an eyebrow at me while sipping on her beer. Her lips looked soft wrapped around the top of the beer bottle and I couldn’t help but lick my bottle lip.

“Laura!”

I looked away from her to see Kirsch stumbling into the kitchen with Will right behind him. “What’s wrong Kirsch?”

He stopped in front of me and put his hands on the counter. “So like the band Nathan booked to come play just walked out leaving their instruments here because their lead singer threw a fit because some guy rejected him so like they’re trying to get him to come back, but could you like help me help a fellow bro out by playing something until the band can get their lead singer to come back?”

“I’ll be playing to,” Will added.

“Yeah I don’t mind.”

Kirsch pulled me into a bone crushing hug. “Thanks little nerd bro! I knew I could count on you.” He let me go.

“Carmilla do you mind singing?” Will asked.

I turned to stare at her. “You can sing?”

She quietly sipped at her beer. It was a while (ok maybe a few seconds) before she answered. “On occasion, but this is not one of those occasions.”

“Please Carmilla,” Will said in a whining voice. Where did that come from? I know Carmilla uses a whining voice when we’re alone, but both of these siblings usually have either a hard or shy exterior when in public. I looked at Kirsch to see the same confused look on his face as he stared at Will.

“No.”

“Carmilla-

“No.”

“But-

“No.”

“Just one-

“No.”

“Come on-

“No.”

Will growled in frustration. “You’re so stubborn!”

I looked at Carmilla. “I would like to hear you sing plus I’ll be playing the guitar.” She up ended her beer and set it on the counter. She leaned her back against it crossing her ankles as she stared up at the ceiling. “Carm please.” I reached out and touched her wrist to get her attention. “I really want to play with you.”

A smirk came to her face. “I’m sure you do.” She winked at me then shoved off the counter. I pouted. She shook her head. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Kirsch yelped. “Let’s go little bros!”

“I am not your bro!” Carmilla growled, but Kirsch didn’t hear her.

I took her hand in mine. “Thanks.”

“Whatever cupcake. Let’s get this over with.”

Kirsch led the way to the make-shift stage that Nathan and probably the other Zetas had set up in the living room for the band. Their instruments looked like they were just thrown onto the stage. I frowned at this. Don’t buy an instrument if you’re not going to take care of it. Kirsch hopped onto the stage along with Will and helped Carmilla and I up. Will went straight to the drum set while Kirsch took up the bass. I found the guitar teetering on the edge of the stage. I grabbed it just before it could finally slip off the stage. I swear some people should not be allowed to own an instrument. I swung the guitar strap onto my shoulders and watched as Carmilla went to the mic stand and lowered it so she could reach the mic. I went to the mic in front of me and did the same.

“Hello everyone!” Kirsch said into his mic. He had to lean down to reach it since he was so tall. “So the band that was supposed to play had to step out for a bit, so hope you don’t mind if we step in for a bit. I’m Kirsch by the way, Will is on drums, Laura is going to rock the guitar, and Carmilla will be singing,” he announced. I waved at the crowd feeling very nervous now. Carmilla just stood there picking at her nail polish looking bored. “So yeah. We’re going to play something for you now.” The crowd cheered as Kirsch looked at us. “So what should we play?” he asked trying not to be too loud.

“God you get us up here and didn’t even bother to pick a song,” Carmilla groaned.

“Sorry.” Kirsch looked down at the ground like a kicked puppy.

“Just follow my lead.” I struck a few chords and Will’s eyes widened before starting on the drums. Kirsch beamed once recognizing the song.

“Really cupcake?” I gave her a pointed look and nodded my head to the mic. She sighed and gripped the mic stand. She took a deep breath after we finished syncing up and looping back to the beginning. “Am I more than you bargained for yet? I’ve been dying to tell you anything you want to hear cause that’s just who I am this week!” She bellowed in a raspy voice. Her grip on the mic stand got tighter. I moved over to my mic and started to bob my head while getting lost in her voice and my fingers moving along the guitar. “We’re going down down in an earlier round and sugar we’re going down swinging!”

She took the mic off the stand and walked over to me. “Is this more than you bargained for yet?” She pressed her back against mine and leaned against me. “Oh don’t mind me I’m watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in your jeans.” She slid slowly down against my body swinging her hips from side to side against me. I bit down on my lip trying to focus on the next chords instead of how good she feels against me. “Isn’t it messed up how I’m just dying to be him?” She slowly slid back up and moved off of me. My body suddenly felt like it was on fire. “I’m just a notch in your bedpost, but you’re just a line in a song.” I repeated the last line and watched as her eyes widened from the sound of my voice. Luckily she didn’t mess up the lyrics.

She turned to the crowd and went to the edge of the stage. She bent down and her voice got louder as she sang. She seemed to lose herself in the song. I didn’t even bother to try to match her. I sang the backup vocals and was joined by Will and Kirsch at the end of the song. Carmilla leaned over the edge of the stage demanding everyone’s attention. She really didn’t need to since everyone was already captivated by her by now. I ignored the leering stares she was getting from the guys and a couple of girls in the room. We brought the song to an end and the crowd cheered very loudly. Carmilla slipped her red flannel off. My eyes roamed over her body taking in the tightness of her tank top against her chest and her toned arms.

“One more?” Kirsch asked. Will and I nodded our heads. Carmilla wasn’t paying attention. Hopefully she doesn’t kill us. I began playing and Will and Kirsch synced up with me.

Carmilla bobbed her head and clapped her hands. “I don’t mind. Letting you down easy, but just give it time. If it don’t hurt now then just wait, just wait a while.” I smiled as Carmilla twirled around the stage to the beat of the song. “Ain’t it fun living in the real world? Ain’t it good being all alone?”

She walked over to Kirsch and started to sing to him and stomping her foot to the beat of Will’s drumming. Kirsch smiled and started bobbing his head along with her. She moved from him to Will and put her arm on his shoulder. He smiled and started singing with her. His voice was deep and even compared to her low and raspy voice. She moved away from him and came over to me swinging her hips along the way. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and held her mic closer to me. “Don’t go crying to your mama cause your on your own in the real world. Don’t go crying to your mama cause you’re on your own in the real world!” We sang together. She started doing little hops which made me start doing the same. She squeezed my shoulder and we both jumped up and then landed hard against the stage lunging our bodies forward as we head banged. She moved away from me to the front of the stage and sang to the crowd.

The song ended and from the corner of my eye I saw some guys make their way to the stage and started to climb onto it. “Alright everyone., looks like our job here is done. Hope we got you all warmed up and ready for the actual band!” Kirsch said happily into the mic before slinging the bass off his shoulders and handing it over. We made our way off the stage and I had to grab onto Carmilla’s hand so I wouldn’t lose her. She squeezed my hand and led me out of the crowd that was giving us pats on our backs and cheering.

We pushed through the crowd until we were out of the living room and made our way to the backyard. We stopped at the white plastic table to grab some cups to pour beer into from the keg. She grabbed my hand again and led me to some chairs that were off to the side of the backyard. People were outside dancing to the music that was playing from the speakers making their own dance floor in the middle of the back yard. I sat down in the chair next to her and she let go of my hand to slip her flannel back on.

“That was fun,” I breathed still feeling a burst of energy from playing.

“It was alright.” I stared at her. “What?”

I smiled and drank my beer. “Oh nothing.”

She scowled. “What?”

I shrugged. “You looked pretty happy up there to me.”

She scoffed. “I was not.”

I poked her side. “Yes you were.”

“No I wasn’t.”

“Carm…”

“Creampuff…”

We stared into each other’s eyes. I saw a twinkle in her eyes that suggested she really did have fun. I smiled bigger. “Dance with me.”

“What?”

I grabbed her hand puling her up. “Dance with me.” I pulled her over to the group of people that were dancing.

“Cutie I don’t dance,” she grumbled.

“Sure you don’t.” I wrapped my arms around her neck. “Just shut up and dance with me.”

She looked taken aback, but smirked none-the-less. “So demanding.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and we danced all night.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

“Carmilla!” I heard my name being called, but ignored it. “Carmilla!” I groaned and pulled the blankets tighter over my head. “CARMILLA!”

I huffed propping myself up on my arms. “What the fuck Will? I’m trying to sleep because if you haven’t noticed I have a fucking hang over!” I snapped.

He walked into my room and climbed onto my bed holding his hand out to me. “Look!”

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes wishing for my headache to go away. I looked at his hand and almost jumped out of my skin. “What the fuck!” The top of his pinkie finger was bent to the right clearly broken. “What the fuck did you do?!” I took his hand in mine and gingerly ran my fingers along his broken pinkie.

“I can’t remember really. I just know I woke up with a sharp pain in my hand and saw this.” He was panicking. “Fix it!”

“How the fuck do you want me to fix this shit? It’s broken!” I waved my hand over his.

“Put it back in place!” He shouted.

“I’m not a doctor!”

He started trembling. “Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Don’t take me to the hospital.”

I bit my lip. “We might not have a choice.”

“She’ll find out.” He began to sound hysterical.

“Yeah well what do you want me to do? It’s broken.”

He started shaking his head. “Just pop it back.”

“What if I break it even more?”

He waved his hand in front of my face. “At least it won’t be sticking out to the side!”

I grabbed his wrist bringing his hand back to rest in mine. “Will I don’t know about this.”

“Carmilla would you just fucking-” He screamed. “MOTHERFUCK!” I let go of his finger to see that it was back in place at least. He stared down at his finger. “Carmilla?”

I let go of his hand. “What?”

He looked at me. “I think I might pass out.”

“Wait what?!” His eyes rolled back and he fell back against my bed. “Fuck me,” I groaned.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“Hey Carm.” I walked over to her. She was sitting down with her team looking extremely tired.

“Hey buttercup.” She gave me a tired smile.

I plopped down next to her. “What’s wrong?”

She shrugged. “Just tired.”

I nodded. “Why didn’t you answer my texts yesterday?” I picked at the grass.

“Had to take Will to the hospital. He broke his finger Friday and passed out yesterday when I tried to pop it back in place.”

I grimaced. “You did what?”

She rubbed her eyes. “He asked me to, so I did. Didn’t expect him to pass out though.”

“Why didn’t you take him to the hospital in the first place?”

I could see her body tense up a bit. “He didn’t want to go.”

“Right.” I wiped my hands on my jeans not wanting to press her for any more information and shivered from the gust of cold wind that swept over the park.

She shrugged out of her sports jacket and held it out to me. “Take it.”

I shook my head. “No. You need to stay warm.”

She rolled her eyes. “This is my letterman jacket cupcake not my warm up jacket.” She reached into her bag and pulled out her warm up jacket for emphasis.

I stared at the jacket and gulped. “No thanks. Really I’ll be fine.”

She huffed and reached over to me draping her jacket over my shoulders. “Would you just wear it and stop being a pain in the ass.”

“Thanks.” I slid my arms through the sleeves feeling a lot warmer and being engulfed in her scent.

She smirked tilting her head to the side. “It looks good on you.”

Ok is she just pretending not to know what this actually means? “Thanks.”

Her smirk got wider. “At least no one will hit on you while you’re here.” She winked and stood up holding her hand out to me. She so knows what this means this brat. I took her hand and let her help me up. “I have to go warm up now because the girls race first, so stay warm alright?”

I nodded my head pulling on the bottom of the jacket. It still fit me big despite her not being much taller than me. “Good luck.” I chewed on my bottom lip for a second then leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be cheering for you.”

She smiled making my heart rate pick up. “I’ll look for you at the finish line cutie.” She kissed my cheek and walked over to join the other girls from her team to warm up for the meet.

I walked over to where the other spectators were hanging around. “Laura?” I turned to see Perry walking over to me.

“Perry?”

She came up to me and pulled me into a hug. “What are you doing here sweetie?”

“I’m here to watch Carm race. You?”

“I’m here with the Home Economics class making sure our team doesn’t fill their bodies with junk food before and after the race as well as making sure all the participants stay hydrated. The mountain trail is not easy to run on.”

“I thought they just ran around the park?” I said confused.

Perry shook her head. “They do, but since this is the high school division they added in the mountain trail to make the course more difficult as well as three miles long.”

“Right.” Clearly I need to get more familiar with what cross country is.

“Whoa Hollis didn’t know you and Carmilla finally became a thing.” I groaned turning to see the smug grin on LaFontaine’s face.

“We aren’t a thing.”

They pulled on the sleeve of Carmilla’s jacket. “Last time I checked it was tradition for the letterman jacket to only be worn by the person whose name is on the back unless that person let’s their significant other wear it.” LaFontaine’s smile got even bigger.

“We aren’t a thing,” I annunciated very slowly and forcefully.

They were full on smiling now. “Sure Hollis.”

“Leave Laura alone. If she says they aren’t together than they aren’t together,” Perry chastised them.

“Fine.” LaFontaine still stood there with a ridiculous smile plastered on their face.

“What are you doing here LaF?”

“Home Ec. needed volunteers to pass out water bottles to the racers, so I decided to help.”

“So you basically didn’t want to be apart from Perry for a whole day so you decided to volunteer,” I said smugly.

“That’s so not true!” They began to blush.

“Sure it’s not.”

“Laura no making fun of LaFontaine,” Perry scolded.

I kept smiling. “Sorry Perry.”

She put her hands on her waist. “I swear the both of you drive me crazy.”

I looked at LaF and shrugged smiling at them. “I’m sure LaF would find a way to make you sane again.”

“Yeah Perr it’d just be some minor probing and a couple of blood samples.”

“You two will do no such thing!” She snapped.

LaF and I laughed. “Ok Perry. I’ll keep LaF from experimenting on you if anything goes wrong.”

“When did you and Carmilla become a thing?” I froze then turned around slowly to see Danny standing behind me scowling at the jacket.

“We aren’t. She just let me wear it because I was cold.”

“Right.” She looked like she wanted to say more, but shook her head. “So you came to see Elvira race?”

I slipped my hands in my pockets. “Yes. Why did you come?”

“The Summer Society volunteered to help keep the runners on the designated path as well as keep the people at the finish line posted as to where the runners are in the race.”

I looked her up and down noticing she was wearing running shorts with a radio clipped to the waistband and a T-shirt with ‘Summer Society’ written across the front. “Oh. I didn’t know you volunteered for this stuff.”

“We go where we’re needed.” Her radio crackled to life. “Red 1 to Red 2, over.” She pulled her radio from her waist band. “I’ve got to go,” she excused herself.

“Cupcake?” I turned to look at Carmilla who was standing there looking sexy as hell in her cross country uniform.

I stopped gaping at her. “What’s wrong?”

“You wouldn’t have an extra rubber band would you? Mine just snapped while trying to put my hair up.” She ran her hand through her hair looking completely stressed out and nervous.

“No, but you can take mine.” I pulled my rubber band out of my hair.

“Thanks cutie.” She reached out for it.

I shook my head. “Sit down. I’ll put your hair up for you.” She nodded sitting down on the grass in front of me. Her fingers tapped against her legs as I bunched her hair up in my hands and then twisted it into a bun before twisting the rubber band around it to hold it tightly in place. I put my hands on her shoulders and started to massage them. She stopped tapping her fingers and her shoulders relaxed under my hands.

“Thanks Laura.”

I leaned down and kissed the side of her forehead. “You’re welcome. Now go have fun!”

She stood up and squeezed my hand. “I’ll try.” She took off back to where her team was waiting.

“Well she looks stressed out,” LaF commented.

“That’s because there’s finally someone here who could actually beat her.” Danny came up to stand beside me her radio back in its spot.

“What do you mean?”

“Carmilla doesn’t have much competition, so she always comes in first without any problems, but there’s this new girl that just moved here and she has some impressive times. They’re pretty close to Carmilla’s time and some of them are actually better, so it’s going to be a close call.” Danny put her hands on her waist. “I’m hoping Carmilla beats her.” I stared at her with utter shock. She shrugged. “I’m still competitive regardless if I have to cheer for Ms. Broody and Philosophical.”

I smiled. “Yeah. I hope she wins too.”

Danny nods. “Well I have to go. I need to help with keeping spectators behind the barriers until the runners leave the clearing which means the three of you have to get behind the barriers now because we’re going to be starting soon.”

I looked over to Carmilla and saw her lined up with her team. She still looked nervous and stressed out. She Looked around and spotted me. I smiled and waved. Her whole body seemed to ease up as she smiled back at me. Good. She needs to relax and just focus on running and not on this new girl.

“Come on Laura. We need to get a good spot if we’re going to see Carmilla smoke everyone,” LaF said grabbing my hand.

“Yeah sure thing.” I followed LaF behind the barrier and squeezed their hand. “She’s got this right?”

LaF squeezed my hand back. “She’s got this.”

I looked at Perry who was holding LaF’s other hand. “Don’t worry Laura. She knows what she’s doing.”

I nodded, but I was now feeling completely nervous for her. Danny moved over to stand by us and made a guy stand back more. Once she got the guy to move I could see Carmilla clearly. I smiled up at Danny. She rolled her eyes and stood in place to keep the guy from blocking my view. Someone used a megaphone to announce that the race was about to begin and told the racers to take their marks. Carmilla’s body tensed up again. The speaker started counting down and once they got to zero a blow horn sounded and the runners took off. Carmilla quickly got to the front of the pack and the new girl also found her way to the front. Carmilla tensed up more.

I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted, “GO CARM GO!”

A smile flashed onto her face for a second as her body eased up and she pulled ahead of the girl.

They ran past us and were soon gone up the mountain trail. “This is really going to be good. Don’t go too far though. Carmilla usually comes back in under thirteen minutes,” Danny said as she moved the barrier out of the way so people could move back onto the clearing.

She lifted the barrier and started dragging it towards where the finish line was going to be. “She’s that fast?” I asked while following her with LaF and Perry closely behind me.

“Oh yeah. That’s why she’s the best.” Danny put the barrier down as others did the same making a sort of funnel just behind the finish line.

“Why are you doing that with the barriers?”

“Did you read anything about cross country before coming here?”

I blushed. “No,” I admitted.

Danny put her hands on her waist. “Alright when the racers cross the finish line, they go through this funnel of barriers in order to make sure they stay in place and get the correct number of what place they came in that way no one tries to cheat and jump ahead of someone and grab their number.”

“Oh.”

“Volunteers are going to try to keep everyone in order, but this is just an extra precaution since this is an opening meet for all the schools in this county.”

I nodded my head. “Right.”

“Well I need to go check on our boys’ team to make sure they’re eating their oranges and drinking water,” Perry said excusing herself.

“LaF?” I asked.

They shook their head. “I’m good. I only came for Perry anyway, so I’ll wait with you.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” They pulled on Carmilla’s jacket again. “So you gave her a kiss before the race huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t even LaFontaine.”

They laughed and patted my shoulder. “Sorry sorry.”

I stood there and watched Danny and the other volunteers move barriers around to create a huge funnel leading racers to the finish line and keep spectators out of the way. Danny kept looking down at her watch as she kept hurrying people out of the way and keeping others from crossing in front of the finish line. I looked down at my own watch and saw that it had been about ten minutes now since the race started. Another three minutes and Carmilla should be turning the corner to get here. I chewed on my lip as LaF stared behind me to watch Perry mother the boys’ team into eating their oranges and drinking water. I could hear her actually scold a couple of them for not doing what they were supposed to. I looked down at my watch again. Almost time. Come on Carm.

Danny quickly made her way over to me. “She just turned the second to last corner, but that new girl is leveled with her right now so this is going to be a tight finish.”

“I can go by the finish line and take a picture in case it’s too close to call,” LaF offered.

“That’d be great,” Danny responded.

LaF nodded. “You ok by yourself?” They asked me.

“Yeah. You just make sure there’s a winner.”

“Right.” They saluted me and walked to the finish line.

“Red 12 to Red 2, over.”

Danny picked up her radio staying where she’s at. “This is Red 2, over.”

“Runners coming around last corner, over.”

I looked up to see Carmilla and the other girl rounding the corner. Their jog turned into a full blown sprint toward the finish line. “Shit Carmilla’s not gonna pass her,” Danny said frustrated.

I took a deep breath cupping my hands over my mouth again. “YOU CAN BEAT HER CARM!”

Danny jumped from how loud I screamed, but I ignored her as I saw Carmilla pivot and dip her body a bit lower before shooting past the girl with a burst of energy. I moved to make my way to the funnel as Carmilla ran past me to the finish line. She crossed the finish line and slowed down to a walk as she made her way along the funnel with her number in her hand. Perry handed her a water bottle and I met her at the end. She smiled and I couldn’t stop myself from launching at her to hug her tight even though I knew she was tired.

“You won!” I squealed hugging her tight.

She laughed and hugged me back. “Cupcake I’m all sweaty.”

“I don’t care. You won!”

She pressed her forehead against my shoulder. “Yeah thanks to you.”

I pulled back blushing. “I didn’t do anything.”

She smiled and pressed her forehead against mine. “You cheered for me and that helped me beat her.”

I smiled then kissed her sweaty forehead not caring that I could now taste salt in my mouth. “I’m glad you won.”

She tensed up for a moment then relaxed. “So am I.”

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

“Will?!” I called as I stepped into the house. Laura’s dad dropped me off after buying us some McDonald’s to celebrate my win. It was odd being able to celebrate a win. It was different and fun. I wanted to win even more now that I know it was ok to celebrate it especially if I get to celebrate it with Laura.

“Hey Carmilla, how did the race go?” He asked from the kitchen.

I walked into the kitchen to see him making a sandwich. “I won.”

“Tell me something new,” he said sarcastically.

“Laura watched my race.”

He turned giving me a cocky smile. “Well, well, well. Look who’s falling for the tiny gay.”

I frowned. “I am not falling for her.”

“Sure you’re not.” He rolled his eyes.

“Children?” We both froze at the sound of her voice. I held my breath and I could see Will doing the same. We heard her heels clack against the marble floor as she came into the kitchen. “Why did no one answer me?” Her voice was as ice cold and biting. She was pissed. “No one going to answer?” I could see Will’s throat move as he gulped. “Well would someone care to explain to me why William’s finger is broken?” Don’t move, don’t talk, and maybe she’ll go away. “No?” She moved away from the entrance of the kitchen and walked purposefully toward Will. She reached out and grabbed his hand. He did his best not to flinch away from her touch. “William dear what happened to your finger?”

He gulped again and his free hand bunched into a fist as he fought to not tremble under her touch and gaze. “It was an accident,” He answered slowly.

“What type of accident?” He stayed silent. He didn’t have an answer. He finally remembered that he was trying to push some guy against the wall to kiss him and clumsy as he is sometimes he ended up smashing his pinkie against the door frame on the entrance to the living room effectively breaking it. He can’t tell her that though because he hasn’t told her he’s bisexual yet. His fist clenched and unclenched as the silence began to become unbearable.

“I was chasing him around the house and he smashed it against the door frame leading to the living room,” I quickly said not looking up at her.

Will snapped his head toward me with wide eyes. “What have I told you about playing around in the house?” She demanded with a venomous tone.

“That it is not allowed.”

“So please tell me why you decided it was a good idea to chase William around the house?”

I gripped the island counter until my knuckles turned whiter than they already were. “I wanted the control to the television, but Will would not give it to me.”

“William. His name is William.” She put her purse down next to him and cupped his face in her hands. “My poor William. What did the doctor say?”

He eyes were still wide from shock at my lie. “It will be healed completely in two months,” he answered.

She dropped one of her hands from his face and dug around in her purse. “That is most unfortunate, but at least it was nothing more horrendous.” She kissed his forehead and he closed his eyes clenching his teeth. There was a click and his eyes shot open with fear.

“Mother?”

She stepped away from him revealing a pair of handcuffs. She had cuffed him to the mysterious metal bar that ran across the edge of the counter that we had been trying to figure out since the remodeling why it was there in the first place. I guess now we know. I let go of the island counter. Shit. She walked over to me slowly. I did it for him. I can’t let her hurt him. I will take whatever so long as she never hurt him. I stood frozen in place.

“Run!” He yelled.

The sound of his voice unfroze me. I turned around to make a run for it even though I was too late. She grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked me back so hard I lost my footing and fell to the ground. “Where do you think you are going young lady?” She got a firmer grip on my hair and started dragging me across the kitchen floor.

“Mother stop! She lied! She lied!” Will pleaded. “I got drunk and ran into a wall!” He screamed. I could hear the sound of the cuffs scraping against the metal bar as he struggled to get free. “She lied!”

Mother kept dragging me across the kitchen floor until she stopped in front of the door by the cupboard that led down to the basement. “My dear William. You do not have to lie for your sister. She is an ungrateful and worthless girl who has forgotten her manners and my rules.” She let go of my hair to pull open the door since it always got stuck. I tried to stand up and run for it, but she had the door open and her hand back in my hair. “You will remember your place and who you belong to.” She dragged me down the stairs.

A pain shot up from my tail bone as it slammed against every single stair on the way down. “I do not know why you continue to disobey me Carmilla.” She stopped again and pulled me to my feet by my hair. My head was beginning to pound from the amount of pain I was feeling. She turned me around and yanked my head back to look up at her face. “I gave birth to you. You should be thankful!” She spat. She let go of my hair and backhanded my face. “Look what you make me do?!” She slapped me again. “Do you think I enjoy doing this? Do you think I enjoy hurting that pretty face of yours?” She slapped me again this time getting a part of my mouth. I could taste the blood on my tongue. “Why is it so hard for you to behave?” She slapped me once more so hard I fell to the ground cupping my cheek.

She bent down and unlocked the trunk behind her. My eyes widened and I quickly tried to scramble to the staircase. Her hand wrapped around my ankle in a vice grip and pulled me toward her. I scrapped my nails against the concrete floor desperate to grab onto something. She pulled me toward her then grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. “You will learn.” She threw me head first into the trunk making my head slam against the inside of it then quickly pushed the rest of my body into the trunk and slammed it shut above me before I could bolt up. “Maybe now you will learn.” I could hear the click of the lock.

I started pounding my fists against the trunk screaming. It was too dark. It was too small. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I screamed even more hitting the top of the trunk harder. I need to get out. I need to get out. Someone let me out. Someone please. I screamed until my lungs could no longer take it and my voice went hoarse. My fists continued to slam against the trunk. I kept hitting the trunk until I started to hyperventilate. I splayed my palms out against the top of the trunk and took deep breaths. I need to get out. I can’t. I can’t. Let me out. Please someone. Please.

 

 

 

 

 

“Carmilla!” I could vaguely hear. “Carmilla!” I laid still. It’s a trick. I’m not going to ever get out of here. A pair of arms circled around me and I felt myself being lifted, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes. I needed to sleep. “Carmilla! Stay with me please!” Will. Can’t be. “I’m sorry. I tried to get the key to the handcuffs as quick as possible. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough. I’m sorry.” I was being rocked back and forth as water hit my face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t hear anything else since I blacked out again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com to ask questions, get updates, and pretty much almost anything you can think of.


	11. I'm Here for You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: cussing  
> The "******" mean same character pov just different day

_**Will** _

**-8:00 PM-**

I pressed my fingers against her wrist and sighed.

**-9:00 PM-**

I stared at her watching her chest rise and fall steadily.

**-10:00 PM-**

I held a mirror under her nose and saw it fog up.

**-11:00 PM-**

I squeezed her hand. Please wake up. If there is a God, please, please, please I’m begging you, let her wake up. Let her wake up.

**-1:12 AM-**

Her hand twitched. My head shot up and I quickly wiped my eyes while staring at her. Her eyes stayed closed. God, if you exist, I am praying. I am pleading. I am begging. Please let her wake up. I need her. I need her and I don’t know how I’d live without her. Please. Please save her. Save her. She deserves so much. Please. Please don’t take her from me.

**-2:00 AM-**

I checked her breathing and pulse again. I ran my hand through my hair. Come on Carmilla.

**-2:37 AM-**

She stirred. I held my breath and watched her. She winced then groaned. Her free hand moved up to rub her eyes.

“Will?”

Thank you, God. Thank you. “I’m here.” I choked back a sob.

“My head,” she whined.

I kissed her fingers and squeezed her hand. “Let me get you some Advil.” I stood up and her hand wrapped around my wrist holding me in place.

“Don’t go.”

I looked her in the eyes and saw how broken they looked. “Ok.” I sat down on the bed now and she kept her grip on my wrist.

“How long?”

“About six hours.” I looked down at my jeans trying to find them more interesting.

“Mother?” I shook my head. “When?” I picked at my jeans. “Will?” Her voice cracked.

I wiped at my eyes stopping the tears from leaving them. “She left an hour after she…she uh…she didn’t let me go. She threw the key out of my reach and then left,” I gulped trying to keep my sobs down. “I’m sorry.” A tear ran down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.” She let go of my hand and I buried my face in both my hands letting the tears fall again. I fell back against the bed and my sobs took over my body forcing it to shake and heave as I tried to breathe.

Her arm wrapped across my waist and she pressed against my side. “Will…you got me out…you got me. No one else.” I nodded. “You saved me,” her voice broke around the words.

I took a deep calming breath wiping away my tears and looked at her. “I’m sorry.” I hugged her. She buried her face in my chest and clung onto me as if this was a dream and I will disappear.

“You saved me.”

I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. Maybe those words will mean something the more she says it. For now I just feel so weak. I couldn’t get to her sooner. I couldn’t get free quick enough. I couldn’t stand up for myself. I let her take the blame. She always takes the blame. She always gets blamed. Her grip on me relaxed and her sobs began to ease up as her body stopped rattling against me.

Mother spent an hour going around the house checking to see if everything was in order. She didn’t acknowledge my pleas to be freed. She didn’t acknowledge Carmilla’s screams coming from the basement. She didn't acknowledge any of it. She had stood in the kitchen making sure her purse was in order then threw the key to the handcuffs to the other side of the marble island and told me to be a good boy. Told me that she hated punishing Carmilla, but that she deserved it. That it was Carmilla’s fault I was handcuffed. That it was Carmilla’s fault that she was locked up in the basement. That everything was Carmilla’s fault. She kissed my forehead, told me she loved me and to be a good boy, and then left back to Greece. Left like it was just an ordinary day.

“Don’t think about it,” she whispered. She had calmed down, but her voice still sounded hoarse and broken.

“I’ll try not to.”

She rolled away from me and slung her arm over her eyes. “Does she expect us to go to school tomorrow?”

I rolled onto my back and folded my hands on top of my stomach. “She wrote us an excuse and left it by the door.” I stared up at the ceiling. “What do we do about your face?”

She chuckled. It was a weak forced one. “I’m a girl Will. There’s this thing called make-up that we buy and wear.”

“Right.”

We laid there in silence for a long while. I thought she fell asleep until I felt her fingers glide against my right wrist. “You need to clean this.”

I looked down at my bloody wrist. I had struggled against the handcuffs to the point that it cut open my wrist. The kitchen floor was coated with blood. I looked at her and saw some of my blood on the sleeve of her shirt from where I had grabbed and cradled her against me as I carried her up the stairs to my room. “I got blood on your jacket.”

She followed my gaze and frowned. “I’ll find a way to get it off. Now go grab my first aid kit.”

I shook my head. “I can take care of my wounds. You need to shower.”

She moved to prop herself up and winced. “Fuck!”

I panicked. “What’s wrong?”

“Headache.” She rubbed her temples then waved me away. “Go clean your wound. I’ll yell if I need any help.”

“Alright.” I moved to cut to her room through the bathroom and stopped. “I love you,” I choked out.

It was silent for a moment. “Thank you.” I nodded. Those two words meant more than just what they were. They were an ‘I love you,’ ‘thank you,’ ‘you saved me,’ and ‘I wish she did.’

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

“Carm!” I slammed my locker shut and slung my backpack on making a dash for my next class. “Carm!” She ran pass me then stood her ground in front of me. “Carmilla!”

I clenched my jaw shut. “That’s my name cutie don’t wear it out,” I said in my best sarcastic voice that I could muster.

She frowned. “Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what cupcake? You’ll have to be more specific.”

She reached out to me and I stepped back. Her face fell. I clenched my jaw shut again. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing cutie other than I’m going to be late to class.” I said glancing up at the school clock in the hallway.

“You didn’t answer my texts yesterday or Sunday.” She sounded so small.

I twitched my finger. “I’m not your girlfriend so don’t expect me to answer every one of your ridiculous text messages,” I snapped.

She stepped back with wide eyes. “What’s gotten into you?”

This needs to end. She can’t be a part of my life. She can never be a part of my life. Everything is always my fault. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone who can behave and be a good girl. “None of your business cupcake. If you want someone to answer your attention seeking text messages then go date the red headed Amazon and leave me the fuck alone,” I spat. I gripped the shoulder strap of my backpack and waltzed right by her.

She was too shocked to move. I hurt her, but it’s for the best. Better to stop whatever this is now before it got to a point of no return. Better to stop this now before I ended up drowning. It was better. I could save her at least. I could protect her.

I reached up to scratch the itch on my wrist. I can protect her.

* * *

**_Will_ **

My phone vibrated. I paused my game and snatched it off my nightstand.

**Short Stuff [3:45 PM]: What’s going on with Carmilla?**

I glanced at Carmilla who was propped up against my head board reading.

**Me [3:46 PM]: What do you mean?**

**Short Stuff [3:47 PM]: She avoided me all day then snapped at me.**

I tried not to sigh. I ran my hand through my hair.

**Me [3:49 PM]: She’s just having an off day is all.**

**Short Stuff [3:50 PM]: Don’t lie to me.**

I rolled my eyes. She’s going to be one hell of a journalist someday.

**Me [3:52 PM]: I don’ know. You’ll have to ask her.**

**Short Stuff [3:55 PM]: Don’t. Lie. To. Me.**

My fingers hovered over the keys.

**Me [4:02 PM]: If she wanted to tell you she would.**

**Short Stuff [4: 05 PM]: Is she ok at least?**

**Me [4:09 PM]: She will be.**

I stared at my phone waiting for an instant reply. One didn’t come. I set my phone in my lap and unpaused my game. One long ass round of team death match later and my phone vibrated.          

**Short Stuff [4:46 PM]: I care about her. Just wanted you to know.**

I sighed heavily feeling my shoulders slump with an unbearable weight.

**Me [4:47 PM]: I know.**

**Short Stuff [4:49 PM]: I’ll let you go now.**

I tapped my fingers against the back of my phone.

**Me [4:57 PM] Don’t give up on her.**

**Short Stuff [5:00 PM] Wasn’t planning on it.**

I locked my phone and set it back on my nightstand. I went back to the game lobby to play another round of team death match before getting back to doing the career mode.

“Who was that?” Carmilla asked.

“Just Kirsch,” I lied.

“Did you tell him about your finger?”

“Yeah. He wasn’t too happy. Guess I won’t be playing basketball this year.”

“We’re barely in September. Your finger should heal by the time the actual season starts.”

I shook my head. “No. I changed my mind about playing.”

Her book snapped shut. “Will,” she said with a hint of anger.

“No.”

She let out a ragged breath. “Don’t give up what you want because of what happened.”

I exited from the match and stared at her. She was scratching her wrist and staring at the cover of her book. “It is my decision to make not yours,” I stated.

She nodded. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

She nodded again and opened her book back up.

I can keep myself out of harm’s way. I can do that at least. For her I can do it.

* * *

  ** _Carmilla_**

I walked as quickly as possible to the locker room. If I change as quickly as possible then I can avoid being cornered in the locker room by Laura especially since Laura’s history teacher always kept them five minutes after the bell rang. I opened the door to the locker room and made a dash for my locker

opening it up and changing in a flash. I threw my bag in my locker and made my way out of the back exit to the track.

“Carmilla!”

Are you fucking serious?! “You have got to be kidding me creampuff!”

She stepped in front of me stopping me from getting to the track. “What part of leave me the fuck alone did you not understand?”

“The part where I’m not going to no matter what you say to try to hurt me. You have avoided me all week.”

“Didn’t like the taste of your own medicine sweetheart?” I said bitterly.

“Stop that!”

“Stop what?” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“That!” she waved her hands in the air. “Stop it!”

I put my hands on my waist. “That? That’s all you got because that’s not a very good descriptor,” I mused.

“Carm…”

I rolled my eyes and made a move to get pass her. “You’re going to make me-

She launched at me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Stop.” She pressed her forehead to my shoulder. “Please.” She sounded defeated.

My heart shattered. “Cupcake,” I whispered.

“Let me talk,” she demanded. I nodded my head and let her continue to hug me. “I’m not going to leave you alone, so you can stop snapping at and avoiding me. Regardless of whether or not you want to acknowledge it, you are my friend, so I care about you. I know something is wrong and yes I want to know what it is, but I’m not going to push you to tell me. Just know I’m here for you whether you want to talk or not. I am here for you. Let me be here for you.” She pulled away and looked me straight in the eye. “You’re stuck with me Carmilla Karnstein, so get used to it.”

I laughed. Her face bunched up. I brought my laugh down to a chuckle then kissed her nose. “Give me time cupcake.”

Her face relaxed. “Alright.” She let go of me.

I squeezed her hand. “I need to go.”

She nodded. “Take it easy. I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

If only you knew how seeing you hurt hurts me. “I won’t.”

* * *

**_Will_ **

**Short Stuff [8:35 PM] I talked to Carmilla today.**

**Me [8:37 PM]: I’m glad. Is everything working out?**

**Short Stuff [8:41 PM]: Not sure. She just asked me to give her time.**

**Me [8:43 PM]: Better than nothing.**

**Short Stuff [8:44 PM]: I know.**

**Short Stuff [8:46 PM]: You ok?**

**Me [8:55 PM]: Why do you ask?**

**Short Stuff [8:57 PM]: Your finger is broken and I notice stuff**

**Me [9:04 PM]: I’m fine.**

**Short Stuff [9:04 PM]: Will…**

**Me [9:05 PM]: Laura…**

**Short Stuff [9:07 PM]: I care about you too, so you can talk to me.**

**Me [9:08 PM]: I know.**

**Short Stuff [9:11 PM]: You’re just like your sister**

**Me [9:12 PM]: How so?**

**Short Stuff [9:14 PM]: You keep everything inside.**

**Me [9:18 PM]: It’s a Karnstein trait.**

**Short Stuff [9:19 PM]: Sure it is.**

**Short Stuff [9:24 PM]: I’m here for you whenever.**

**Short Stuff [9:31 PM]: You can count on me.**

**Me [9:49 PM]: Give me time.**

**Short Stuff [9:51 PM]: Alright.**

* * *

**_Laura_ **

It was Friday and officially a week since I confronted her. She sat next to me making sure to put a couple of inches between us. It was better than her completely avoiding me, so I’ll count this as an improvement. I stared at her as she concentrated on trying to beat me at Trivia Crack. I hate to admit it, but between her and LaF I was getting my butt kicked pretty badly. It’s what I get for playing against someone who reads philosophy books all the time and someone who is practically a mad scientist. I leaned back against my hands and stared up at the clear blue sky. She’s getting better.

“Laura?”

I looked away from the sky to Will. “What’s wrong Will?”

He had his good hand in his pocket. “I was wondering if you could splint my finger for me so I can practice.”

“Yeah sure. Take a seat.” I patted the grass in front of me. He plopped down pulling out Popsicle sticks and white medical tape.

“The doctor said I could use Popsicle sticks,” he said embarrassed.

“Yeah. My dad always uses Popsicle sticks when someone breaks a finger.”

“What does your dad do for a living?” I saw Carmilla from the corner of my eye stop tapping on her phone waiting for my answer to Will’s question.

“He’s an ER doctor hence why he’s always so over protective.”

Will’s body tensed up. “Did he teach you some things?”

I nodded my head fighting back the urge to ask what made him uncomfortable. “Yeah. He taught me how to splint wounds, test for concussions, CPR, and some other basic survival skills.”

He nodded. I wrapped the Popsicle sticks tight against his finger in the white medical tape. “Would it bother you if I asked you to look at injuries I get to see if I need to go to the hospital before I actually go?”

I chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t mind. Just know I’m not a doctor even though my dad is, but I’ll do what I can if you really dislike hospitals so much.”

He smiled. “Thanks Laura. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime.” I patted his knee.

He nodded and got up to go back to his bass drum. He was doing his best to keep up with us even though his finger was broken. He wasn’t doing too bad, but his grip on his mallet wasn’t as strong as it needs to be in order to get through the whole routine. Maybe if he wore a wrist band on his other wrist he can slide the mallet through it and give him some extra grip support that way. I’ll have to bring that up to him sometime and get LaF in on it since they’d be better at getting it to work.

I leaned back onto my hands and tilted my head back up to look at the sky. I felt a weight on my lap and I looked down. Carmilla was lying on her back using my lap as her personal pillow as she continued to play on her phone. I sat up a bit getting comfortable then began to run my fingers slowly and gently through her hair. She didn’t shrink away from my touch or twitch like she has been doing this week. Yeah, she’s getting better.

***************

**Carm [9:47 PM]: Hey**

**Me [9:47 PM]: Hey**

**Me [9:57 PM]: You ok?**

**Carm [9:59 PM]: I’m good.**

**Carm [10:04 PM]: …I don’t want to talk about it**

**Me [10:05 PM]: That’s fine**

**Carm [10:07 PM]: Am I keeping you up?**

**Me [10:09 PM]: No. it’s Saturday and I’m watching Buffy**

**Carm [10:12 PM] Didn’t that show end already?**

**Me [10:13 PM] Yes, but I’m rewatching it**

**Carm [10:14 PM]: Speaking of which…**

**Carm [10:19 PM]: Want to hang out Tuesday?**

**Me [10:20 PM]: of course :)**

**Carm [10:24 PM]: Good. I’ll let you watch your show**

**Me [10:27 PM]: I’m glad you texted**

**Carm [10:47 PM]: …so am I**

*****************

“Hey Carm.” I opened the door ushering her in.

“You look tired buttercup.”

I closed the door. “I’m fine. Just a bit sore from band.”

She nodded her head. “Yeah Will said your big competition is coming up soon.”

I moved to lead her upstairs. I made a reflexive reach for her hand, but brought my hand back to my side. I don’t want her to flinch away from me. “Yeah. It’s in two more weeks.”

She slid her hand in mine and laced our fingers together. I had to stop myself from smiling. “Yeah. Thanks to your idea, Will isn’t worried about having to sit out from the competition.”

I smiled. “Well I had help from LaF.”

“I’ll have to thank them sometime.” My mouth dropped open and I stopped in front of the door. “What?”

“You say thank you…willingly,’ I said in disbelief.

She rolled her eyes. “I can be a decent human being sometimes cutie. Now are we going to watch movies or not?” she tugged on my hand pulling me into the entertainment room.

“Y-yeah.” She let go of my hand and sat down on the couch kicking her shoes off then burrowing under the blanket. “What did you want to watch?”

She pulled her knees up to her chest. “I don’t know.”

“So _Lilo & Stitch_ then.” I popped the movie into the DVD player.

She groaned. “Really cupcake?”

I plopped down on the couch and reached for the blanket. “Pick a movie next time,” I said defensively.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.” I shifted to rest my back against the arm of the couch and she moved to lie on top of me. I pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and started to rub her back in small circles.

We were twenty minutes into the movie when she spoke. “Cupcake?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

I hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “You’re welcome.”

She gave my arm a gentle squeeze and kiss before going back to watching the movie. She’s better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other stuff.


	12. A Day with You

_**Carmilla** _

“Well?” He rubbed at his eyes trying to work the sleep out of them.

“We won of course.” A content smile spread across his drowsy face.

I pulled him into a hug.“Good job. I was worried when you didn’t message me back.”

He pulled away and nodded his head. “Yeah. I was just so tired I instantly fell asleep. We ended up in a four way tie so I got an extra work out in since the drumlines had to settle it.”

I scrunched up my face. “Isn’t our school the best?”

“Yeah well some schools decided to step it up a notch this year, so we had a bit of a hard time. I’m just glad we have Laura on our side because she is a force to be reckoned with.” He blinked his eyes rapidly trying to fight back the sleepiness.

“Well let’s get you home and you can tell me about it when you wake up.” He nodded his head and started to make his way to my car.

“Hey Elvira!”

My jaw clenched as I turned. “What is it Ginger Giant?”

She rolled her eyes and shifted her weight. I looked away from her to notice she was giving a sleeping Laura a piggyback ride. “Look, you live near Laura and her dad got called into work because one of the other doctors got injured, so could you give her a ride home.”

I crossed my arms. I was fine with giving Laura a ride home, but I still want to give the Amazon a hard time. “And why can’t you take her home?”

She huffed and jostled Laura a bit to get a good hold on her so she wouldn’t fall. “I would, but my dad’s truck is only a two seater.”

“What about the ginger twins?”

She rolled her eyes at the nickname for the two. “Perry’s going on a trip straight from here because her mom finally has a weekend off and wants to go to their cottage for the weekend. LaFontaine is getting a ride from Kirsch along with JP.”

I nodded my head. “Fine. Follow me.” I turned my back on her without checking to see if she was following me. I pulled the back door open to my car.

“Wow. Nice car.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just put her in the back seat.” Danny knelt down and tipped Laura gently back onto the leather seat of my car. I shook my head and leaned against the car door. “How is she sleeping through this?”

Danny chuckled and adjusted Laura so she was more comfortable and buckled in. “She’ll wake up eventually. She just worked very hard to get us the win.” I closed the door gently, careful not to make too much noise. “I’ll go grab her bag.” Danny jogged back to the bus.

I opened the driver’s side door and looked over at Will in the passenger seat. “We taking Laura home?”

I reached over the console to grab his seat belt and buckled it for him. “Yes. Hopefully she wakes up long enough so I can get her inside her house.”

“Or she can just stay the night. Her dad won’t be back home tomorrow till five cause he’s practically pulling a double.”

I shook my head. “How do you even know that?”

He yawned. “She wasn’t happy.”

“Hey Morticia, mind opening the trunk?”

I groaned but popped the trunk open. “Where are her house keys?”

The Amazon reached into her pocket and pulled out a set of keys. “Here. It’s the Harry Potter themed one.”

I tried not to scowl at the fact that she was holding onto Laura’s house keys. “Fine. See you around Xena.” I snatched the keys from her tucking them into my pocket and climbed into my car.

“You better take care of her,” Danny threatened before I closed my door all the way.

“Like you would leave her with me if you thought I couldn’t,” I scoffed and shut my door.

 

 

 

 

 

I pulled up in front of Laura’s house and parked in her drive way. I looked in the rear view mirror to see her still sleeping soundly. I leaned my head back against my seat and stared at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at her house. It seemed darker and quieter for some reason. Maybe it was the fact I knew her dad wasn’t home. It just didn’t seem like a home. I leaned on my steering wheel. She should wake up to someone at least, even if that someone is me. I picked at my nail polish. My house may not be a home, but it’s better than waking up alone. I pulled out of her drive way and made my way to my house.

“Laura.” I shook her shoulder gently. “Laura.” I shook her shoulder just a bit harder and ran my fingers through her hair pushing it out of her face. “Laura, hey.”

“Mmmmm….Carm?” She blinked and rubbed at her eyes.

“Hey.” I kept my hand on her shoulder as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

“What?” She mumbled.

“I thought you might want to sleep over at my place.”

She rubbed her eyes and blinked a couple times taking in her surroundings. “Sleepover?”

I smiled. “Yes sweetheart.” She’s so cute.

She nodded her head. “Okay.” Her eyes drooped down.

“Laura you need to stay awake.” She nodded her head again. “You will be the death of me.”

“I can carry her in,” Will whispered from behind me.

I ran my fingers through my hair slowly. “If you’re not too tired.”

“I’m good.” I moved so he could lean in and grab her. I went to the trunk and grabbed her bag. “She’s heavier than I thought,” he groaned as he adjusted her on his back to get a better grip. I closed the door behind him and set the alarm on my car.

“Don’t ever let her hear you say that.”

“Well I can say you’re not as light as you seem either.” He grinned.

I shot him a glare. “You’re lucky you’re carrying her.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Like you would do anything to your lovable brother.”

“Brother yes, lovable no.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Love you too.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just get her up to my room. I’m going to send her dad a message once I find her phone.”

“It should be in her pocket.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “It’s where I saw her put it last before I passed out,” he said with a huff then took off up the stairs to my room.

“Since when do you pay so much attention to her?”

“Don’t be jealous,” he teased.

“I’m not jealous!” I snapped in a harsh whisper.

“Sure you’re not.” We stayed silent until we got to the second floor. He pushed open my door with his foot. “She’s my friend too you know,” he finally said.

I felt like I got stabbed in the chest. Friend. That’s all I am. “I know.”

He gently set her down in my bed. He smiled. “Well she’s starting to feel more like a sister actually.” He slipped her shoes and socks off and set them to the side. Then he grabbed my blanket and tucked her in. I leaned against my door frame. There was a suffocating clench around my heart as I watched him take care of her since I’ve always been the one being taken care of by him. “Alright I’m heading to bed.” He slipped passed me.

“Will?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” I said heavily. He squeezed my shoulder then walked away.

I walked over to my window nook and sat down. I slipped my boots off then moved to rest my head against the window. I looked up at the stars and tried to let the sound of Laura’s heavy breathing calm me down. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tight. Deep breaths. You’re alright. You just have to be good. Just be good and Will won’t have to take care of you anymore. Just be good. Just be good. Just be good. Just be good I repeated over and over again.

“Carm?”

I looked up doing my best to hold everything in. “What’s wrong cupcake?”

“Come to bed.”

I smiled weakly. “Of course you’d wake up enough to say that.”

She frowned as she propped herself up on her elbows. “Just because I went back to sleep the other times doesn’t mean I don’t remember what you said.” She sat up fully and reached into her pocket pulling out her phone. Crap, I forgot to message her dad for her. She sent out a quick message then put her phone on my nightstand. “Now get over here.”

I unwound and went to climb into bed. Laura lay back down as I got underneath the blanket. I turned over facing my back to her. I could still feel all my emotions trying to drown me. I will not cry. Her arms snaked around my waist as she pressed against me. “Laura…”

“Shh…I’ve got you.” She held onto me tightly and pressed her forehead against the back of my head.

She was giving me space and comfort. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve her kindness or her care. I don’t deserve her comfort. I don’t deserve it. I’m not a good girl. I’m not a good girl. Tears silently fell from my eyes. I tried wiping the tears from my eyes, but instead pressed my hands against my face as I broke down. I’m drowning.

“Carmilla?” I was full on sobbing as Will worriedly called for me.

“I’ve got her,” Laura replied sounding sure and strong. She hugged me closer against her.

“Alright.” The floor creaked as he walked away.

“I’ve got you,” she whispered reassuringly in my ear before giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. “I’ve got you.”

* * *

**_Perry_ **

_“Perr!”_

“Hi sweetie.” I smiled at the sound of their voice.

_“So how’s spending time with your mom?”_

I groaned as I shifted the ice pack so it was covering my ankle some more. “She thought going hiking would be a good idea until I lost my footing.”

_“What?!”_

“Sweetie calm down. My mom went to go grab the local doctor.”

_“Perr!” They said worriedly._

“I’ll be fine. I just won’t be able to walk properly for a while.”

_“I’m on my way,” they said determinedly._

“LaFontaine sweetie, calm down. I’m fine. Mom will be back with the doctor soon and I’ll be alright.”

_“But Perr,” they whined._

“I’m fine,” I said definitively.

They sighed. _“Okay. If you’re sure.”_

“I’m sure.”

I could picture them scratching at the back of their neck. _“Alright. Don’t put any pressure on it and ice it. Oh and take some Tylenol or something for the pain.”_

“I will sweetie. How are you doing?”

_“Good. My dad just put out the yearly ‘My child is a champion’ sign in our front yard.”_

I smiled. “Your dad is great.”

_“If you mean great as in embarrassing then yes he is.”_

I laughed. “Oh sweetie, he’s just proud of you.”

_“I know. I just wish it wasn’t just because we won at the band competition,” they said sadly._

“I know sweetie. He’ll get there, both your parents will. Just give it time.”

I could picture them nodding their head. _“He actually got my pronouns right when I woke up today,” they said happily._

“See sweetie? He’s getting there.”

_“One step at a time right?”_

“Right,” I reassured them.

_“Well I have to go Perr. I sort of promised Elsie I would hang out with her today.”_

“Oh? When did you two get so close?”

_“Don’t be jealous Perr,” they teased. “You’re still my number one.”_

A huge smile spread across my face. “I know sweetie.”

_“Good and to answer your question, this is the first time we actually hang out together. We’re going to watch The Lord of the Rings since she hasn’t seen it yet and I won’t stop texting her about it.”_

“You nerd,” I teased. “Have fun sweetie.”

_“I will. Take care of your foot.”_

“I will. I love you.”

 _“Love you too Perr.”_ I pressed the end call button twice to make sure it hung up before setting my phone down on the couch cushion next to me.

“Perry darling I brought the doctor!” My mom called from the front door. I heard their footsteps as they made their way into the living room. “Perry this is Dr. Lukowski.”

“Hello.” He reached his hand out and I shook it.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Same to you.” He knelt down in front of my foot and removed the ice pack. “It is very swollen.” He gingerly pressed his fingers against my ankle causing me to twitch my foot away and wince. “Very tender as well it seems.” He rotated my foot and did his best not to cause me extreme pain. “From what I can tell without doing an X-ray is that there is the possibility that she fractured her ankle.”

“Oh dear,” my mom gasped.

He nodded his head and opened his brown carry bag to pull out an ankle brace. “For now I would say to make sure to keep her off it until you get back home and her regular physician can order an X-ray.” He loosened the strings on the ankle brace then gently grabbed the heel of my foot and slid it on. He laced the strings tightening the brace around my ankle which felt both good and painful at the same time.

“Alright doctor. What should we do about the pain?”

He grabbed a couch pillow and tucked it under my heel to elevate my foot more. “Some Tylenol should do fine unless she’s allergic to it then Ibuprofen should work as well.”

My mom nodded her head. “Thank you for coming.” She stood and shook his hand.

“It’s no problem at all. Just stay off that foot young lady.”

“I will doctor,” I answered.

My mom walked the doctor out and after a while came back with a glass of water and a pill. “Not exactly Tylenol, but it will help with the pain.”

I took the pill from her and swallowed it with some water. “Thanks mom.”

She set the glass of water down on the side table and kissed the top of my head twice. “We’ll get you back home soon.”

She sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. After a while of us watching the Lifetime channel, I began to feel very sleepy. Despite my ankle, this day was the best since I hardly get to spend time with her.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

I walked down the stairs slowly after waking up to an empty bed. My eyes were still slightly puffy from crying last night. I can’t believe I cried in front of her. That’s just so embarrassing. I got closer to the bottom of the stair case and heard music coming from the kitchen. What the hell? I got to the ground floor and walked over to the kitchen. I peeked around the corner and tried not to smile too big.

“I could lift you up. I could show you what you wanna see and take you where you wanna be. You could be my luck even if the sky is falling down I know that we’ll be safe and sound!” They sang together as they danced in the kitchen. Will danced around Laura while mixing something in a bowl as Laura stood in front of the stove dancing. I leaned against the door frame and watched them. “I could show you love in a tidal wave of mystery you’ll still be standing next to me!” They belted out; Will using his mixing spoon as a microphone for him and Laura. I couldn’t help laughing. They stopped for a moment and looked over at me. Laura left her place at the stove and danced over to me. She grabbed my hands and pulled me into the kitchen.

“Cupcake I don’t dance.”

She twirled herself using my hand and sang. “Safe and sound!”

I shook my head. “You dork.”

She smiled brightly and kissed my cheek. “You know you want to dance with us.”

“No thanks cupcake.” I reluctantly let go of her hand and hoped up onto the island. They kept singing and dancing. I looked around to see a bag of chocolate chips opened on the counter and grabbed a handful. They were making chocolate chip pancakes. “Don’t you ever get tired of eating sugar sundance?”

She turned and scowled at me. I quirked my eyebrow at her. “One can never have enough sugar,” she replied.

“They can if that’s all they eat.”

“Whatever!” she threw her hands up. “Don’t eat the pancakes we made then.”

“Oh please sunshine, I’d never pass up a free breakfast.” She turned and I saw the goofy grin she had on. “What?”

“Sunshine?”

I rolled my eyes and tried to look disaffected. “Just make the pancakes creampuff.”

Will started laughing and I swatted his shoulder. He shrugged and handed Laura the bowl of batter. I leaned back on my elbows and watched them as the music continued to play. Laura turned to me and squeezed my thigh before going back to cooking. “So we burst into colors, colors and carousels, fall head first like paper planes in playground games,” she sang.

“Next thing we’re touching. You look at me it’s like you hit me with lightning,” I sang in my head.

* * *

**_Danny_ **

“Danny!”

I rolled out from under the car to answer my dad. “What’s up?”

“A friend of your’s here to see you.”

I sat up grabbing my rag and wiped my hands. “What friend?”

“Says her name is Betty.”

I frowned and stood up. “What does she want?”

“Don’t know; don’t care…unless she’s leavin’ her car.”

I nodded. “I’ll let you know if she does.”

“Right.” He walked passed me to take up my previous spot under the car I was working on.

I kept wiping my hands with my rag as I walked out of the shop to where Betty was leaning against her black Mercedes Benz. It was a sleek black with matching rims and from what I could tell from the last time I saw her car, it had a nice stereo system. I was itching to get my hands in her car.

“You know this look makes you look very sexy,” she mused while looking me up and down.

I had an old green Summer Society tank top on with the grey mechanics jump suit sleeves tied securely around my waist since the shop had no air conditioning and I always felt like I was boiling to death and oil coating sections of my arms and from what I could feel, my left cheek and a bit of my forehead. “What did you need Betty? Is your steering wheel giving you trouble again?”

“No. I just wanted to see how you were doing after your big win yesterday, which by the way I had to hear from Elsie because LaFontaine told her.”

I shrugged. “Not like I have to tell you everything, but as you can see I’m working.”

She took in my appearance very slowly and bit her lip. “Yes I can definitely see that.” She pushed off her car and moved closer to me. “I want to take you out to dinner to celebrate your win.”

I took a step back because god she smelled good. What perfume is she wearing? Not the point. Focus Lawrence! “I don’t really have the time.”

“Danny!”

I whipped my head back to see my dad standing with his hands on his waist at the entrance to our shop. “Yeah dad?”

“Go home. You’re done for the day.”

“But I still have to change the carburetor on the Nissan.”

He waved me off. “I got it. Go home.” He turned his back on me and shut the door to the shop.

“Looks like you have time now,” she said smugly. She got closer to me and I was surrounded by her intoxicating scent. She tugged on the bottom of my shirt.

“What time?”

She folded her hands behind her back and made a backwards retreat to her car. “Just check your shirt.” She grinned mischievously.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and looked down at my shirt. “What the hell Betty!”

She laughed as she climbed into her car. “See you tonight!”

“You have got to be kidding me!” I threw my head back and groaned before walking back to the shop to get my dad’s car keys. If our date at seven o’clock doesn’t kill me, her pension for writing on me in sharpie will. Date? Whoa wait a minute. This was so not a date. It’s just the two of us hanging out, nothing more nothing less. I sighed. I’m doomed.

* * *

_**Carmilla** _

“The two of you are children,” I said as I scowled at the building.

“Come on Carm!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the building. “You’ll have fun,” she said excitedly.

“Bowling is not fun,” I grumbled.

She rolled her eyes. “Stop being a grumpy cat.”

“Yeah Carm,” Will said teasingly. I gave him a death glare.

“Will no teasing your sister,” Laura chastised.

“Sorry Laura,” he mumbled.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “I saw that!” She warned.

“Sorry,” I grumbled.

“Now who’s acting like a child,” she said with a giggle.

I shook my head trying to hold back a grin. “Let’s just get our shoes and get this over with.”

We went up to the desk at the same time two gingers and two blondes walked up to it. “Laura!” The science ginger exclaimed.

“LaF!” She let go of my hand leaving it to feel cold.

“What are you doing here?” They hugged Laura tight.

“I just thought we needed a day of fun.”

“We?” science ginger finally looked to see Will and I standing awkwardly behind Laura. “Wow how did you get the two broody vampires to come out their lair?”

Laura gave the annoying ginger a playful shove. “LaF don’t be mean.”

“Sorry,” they directed at us.

We both shrugged at the same time not saying anything. “Yeah you two are related alright,” the Amazon scoffed.

“Danny!” Laura snapped.

“Sorry.” Danny ran her hand through her hair.

“Well since we’re all here why don’t we get a lane and have ourselves a little competition,” Betty suggested gaining all of our attention.

“That sounds like a great idea!” Laura squealed excitedly.

“This should be good,” Danny remarked giving me a smug look.

“Don’t think for one second you’re going to beat me Xena,” I stated.

“Have you ever even bowled before?”

I shrugged. “Shouldn’t be too hard if you can do it.”

“Right. We’ll see.” She smiled smugly.

“Ooook…let’s get our shoes and a lane,” Laura said in order to diffuse the situation.

“Yeah! Let’s do this!” The annoying gingersnap said.

“Whatever. At least this is better than watching _Lord of the Rings_ ,” Elsie finally spoke while staring at her nails.

We got our shoes and headed over to our assigned lanes after having chosen teams with Elsie electing to not join in on the competition. I finished tying my bowling shoes up tight as Laura took a seat next to me after grabbing her bowling ball and setting it down in the rack. “Have you ever bowled before?” She asked.

“No.” I looked at her and saw her eyes widen. “I never had time to.”

“Why not?”

I tucked my boots under the chair. “I always had lessons to go to.”

She nodded her head not pressing for more information. I liked that about her. She never tried to pry too deeply into my answers and just accepted them. It’s like she knows there’s something there that I don’t really want to talk about yet. “Well after getting bowling shows, you get a bowling ball that you think you’d be able to lift and roll down the lane towards the white pins. The more pins you knock down the better score you will get. You get two chances to knock down all the pins unless you get a strike which means you knocked down all the pins in one go.”

I nodded my head. “Simple enough.” I got up and went to the racks full of bowling balls and started to pick different ones up until finding one that wasn’t too heavy, but also not too light. I set my ball down with the other’s bowling balls while the gingersnap inputted our names into the system. It was Laura, Will, and I versus the two gingers and Betty.

“Alright let’s do this!” Ginger nerd clapped their hands.

Laura went first and knocked down all her pins getting a…strike?…right strike. Ginger tech. went next and knocked down seven of the pins in total from their two tries. Will went next. He has been bowling before. Mother let him go whenever one of his friends decided they wanted to have their birthday party at a bowling alley. He lined his ball up with the middle pin and launched his ball down the lane. The ball hit dead center and knocked down all the pins. He threw his hands in the air in celebration before taking his seat. Betty went next and managed to knock down all but one pin in both her tries. I stood up and grabbed my ball. I walked up to stand in front of the lane and did my best to toss the ball down the lane. It ended up rolling down the gutter; at least I think that’s what the dips at the sides are called.

I could hear the Jolly Ginger Giant laughing her head off behind me. I scowled and grumbled as I waited for my ball to come back. I grabbed my ball and walked back to stand in front of the lane. I almost jumped as I felt a pair of hands on my waist. “Mind if I help you?” She whispered softly into my ear.

“I got this cupcake.”

“Let me help anyway,” she responded.

I shrugged. “Alright.”

She pressed her arm against mine and pressed her fingertips against the bowling ball and kept her other hand on my waist. “You’re going to use your arm and shoulder a lot and you want to make sure you’re lining up with the center marker which are the black arrows painted on the floor.” I nodded my head. “Then when you toss the ball you want to make sure to plant one of your feet firmly in front of you so you don’t slip forward when you release the ball.” I nodded again. It wasn’t throwing the ball I was going to have difficulty with. It was not melting from her breath tickling my ear as she whispered and her hand on my waist as well as her arm pressed against mine. “Ready?” I nodded. She let me go.

I swung my arm back as I stepped forward and then swung it forward making sure to plant my foot and aim for the center of the lane. I released the ball and watched it go straight down the lane until it hit the center pin knocking down three of them. Three was better than none. I’ll take it. I still have a whole game to get through to beat the Amazon.

I turned to see Laura smiling happily. “Thanks cupcake.” I kissed her cheek. She looked stunned and frozen in place. I smiled as she began to blush. I went back to sit down in my seat as she stood still waiting for Clifford to finish her turn.

Will leaned over to whisper in my ear, “You’re going to give her a heart attack.”

I bent my head down to hide my smile. “Not if the sugar gets her first.”

He chuckled. “That’s also a possibility.”

I looked up in time to see her do a little victory dance for her second strike in a row. She stopped dancing and gave me a wide smile before coming over to sit next to me. She grabbed my arm and pulled it over her shoulder as she propped her back up against my side. She laced our fingers together. I caressed the back of her thumb with mine. She is the stars at night that I am captivated by.

 

 

 

 

 

I stood outside staring at the door. I dropped Laura off at home after bowling and Will went to his room. I came outside to stare at the stars, but instead I’m standing in front of this building staring at the damn door. Will said he had remodeled the inside getting rid of the wooden floors that made up the practice dance floor. He got rid of the mirrors and the banisters and repainted the place. I refused to go inside despite all of that and yet here I am standing outside this damn studio. Even though Will got rid of the dance floor, he still practiced in there. That’s probably why I don’t want to go in. It’s still the same size. It’s still ‘that’ building.

I chewed on my bottom lip. Fuck it. It’s just a damn building. Will renovated it because of me. I walked up to the door and stopped with my hand on the door knob. I took a calming breath then turned the door knob slowly pushing the door open. I quickly stepped inside before I changed my mind. I flicked the light switch watching the room light up. The wood was replaced with black carpet. The mirrors were removed and the walls painted red on two sides and dark blue on the other two. The only things still present in the room were the instruments and the microphones to do some recordings. What was new was the piano that sat in the middle of the room. This is where Will moved it. I was wondering where my piano went when the piano room was changed into a mini movie theatre. He must have hoped that I would come back here and if I did that my piano would comfort me.

I walked over to my piano and sat down on the bench. I ran my fingers slowly over the keys taking in the feel of each key one at a time. I closed my eyes and let my fingers get familiar with their old friend. I pressed down on some of the keys listening to the sound to make sure it was still in tune. Will did a good job. I closed my eyes and let my fingers roam over the keys at random. It was a while before my fingers began to play a steady tune. I kept playing a couple of scales into the song and then brought the song back to the beginning. I kept my eyes closed and let myself get lost. I opened my mouth and began to sing softly diving deeper into the song.

“Oh simple thing where have you gone? I’m getting old and I need something to rely on, so tell me when you’re gonna let me in. I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.” I raised my voice, “And if you have a minute why don’t we go talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything, so why don’t we go somewhere only we know?”

I poured everything into this moment until the very end. I breathed heavily and pulled my fingers away from the keys. I ran my hand through my hair looking around the room as the calming atmosphere I had created dissipated then got up from the bench. I shut the lights off and closed the door. I leaned against the door letting the cool night air wash over me. Yeah, too soon. I looked up at the stars to help me calm down, but instead I saw Laura. Just the thought of her calmed me down.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com in order to get updates, music, ask questions, and whatever else. You can also track the #mtme hsau tag.


	13. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: some cussing  
> The "*****" mean same character pov just a different day

**_Carmilla_ **

She lay down next to me and browsed through Netflix. She asked to come over today, well she’s asked to come over the last three days since this month started. It was strange. She went from being super happy about her win at the band competition and about volleyball season starting soon, but as soon as October started, her mood completely changed. She seems so distant even though she’s lying right next to me. She’s also very quiet. Usually she won’t stop talking while watching a movie unless she happened to fall asleep.

She won’t tell me what’s wrong either. I don’t want to ask because I don’t want her to feel stuck or like she has to tell me. I also don’t want to ask her because it seems like she doesn’t want to be alone and I don’t want to push her away. It’s just an uncomfortable silence. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that’s settled in around us. I ran my hand through my hair. It’s frustrating. I want to be here for her, but I don’t know how if she doesn’t tell me what’s wrong. It’s keeping me awake at night. Why won’t she tell me?

“Buttercup?”

“Hmm…?”

“Hercules?”

She turned to face me and scowled. “What’s wrong with Hercules?”

I rolled my eyes. “The singing of course.”

“Says the person who can sing,” she teased.

“I’m not the only one in the room who can,” I shot back.

Her face fell a bit. “Well we’re still watching it.”

“I’m not watching it.” I picked my book back up.

She sat up and plucked the book out of my hands before settling back down and cuddling into me. She laid her head on my chest and hugged me around the waist. I rubbed circles into her back. She’ll tell me what’s wrong when she’s ready, for now I’ll be here for her like this even if I do end up losing sleep at night worrying.

****************

“Alright cupcake, not that I haven’t enjoyed having you come over every day for the past three weeks, but I need to get my rest since I have to wake up early to go to nationals tomorrow.” I gripped the strap of my sports bag and bit down on my lip as I saw the frown on her face. She’s still been very distant these past few weeks and still hasn’t told me what’s been bothering her.

“I can’t stay for even a little bit?” She said giving me the biggest puppy dog eyes possible.

Be strong Carmilla! “Sorry cupcake, but really I need to let my body rest.”

“We can just watch movies then. No movement required for that!” A big grin spread across her face.

Fuck me. She is so not playing fair right now. I have to say no. even though technically watching movies is relaxing, but having her near me when she won’t talk to me stresses me out. I need a stress free day. I need to actually get some sleep. I shook my head. “Honestly I’m just going to be heading to bed early.”

She pouted giving me a full blown kicked puppy look. “Alright.” She looked down at the ground and shuffled her feet.

Stay strong. Stay strong. Stay strong. I lifted the strap of my sports bag over my head and set it on the ground before going through it real quick. I pulled my letterman jacket out. Thankfully I washed it this morning. I stood up and moved closer to her wrapping the jacket around her shoulders. “Mind holding onto this for me?” I stepped back enough to get a clear view of her face while keeping my hands on her shoulders.

A small smile replaced her pout. “Of course.”

I bit my bottom lip then stepped closer wrapping my arms around her. “I don’t know what’s wrong, and I hope whatever it is isn’t because of me and what happened that night after you got back from your band competition,” I whispered in her ear. Maybe it’s that. If it’s that I can fix it. I can help her.

Her arms snaked up my back and gripped my shirt tightly as she buried her face deeper into my chest. “Sorry Carm. I don’t mean to worry you.” She pulled back and brought her arms out from around me to cup my face in her hands. She stared intensely into my eyes. “It’s not you, so don’t worry too much ok?” She stood on her tip toes and kissed my forehead. “Focus on your race tomorrow alright. I’ll be rooting for you even though I’ll be stuck in school.” Her smile didn’t light up her face.

I moved my hand to the back of her neck and pulled her closer kissing her forehead. “I appreciate that. Just know you can talk to me alright.” I slid my fingers under her chin and lifted her head to capture her eyes in my caring gaze. “I’m here for you.”

She bit her lip and looked away giving me a quick nod. “I know.” I tucked a strand of her hair back behind her ear. She turned to me and for an instant I saw pain in her eyes before she stepped back and looked down at the ground again. “I’ll see you when you get back?”

I ran my hand through my hair. Why do I hurt so bad right now? “Of course. I’ll text you when I get back in tomorrow.”

She nodded her head and started to walk away. “Bye Carm. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, see you later.”

She turned her back to me and picked up her pace. I felt very cold in that moment. Why won’t she tell me? Does she not trust me enough to tell me what’s going on? A weight settled against my chest. Maybe she doesn’t trust me. Think. What could possibly make her act this way?

* * *

**_Laura_ **

I opened the door to my house and walked inside. It was silent. I hate silence. I hate this suffocating feeling that has settled into the house since October started. I hate this month. I hate everything. I especially hate myself. Why didn’t I tell her? She practically begged me with her eyes for me to tell her. I leaned against the front door then slid down to the ground slowly. She thinks it’s because of her. I pulled my knees to my chest and folded my arms on top of them. How do I fix this? I buried my face in my arms. How do I fix this? Please…someone…anyone…mom…help me.

Mom. I miss you. It’s not fair. I miss you. I need you. I really need you. I shattered and began to sob right there in front of the door.

There was a knock on the door.

I struggled to breathe and wiped my eyes getting rid of any tears still on my face and in my eyes. I stood up grabbing the door knob and pressed my forehead against the door. Breathe Laura. Deep breath in, hold it, let it out slowly. I did that a couple more times as the person on the other side knocked on the door again. I lifted my head from the door and readied myself. I opened the door a crack to see Carmilla standing there still in her practice clothes from cross country. I pulled the door open all the way.

“Carm? But you-

She stepped inside pulling me into a tight hug. “I figured it out. I’m sorry Laura. I should have figured it out sooner. I’m sorry.”

I let go of the door knob and buried my face in her chest. “Don’t. I should have told you. I don’t know why I didn’t, but I still should have told you.” I started crying again and held onto her gripping the back of her shirt as if she would disappear as well if I let go.

She pulled me in tighter against her. She rubbed her hand up and down my back. I felt my knees go weak and she immediately adjusted to hold me upright pulling more of my body weight against her. She stepped back a bit and I clenched her shirt tighter. She rubbed my back soothingly then shifted to my side and knelt down sweeping my legs out from under me. She lifted me up and cradled me against her chest. She kicked the front door closed then started caring me up the stairs. I wrapped my arms around her neck and kept my face hidden from her.

Once we got to my room, she gently laid me down on my bed. I rolled over to the center of the bed and faced the wall. She climbed in behind me and wrapped her arms securely around my waist. After a moment I turned over to face her. She moved her arms sliding one under my head and the other around my shoulder. She pulled me in tight tucking my face against the crook of her neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and let myself cry some more. She rubbed circles against my back. She kissed my cheek then my shoulder softly, caringly. She kept rubbing circles against my back and just held me as I fell apart against her.

“My dad is never home until this month passes by.” I hiccupped. “Her birthday is tomorrow.” I tried to smile. “Since it’s the day before Halloween, we would spend all day just baking a Halloween themed cake and then celebrate her birthday on Halloween because she always said she wished her birthday was on Halloween instead of the day before.” I clung onto her shirt. “We used to spend all month decorating the house and getting costumes.” I shook my head and tried not to start crying again. “I can’t stand being here.” I let myself go. “I can’t. All I hear is her laugh and the Halloween music. I can hear her asking me what I want to be for Halloween this year. I can see her dancing around the house telling me to join her. I can see her smile and it hurts. It hurts because she’s not here anymore.” She kissed my forehead and ran her fingers through my hair. “I miss her Carm.”

She didn’t say anything. She just held me and let me cry until I couldn’t anymore. I hiccupped and tried to get air into my aching lungs. I wiped at my eyes and pulled away from her so I could see her face. Her face was heavy with concern and sadness. She moved her arm from my waist and brought her fingers to my face to caress it. I closed my eyes at the calming touch.

“You can stay the night if you want. I have to get up super early, but you can walk with Will to and from school.”

I opened my eyes to meet her intense gaze. “You said you need your rest, so I’ll be fine.”

She ran her thumb slowly against my cheek. “You’re more important.” She put her hand back on my waist.

I stared into her eyes, like really stared into them, and saw so many emotions in them that I couldn’t even begin to name all of them. It seems as if she has a whole lifetime of emotions stored in those dark brown eyes that seemed to grow darker as more emotions filled them. I chewed on my lip. “Ok.”

She blinked casting away everything her eyes held in them except for concern. “Let’s get your bag packed then.”

I nodded and we both slipped out of my bed. She helped me pack some clothes and she grabbed my hand lacing our fingers together as we walked out of my house and over to hers. Her thumb ran across the back of my hand as we walked. She’s too good for this world.

* * *

**_Will_ **

_“Hey spaz.”_

“Since you’re calling does that mean you’re on your way back?” I stood outside leaning against the cafeteria wall.

 _“Not yet. We’re going to be packing onto the bus soon, so I’m going to be back before Laura finishes her volleyball practice.”_ She paused. _“How is she?”_

I peeked into the cafeteria window to see Laura picking at her food and pretending to laugh at something someone said. “She’s getting through today.” I slid my free hand into my pocket. “Everyone is trying to be normal around her and get her to go to some Halloween party or another.”

_“Is she planning to go to one?”_

“No. She asked if she could come over after volleyball practice to wait for you.” I looked down at the floor and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “What’s going on with her? She hasn’t been acting the same since this month started.”

She was silent. It was a long moment before she answered, _“Her mom’s birthday was yesterday, but her and her mom used to celebrate it today.”_

I nodded my head. “That explains why everyone is walking on egg shells around her and pretending to be normal.”

 _“Yeah. This brings me to the reason for this lovely chat,” she said sarcastically._ I rolled my eyes. _“I need you to go to her volleyball practice and text me when you’re both on the way back to our house.”_

“Why?”

She went silent again. _“I want to surprise her.”_

“With what?”

_“You’ll see when you both get back home tonight. Now stop asking questions Curious George.”_

I smiled. She used the word home for once. Then again, Laura has made our house feel more like a home since she started to hang around a lot. “Fine whatever. Have your secret plan. I’ll let you know when we’re on our way back.”

_“Thanks. I’ll see you tonight.”_

“Yeah see ya.”

She hung up and I tucked my phone into my front pocket. I peeked into the cafeteria. Laura was still picking at her food while everyone else looked like dolls since they were trying to keep up their forced smiles for her sake. It was painful to watch, but it must be even more painful to be on the receiving end of it. It must suck to lose a parent who loved you and to have the other one not be around. I wonder if she visits her mom.

I walked back into the cafeteria and sat down next to Laura. Her gaze lifted from her plate to stare at me. Her plate was nothing but food smooshed into the corners. “You do know you’re going to be short forever if you don’t eat three times a day right?” I teased bumping her shoulder. I looked around the table to see all her friends have deer in headlights looks.

She laughed, like honestly, fully laughed. She had her usual happy smile on. “I’m not that short.”

I quirked my eyebrow at her. “You sure about that shortie?”

She swatted my arm playfully and scowled. “I am not that short.”

I shrugged. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” She huffed and started shoveling her lunch into her mouth. “By the way, I hope you don’t mind if I stick around for your volleyball practice. I don’t feel like going straight home after school.”

She shrugged. “Fine with me.”

“Great.”

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“Have you gotten a text from Carm yet today?” I asked as we got closer to his house.

“Not yet. She’ll probably be home later though.” He slipped his hands into his pockets.

I looked at him suspiciously. Something was off. I bet Carm told him. I mean why wouldn’t she? They’re siblings and plus Will was starting to feel like a little brother despite the fact he’s taller than me. I should have told him though myself. He deserves to hear it from me just as much as Carm does. “Will?”

He looked up from the ground. “What’s up?”

“Did Carm tell you about why I’ve been…uh…off recently?”

He looked back down at the ground and nodded his head. “Yeah she did.”

I touched his shoulder to stop him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. To be honest I didn’t tell Carm. She just happened to figure it out herself.” He nodded his head again. “I’m going to try to be more open and honest with the both of you, just this month is hard.”

He looked up at me. “You don’t have to explain. I sort of get it even though I don’t fully understand since I’ve never been in your position; just know Carmilla and I are here for you. You don’t have to hold anything back from us.” He opened his arms up. “Now come here.”

I smiled and stepped into his arms giving him a tight hug. “Thanks Will.”

“Anytime.” He pulled back. “Now let’s get to my house so I can kick your butt at Super Smash Bros.”

“You wish you could kick my butt.”

“Believe me it will happen.” He started to walk backwards towards his house. “Especially if I start the game, pick your character, and then start beating them up before you get there.” He turned and started running to his house.

“Hey! You cheater!” I took off after him trying to catch up.

I caught up just as he was inserting his house key into the door. He pushed the door open. “Fuck!” I frowned. Was that Carm? “Shit! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking hell!” Yup that’s Carm.

“Carm?” I called pushing pass Will who seemed to linger by the door with a big goofy grin on his face. I made my way to the kitchen and peeked around the corner. My eyes opened wide. “Carm?”

She turned to face me removing her pointer finger from her mouth. “Hey cupcake.”

I walked slowly into the kitchen. On the island was a medium sized cake iced in orange and black. As I got closer I saw that the top of the cake had Jack, Zero, and Sally from _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ drawn on it with icing. It was messy, but I could tell it was them. It was the purple lettering that caught the most of my attention. I could feel the tears welling up. I pressed my hand to my mouth to keep myself from sobbing. The cake read, ‘Happy Bday Laura’s Mom!’ I looked at Carmilla and saw her watching me carefully.

“I know it’s not the same and I know this is probably not what you expected for today, but I wanted to try to help you feel better and I thought that maybe this would help a bit and I don’t know really. It seemed like a good idea and I mean you won’t be celebrating it alone because Will and I are here for you and we’re willing to celebrate her birthday with you if you let us and I don’t know maybe I overstepped-

I launched at her wrapping my arms tightly around her to cut her off from her ramble. “I love it. Thank you.” I pulled back from her and kissed her cheek then turned to Will. He was leaning on his elbows against the island and stood up straight opening his arms wide for me. I hugged him tight and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.” He nodded his head. I stood between the both of them and smiled despite the tears streaming from my face. For once it wasn’t because I was sad. “Thank you both.”

Carmilla wrapped her arm around my waist and hugged me against her side. “I also made cupcakes, but those still need to cool down.”

I laughed. “Is that why you were cussing when we walked in?”

She frowned. “I don’t bake.”

I poked her side. “I think you just did.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t expect it to ever happen again cupcake.”

I smiled and kissed her cheek again. “Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

She smiled and looked down at the ground. “I’m just glad you’re a bit happy now.”

I nuzzled my face into her neck. “I’m more than just a bit happy.”

She hugged me tighter. “I’m glad.”

I pulled away from her. “Now let’s sing happy birthday and cut the cake.”

She nodded and pulled a knife from one of the drawers by the stove. “When you’re ready,” she prompted while handing me the knife.

“On three then.” I looked at the cake then at them both and smiled. “One, two, three!”

We sang happy birthday to my mom very loudly. Maybe she can hear us from where she’s at. I hope she can. I hope she sees us. I hope she sees these two amazing people who care about me. Who care enough to do this for me. I looked at Carmilla as she tilted her head back to sing up at the ceiling. I hope you can see her mom. I know you would have loved her if you were here. I miss you, but I think I’m going to be better now. I grabbed Carmilla’s hand as she finished singing the last word. She looked at me with a loving smile. I know I’ll be better now. I love you mom. Happy birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates, music, and more. You can also follow the #mtme hsau tag.


	14. I'm Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: child abuse  
> The "*****" mean same character pov just different day.

**_Laura_ **

I stared down at her sleeping face and had to fight the urge to brush her bangs out of her face. Even while she slept her bangs moved to cover her right eye. Her chest raised up and down with her steady breathes as she laid on her back with her head turned to me. The blankets were bunched up at her waist and her hand had clung onto the bottom of the shirt she let me borrow to sleep in tonight. Her face looked relaxed and exhausted. I reached my hand out and softly brushed her bangs away from her face. The smoothness of her skin lingered on my fingertips. She’s beautiful. Not that I haven’t noticed it at all, it’s just after tonight everything just seems to shine brighter.

“Cupcake,” she mumbled, “You’re staring.”

The blush creeped up onto my face as I looked away to lay back down next to her. “Was not.”

I could feel her sleepy eyes on me. “Yeah you were. Now go to sleep. It’s probably not even morning yet.”

I turned onto my side to face her after feeling her release my shirt. “Sorry. I know your tired since you had nationals yesterday and probably had to exhaust yourself in order to win and then you had to come back home to get that surprise ready for me, so you probably haven’t-

She cut me off by pressing a finger to my lips. “My alarm clock says it’s too early for you to be rambling. Just be quiet and go to sleep.”

I smiled against her finger. She smirked and removed it from my lips. I wonder how it’d feel to have those fingers knotted in my hair as she kisses me. “Sorry. I’ll be quiet now and try to sleep.” I pulled the blanket up to my shoulder. I turned over to face the wall hoping to fall asleep and to stop thinking about her.

Her arms snaked around my waist as she shuffled over to press her body against mine. My heart started to race, but the way she held me made me feel comfortable and relaxed. I moved back against her to snuggle into her more and closed my eyes. I felt her soft lips press against the side of my neck. “I’ll never be too tired to make sure you’re ok,” she whispered.

I moved my arm to cradle hers and laced our fingers together. I squeezed them to let her know I appreciate her because my voice felt like it would break around the sob that I was fighting down. I brought our entangled hands up to my chest and held them there as I calmed down enough to fall asleep with her breath against the back of my neck.

* * *

  ** _Carmilla_**

“You do know cake is not a breakfast food.” I stared at the pair of them as they stuffed their faces with the left over cake.

“But it is delicious,” Laura answered with a smile.

I shook my head and pointed at her. “You don’t need any more sugar.”

She shrugged. “You can’t stop me.”

I quirked an eyebrow at her then lunged for the plate in front of her. She quickly swiped it off the counter and put a spoon full of cake in her mouth. “Too slow,” she teased.

I stood up straight and put most of my weight onto my left leg as I put my hands on my hips. “Fine. Enjoy your cake because that’s the last sweet thing you eat while you’re here.” I went over to the fridge and grabbed a slice of cake for myself.

She settled back down on her chair as I moved to sit next to her. She glared at me. “Why are you eating cake for breakfast then?”

I scooped a bit of frosting onto my finger then poked the tip of her nose leaving a bit on it. I laughed. She glared even harder which made me laugh more because it just ended up looking completely adorable and not menacing at all. “Because I don’t eat sugar at all hours of the day,” I answered around my laughs.

“Here Laura.” Will handed her a napkin then shook his head.

She huffed and wiped her nose. “You big meanie.”

I shrugged. “Whatever creampuff.”

Will stood up. “Well as much fun as this has been. I have plans for the rest of this weekend. You two have a good one.” He strolled away to get ready.

“I actually have to get going as well.” She picked at the remainder of her cake.

“Why?”

“My dad wants me home.”

I looked at her as she slid her plate away from her. She didn’t want to go home, but we both knew she couldn’t stay here now that October was done and November started. Her dad must have missed her and probably wants to make it up to her. He shouldn’t have left her alone to begin with, but I don’t really understand how he felt during this time. I just know Laura’s pain. I will always remember Laura’s pain.

I don’t want her to go. “Alright then. I’ll walk you home.” I could already feel a form of emptiness inside me.

“Thanks Carm.”

She didn’t talk or look at me as I walked her home, but she did hold my hand as if to reassure me that she was ok. I squeezed her hand then kissed her cheek before watching her disappear into her house. I hope she will be ok.

 

 

 

 

 

I took a deep breath as I walked into the studio. It was one in the morning, but I still couldn’t sleep. I could only think of Laura and how she must be feeling right now. No, it wasn’t just that. I was feeling hollow for some reason and it was making it impossible for me to fall asleep. It was the reason why I was back here in this studio even though I hadn’t come back since the last time. I closed the door while turning on the lights and sighed. I walked over to the piano and sat down at the bench. As usual I let my fingers roam over the keys until they found something that they wanted to play. My mind caught up to the tune that my fingers were playing and I started to sing as softly as my voice would allow without it sounding too rough. “It’s late and I’m feeling so tired having trouble sleeping.” I let my voice climb to a higher pitch for the chorus. “Could it be I’m suffering because I’ll never give in won’t say that I’m falling in love. Tell me I don’t seem myself, couldn’t I blame something else? Don’t say I’m falling in love.”

I closed my eyes and tried hard not to think about Laura, but her face was all I saw. Her radiant smile and the way she would say the nickname she gave me. The way her eyes never wavered when I stared into them or the way her body language spoke more than her words ever could. The way she would tuck her long hair behind her ear when it went into her face. The feel of her calloused hands against my own. How her soft lips felt against my cheek or forehead. How her arms felt warm as she hugged me. I shook my head. I’m not going to go down this road again. I can’t. I’m not falling in love.

“Don’t say that I’m falling in love,” I sang as I brought the song to an end. I’m not falling in love.

* * *

**_Perry_ **

“Hello Perry,” Natalie said as she walked up to me while I was stuffing my geometry book into my bag.

“Hi, Natalie. What can I do for you?” I unzipped my bag to make sure I didn’t ruin any of the papers inside and zipped it back up again.

“I was wondering if you were going to be going tonight or if I should make up an excuse for you.”

My hands stilled as I was adjusting the straps of my backpack. I looked around the hallway to make sure no one was listening and then grabbed her hand. I pulled her along the hallway looking into the passing classrooms until I found an empty one. I opened the door and dragged her in before stopping to face her. “Why would you bring that up in the middle of the hallway? You know LaFontaine likes to come to my locker so we can walk to geometry together when s-they’re done early with class.”

Natalie crossed her arms over her chest and stared me down. I fidgeted under her gaze and started to twirl my fingers around each other. “You haven’t told them yet?”

I kept twirling my fingers staring at them intensely. “No.”

Natalie groaned. “You were supposed to talk to them by now. Is this why you have been skipping out on the meetings recently?”

I stopped twirling my fingers and instead laced them together. “Yes.”

Natalie stared at me with pity. “You need to talk to them. You made it your goal to talk to them and you need to, if not for yourself than at least for them. I’ll keep pretending as if I don’t know you, but there’s going to be a point where it’s all going to come out in the end.”

I straightened my back in order to stop myself from crying because I know she’s right. “I understand. I’ll try to talk to LaFontaine.”

Her shoulders eased up and she looked caringly at me. “So are you going to be going tonight?”

I unlaced my fingers and sighed. “Yes. I’ll cancel my date with LaFontaine. I need this more.”

She nodded her head then walked over to me to wrap me up in a hug. “I’m here if you ever just want to meet-up with just the two of us.”

I hugged her back. “Thank you. I appreciate it. Don’t say anything to LaFontaine?”

She smiled solemnly. “You don’t even have to ask.”

I nodded my head. She gave me another hug then walked out of the classroom leaving me in the overbearing silence of it. I’m not ready yet. I just need a bit more time.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“How was your weekend Kirsch?” I put my phone down and looked over at him.

His eyebrows lifted up knowingly. “Doesn’t seem to be as good as yours.”

I rolled my eyes as my phone vibrated against the desk. “Don’t change topics.”

“I’m just curious as to what Carmilla did to make you so happy.”

I chewed on my bottom lip. “Again, don’t change topics.”

A big goofy grin spread across his face. “Ok little nerd, but I’m glad she made this weekend good for you.” His eyes filled with a hint of sadness.

I looked away. “She did and my dad is back home now.” I turned back to see the sadness replaced with care.

“Good.”

I shoved his shoulder. “Now tell me how your weekend went.”

He shrugged. “Same ol’ same ol’. I played video games, did some homework, went on a date with SJ-

“You went on a date with SJ?” I cut in.

A shy smile plastered his face. “Yeah.”

I smiled wide. “How long has this been going on?”

He scratched at the back of his neck. “We made it official earlier in October, but I didn’t want to say anything just yet in case she changed her mind.”

“Why would she change her mind?”

He looked down at his desk and started to twirl his pencil between his fingers. “I know I’m not that smart and she’s super crazy smart and is looking to get into Princeton, and I know it shouldn’t matter, but I just feel like I’m not worth her time you know? I don’t understand half the things she says sometimes because she uses words that I don’t know and I spend a lot of time after our dates just Googling the definitions of the words I can remember her saying. I can keep up with her when it comes to music, but everything else just seems out of reach.”

I put my hand on his shoulder and waited for him to look at me. “You don’t have to be the smartest guy in the world in order to be with her. You’re trying super hard to understand her and you care so much. She probably sees how loving and caring you are and how great a guy and friend you are. She’s with you because she sees all of the good sides of you and you are smart Kirsch even if you can’t see it yourself sometimes. She’s just as lucky to have someone as great as you as you are for having someone as great as her.”

He smiled warmly and gave my hand a squeeze before I removed it from his shoulder. “You really think that?”

“Of course.”

His smile widened. “Thanks Laura.”

“Anytime.”

* * *

_**Carmilla** _

I let out a deep breath and lowered my violin. I looked around the empty orchestra room to see that some people had left their instruments by their seats when they rushed out to go home after practice. I set my own violin down into its case and locked it shut leaving it by the piano. I moved over to the storage area where my classmates were supposed to put their instruments if they wanted to leave them in the classroom overnight and grabbed another violin case off the third shelf. I held it firmly in my grasp and leaned down to the bottom shelf to pull out an amp and effects pedal. I carried all three of these to the room and set them down gently. I plugged the amp in and turned it on. I connected the effects pedal to it then opened the violin case in order to plug the effects pedal into the violin. I tucked the violin under my chin and ran the bow across the strings. It had been a while since I last got the chance to play. Mr. Voyer was not a fan of the electric violin and we only had one because the previous instructor enjoyed them a lot and bought one for the orchestra members. No one had used it in the three years Mr. Voyer had been teaching, so I took the chance to use it whenever I was alone in the orchestra room.

I kept running the bow over the strings over and over again until a song finally started to form. I pushed the effects pedal repeatedly getting down all of the background rhythms leaving solely the violin part for me to play. The rhythms looped over and over again as I played the violin section of the song feeling myself being set free and swallowed by the music. I was more interested in playing the song than in singing it, but it didn’t really stop me from humming or singing the lyrics inside my head.

“I need another story. Something to get off my chest. My life gets kinda boring. Need something that I can confess.” I faltered a bit, but quickly composed myself. I glanced over to the door to see Laura leaning against the frame as she watched me and sang. Her voice was softer than when she sang back-up at that football party yet it was still strong. She walked into the room more and closed the door. “Tell me what you want to hear. Something that’ll light those ears. Sick of all the insincere, so I’m gonna give all my secrets away.” She walked over to me and stood there facing me. I tried to ignore how close she was and concentrate on my playing. Her eyes never left mine though as she sang. She didn’t sing just to sing the song she sang directly to me. “My god, amazing how we got this far. It’s like we’re chasing all those stars.” She smiled and lost her place in the song, but found it again as I kept playing. Her hands reached out as she moved closer and she looped her fingers into my belt loops giving them a gentle tug so I wouldn’t mess up. Her voice went softer so that it only filled the space that was between us. She was so close yet still far enough so I wouldn’t hit her as I played. I could faintly feel her breath against my neck and jaw as she sang.

I played the last chord as she brought the song to an end and I stepped on the effects pedal to stop the loop. She tugged on my belt loops and I found myself moving closer to her. “Interesting song choice,” she whispered as I got closer. I nodded my head and tightened my grip around the violin and bow.

She pulled me in closer until I could feel her body pressed against me. She leaned up as I leaned down. “Carmilla are you done yet because I really want to-

I snapped my head up and moved away from Laura as Will stood still at the entrance with the door halfway open. I cleared my throat. “Yes. I’ll meet you at the car.”

He nodded and left the room. I glanced at Laura then started to pack everything up to be put away. Were we really about to kiss right now? I disappeared into the storage room to put everything back on the shelf and then walked back into the room to grab my violin case and backpack.

“Carm?” She reached out and grabbed my arm.

I will admit that I was trying to book it out of there so we didn’t have to have this conversation. “What is it cupcake?”

She released my arm as she chewed on her bottom lip then shook her head. “Nevermind. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded my head. I turned away and made a move to leave, but stopped and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. I ducked my head and rushed out of the room.

 

 

 

 

 

“So uh…wanna talk about what I walked in on?”

I gripped the steering wheel. We were on the way home now after we had stopped at Marshalls in order to buy a poster board and markers because Will wanted to make a sign for Laura for her first volleyball game of the season. “What did you walk in on?” I feigned ignorance.

I could sense him rolling his eyes. “The whole you and Laura were about to kiss scene.”

I clenched my jaw. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I am riding down the river of denial.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Now are you two going to start dating or what?” He asked bluntly.

I stared hard at the street. “I’m not sure,” I admitted.

“Do you want to date her?”

My hands squeezed the steering wheel tighter until I thought my knuckles were practically turning white now. “I’m not sure.”

He sighed. “What are you sure of?”

I stopped at a red light and leaned back against my seat as I let the silence take over for a bit. The light turned green and I pressed the gas pedal. “I more than like her,” I said softly.

“She won’t hurt you you know.”

I nodded my head because I did know that. She won’t hurt me, but somewhere deep down I couldn’t shake the feeling of old wounds being opened as Elle popped into my head. “Just let me take this one step at a time.” He stayed silent which I took as him agreeing with my decision.

I pulled into the driveway. “I’ll go on ahead and start setting everything up in your room.”

“Alright.” I pushed the garage door button on my remote to open the garage and waited for it to lift up high enough for me to park my car inside. Once inside I turned my car off and locked my doors. I entered the house through the back door in the garage.

“Carmilla dear could you join your brother and me in the living room?” She called. She may have posed it as a question, but it was a command. I walked slowly into the living room as my blood felt like it was running cold. Will was sitting on the couch with his head down and the stuff we bought was next to her on the opposite couch. “Have a seat dear.” She pointed over to the couch Will was on and I moved over to join him. His body was tense. “Will was just telling me about your new friend Laura. Care to add anything?”

I gulped and stared at the ground. “No mother.”

“Are you sure my precious daughter,” she said with her voice laced with sickeningly sweetness.

“Yes mother.”

The creaking of the couch signified that she had gotten up from her seat. “Tell me Carmilla, were you ever going to tell me about this Laura or allow me to introduce myself to her?” I stayed silent. If I had it my way, she would never know about Laura until the day I die. “Answer me!” She yelled causing Will and me to jump.

“Yes mother,” I lied.

Her footsteps echoed off the marble floor. “I do not believe you.” I felt a sharp and painful tug in my hair as my head was yanked back to stare up at her.

Will’s hand automatically went to grab our mother’s arm. “Mother don’t. Please,” he pleaded.

She let go of me long enough to backhand him across the face. She grabbed me by the hair again and threw me onto the ground. I braced myself with my hands and felt the pain in my wrists as my full body weight landed hard onto them. I glanced up to see her grab Will by the collar of his shirt and throw him onto the ground. She slapped his face again then turned back to me. “Insolent child! Forcing your brother to stay quiet about your ‘little friend,’” she said the last two words as if they were poison. She moved over to me and grabbed me by the front of my shirt before backhanding me across the face. “You think that little girl is so kind?” She shoved me back into the ground so hard the sound of my back hitting it echoed through the house as the wind was knocked out of me.

Will got up and tried to grab her arm again. “Mother!” He cried.

She shoved him away and when he tried to move closer to her again, she elbowed him in the stomach causing him to double over in pain. She moved back to me and kicked my right knee. I heard a pop come from it and I moved to grip it in pain, but she shoved me down again. “You think she will stay with you?” She swung her leg back and Will grabbed it. She shook him off then stomped on his arm. I could hear a faint cracking sound. He yelled out in pain and the sound of it crushed my heart. He’s hurt because of me. I rolled onto my stomach to try to quickly get up to help him. Her foot connected with my left rib cage. I fell onto my stomach and rolled onto my side clutching at my rib cage. “You are a child who does not learn from her mistakes. Has Elle not taught you anything?” She spat angrily.

“Mother,” Will said weakly.

She straightened herself out and looked down on us both. “Neither of you will have any association with the girl any longer,” she commanded with a tone that suggested a much worse punishment. She knelt down and caressed Will’s face before kissing his forehead. “My William, please know that I despise hurting you and hope that you learn from this. I love you,” she said lovingly. He balled his hand into a fist, but said nothing. “I will be back once the holidays are finished.” She looked at me with coldness in her eyes then walked out of the house.

We laid there in silence trying to asses our wounds. “What excuse are we going to use this time?” He asked.

I grimaced from the pain in my ribs. “We fell trying to climb a tree,” I answered.

“Seems likely.” He moved his head to look at me. “We still going to Laura’s game tomorrow?”

Of course he’d want to break our mother’s command not even five minutes after she left. I stayed silent for a while trying to arrange my thoughts. I pushed away my memories of Elle. “Where else would we be?”

***************

“Carm!” Laura called as she walked into our Spanish class. She sat down next to me and started taking her Spanish book out.

“Hey creampuff.” I looked down at my textbook and made the mistake of sighing at the chapter and questions we were supposed to answer. I winced at the pain in my ribs. They were fractured and would take a while to heal. How the physician believed Will and I’s story I will never know.

“You ok?”

I turned to look at the worry in Laura’s eyes. “I’m fine. You ready for your game tonight?” I asked steering the conversation to a safer route.

Her nose scrunched up clearly not believing me, but let it go. “Yeah. I’m just nervous since it’s the first game of the season.” She shrugged her letterman jacket off and hung it over the back of her chair.

“I’m sure you’ll do great.”

She smiled then started to blush. “I know I never formally asked you, but umm…would you…could you…do you want to come watch me play?”

Despite my fractured ribs, I laughed. She fixed me with a glare and pouted. “Sorry.” I controlled myself. “It’s just; I was already planning to go with Will.”

Her face broke out into a big grin. “You were going to go even though I didn’t ask you?”

I rolled my eyes and reached out to caress her cheek. “I want to be wherever you are.”

Her blush deepened and I pulled my hand away as the bell rang for class to start.

 

 

 

 

 

Class was almost over and I had been done with my work for twenty minutes already. I stared at Laura and really wanted to put my hand on her thigh to get her to stop tapping her foot which she has been doing the entire period. I love the girl, but honestly this habit is irritating. I mentally froze then looked down at my notebook. Oh hell. I love her. What a time to realize this piece of information about myself. I mentally rolled my eyes. No. I’ve known for a while now. I just never really wanted to recognize it.

Mother’s questions from last night ran across my mind. I shook my head then rubbed the back of my neck. No. Mother is wrong. Laura is different. She will stay. She won’t hurt me like Elle. She won’t hurt me. She won’t hurt me…right? I looked over at her as the bell finally rang. She glanced at me while quickly packing her stuff then took off out of the classroom.

I stared at her retreating form completely confused. I stood up grabbing my stuff and swung my backpack over my right shoulder. This had me looking at Laura’s desk and I saw her letterman jacket hanging off the back of her chair. That sneaky little brat. I smiled and picked up her jacket. No wonder she took off running once the bell rang. I slid my backpack off my shoulder and tried not to wince as I slid her letterman jacket on. I slung my backpack over my right shoulder and exited the class. Her jacket smelled of vanilla and chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, she’s definitely not like Elle.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“Nice jacket Carmilla,” SJ commented.

LaFontaine had a shit-eating grin on their face. “It looks like it fits well,” they added.

“Bite me,” Carmilla snapped.

I rolled my eyes at the pair as Carmilla sat down. I fought the urge to smile like a goofball. “They’re right though. It looks good on you.”

She turned to me and I saw a small smile play at the corner of her mouth. “Everything looks good on me,” she said suggestively.

My eyes widened at the sultry sound of her voice and I tried to fight the blush that was threatening to appear on my face. “R-right,” I stammered.

She smirked at me and started to eat her lunch. I stared down at my lunch and felt my stomach do a flip. This is not the time to be getting flustered. I have a game tonight and I need to focus. I looked at Carm and drunk in how hot she looked wearing my letterman jacket. She had rolled the sleeves up to her elbows making her that much more sexy. I looked away from her and caught LaFontaine’s eye. They winked at me and I rolled my eyes at them. Ok so maybe I can have a bit of a distraction before my game tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Danny!” I yelled as I dove for the ball heading toward the uncovered space in our side of the court. I angled the ball toward her as best as I could then landed fully on my stomach. She set the ball to Elsie who spiked it to the left back court of the opponent’s side just barely getting the ball in. The score went up to 25-23 for the second set. We won. I jumped up and ran over to Danny. She lifted me up as the rest of the team came up to pat me on the back. This was a great start to the season.

I looked over to the crowd and saw Will cheering loudly. Carmilla was cheering as well even though she didn’t seem too happy about it. I tried not to frown as Danny put me down and we went over to congratulate the other team for a good game. I sat on the bench trying to listen to the coach’s speech, but I kept looking over my shoulder to Carmilla. She had a scowl on, but she seemed determined to wait for me while the rest of the crowd left the gym. Danny nudged me again and I whipped my head forward to pay attention to the last of the coach’s speech. She dismissed us and I quickly grabbed my stuff and went over to Will and Carmilla.

“Awesome game Laura!” Will hopped down the bleachers with his poster board in hand and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Careful with your arm Will,” I chastised.

He shrugged. “It’s in a cast. What else can go wrong?” He started laughing and I shook my head. We exited the gym and made our way to Carmilla’s car. “But seriously. You were awesome. You’re totally a different person from when you’re just practicing.”

I shrugged as I glanced over my shoulder to stare at Carmilla who was being completely silent. “I just try to save it up for the game.”

“Well you did that’s for sure.”

Carmilla unlocked the doors and moved passed me to climb into the driver’s seat. “I’m glad you both came to watch me play. I really appreciate it.”

“We wouldn’t have missed it for the world right Carmilla?” He looked over at Carmilla.

“Right,” she answered emotionlessly.

Will’s smiling face faltered as he raised an eyebrow at Carmilla. She shrugged and turned the radio on. He shook his head and sat back in his seat. These two obviously just had a full conversation without words. Is this how all siblings are with each other? I sighed and leaned my head against the window. Carmilla turned the volume up and let the car be filled with the sound of very loud rock music. I tried not to groan at this. She is not happy and I don’t even know why. I tried to catch her gaze in the rear-view mirror, but she completely ignored me until she finally pulled into my house. I got out of the car and she followed me.

She walked me up to my front door. She started to slip my jacket off and I put my hand on her shoulder to stop her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She kept staring at the ground. “Just trying to return your jacket.”

I grabbed both ends of the collar of my jacket yanking it back over her shoulders and gripped them tightly in my hands. “Tell me,” I said trying to hold back from sounding hurt.

She kept looking at the ground. “It’s nothing.”

“Carmilla please.”

She looked at me then and I could see a bit of hurt in her eyes. “Is something going on between you and Danny?”

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. “Why would you ask that?”

She shrugged. “I see the way she looks at you, so I was just wondering.”

I pulled her in by the collar and pressed my forehead to hers. “There’s nothing going on,” I answered.

She nodded her head slowly. “Alright.”

I sighed and kissed her cheek. “I promise.” She nodded again. I kissed her forehead. “I mean it Carmilla.” She looked into my eyes as if searching for something. She relaxed. I guess she found her answer. “Now hold onto my jacket for me. I have an entire season to play.”

She shook her head and smiled wide. “Anything for you Laura.” My heart skipped a beat as I looked into her eyes. Is that love I see in them? “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She backed away.

“Yeah. See you.” I waved as she walked backwards toward her car. She smiled then disappeared into her car and pulled out of my drive way. I stood there for a bit. Maybe I’m not the only one falling in love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other stuff. you can also follow the #mtme hsau tag


	15. Cross the Line

**_LaFontaine_ **

“Perr,” I whined as I stretched across her bed.

“Yes sweetie?”

“Do you have to cancel our date again tonight?”

She bent down to retie her shoes. “Yes honey. I’m so sorry. I will make it up to you.”

“But Perrrrrrr.”

She sighed and crossed the room to run her fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry. I just forgot that I had agreed to meet with Natalie tonight.”

I buried my face into her pillow. “Not fair,” I grumbled.

“I can’t hear you if you talk into the pillow.”

I sighed and turned over onto my back to look at her. “Not fair.”

Her forehead creased with worry. “I’m sorry.” Her fingers gently ran through my hair.

“It’s ok. I’ll see if Elsie wants to hang out or something.”

“Why not see if Laura is free?” I just laid there staring at her. “Right. She might be with Carmilla.”

I smiled. “You would think they would just start officially dating already. I mean they practically are anyway.”

“Don’t you dare push them. They’ll get there when they get there.”

“Well can they get there already because I have a bet to win against Danny and Elsie.”

Perry removed her fingers from my hair and shook her head. “I wish you three wouldn’t make bets on your friends. They aren’t toys you know.”

“But it is entertaining even if it’s sickening to watch them be all lovey-dovey with each other.”

A small smile spread across her face. “People can say the same about us.”

My smile mirrored hers. “Yeah, but we’re more adorable.”

She leaned down and kissed both of my cheeks. “Indeed we are.” She looked at her alarm clock on her nightstand then at her watch to double check the time. “I have to get going now. Don’t cause too much trouble for Elsie.”

I groaned then rolled off her bed. “I am saying this right now; we are going on a date Saturday.”

She grabbed my hand intertwining our fingers. “Of course sweetie. I’ll write it down in my planner so I won’t forget.”

I nodded my head and let her lead me out of her house. She locked the door behind her than came over and kissed my lips softly. I wound my fingers into her hair and pulled her in for a much deeper kiss. She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a gentle shove. I pulled back. “Sorry. I just miss you.”

She nodded. “I miss you too. We will spend time together this week. I promise.”

I nodded my head. “Have fun with Natalie. Tell her I say hi.”

She squeezed my hand then let go of it. “I will. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I waved as I watched her leave. I sighed and slid my hands into my pockets.

She’s lying.

Yeah she could be going to meet Natalie, but there’s no way she would have forgotten that she was supposed to meet up with Natalie tonight. She always wrote down any plans she made in her planner or on a bright colored sticky note stuck to the front of her notebook that she would later write into her planner. She’s hiding something from me, but I don’t want to force her to tell me what it is. I shouldn’t have to. We’re together and we have always told each other everything even if it meant that one of us would get hurt. There were no secrets between us which makes me worried right now because she was doing something she never does; she was keeping a secret.

I looked down at the ground then pulled my cellphone out of my pocket.

**Me: Hey you free?**

**Yoda: Depends…**

**Me: ???**

**Yoda: You still have me under Yoda or not**

**Me: Don’t know what you’re talking about**

**Yoda: -_-**

**Me: Alright I’ll change it right now**

**Elsie Skywalker: What did you change it to?**

**Me: Your name, duh**

**Elsie Skywalker: Why don’t I believe that**

**Me: No clue.**

**Elsie Skywalker: Come over to my place. We’ll start The Walking Dead**

**Me: Sweet. Be over soon.**

**Elsie Skywalker: More walking less texting.**

I slid my phone into my pocket and started to head over to Elsie’s place. I pushed Perry’s behavior to the back of my head. I don’t want to think about it. I fear that it will only hurt to think about it too much. Plus it was obviously something bad enough for her to keep it a secret. I shook my head. Not now. I won’t think about it now.

* * *

**_Betty_ **

She twirled her pen between her fingers. It must be a band thing. I saw Kirsch do the same thing whenever I hung out with him and SJ when we decided to do homework together. I still found their relationship odd, but when I saw the way Kirsch stared at SJ and how SJ smiled at him I could sort of understand it. He cared for her deeply and she cared for him despite their differences. I mean being honest, Kirsch was smarter than I gave him credit for. Guy was a genius in math. Not so good with English, but he understood things differently. He was an out of the box thinker, so his insights into things seemed to make sense if you got past your initial reaction. I mentally shook myself. Not the point right now.

I stared at her as she twirled her pen between her fingers. Her long red hair fell around her right shoulder as she leaned her face into her right hand. Her eyes were trained onto the English homework we were currently working on. I looked down to her left arm and tried not to smile. She still had the faint marks of the message I had wrote on her in sharpie about doing homework together today. I loved seeing her reaction to each message. It was more due to the fact that I was able to write them down without her even noticing I did it. It wasn’t that hard to distract her though. Just get into her personal space and she begins to lose her composure.

She leaned back and stretched her arms over her head. I looked down to see her shirt move up to expose the lower half of her stomach. It was toned enough to make out abs, but not so much that her muscles stood out completely. Her arm and leg muscles on the other hand were much more defined and noticeable due to her playing volleyball and doing marching band.

“Betty.”                        

I looked up to meet her eyes. “Yes?”

“You’re staring again.”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “There’s much to stare at.” I let my eyes travel along her body slowly.

She shifted under my gaze and started twirling her pen between her fingers again. “Can we just get this homework done? It’s getting late.”

I smirked. “What, don’t like spending time with me?”

The beginnings of a blush began to color her cheeks. “That’s not it.”

“Then?”

She stared down at her paper. “I just want to get home before it gets too late alright.”

I leaned in closer to her. “Why?”

She glanced up seeing how much closer I had gotten to her. “I just do alright.” She gripped the pen tightly in her grasp as her voice had a hint of anger in it.

I backed off. “Alright. I think I can finish the rest of it myself thanks to you.”

Her grip on her pen relaxed and she sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to seem rude.”

I shrugged. “Whatever it is, it must be very important, so don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

I nodded. “Get going. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

She nodded packing up her stuff. She slung her backpack on then stopped right next to me. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other then sat back down. I raised my eyebrow at her. She tapped her fingers against my kitchen table and stayed silent. I tapped my pencil against my notebook until she finally looked up at me. “Do you want to go on a date with me this weekend?”

My eyes widened in surprise. Was she seriously asking me out right now? “Danny, are you serious?” She leaned a bit closer to me.

She looked down as I tried to control my rapid heartbeat. “Yes.”

I continued to stare at her. “Alright. When and where?”

She looked at me with a mischievous smile. Her finger tapped my arm then she stood up. “I’ll see you in class.” I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched her walk out of my house. I looked down at where she tapped my arm and started laughing. _I’ll pick you up at 7 on Saturday_. I ran my fingers over the message written in sharpie. Guess I can lose my composure as well.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

“Carrrrmmmiillllaaaa!” I turned the page in my book and waited for Will to come up the stairs. “Carmilla?” He leaned against my door frame.

I glanced at him then went back to my book. “What can I do for you little brother?”

“There’s this new hang out that just opened and I was wondering if you and Laura would like to go with me?”

I turned to the next page. “So basically you just need a ride,” I stated.

“You know me so well.”

I rolled my eyes. “When did you want to go?”

“Really?”

I glanced at him. “What?”

“You’re not even going to put up a fight?”

I shrugged. “I don’t always like to stay home you know.”

He tilted his head and gave me his signature ‘you’re bullshitting’ look. “What’s going on?”

I stared back down at my book. “Nothing is going on.”

“Uh huh. So it has nothing to do with Laura then?”

I froze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He chuckled. “I saw the way you were staring daggers at Danny when she lifted Laura up into her arms, so do you want to try that answer again?”

“No.”

“Carmilla,” he sighed.

I slammed my book shut. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I can see that, but you need to.”

I glared at him. “Why do you care anyway?”

He shrugged off my door frame and walked into my room. “Because you’re my sister and Laura is my friend and you’re clearly falling in love with the tiny gay.”

I opened my mouth then shut it then opened it again. “I am not!” He raised his eyebrows at me. “I’m not.”

He sat down on my bed. “You are and I know that you know you are, so stop shutting me out and be honest.”

I sat up and crossed my legs. “Fine. I am falling in love with her.”

“But?”

I clenched my jaw. “But I don’t want to get hurt again.”

He gave me a sad smile. “You know mother is wrong and you know Laura is not Elle. Laura would never leave you when you need her the most.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because if she was going to she would have done so by now,” he said with sincerity.

I stared into his eyes seeing that he truly believed it. I sighed and picked at my fingernails. “I’ll think about it.”

He stood up. “I think you’ve thought about it enough.” He ruffled my hair. “Now come on I want pizza.”

I glared at him and ran my fingers through my hair to straighten it out. “Fine.” I stood up and grabbed my car keys from my nightstand.

“Carmilla?”

I tucked my wallet into my back pocket. “Yes?”

“You’ll eventually have to tell Laura everything you know.”

I stared down at the floor. “I know.”

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“Laura!!!”

I paused the _Doctor Who_ episode I was watching. “Yeah Dad?” I called back.

I listened to the sound of him climbing the stairs and waited for him to come to my door. He stood in my doorway. “No Carmilla again today?”

“What do you mean?”

He scratched the back of his head and shrugged. “I’m just used to you always being with Carmilla. It’s rare that I have you here alone for more than two days in a row.”

I shrugged. “I spent the whole of last month at her place, so I thought I’d give her some space.”

He looked down at the ground guiltily. “Right. I apologize again for that.”

I got up and went over to wrap my arms around him in a tight hug. “It’s ok. I couldn’t be here either.”

He hugged me back and kissed the top of my head. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too Dad.”

He pulled away and wiped his eyes. “I’m glad you have Carmilla as a friend. She seems a little rough around the edges, but I can tell that she cares for you.”

I smiled while trying to hold back my own tears. “She’s the best and so is her brother.”

He nodded. “Right.” He put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a curious look. “So…”

I titled my head. “So what?”

He cleared his throat. “Are you and Carmilla…you know.”

“Know what?”

He fidgeted and released my shoulders. “You know…uh…um…” He scratched the back of his head looking completely uncomfortable. “Are you two a…uh…thing?”

“A thing?” I asked very confused.

He coughed to clear his throat. “Are you two dating?”

My eyes widened. “Oh!” It was my turn to feel uncomfortable. “Well uh…um…no we’re uh…we’re not dating.”

He raised his eyebrow at me. “Interesting response there kiddo.”

I felt a blush creep up onto my cheeks. “Well I…I just…I may have a-a…I may have a crush on her,” I struggled to say.

He smiled. “I think you have more than a crush on her,” he teased.

I felt my face getting even hotter. “I do not!” I said defensively.

He held his hands up in surrender. “Alright. You don’t.” His expression turned serious. “You’d tell me if you two were dating right?” He looked down at the ground. “I mean, I know I’m not good at talking or anything and that I don’t really know much about girl things, but you can talk to me you know. I am good at listening.”

I smiled and hugged him again. “Of course I’d tell you Dad.”

“Good.” He wrapped his arms tight around me and lifted me off the ground.

“Dad!” I squeaked.

He laughed loudly and set me down. “Come on kiddo. Let’s go get us some hamburgers.”

“And cookies?”

He ruffled my hair and pulled me into a side hug. “Sure thing.”

“I love you Dad.”

“I love you too kiddo.” He kissed the top of my head again. “Now come on. You can tell me all about you’re crush on Carmilla.”

I groaned. “Daaaadddd.” He threw is head back and laughed loudly.

* * *

**_Kirsch_ **

“Kirsch where are you taking me?”

I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel as I waited for the light to turn green. “I thought we’d go and hang out at this new place that opened called Corner Hub. I mean you’ve been working super hard in class and everything, so I just thought you could like use a night to relax and stuff. Then we’ll go watch a movie.”

I felt her fingers scratch at the back of my neck before her lips pressed against my cheek. “Thank you. I appreciate it immensely.”

I smiled. “Cool.” I kept driving while her fingers continued to gently scratch at the back of my neck. “How is everything going by the way?”

She sighed. “The project that my team and I are working on is currently malfunctioning due to the main computer not being able to configure the difference between the genetic sequences of the different plant species we have chosen. If we can get the computer to be able to differentiate the genetic sequences between the plants and match them to there counterparts, then we just have to adjust it so that we are able to gain a more rapid response and be able to filter multiple genetic sequences into our machine at once.”

I stayed silent trying my best to keep up with what she was saying, but I was beginning to get a headache. I am so going to be up late tonight trying to figure out what in the world she is talking about right now.

“The entire purpose is to create a machine that can be able to determine whether or not someone is a genetic match to donate blood or bone marrow to a family member or friend within the span of ten minutes and to be able to do multiple matchings at one time. Although the second part is something that is currently out of my realm of expertise, but if we can at least get through phase one of our project, which is the plant sequencing, then later on when it is possible we can delve into phase two which is working with actual DNA samples.”

She sighed and I turned into the parking lot of the Corner Hub. I turned my truck off and turned to her. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” was all I could say.

“Thanks.” She leaned over and pecked my lips. “Now let’s go inside. I can use some down time.”

“Sure thing.” I opened my door and quickly went around my truck to open her door for her. I held my hand out to her to help her out of my truck.

“Always the gentleman.” She smiled and slipped her fingers between mine.

I ducked my head down and smiled shyly. “I try.”

“I know.” She kissed my cheek.

I lead her into the new place and looked around for an open table. There was a stage at the far end of the place and an arcade on the opposite end. Tables were spread out between the two different areas with the middle of the place being open so people can line up to order food and drinks from the food windows. I spotted three red heads in one big booth. Danny looked up and glared at me. Perry followed Danny’s gaze and smiled warmly at me. I nodded my head at her while ignoring Danny.

“Isn’t that Will sitting with your friends Perry and LaFontaine?”

I searched the table and saw that Natalie, Will, Carmilla, and Laura were also there. “Yeah. Mind if we sit with them?”

“Not at all.” We made our way to their booth just as Elsie and Betty were making their way back.

“Looks like everyone had the same idea for Saturday night,” LaFontaine said as I pulled up some chairs for SJ and I on the opposite side of the table.

I shrugged. “Seems like an awesome place, so yeah makes sense we’d end up here you know.”

They shrugged clearly not looking happy that they weren’t alone with Perry tonight. Perry placed her hand on their arm and rubbed circles onto it with her thumb. “Well just to give you the run down on everything,” they began once they relaxed, “the stage is open for karaoke or just if you want to play a song or something with the instruments they have on stage, quarters for the arcade, and the laser tag arena is upstairs.”

My eyes shot up as I turned to look at Will. “Bro you up for getting your ass kicked?”

“As if. I’ll own you,” he shot back.

“We’ll see.” I looked at Danny. “You want in Summer Psycho?”

She glared at me. “I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend.”

I rolled my eyes. “As if you’d even get one shot in.”

“You wanna bet?”

“Bring it!” Betty laughed and shook her head, but moved to let Danny out of the booth. Natalie, Carmilla, and Laura also slid out of their ends to let Will out. I looked to SJ. “Do you mind?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Of course not, but you better win.”

I smiled and kissed her happily. “I’ll be back then.”

* * *

  ** _Carmilla_**

All three of them trekked back to our table and the Ginger Giant and Puppy didn’t look happy while Will was smirking for days. I couldn’t hold back my own smirk. I kept quiet about the fact that Will was extremely good at laser tag because we spent every ounce of spare time we had for an entire year playing laser tag since mother was hardly ever home. It was a good way to distract Will from being sad that mother was never home then it became a way for us to forget about mother’s visits and just have fun. Well that was until last spring. We haven’t gone to play laser tag in months. It’s my fault.

“Hey.” Her breath tickled my ear.

I turned to look at her. “Hey.”

I felt her squeeze my hand and noticed that she must have been holding it for a while now. “Where did you disappear to?”

I looked down at our joined hands. “Nowhere.”

She nodded her head and let the subject drop. She knows not to push me. I love that about her. “Will went to get us some more soda. Apparently he wiped the floor with Danny and Kirsch.”

I smiled. “Well we did spend a lot of time playing laser tag, so I’d be concerned if he lost.”

“What do you mean by ‘a lot of time’?” Danny growled.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Since elementary school.”

Kirsch’s mouth dropped and Danny glared daggers at me. “What’s going on?” Will handed Laura and I each a soda then took a drink from his.

“You’ve been playing laser tag since elementary school?!” Danny yelled while moving to stand up. Betty put her hand on her shoulder to keep her seated. Danny shot her a death glare and Betty gave her one of her own. They glared at each other like that until Danny backed off. Odd. Danny never backs down. Loses, but never backs down. Interesting. Something I can hold over Clifford.

“Yeah. No big deal.” He shrugged.

“Bro,” Kirsch said as if he was a kicked puppy.

“Sorry bro. I got to be good at something.”

Kirsch shook his head in disbelief. “So not cool.” SJ rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sorry bro.”

Kirsch shook his head again. “No more secrets bro. I mean it.”

Will nodded. “Sure thing.” They both pounded their fists against their chest and pointed at each other.

“Hey everyone!” Nathan came up behind Will throwing his arm around Will’s shoulders.

“Sup bro.” Kirsch answered.

“Nothing much, just everyone here was wondering if you know, you could play us a song like you did for my party.”

“No,” I automatically answered.

“Oh come on. Everyone here wants a repeat performance.”

“No,” I quickly said.

“I actually have been wanting to play like that again,” Laura said. I looked at her with an eyebrow raised. “It was fun and we don’t get to do that often.” She gave me her puppy dog eyes.

“Laura…”

“Please Carm. I really want to play again and watch you sing.” Her thumb rubbed soothingly against my hand.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Fine, but I’m not going to like it.” I looked over at Will and his cast. “You think you’d be able to play?”

He smirked. “You know I’m ambidextrous. I’ll do all the hard beats with my left hand and easy beats with my right.”

“Oh I have an idea,” Nathan said excitedly. He reached into his pockets looking for something then pulled out a rubber band. “Try tying this around your thumb and the drumstick and see if that helps with the grip. But I need that back cause I have to do my sister’s hair in the morning and I haven’t gone to buy more.”

Will nodded. “Sure thing.”

I rolled my eyes. “Lead the way,” I said emphasizing my unwillingness to do this. Natalie slid out of the booth and I followed with Laura behind me.

We walked over to the small stage and climbed up onto it. A lot of people started to come over and crowd around the stage. A couple of people shouted and clapped their hands. I guess we ended up with some fans after that damn football party. I moved over to the mic and lowered the stand so I could actually reach it. Laura slid her grey sweater off to reveal a V-neck grey shirt and a silver necklace with a red gem in the middle of a silver pendant on the end that sat in her cleavage. I gulped. It was entirely too distracting.

I slid my leather jacket off and saw Laura’s eyes go wide. I smirked and bit my lip. She stared at my lip as I did this and seemed to get lost in a daze. I looked away from her smiling then moved to stand in the middle of everyone. “So what are we going to play?”

Will tested the grip of the drumstick in his right hand and seemed to be satisfied thanks to the rubber band he tied around it and his thumb. “No clue,” he responded tapping the drum a bit for extra measure.

“I have no idea either,” Kirsch added.

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for the input gentlemen,” I said sarcastically.

“How about Fall Out Boy Dance Dance?” Laura suggested.

I nodded my head. “Sure why not.”

The boys nodded their heads in agreement. “Alright then. You’re up first Will.” Laura said before walking away. He shrugged at me then started to play.

I turned my back to him and went over to the mic stand. I pulled it into my body and closed my eyes mentally counting myself in. “She says she’s no good with words, but I’m worse. Barely stuttered out a joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue.” I slid the mic off the stand and moved to the edge of the stage to sing to the crowd. A bunch of girls came closer to the stage and started to sing with me. I kneeled down closer to them so their voices could be caught by the mic. “I’m two quarters and a heart down, and I don’t want to forget how your voice sounds. These words are all I have so I write them, so you need them just to get by!” I moved away from the girls and started to jump up and down. The other three sang the rest of the chorus with me.

Kirsch took up the second verse along with Will as I made my way over to Laura. She moved forward to sing the first part of the chorus into her mic. She eyed me with a look close to hunger. I moved closer as she stepped away from her mic. I wrapped my arm around her waist and turned her to face her back to me before pulling her body into me. I pulled her close enough that my breasts were pressing fully against her back and I could hear her sharp intake of breath. I wrapped my arm around her chest holding her firmly against me. I held the mic in my other hand. “Why don’t you show me a little bit of spine you’ve been saving for her mattress. I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me.” I kissed her neck enjoying the feel of her climbing body heat against my lips. Yeah I am crossing the line into dangerous territory. “Dance, dance. We’re falling apart to half time. Dance, dance. And these are the lives you love to lead. Dance, this is the way they’d love. Dance, this is the way they’d love. Dance, this is the way they’d love if they know how misery loved me!” I nibbled on her ear lobe then pulled away letting her go to acknowledge the crowd again.

The crowd cheered loudly when the song ended. Laura didn’t give us time to rest because she launched into another song. “I’ll take you home if you don’t leave me at the front door. You’re body’s cold, but girl we’re getting so warm.” She kept her eyes trained on me. “And I was thinking of ways that I could get inside. Tonight you’re falling in love. The feelings tearing me up!” I stared at her. She smirked and let the boys sing the chorus by themselves.

I moved over to her and made my way behind her. I wrapped an arm around her waist and leaned her mic stand closer. “Your lips tremble, but your eyes are in a straight stare. We’re on the bed, but your clothes are laying right there. And I was thinking of places that I could hide.” She leaned back into me a bit more allowing me to support some of her weight and sang the next lines with me. “Tonight you’re falling in love. This feelings tearing me up!” She lowered her hips and ducked her head down turning it into me. Her lips pressed against my neck then I felt her hot breath against it as I felt her wet tongue press against my neck and lick up until she got to my jaw line. A shiver ran down my spine as I closed my eyes. She pressed a kiss to my jaw and pulled away. I reluctantly let her go. I watched her lick her lips slowly then smile contently as if the taste of my sweat was the sweetest thing ever.

I gulped and turned away from her remembering that this was not the time to be thinking about pinning her against a wall and kissing her senseless. I turned my attention back to the crowd and moved to stand next to Kirsch who had moved to the front of the stage to play directly in front of SJ. He was giving her a smile that may have lit up the world for years. I gave him a gentle nudge. He turned to me and I got him to twist his hips with me as I sang the last bit of the song. “Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it!”

I put my fist in the air at the end of the song and watched the crowd go wild in applause. I lowered my arm and took ragged breathes. I grabbed my left rib cage as I turned my back to the crowd. I caught Will’s sudden movement to get up, but Laura was instantly in front of me grabbing my hand and pulling me off the stage. I let her lead the way.

She lead me through the pressing crowd and then out the front doors. The cool air hit me strongly in the face instantly cooling me down, but also making me shiver since I had a bit of sweat coating my body. It was also a breath of clarity of what exactly happened on stage. I looked at Laura and saw the same feeling of realization on her face. Her hand was still holding mine. It was hot and it felt like it held the weight of everything that was and has been happening between us.

I tugged her over to the side wall away from the entrance doors then turned her so her back was facing the wall. I put my hands on her waist and pushed her backward against the wall. I have no idea what I’m doing, but the gasp that escaped her mouth as her back hit the wall made my skin crawl in the best way possible. I moved my hands to place them on the wall and trapped her in place in front of me. I could hear the gulp she took as her eyes stared nervously into mine. I moved closer to press my body against hers. I felt the weight of her hands on my hips as I leaned my lips in towards hers. Her eyes flickered down to my lips then back up to my eyes before she leaned in.

“Hey you two-

I jumped away from her putting some distance between us. I looked to see LaFontaine standing there with their mouth hanging open and wide eyed. “What did you want science ginger?”

They looked from Laura to me then back to Laura and back to me while their mouth opened and closed. They shook themselves out of their shock and coughed to clear out their throat. “Uh…yeah…everyone inside wants to know if you want to do an encore or leave now since we’re not going to have any peace after that…performance,” their voice changed to a tease at the last word suggesting a double meaning to it.

Right. We were practically all over each other on a stage in front of a crowd. “I’m in favor of leaving.”

“Same here,” Laura choked out. Looks like she finally found her voice.

“Right. Well I’ll go get the others then.” LaFontaine quickly left and we stood outside shivering since we left our jackets inside.

I slowly moved over to Laura and stood next to her to lean against the wall. “So that was fun,” she said.

I looked up at the night sky and started laughing. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I could feel a low rumble of laughter against me. The doors opened again and Laura moved away from me. Will came over to us with our coats. He looked down to my ribs then back up at me. I shook my head and he nodded his. Then a small smirk made its way onto his face as Laura grabbed my hand. I gave him a warning glare. He shrugged his shoulders and tried not to smile like an imbecile. I rolled my eyes.

“Hey stop with the silent conversations,” Laura said waving her hand between us.

“Sorry cupcake.”

“Well I don’t know about all of you, but we’re going to be heading home,” LaFontaine said. Perry nodded in agreement.

“Yeah we’re going to be heading out as well,” Betty added while already dragging Danny away from us.

“We have a movie to catch so see you all later,” Kirsch said as he wrapped his arm around SJ’s shoulders.

“Same here,” Elsie added while looking at Laura and I’s linked hands before looking at me and giving me a wink. She linked arms with Natalie and walked away.

“Goodnight everyone!” Laura said waving.

I tugged her hand. “Come on. Let me get you home before your dad starts to worry.” She nodded her head.

We got in my car and started back to our houses. It was a silent ride. I definitely crossed the line tonight. I thought I had a handle on my feelings for Laura, but she is gravity and I can’t help being pulled in. I internally groaned. I might as well jump in all the way now since I’m already waist deep. I tapped the steering wheel with my thumbs as I focused on the road. I just hope Laura doesn’t run away once I tell her everything. I don’t think I’d be able to bear it if she does.

I pulled into her driveway. I climbed out of the car with her and walked her to her front door. We stood on her porch not looking at one another. I ran my fingers through my hair then looked at her. “So tonight was fun.”

She giggled. “Yeah it was.” She looked at me.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

She bit her lip then nodded. “Yeah. You can come over whenever.”

“Great.” I looked down at the ground. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She nodded her head again. I moved closer to her and leaned in. She froze. I pressed my lips to her cheek then pulled back. “Goodnight Laura.” I moved to leave.

She grabbed my arm then leaned in pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Goodnight Carm.”

I ducked my head and smiled. She let go of me. I got back in my car and drove Will and I home. I lay in bed staring up at my ceiling. I’m sunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo!!!!! Another chapter for you all. You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other stuff. you can also follow the #mtme hsau tag.


	16. Out Here Stuggling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of self-harm, suicide, drug addiction, depression

**_LaFontaine_ **

“What should I get Perry?” I mused as I stared down at the menu.

“Pomegranate tea,” Natalie stated as if she’s been here with Perry before which is strange because I thought neither of us four had ever been here before.

“Why do you say that?”

She froze for a moment then shrugged. “Sounds like something she would like.” She was totally lying.

“Have you been here with Perry before?” I set the menu down and studied her reaction.

“No. None of us have been here before remember?” She dodged.

I raised my eyebrow at her and frowned. “I know Elsie and I have never been here before, but you seemed to know your order and Perry’s within two minutes.”

She sat back and stared at me. “I just know what I like,” she avoided answering about Perry.

“Natalie, what is going on?”

She started fidgeting with her hands and stared down at the table. “Nothing is going on.”

“Have we decided on anything?” Perry asked as she came back from the bathroom.

“You and Natalie have been here before,” I accused.

Perry’s eyes widened as she took a seat next to me. “No we haven’t sweetie. I told you that before.”

“Then how does she know what drink you like?” I questioned staring unrelentingly into her eyes.

She looked at Natalie who seemed to convey an apology and then back to me. “So maybe we have been here before. I can’t remember all of the places we have gone.”

“Perry you remember everything,” I stated.

She looked down at the table. “I do not.”

I crossed my arms and sat back. “Alright someone tell me what’s going on here,” I demanded.

I looked over at Elsie who just shrugged. “Not my thing to tell so don’t look at me.”

I stared between Natalie and Perry waiting for an answer. Natalie looked at Perry and sighed. “I warned you.”

Perry fidgeted and nodded her head. “I know.” She glanced over at me then back down at the table. “We have been here before for a meeting.”

“What type of meeting?” I asked while uncrossing my arms.

“Just a meeting where a group of us come together to help each other with our problems.”

“Meaning?”

“We talk about people in our lives that are either transgender or gender non-conforming and learn how to cope and go along with the change,” Natalie answered. “I head the group along with one other person.”

I stared from Natalie to Perry then back to Natalie. “So this group talks about how we’re a big inconvenience to the people in our lives?” I fumed.

“You’re not an inconvenience. We just help those who are having trouble with the transition of seeing and referring to the people in their lives as their respected identity as well as help them to try to understand where the other person is coming from in their identity.” Natalie sighed and laced her fingers together. “As much as it is a transition for you in being referred to and identifying as your true self, it is also a transition for everyone in your life and it takes others more time than some to fully come to terms with the transition and get the pronouns and name right.”

I nodded my head then looked at Perry. “Is that why you never really use my name or pronouns?”

Perry furrowed her brows. “I’m sorry.” She looked up to meet my eyes. “I’m doing the best I can Sus-LaFontaine. I just need more time to wrap my head around it is all.”

I took a deep breath in. “You didn’t think that this was something you needed to talk to me about? Perry I’m your partner and you have basically been lying to me about accepting and being happy with and for me. I’ll give you your time, but that’s going to have to be time you have without me.” I stood up. “Have a good Sunday everyone.” I looked down at Perry trying to mask the hurt I was feeling. “I’m struggling too you know. My parents still won’t acknowledge me and school is a pain in the ass, but I thought I at least had you.”

“You do have me.”

I shook my head. “Apparently not if you have to go to a support group to be able to accept me. Geeze, Perry why couldn’t you just tell me how you were really feeling?”

“Sweetie-

“No,” I cut her off. “I’m going. I need time to myself and so do you.” I pushed my chair in then looked at Elsie. “I’ll text you later.”

She nodded her head. “Sure thing.”

I looked at Perry to see how devastated she was. It broke my heart. “Let me know when you’re done figuring everything out at that support group, but until then I don’t want to hear from you nor be around you.” Her face fell and I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. “Bye.” I stormed out of the café and was thankful that my mom let me borrow her car this morning.

I started the car, but stayed in the parking lot trying to catch my breath. How could she do this? How could she lie to me this entire time about being okay with it, but be going to a damn support group to talk about how she’s not fine with it. She should have talked to me about it not some strangers. I’m her partner she should have talked to me. Why didn’t she talk to me? Why did she decide to lie and use pet names instead of just being honest? Yeah it would have hurt and it would have sucked, but I would have been patient and I would have helped her. It would have hurt less than it does right now. Why did she have to lie?

I ran my fingers through my hair. I shook my head then backed out of the parking lot. Staying away from Perry and dealing with these emotions is going to be a struggle.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

I tried to settle my nerves as I walked up to her front door. I made my decision. I want to be with her, but only if she wants to stay with me after I tell her about Elle and about the things I have done. I hope that she understands and doesn’t run away from me. I hope that at the very least she can still be willing to be my friend because I can’t seem to think of my life without her in it now. It’s honestly strange to think about how someone can become so important to you that you can’t imagine not having them in your life anymore. It’s slightly terrifying. I took a deep breath in letting it out slowly then knocked on her front door. I slid my hands into my pockets and waited for her.

“Hey Carm!”

I looked up to see her wide grin. “Hey cupcake. You ready?”

“Yup!” She stepped onto the porch and I shuffled back to give her room as she locked her front door. “Where are we headed?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“So you’re not going to even give me a clue?” She held her hand out to me and I took it lacing our fingers together. Her hand fits well with mine.

“We’re going into the woods at the end of the block.”

Her eyes widened. “Let me go back and get my bear spray.”

I tugged her closer against my side. “There’re no bears in the woods.”

“You don’t know for sure.”

I looked deep into her eyes. “Trust me.” I rubbed my thumb soothingly against the back of her hand.

“Alright.” She squeezed my hand and we kept walking.

I lead her down the block toward the woods that was allowed to remain thanks to it being on a slope and people wanting a picturesque backdrop for their suburban homes. Parents didn’t allow their kids to go into the woods, but they sure liked putting it on their Christmas cards every year. Since my mother is never home, Will and I got the chance to explore the woods. It’s where I feel the most free from everything and the most at peace. Well, where I had felt the most free and at peace. I haven’t been back in the woods for a while now, but it’s still my most important place to be.

I held onto her hand tighter as we made our way through the trees. “Carm?”

“Yes?”

“Would it be a bother if I asked for a piggy back ride?”

I stopped to stare at her. She had bags under her eyes that were bruised a dark purple. Her legs were also slightly shaking. I kneeled down in front of her. “Hop on.”

She scrambled onto my back and I grabbed a hold of her thighs. Her arms snaked around my neck as she rested her chin on my shoulder. “Thanks Carm. I stayed up late again.”

“More _Doctor Who_?”

“I am very determined to rewatch all of the seasons.”

“I know. Just thought you would have caught up by now with all of the late nights you usually have.”

“I lost time last month,” she grumbled.

“Is it really losing time if you hung out with me all month?” I teased.

I felt her lips gently press against the side of my neck in a smile. “I never lose time when I’m with you.”

I tried to hold back my smile. “Good to know.” I focused down at the ground to make sure I didn’t trip over anything and send us both flying.

“So how far are we going?”

I looked up to see the break in the trees. “Just a bit further.”

“You know if you said we would be hiking through the woods for twenty minutes I would have brought cookies.”

“I already took care of snacks early this morning.”

“You already came here this morning?”

“Yeah. I thought we might spend some time out here just the two of us and talk for a bit.”

She stayed silent for a while as I got to the break in the trees. I stepped out of the tree line and into the small meadow. “Wow,” she gasped.

“I know.” I set her down then moved over to the log that sat in front of a make-shift tree house that Will and I had built from scratch. It’s not up high in the air like a normal tree house, but we built it around a tree so it’s close enough. I sat down and leaned back on the palms of my hands taking in the sight of the entire mountain range. “It’s a lot better during spring because of all of the colors, especially when it comes to this small meadow.”

She turned back to face me. “This view is ridiculous.”

I smiled. “I know. It’s my favorite.”

She walked over and sat down next to me. We kept looking down at the vast forest that lay beyond this meadow. She scooted closer to me until our shoulders were touching. “What did you want to talk about?”

“You want cookies first?”

“Carm…”

“Let me go grab them.” I moved to get up and she grasped my arm.

“Carm.” She eyed me impatiently.

I sighed and settled back in. I leaned forward placing my elbows on my knees and stared down at the ground. “Is there anything I could ever say to you that would make you hate me?”

“What do you mean?”

I started picking at my nail polish. “Just is there anything that would make you hate me?”

She stayed silent for what seemed like an eternity. “Not that I can think of.” I nodded my head. I felt her hand slide onto my shoulder and squeeze it reassuringly.

We sat in silence for a long while. I looked up to stare out at the mountain tops and trees of the forest below. She kept her hand on my shoulder and kept squeezing it every so often to remind me she was there for me. I grabbed her hand off my shoulder and brought it down to rest on top of my thigh. I looked down at her hand and started to trace the creases on the palm of her hand. I ran my fingertips over her fingers feeling the calluses that had formed because of her guitar playing. Her hands were small, but yet I felt like they could hold the world. I just hope they won’t crumble under the weight of what I had to say.

I stopped tracing along her hand and lifted my wrist up so I could unclasp my leather bracelet. I moved my hand over to rest on her thigh with my wrist facing up so it could catch the light from the afternoon sun. I looked down at the ground and started to pick at the hem of my shirt. It was a moment before her fingers started to trace over my fingers making their way slowly down along the length of them to the palm of my hand. She stopped to trace the creases on my palm then slid her fingers down lower to my wrist. Her fingers stopped and I could feel her body stiffen. Her finger followed a significant path up the length of my arm to my elbow then back down slowly until her fingers met mine again. She laced our fingers together and caressed the back of my hand with her thumb.

“Last semester, in January to be specific, I was getting ready for a spring showcase with my dance company. I was practicing a challenging contemporary piece that had a lot of lifts in it with my partner. He missed his cue for a lift and I landed so wrong that my fibula ended up snapping and breaking through my skin by my knee on my right leg. I haven’t danced since then.” I rubbed the spot at the same time that she squeezed my hand. “I had surgery and a cast and they put me on pain medication. I uh…” I ran my hand through my hair. “I ended up getting addicted to the pain medication because it made me feel numb and helped me to escape from my stress and the pressure of being a perfect daughter. It only got worse after I finally got the cast off because my mother kept trying to push me to go back to dancing and I didn’t want to.”

I looked up to stare at the snow on top of one of the mountains. “I stopped being able to feel anything, so I started to self-harm as a way to feel something through the high the medication had me in.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I was with a girl named Elle during this time as well. We had been together since the summer before my accident happened. She was there when my accident actually happened and was the one who went with me to the hospital. About three months after, she broke up with me because she couldn’t handle having to take care of me whenever we went out for a date or when I would lash out or get angry because I was so frustrated with my mother and with the fact that I couldn’t walk or do anything on my own anymore. It was a month after the break up and after I had gotten my cast off that I found out she had been cheating on me the entire time I had been injured.” I looked down at the ground and played with the hem of my shirt again. “More like she had been cheating on me for a while before the accident happened.”

I shook my head. “Will was the one who actually told me. He had been out at the mall with some friends of his when he saw her with another girl so soon after our break up. He took a picture because he knew I wouldn’t believe him. He sent it to me and I broke once I saw it.” I ran my fingers through my hair again. “I called her and got her to tell me the truth as to why she broke up with me and she said it was because of the reasons she told me but also because she just couldn’t stand to be with me anymore because she started to see me turn more and more into my mother and because she fell in love with this other girl. She said she didn’t want to break up with me so soon after my injury, so instead she decided to cheat on me. That’s when I ended up out here after getting very high and tried to take my life.” I stared down at the ground trying to hold back my tears. “Will ended up finding me not long after because he forced his friends to rush him home since he saw Elle arguing on the phone and assumed it was me she was talking to. He called an ambulance and used his shoe laces to wrap tightly around my arms to close up the wounds and add pressure. He was also the one who spent all of this past summer helping me to get over my addiction and to stop self-harming.”

I looked up to finally meet her eyes. There were tears steadily streaming down her face. “I’m telling you all of this because even though I made him a promise to never get to that point again or to slip back into my addiction, there are still times where I find myself wanting to because it would just be easier to not feel anything until I want to.” I squeezed her hand this time. “It’s a part of who I am, but I fight to not let it be all that I am.” I looked away from her eyes. “I fight to not be that angry or checked-out person again, but I can be weak sometimes and I need you to know and understand that it will not have anything to do with you. It’s just something I struggle with.”

A heavy silence settled in around us as I listened to her sniffles. I took deep breaths trying to calm myself and not allow myself to cry. She let go of my hand and after a couple of seconds grabbed it again. She raised my hand up and then I could feel the press of her soft lips against the back of my hand as she kissed it. I looked at her to see her eyes still glazed over with tears, but she had wiped her face clean of the tears that had already fallen. She brought our joined hands back down to rest on top of her thigh and she went back to caressing the back of my hand with her thumb.

“I’m not going to go anywhere,” she whispered.

I stared into her determined and loving eyes and felt a sob choke out. She knew exactly what to say. She leaned forward and moved her free hand to the back of my neck. She pulled me in by my neck until our foreheads were touching. My tears ran down my face. She stroked the back of my neck and whispered reassuring words to me to try to calm me down. I slid my head over to press against her shoulder and just let myself go. She let go of my hand to wrap both of her arms around me and hug me tight to her. She rubbed her hand up and down my back and kept pressing kisses to my cheek or my shoulder. I let her hold me as each memory flashed through my head. It was a long while before I was finally able to compose myself and move away from her.

“Not how you planned your day to go huh?” I laughed.

She smiled. “No, but I’m glad you were honest with me.”

I nodded my head. “I needed to tell you because I wanted you to know and to decide whether or not you wanted to still be near me.”

“I understand and let me repeat this: I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.”

She reached up and wiped my tears away. “You ready to go back?”

I shook my head. “Let’s enjoy being out here for a while longer.” I stood up feeling like a devastating weight had been lifted from my shoulders. “I did bring snacks after all.”

She smiled. “Alright, but don’t mind me if I end up falling asleep.”

“Alright.” I went over to the tree house and pulled out the snacks and some blankets that were stowed in the tree house for those times where Will and I would sleep here over night.

I laid one of the blankets down in front of the log and piled the snacks on top of it. She moved to sit with her back pressing against the log and then went straight for the packet of cookies. I grabbed one of the juice boxes that I had brought and poked the straw into it. I sat next to her and her hand quickly found mine. She held it firmly in her grasp then leaned her head on my shoulder. After a few more cookies and silence, she had fallen asleep. I pulled the second blanket over us and laid my head on top of hers.

I listened to the sound of her deep breathing as she slept against me. It wasn’t long until I fell asleep as well.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

She lay down on the bed after having changed into a pair of shorts I let her borrow. I leaned over to touch the scar on her right leg from her surgery. Her leg twitched away from me and I rubbed her scar soothingly until she relaxed. I leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to it. I sat back down and turned her left arm over to face me. You could never tell she had scars there because they blended in with her fair skin. I traced my fingers over the raised skin of her scars then ran my fingers lightly over the one scar that went up to her elbow. I moved my fingers back down the length of this scar to the palm of her hand and over her fingers. I brought her arm up and placed soft kisses against her scars and onto her fingers. I looked up to see her right arm slung over her eyes. I swung my leg over her body and straddled her hips. She moved her arm away from her eyes to stare at me. I grabbed her right arm bringing it closer to me and began to softly move my fingers along the scars it held. I kissed at her scars hoping to ease away some of the pain they still held. I leaned down and kissed her forehead lovingly.

I moved to settle between her legs then lay down on top of her resting my head onto her chest. Her heart beat rapidly against my ear as her arms came up around me. She hugged me tightly as if I would disappear. I slipped my hands under her shirt and let my hands trail comfortingly up and down her sides. Her breath hitched at the contact of my hands, but she soon sunk into the feeling and relaxed. She buried her face into my neck and placed a soft kiss to it.

We stayed like that for a long time until I finally broke the silence. “I’m currently on anti-depressants, but I only take them every so often.” I waited for her to say something. She slid her hand under the back of my shirt and rubbed circles into my lower back. I relaxed. “My therapist finally put me on them two years ago since she didn’t really want to put a ten year old on medications not that fourteen is any better, but after me just getting worse in the three years I’d been going to her she didn’t really have much else left.”

I sighed. “I was in the car with my mom when she died. We were on our way back to our house because I forgot my sheet music for a song I was going to play for the school’s talent show. We were crossing the intersection when a car rammed into my mom’s side of the car. We flipped over and slid against the street until we hit the traffic light.” I took a deep breath. “The impact hurt badly especially when my side of the car hit the traffic light, but when I looked over to my mom she had blood coming down her face. I tried yelling for her, but she wouldn’t answer me. Her arms just hung down onto the roof and I couldn’t tell if she was breathing or not.” I could feel my tears sliding down my face. “It was a while of me screaming for her before the ambulance finally came to get us. They got me out pretty easily. I kept screaming for my mom and they just shoved me in an ambulance and tried to calm me down. It wasn’t until my dad finally came to the hospital that I found out my mom died during surgery. Her head had hit against the door causing bleeding in her brain and the doctors couldn’t control it.”

I moved my hands out from under her shirt to wipe my tears away. “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t have forgotten my sheet music despite her yelling for me to make sure I had everything three times, she would still be here. Sometimes I even feel like my dad blames me for her death, but I know he’d never say it.” I tried to control my tears now. “Usually my dad would send me to live with my grandma during October because it’s my worst month where I have to take my medicine everyday so I can get through my day, but I didn’t want to be away from you. Plus it helped that I was still able to feel happiness when I’m with you, so I was able to talk my dad into letting me stay here last month.” I sat up on my knees and folded my hands onto my lap. “The nights when I stay up watching _Doctor Who_ or _Buffy_ or whatever are the nights where I feel everything and nothing at once and can’t sleep. Sometimes I can’t even eat.”

She sat up and cupped my face in her hands. Her thumbs rubbed against my cheeks. She leaned forward pressing a kiss to my forehead then onto my nose before pulling away. “You always have room for cookies and I don’t sleep well at late in general, so you can call me and I can sneak in and watch TV with you.”

I smiled. “I’ll hold you to that for next time.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” I turned to kiss the palm of her hand.

She smiled and slung her arms over my shoulders and leaned her forehead against mine. “What do you feel like doing?”

“Hmm…I’m still feeling sleepy.”

“You do know that we slept an entire hour in the woods right?”

I shrugged. “So?”

She laughed and put her arms around my waist before pulling me down to lay on top of her. “Alright another nap it is.” I laughed and moved a bit to get more comfortable. She reached over to grab my blanket and pulled it up over us. Her arms settled around me. “Laura?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

I kissed her collarbone. “I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you weren't expecting an update on the weekend! This weekend update is a way for me to say thank you to everyone who endured my two week hiatus so I could focus on my school work. So thank you all. 
> 
> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other stuff. you can also track the #mtme hsau tag.


	17. In a Blink of an Eye

**_LaFontaine_ **

I stood on her porch debating whether or not to even ring the doorbell. Carmilla was probably here with her, but I really needed my best friend right now. I started pacing back and forth on the porch. I have to tell her now anyway before school tomorrow. I needed to tell her before anyone else. I just needed to talk to her. I sighed. Maybe I should go to Danny or Kirsch. I jumped when the door opened. I looked and saw Carmilla there. Yeah I called it.

“I could hear you brain frying ginger geek,” she said sarcastically.

“Interesting since I thought you only ever focused on Laura,” I shot back.

She nodded her head. “Touché.” She moved from blocking the door. “Come on. We were about to start a movie.”

I stared at her. “You’re not going to ask why I’m here?”

She held onto the door. “If you want to talk about it you will,” she answered simply.

I nodded my head and walked inside. “Sorry to ruin your date night.”

“You actually have to be dating to have a date night.”

I tried not to smirk. Looks like I may just win the bet against Danny and Elsie. “Right like you two aren’t practically dating already.”

She scowled. “Shut it ginger dweeb.”

I smiled and made my way up the stairs. “What movie are we watching?”

“ _Jungle Book_.”

“Obviously not your choice?”

“Obviously,” she chuckled.

My smile widened. So the broody one can do more than be snarky and sarcastic all the time. Interesting. I walked into the entertainment room and saw Laura sitting on the couch with a large bowl of popcorn on her lap. “Hey shortie.”

She frowned at me. “Again, you’re only an inch taller.”

I shrugged and moved to sit next to her. I don’t care if Carmilla gets angry. I need to be near my best friend right now. I glanced at Carmilla as she sat down on my other side. She didn’t say anything nor make any faces. I don’t want to even think about the fact Carmilla may just be a nice person. I know she must be because Laura really likes her, but I don’t think I want to cross the line into friendship just yet. Although I don’t think it’d be bad to be friends with Carmilla, however that works since she’s not really close friends with Elsie, Natalie, and SJ. I wonder why that is.

I crossed my legs and snatched the bowl of popcorn from Laura. She raised an eyebrow at me, but dismissed the action. Carmilla just dipped her hand into the bowl and grabbed some popcorn. “Let’s get this movie started,” I cheered trying not to sound as heartbroken as I felt.

Laura gave me a knowing look, but started the movie anyway. I shoved a mouthful of popcorn into my mouth and chewed on it waiting for the movie to start. Carmilla pulled her legs up to sit cross legged as well and her knee bumped into mine. I glanced at her questioningly and she just shrugged and grabbed another handful of popcorn. Laura snuggled up against my side and rested her head on my shoulder. She pulled a blanket up and nudged my elbow. I lifted my arms and the bowl of popcorn and let her lay the blanket across my lap. I leaned back into the couch and she followed. Carmilla stayed sitting slightly forward. I began to relax as the movie started.

It was a good fifteen minutes into the movie before I cleared my throat. “So Perry and I are taking a break.” Laura stilled, but didn’t say anything. “Turns out she had been going to some support group with Natalie to talk about how she doesn’t really accept me.” Laura’s hand reached out to grab mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I only found out because Natalie messed up this morning when we were ordering drinks at the Corner Café that Perry said she had never been to before.” I stared down at the bowl of popcorn. “I thought the pet names Perry used were just her way of saying she loves me, but now I know it’s because she was avoiding saying my name. I also see why she would avoid saying a sentence that required using my pronouns.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “My partner thinks I’m a freak.” I tried very hard not to cry. “What do I do?”

Laura stayed silent for a while. “Would it have been better if she used your birth name and pronouns?” Carmilla asked surprising me and possibly even Laura who lifted her head off my shoulder.

“What?” I gasped.

“How would you have felt if she completely rejected your identity and kept referring to you as your birth identity?”

I stared at her back because she was refusing to turn to look at me or lean back against the couch. I blinked a couple of times. Well this was unexpected. I stayed quiet. How would I have felt? Would I have been more angry or frustrated? Would I have felt defeated and worthless? Would I have felt betrayed? Would I have hurt more than I do now? Would I have still had to push her away? I stared at the bowl of popcorn. “I would have shattered.”

Carmilla nodded slightly. “She’s trying in her own way. She should have told you herself and she should have talked to you about it, but she is trying.” She finally turned to look back at me. “Isn’t that worth even a little bit of something?”

I stared into her eyes and felt the tears slide down my cheeks. I gulped and tried to wipe them away. “I’m just hurting because she lied about where she was going and what she was doing. I’m angry because she didn’t talk to me in the first place. I would have understood that she needed to go and talk about it with a group of people away from me. I understand she handles things differently and that it takes her time to understand things outside of her comfort zone. I just wish she would have told me instead of sneaking around behind my back about it and lying to me about being accepting of it.”

“I agree.” She put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “But that’s something that can’t be changed now. It’s happened the way it has.” I nodded my head. “As you said, you would have shattered. Being broken is better than being shattered. At least one takes less time to heal than the other.” She removed her hand from my shoulder. “You were right to put some space between you two, but don’t let it last too long, especially since you love her. Forgiveness is bitter sweet.”

I choked back a sob. I lunged at her and wrapped her in a hug. “Thanks.”

Laura’s hand pressed against my back and rubbed caringly up and down as I hugged an angry Carmilla. “Don’t mention it. Ever,” Carmilla quipped.

I laughed and pulled away. “Afraid people will start thinking you’re a softie?”

“They won’t if you keep your mouth shut,” she warned.

I laughed more and wiped at my eyes again. “Your secret is safe with me friend.”

She frowned. “I’m not your friend.”

“Right.” I rolled my eyes and looked at Laura.

She had a beaming smile on her face then pulled me into a hug. “You’ll be ok.”

I hugged her back. “I know.” I settled back down. “Now let’s rewind this movie and really watch it.” Carmilla groaned as Laura swopped up the control to rewind the movie.

Maybe being friends with Carmilla won’t be so bad.

* * *

  ** _Carmilla_**

My phone started buzzing and I looked down to see who was calling at this time of night. Laura’s smiling face was plastered on my screen. I pulled my headphones out of my ear and answered the phone. “Hey creampuff what’s up?” I asked even though I already knew what it was since it was one in the morning. I started to walk back out of the woods heading toward her house.

“I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No. I was already awake.”

She sighed. “Sorry. I just didn’t know for sure. I mean I know you said yesterday that I could call you since you’re awake anyway, but I still feel bad.”

“Well technically right now yesterday was Monday and not Sunday and even if I was sleeping I would still answer my phone for you.”

I could just picture her blushing while rolling her eyes. “So does this mean you can come over?” She asked hesitantly.

“I’ll be there soon.”

“Thanks Carm.”

“Anything for you.”

There was silence for a moment. “I love you.”

I took a deep breath. This was the second time I’ve heard those words from her. “I love you too. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Ok.” I waited for her to end the call then slipped my phone into my pocket before I started to quickly jog the rest of the way to her place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey,” she whispered when she opened the door.

“Hey,” I whispered back.

She grabbed my hand lacing our fingers together and pulled me into her house. She quietly closed the door behind me then pressed a finger to her mouth to tell me to be quiet. I nodded my head and let her sneak me up to her room. The door to her room was slightly open, and a sliver of light filtered into the hallway. She opened the door a bit more and slipped inside pulling me along with her. She closed the door quietly then leaned against it. Her shoulders slumped and she looked tired and worn out. I slipped my shoes off then pulled her over to the bed. She happily obliged. I lay down on the bed and pulled her on top of me. She shifted to nuzzle her face into my neck. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and kissed the top of her head.

“Thanks for coming Carm.”

“Anything for you Laura.”

She sighed and relaxed in my embrace. I slipped my hand under the back of her shirt and rubbed her lower back. She hummed against my neck. “It’s my birthday next week,” she whispered. I traced circles on her back with my fingertips. “My dad wants to throw me a big party since I’m turning sixteen because it’s what my mom wanted to do for me.” She sighed. “I just want to eat pizza, curl up in bed, and watch movies.”

“Then why not do both. Just have a movie and pizza party with blankets everywhere.”

She smiled against my neck. “Alright, but my dad already ordered a limo.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Why?”

“To drive me wherever I want to go.”

I started running my fingers through her hair. “Do you have any idea of where you want to go?”

“No.”

We stayed quiet and I could feel her breath slowly getting deeper as she seemed to start falling asleep. “Mind if I plan somewhere for us to go?”

She moved her head away and propped herself on her elbows to look down at me. “What are you thinking?”

I stared at her and shrugged. “I just thought you might want to spend some time with me before you spend an entire night with everyone else.”

She looked intensely into my eyes then smiled. “I would love that.”

I nodded. “Good.” She lay back down on top of me. “Just a heads up though, you might want to put something formal on.”

She nuzzled her head back against my neck. “Alright.”

I reached for her blanket that rested against the wall and pulled it over to cover us both. “Now let’s sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.” She nodded her head.

I wrapped my arms around her. I know where to take her for her birthday. Maybe then I might even be able to officially ask her out. It’d be nice to actually be able to call Laura mine and hear her call me hers. I might need to have Will help me get everything planned out just right. I closed my eyes and held her. I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

* * *

**_Perry_ **

I tied my shoes again making sure they were tied tight then walked out of my house to meet Natalie outside. Since Su-LaFontaine isn’t talking to me right now, I had to message Natalie to ask if she could take me to school since my mother has to be at her office by seven and leaves before me. I locked my door and checked to make sure it was fully locked. I walked down the driveway to Natalie’s waiting car. I climbed in as she was staring down at her phone. I buckled my seatbelt in and took a deep breath.

“They’re still not answering your phone calls?” Natalie turned her phone screen off and tucked it into the middle console.

I sighed. “No. Sh-they are refusing to answer my calls or text messages.”

She nodded her head. “Give them some time. They’ll understand and you two can have a more in depth talk.”

I folded my hands on my lap. “I miss h-them.”

“They miss you too.”

“How do you know?”

She stopped at a stop sign and sighed. “I just do.” She reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “Just give them some time to think.”

I nodded my head. “I hope it doesn’t take a long time.”

“I’m sure it won’t, but use this time to make progress on your own.”

I nodded. “I’m trying.”

“I know. They’ll figure that out themselves as well.”

I looked out the window. I hope so. I really miss my other half.

 

 

 

 

 

“Su-LaFontaine!” I called as I made my way to h-their locker after Home Economics.

They looked up at me with sad eyes. My heart dropped. “Hey, bio ginger!” I looked to see Carmilla make her way to Su-LaFontaine after calling out.

Sh-they gave me another sad look before letting Carmilla drag her-them away. I looked down at the ground and walked over to my own locker. I stuffed my economics book into it and grabbed my Geometry one. This was going to be a very long day of me yelling out her-their name and watching her-them walk away each time. Carmilla was oddly the one to keep taking her-them away for something or another. I wonder when that friendship started. It seems entirely uncharacteristic for Carmilla to care for anyone besides Laura. Maybe Laura asked her to do it. I could see that applying here instead of Carmilla doing something nice just to do it.

I sighed. No. I shouldn’t think this way. Su-LaFontaine and Carmilla may have become friends on their own. They did have Biology together, so they could have become friends and only now Carmilla is starting to act like one. I closed my locker after grabbing my Geometry book. I sighed and started to make my way to class. I need to get there a bit earlier than usual if I’m going to get a seat away from Sus-LaFontaine in order to give her-them some space. I readjusted the straps on my backpack and made my way down the hall feeling absolutely lonely.

“Perry!”

I turned to see Laura running over to me. “Hey,” I greeted.

“Hiya,” she said out of breath. I stared at her. “What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Why are you talking to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She asked confused.

“You’re Sus-LaFontain’s best friend.”

She quirked an eyebrow at me then shrugged. “You’re my friend as well.”

“Sh-they made you.”

She smiled weakly. “I just wanted to see if you were ok. I know it must be hard for you.”

I nodded my head and stopped outside of our classroom. She grabbed my elbow gently and steered me a little further down the hall. “I miss her.”

“Them Perry. You miss them,” she said softly.

I nodded my head. “I’m trying you know. It’s just not that easy for me. I’ve known her my whole life.” I wiped at my eyes so my tears wouldn’t run down my face. “I thought I knew her so well and then it turns out I didn’t.” I took a deep breath and stared at the ground. “Is she even my Susan anymore?” I choked out.

Laura’s arms went around me and pulled me into a hug. “LaFontaine is still who they have always been. They’re just happier now that they can be honest and open about who they are instead of having to hide it and deal with being referred to as the gender they don’t identify as.” She pulled away and rubbed my arms. “They’re still your LaFontaine.”

I smiled and wiped at my eyes. She pulled a tissue out of her pocket and handed it to me. “Thank you.” I cleaned myself up. “I am trying,” I reiterated.

She nodded her head. “We all know you are. Just give it time. You and LaFontaine were made to last.”

I smiled. “You think so?”

“I know so.” She hugged me again. “Now come on. We have a math test to get to,” she grumbled.

I laughed. “Didn’t study again?”

She shrugged. “I can only study for so long.”

I nodded my head. “I’m sure you’ll do well. Now come on before we get detention for being late.” I grabbed her hand and lead her into class.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“How’s LaFontaine holding up?” I lay on her back as she reads her book.

“It’s been five days of them not talking or being anywhere near Perry, how do you think they’re holding up?” She responded sarcastically.

I sighed. “I know. I just…I don’t know. It’s hard to see one without the other you know?”

“Yes. It’s hard to call them ginger twins when they’re not hanging out together anymore.”

“Carm…”

“Cupcake…”

“I know you care even if you are acting like you don’t.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She turned the page in her book.

“Sure you don’t.” I rolled my eyes.

It was a minute or so of silence before she spoke again. “It’s not so bad getting to actually know the science ginger as more than just your best friend.”

I smiled. “I’m glad.”

She closed her book and sighed. “Don’t expect me to change just because I’m warming up to being friends with your friends.”

“I wouldn’t want you to change.”

“Good.” She began to roll over and I lifted myself up so she can do it. I settled back down to rest my head on her chest. Her fingers started to run through my hair. “Did you tell your dad about what you want for your birthday?”

I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling of having my hair played with. “Yeah. He said it was fine so long as I was happy.”

“Did he take back the limo?”

“He wanted to, but I told him you had a plan for us, so we still have it.” I propped myself up on my elbows to stare at her. “What do you have planned for me?”

“Laura…”

“Come on please,” I whined.

“No.”

“Just a hint.”

“No.”

“A small hint?”

“No.”

“Pleeeeeaaassse,” I begged.

“No.”

“Ugh!” I rested back down on her chest. “You’re no fun.”

“The fun is in the surprise.”

“Yeah yeah.”

Her fingers went back to running through my hair. “It has a view.”

“What?”

“Where I’m taking you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Now stop asking me for hints.”

I smiled. “Alright.”

* * *

**_LaFontaine_ **

“Oh my god that was an awesome episode.”

Elsie smiled as she queued up the next episode. “Just wait until we catch up to the new season. You’re going to lose your mind.”

“I’m already losing my mind.” I reached over to grab the bag of Doritos.

“Yeah well this is _The Walking Dead_ , so it just keeps getting better and better.”

“I’m starting to understand why you’re obsessed with this show.”

“I’m not obsessed. I’m invested.”

I shrugged. “Same thing.” My Bill Nye the Science Guy ringtone rang throughout the room. I reached over to the coffee table and picked up my phone. It was Perry’s aunt calling me. Weird. “Hello?” My face dropped and I felt like my world was crashing down to pieces. “What?” My breath got stuck in my throat and I was finding it hard to breathe. “Where?” Yeah, definitely can’t breathe right now. “Ok.” I let the phone slip out of my hand as I started hyperventilating.

“LaF what’s wrong?”

“Perry,” I choked out.

* * *

  ** _Carmilla_**

“Elsie slow down what’s going on?” I clutched my phone tightly as Laura stared at me with wide eyes.

_“LaFontaine is freaking out right now and we’re on the way to the hospital. Something happened to Perry, but I can’t get LaFontaine to tell me what happened.”_

“Alright. Just get there safely and do what you can to calm them down. I’ll be on the way with Laura.”

_“Hurry.”_

I hung up the phone and jumped out of the bed to quickly put my shoes on. “Something happened to Perry and LaFontaine is freaking out. Elsie is driving them to the hospital, so we’ll meet them both there.”

“What happened to Perry?” She asked as she started to quickly put her shoes on and grab a coat.

“I don’t know. Elsie can’t get LaFontaine to talk, but we’ll find out when we get there.” I grabbed my jacket and house keys.

“My dad is working there right now. I wonder why he didn’t call me.” She grabbed her phone to check to see if she had missed a call or message.

“Laura, your dad is probably busy and can’t call you right now.” I watched as she stared at her phone in frustration. I put my hands over hers. “Laura we need to go.”

She looked up at me and nodded. “Right.” She tucked her phone into her pocket. I grabbed her hand and lead her out of her house and to my car. Thankfully I had errands to run after school, so we saved a bit of time from not having to walk to my place for my car. I just hope Perry is alright.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“LaFontaine! Elsie!” I called out while pulling Laura behind me.

“Oh thank god,” Elsie said.

“What’s going on?”

She folded her hands over her chest. “Perry’s aunt told us that Perry and her mom were in a car accident. They had been driving home after having dinner together when some guy hit them head on because he fell asleep at the wheel. Both of them are in surgery and Perry has a lot of internal bleeding.”

“How’s LaFontaine?”

Elsie ran her hands through her hair then pointed to LaFontaine sitting in the very corner clearly losing their mind. “I can’t reach them.”

Laura’s hand started to squeeze mine in a death grip. I looked over at her and saw that the color had left her face. Crap. Car accidents. Her mom died during surgery after a car accident. I squeezed her hand then turned to her. “Laura?” She had a blank stare in her eyes. “Laura!” She couldn’t hear me. I cupped her face with my free hand and pressed my forehead to hers. “Laura come back to me.” I squeezed her hand again. “Laura please,” I begged. I caressed her cheek with my thumb. “My love please come back,” I pleaded. Slowly her grip lessened.

“Sorry.”

“It’s ok. I understand.” I looked away from her to Elsie. “Elsie can you take Laura outside for a bit? I’m going to try to talk to LaFontaine.”

“Carm no, I want to stay,” Laura sad shakily.

“I know. I just think you could use some air before we sit here all night,” I lied for her benefit.

She nodded her head as if understanding what I truly meant. “You’re right. I’m starting to feel a bit suffocated at the moment.”

I nodded my head. “Elsie?”

Elsie came over and slung an arm around Laura’s shoulders. “Come on. I could use some fresh air as well.”

I watched them walk away for a second before I moved over to where LaFontaine was sitting. I crouched down in front of them. They’re eyes were glazed over and staring far away while they struggled to breathe. Their hands gripped the arms of the chair until their knuckles were pale white. I let my hands hang down between my legs as I looked up at them trying to see if I could catch their eye, but they were so far lost right now. My heart ached for them. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were just supposed to be mad at Perry for a little while and then get back together with her, but not this. Never this.

“LaFontaine?” No answer. “LaFontaine?” I didn’t want to touch them for fear of the reaction they might have. “LaFontaine!” I said a bit louder. Still no reaction. “LaFontaine I need you to talk to me.” I waved my hand in front of their eyes to try to get some reaction. “LaFontaine!” Still no response. Fuck I’m going to regret this. “LaFontaine!” I said loudly while shaking their shoulder. I was met with a sharp pain to my left cheek bone. I fell on my ass against the floor.

“Oh shit!” They’re eyes were wide as they registered what they just did.

I rubbed my cheek and waved off the people trying to help me. “Glad I finally got your attention nerdy ginger.”

“I’m so sorry Carmilla,” they said panicked.

I waved them off and crouched in front of them again. “It’s fine. I knew something was going to happen.” I rubbed my cheek again then let the pain just be. “You have a good right hook for a science geek.”

An empty smirk crossed their face. “I’ll put that on my resume,” they said dryly. They stared down at their hands. “Thanks. I was forgetting how to breathe there for a while.”

I nodded my head then looked up at them. “I could tell, but let’s not make this whole punching me in the face action a thing.”

“Deal.” They wouldn’t look at me.

“Let it out. I’m here to listen.”

They laced their fingers together and pressed their forehead to their joined hands. They started to shake. “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault,” they sobbed.

“Why is it your fault?”

“Because I was pissed off at her for almost an entire week! If I hadn’t have been so mad and told her not to talk or get near me then this would have been avoided.”

“How?” Yeah I’m totally poking a bear right now.

“She would have been with me not her mom! We usually go out on a date or stay in and watch a movie. We could have been doing that tonight, but instead I was so fucking pissed off and heartbroken because she lied to me that now she’s having surgery. She’s having surgery in order to survive while I’m out here perfectly fucking ok!” They shouted in my face.

“Yeah it is your fault.” I hope they don’t hit me again. “It’s your fault for being a human being with emotions. It’s your fault for not being ok with being lied to. It’s your fault for wanting your childhood friend and partner to see you for who you truly are and not who you had to be in order to fit in with society’s idea of who you should be based on the sex written on your birth certificate. It’s your fault for wanting to have some time to think about where you wanted your relationship to go and how you were going to even have a conversation with her. It’s your fault for trying to give her the space she didn’t know she needed in order to fully understand who you are. It’s your fault.” They’re hands balled into fists. Yup any second now I’m going to be getting another bruise.

They unclenched their fists and let out a long exhausted breath. “Why did it have to be her?” They looked at me with shattered eyes.

“I don’t know.” I reached up and grabbed their hands. “These things just happen even to the best of us. We just have to find strength to see it to the very end.” I leaned up to wrap my arms around them and pulled them into a hug. “It’s not your fault. It never was.”

They clutched the back of my jacket tightly. “I just wish the last thing I said to her wasn’t for her to stay away from me,” they cried out.

“I know. We do what we do in the heat of the moment. There’s no going back, only moving forward.” I pulled away and cupped their face in my hands. “Worry about her getting through this and then you can think about everything after.”

They nodded their head. “Thanks Carmilla.” They pulled me into a tight hug. “Thanks for being honest with me.”

I patted their back. “You’re a rational person; I knew you’d see the reasonable side.”

They cracked a small smile. “You’re a total softie.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair. “You going to be alright?”

They nodded their head. “Go find Laura. She’s probably not doing well either.”

“I’ll have Elsie come back to sit with you.” I turned to leave.

“Carmilla?”

I turned back. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for being a good friend.”

“Don’t mention it. Ever.”

They shook their head. “Don’t want to ruin your reputation.”

“Damn right.” I waved and walked away knowing that at least LaFontaine was present in the here and now and not lost in their own little world.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“Laura! Laura!” I felt hands on my shoulders, but I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t breathe. My head was feeling dizzy. The edges of my vision were starting to turn black. Not again. I can’t do this again. I can’t lose someone again. Please not again. Why? Why? Why? It’s not fair. It’s not fair. I swerved to the right. I can’t do this again. Not like this. Not like this. “Dammit Laura Carmilla is going to kill me. Come on answer me!” The weight on my shoulders was gone and so was the yelling.

“Laura.” I felt gentle hands cup my face. “Laura.” I know this voice. Where do I know this voice? “Laura pay attention to my voice.” Right, Carmilla. I can’t breathe. “Laura. I’m right here. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” I stopped feeling like I was going to fall. “Laura I love you.” I raised my hands and grabbed onto her arms. “That’s it Laura. Focus. Focus on my voice.” The black was starting to clear away from my vision. “I’ve got you. Just focus on my voice and come back to me.”

I closed my eyes. “You have a pretty voice.” My own voice sounded raspy.

“Thanks.” Her lips pressed against my forehead. “You came back.”

I nodded my head. “I had a pretty good anchor.” My knees were weak. I grabbed her arms tighter.

She moved her hands away from my face to wrap her arms around my waist and pulled me against her to keep me from falling. “You alright?”

I clutched the front of her jacket. “Better now that you’re here.” I tucked my face into the crook of her neck. “How’s LaFontaine?”

“Better. They’re actually here in the present now.”

“Good.” I breathed in the smell of the woods that clung to her like perfume. “Thanks for helping them Carm.”

“Sorry I wasn’t here in time to help you,” she said sadly.

I kissed her neck. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

She hugged me tighter to her. “I’ll always be here.” I nodded my head and relaxed into her. “You going to be alright waiting here to hear about Perry or do you want me to take you home?”

“Just give me a moment and I’ll be fine.”

“Alright.” She pressed a kiss to the top of my head and held me.

* * *

**_LaFontaine_ **

“LaFontaine?”

I jumped up from my chair. “Mr. Hollis, sir.”

He put his hands on his waist. “I could get in trouble for telling you this since you’re not immediate family, but I have to since it’s Perry.” I nodded my head for him to continue. “There was a lot of internal bleeding because Perry’s seat belt failed and she slammed into the dashboard. By the good graces of whatever higher power is out there, Perry didn’t get thrown from the car. That didn’t make my job any easier though.” He moved to put his hands on my shoulders. “She’s going to be alright though. She’s stable and it’ll be up to her to wake up after the anesthesia wears off. I can take you back to see her if you like, but it can’t be for long since I’m breaking a ton of rules here.” I nodded my head. “Alright then. Follow me. Just note it looks worse than it actually is.” He led me down a series of halls I didn’t care to really pay attention to. All I cared about was Perry. “Here we are.” He stopped in front of a wooden door with a small window. “I’m going to go tell the others. When I’m done I’ll come back to get you.” He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly then left me in front of the door. He was giving me the choice whether to go in or not.

I stared at the door. She’s okay. She’s okay. She’s just sleeping. She’ll wake up and things will go back to normal. Well as normal as it could go back to. I balled my fists up. She’s okay. I reached for the handle turning it slowly then pushed the door in. It creaked as it opened. I took a deep breath then walked into the room quickly. He was right. It does look bad. She had a tube down her throat helping her to breathe and IV’s connected to both of her arms. One of the machines kept beeping and I looked over to it. It was her heartbeat. I stared at the monitor and listened to it beep. It sounded like she had a strong heartbeat. Good. Strong meant she was ok.

I hesitated before moving closer to the side of her bed. I stopped at the side of her bed and looked down at her. She had stitches and bruises all over her face. Her hair was a curly mess splayed all over the pillow. I reached up and brushed some of the hair out of her face. I caressed the part of her cheek that was not stitched up or bruised. I looked down at her arms and saw some bruising and cuts there as well. I want to run my fingers over her arm, but I don’t want to hurt her. I settled for hovering the fingers of my free hand over her arm and trailed them down until I got to her hand. They were bandaged up. I settled for hovering the palm of my hand over hers.

“I’m sorry Perry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away and I’m sorry. I love you. I love you and I need you to be ok. I need you here with me until we grow old with white hair.” I gulped down the pain in my chest, but couldn’t stop my tears. “I love you Perry. I love you, so please don’t leave me yet. I need to apologize for running away from you instead of hearing you out. I need you to hear me say I love you because I do. I really really love you.” I leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I love you Perry and I’ll be waiting for you to wake up, so try not to take too long ok, but I’ll understand if you do.” I tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “I love you Perry.”

“LaFontaine?” I turned to see Mr. Hollis at the door. “Time to go.”

I nodded my head then leaned down to kiss her forehead again. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late chapter is late, but it is here. You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates on chapters or other things. You can also track the #mtme hsau tag.


	18. Enamoured

**_Laura_ **

I knocked on the door and waited for a response.

“Come in!” She called.

I opened the door and walked in. “Hey Perry. Hope it’s not too early for visitors.”

“Of course not Laura. Come in.” I closed the door behind me and walked over to stand by her bed. “What can I do for you?”

I gripped the railing on her bed. “LaFontaine had told me that you woke up yesterday while they were here, so I just wanted to come in and see you.”

“Does your dad know you’re missing your morning classes to come see me?”

“Yes. He dropped me off and told me to let him know when I was ready to leave.”

“Well as long as you’re not getting in trouble.”

I nodded my head and scraped my nails against metal of the railing. “I’m glad you’re alright Perry.”

She placed her hand on top of mine. “I’m alright Laura. I’m still here.” I nodded my head and stared at the railing. She moved her hand and lowered the railing. “Come here.” She opened her arms and I climbed up onto the bed and let her arms wrap around me. “I’m right here Laura.” She kissed the side of my forehead. “I’m here and I’m going to be fine.” She rubbed my arm and squeezed it while resting her head on top of mine.

“I’m sorry Perry.” I wiped at my tears.

“It’s ok Laura. I understand.”

I nodded my head. “You’re important to me.”

“I know sweetie. I’m going to be fine.”

“Alright.” She grabbed the control for the TV in the room and put the news on. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that it was a message from Carmilla. I tucked my phone back into my pocket. I’ll answer her later.

“Who was that?”

“Carmilla.”

“You’re not going to answer her?”

“I’ll answer her later.”

“What’s going on between you two anyway?”

I shifted to sit up and cross my legs. “What do you mean?”

Her hand rest against my back and rubbed it soothingly. “Are you two dating?”

I shook my head and bit my lip. “No.”

“Do you want to date her?”

I picked at the bottom of my pants. “Yes.”

“Then what are you waiting for sweetie?”

I pulled on a loose string on my pants. “I don’t want to push her.”

“What do you mean?” I chewed on my bottom lip and stayed very quiet. She kept rubbing my back. “Laura?”

“She’s been through a lot and I don’t want to push her into a relationship when she’s not ready.”

“Why do you think she’s not ready?”

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them. “We’ve almost kissed before and I wanted to talk about it, but her face seemed to go pale right after the fact and she would quickly run away as if I scared her and I don’t even think she realizes she does that.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. “I’m in love with her Perry and I think she loves me too, but I’m not completely sure.” I felt the tears fall from my eyes. “I don’t want to ruin what we already have because I pushed her into a relationship she doesn’t want or isn’t ready for. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for her to be ready.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “But I want to be more to her. I want to be able to kiss her whenever I want and I want to do more than just hold her hand or cuddle with her.” I wiped at my eyes and took a calming breath. “I want her to be my first.”

She squeezed my shoulder. “Are you sure?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah I am. I really do love her.”

“You need to talk to her then. You can’t wait for her forever.”

I sighed. “I will. I just have to wait for the right time.”

“Alright. Just don’t wait too long.”

“I won’t.”

She rubbed my back again. “How long can you stay?”

I stretched my legs out in front of me. “As long as I want.”

“Do you mind going to get me a Sprite?”

“Of course not.” I hopped off the bed. “Anything else?”

She looked down at her hands and blushed. “Do you mind helping me practice with referring to Su-LaFontaine as LaFontaine and h-their pronouns?”

I smiled. “Of course not. We’ll practice for long as you need to.”

“Thank you Laura.”

“Thank you for listening Perry.”

“Anytime. Except not anytime soon. I need to rest and catch up with homework.” She laughed.

“Of course. I’ll be back then.”

“Take your time.”

* * *

**_Perry_ **

I watched her leave then reached over to the table stand by my bed for my phone. It wasn’t going to take Laura long to come back with my Sprite, so I quickly pulled up my conversation thread with Su-LaFontaine.

**Me [8:30 AM]: Hey. You in class?**

**LaFfy Taffy [8:32 AM]: Yeah. Is something wrong?**

**Me [8:32 AM]: Was just talking to Laura. I’m going to try to**

**get her and Carmilla together.**

**LaFfy Taffy [8:34 AM]: What happened to not interfering?**

**Me [8:35 AM]: It was an interesting conversation.**

**LaFfy Taffy [8:37 AM]: What can I do?**

**Me [8:37 AM]: Tell Carmilla I want to talk to her alone after**

**school.**

**LaFfy Taffy [8:39 AM] Alright. I’ll be by at 4 then.**

**Me [8:39 AM]: Thank you.**

**LaFfy Taffy [8:40 AM] You’re welcome.**

**LaFfy Taffy [8:41 AM] I love you**

**Me [8:41 AM]: I love you too.**

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

I walked down the hall listening to the sounds of phones ringing, people running around, and people having conversations. LaFontaine told me Perry wanted to see me. It seemed ridiculous since I don’t have any type of relationship with the ginger, but since LaFontaine asked me to come I did. I may not be close to the science ginger, but I’m not going to turn down their request especially since they were finally looking more alive now that Perry woke up. The other odd thing was that Perry wanted to talk to me alone. I’m definitely not close enough to her to be doing that, but whatever.

I turned the corner that lead to her room. LaFontaine said they’d be by at four o’clock, so that gave me an hour to talk to Perry about whatever it is she wants to talk to me about. I got to her door and knocked on it. I ran my hand through my hair. “Come in!” She called.

I opened the door slowly and saw her sitting up with her textbooks spread around her bed. She’s only been awake for two days and she’s already trying to catch up on her school work. “Hey. LaFontaine said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yes. Come in. Have a seat.” She pointed to the chair by her bed and closed the textbook she was currently looking at.

I took the seat next to her bed trying not to seem too uncomfortable about this whole situation. “So what did you want to talk about?”

She folded her hands in her lap and stared at me. “Laura.”

I leaned back in the chair and crossed my legs. “What about her?”

“How long are you planning to wait to actually ask her out?”

I opened my mouth then closed it and frowned. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“You know there’s never going to be a perfect time.”

“I’m aware.”

She fidgeted with her fingers. “I just want the best for her and for you. It does neither of you any good to be so close, but not be together.”

I tapped my fingers against the arm of the chair. “What do you expect from me?”

“More than what you’ve been doing.” Her eyes were soft and caring as she looked at me. “You’re good for Laura. I can see that now. You just need to see that as well. I know you know you’re good for her, but I think there’s something holding you back from actually being able to see it. I don’t know what it is, but she’s not going to be the one to make the first move and if you continue to wait for that it’s never going to happen.”

I looked down at the floor and stayed silent. I kept tapping my fingers against the arm of the chair. What am I waiting for exactly? I was going to wait until her birthday, but if I’m being honest with myself that was just an excuse to buy me another week. Why do I keep running from her despite the opportunities I have had to be more to her than just a friend? No. We’re more than just friends at this point. We crossed that boundary when I told her about Elle and my issues. We crossed that line when we had been close to actually kissing each other. We’ve almost kissed which means she wants to be with me too and yet I haven’t addressed it. I’ve been running away and she’s let me. She’s waiting for me and I’m running scared. “What do you suggest I do?”

I looked up to see her concerned face. “You need to tell her because you never know what’s going to happen to you or to her and you don’t want to be filled with regret,” she said sadly. She looked down at her hands. “That’s something I had to learn the hard way,” she whispered. I nodded my head and looked away. “Do you love her?”

I looked up at her again. “Yes.”

She smiled. “Then girl the hell up and go get her.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Did you really just say that?”

She laughed as well. “I got it from Laura a long time ago.”

“Figures.”

She shook her head. “It still applies though.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “I know.” My smile faded away.

I sat there silently staring at the ground. “If it means anything, you should know that you are allowed to be happy,” she said. “And I know Laura makes you happy.”

“She does,” I admitted.

“Come here.” I looked up at her. She opened her arms and waved me over. “I said come here.” I rolled my eyes but stood up anyway. She pulled me into a hug. I stiffened at the contact. I’m not much for hugging anyone besides Will and Laura. She rubbed my back then let me go after a minute or so. She cupped my face in her hands. “Go be happy Carmilla.” She let go of my face.

I shook my head and laughed. “Has anyone ever told you you act like a mom?”

She shrugged. “Sometimes it’s needed.”

I nodded my head. “Alright then I’m going to get going.”

“Ok. Thanks for coming and thank you for taking care of LaFontaine. I appreciate it.”

“No problem.” I turned to walk out.

“Carmilla?”

I stopped and turned back to face her. “Yes?”

“It’s ok to be scared. Just don’t let it stop you.”

I clenched my jaw and looked away from her. “Thanks Perry.”

“Have a good day.”

“You too.” I waved then left the room.

Once the door was closed I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I steadied my breathing then moved further down the hall before sitting on the floor and hugging my knees to my chest. I am scared. I’m scared of being hurt. I’m scared of letting Laura have more of me than what she already has. I’m scared of letting her touch all of me. I’m scared of breaking. I’m scared of being loved.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and pulled up my messages to find my conversation thread with Laura.

**Me [3:33 PM]: I know you didn’t want to do anything for your birthday,**

**but can you meet me at my place tomorrow night?**

**Cupcake <3 [3:36 PM]: Sure. What time?**

**Me [3:36 PM]: 7:30**

**Cupcake <3 [3:42 PM]: I’ll be there. See you tomorrow in school <3**

**Me [3:36 PM]: Yeah see you.**

I slipped my phone back in my pocket. Perry’s right. I can be scared, but I can’t let it stop me. Not anymore.

* * *

**_Perry_ **

“How did your talk with Carmilla go?”

I closed my textbook. “It went well. I think she’s finally ready to take that next step with Laura.”

“You know Laura will probably be mad because you interfered.”

“I know, but its complete nonsense. Neither of them will make a move without a bit of a push.”

“That’s true.”

“LaFontaine?”

They looked up at me. They had bags under their eyes. “Need me to get the doctor?”

“No. I’m ok.” I folded my hands on my lap. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I should have talked to you right away instead of lying to you about where I was going and what I was doing. I still don’t quite understand, but I will use your name and pronouns more often.” I looked away from them. “Although I will keep using the pet names because I do say them because I love you.” I looked at them. “I love you LaFontaine and I’m not looking for you to forgive me because of this accident. I want you to forgive me because you genuinely want to.”

They leaned forward in their chair and looked down at the floor. “I had already forgiven you. I was just still mad and needed space.” They ran their hand through their hair. They let out a deep breath as if decided on something. “Perry you lied to me. You kissed me and held my hand and told me you loved me while lying to me. You did all of those things while still seeing me as Susan and not as LaFontaine.” They stood up and started pacing. “I know you Perry. I know it takes you time to process things. You could have talked to me and I would have understood that you needed to go to those group meetings to talk about stuff you didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about. I was right there for you Perry, and I’m still here for you. I just need you to be honest with me. I need you to talk to me because I hate feeling betrayed and angry when I love you so much. Just could you be more honest with me?” They stared at me with sadness in their eyes.

“Yes. I won’t lie to you again. You’re my person LaFontaine and I don’t want to ever lose you. I’m sorry.”

They walked over to me and hugged me tenderly. “I love you Perry.”

“I love you too LaFontaine.” I kissed their cheek. “I’ll still need some time, but I won’t keep you in the dark about my feelings or thoughts anymore.”

“That’s all I ask for.” They smiled and kissed my cheek. “Now let me help you with your chemistry homework.”

They lowered the side railing on my bed and sat down next to me. I kissed their cheek again and ran my hand through their hair. I don’t want to ever lose them. They’re my other half and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with them. I scratched the back of their neck. They will always be my person.

* * *

**_Carmilla_ **

I sat down on the last step of my staircase waiting for Laura to show up. I pulled the little black box out of my coat pocket and turned it over and over in my hands. I hope she’ll like what I got her. The idea of it means a lot to me and I think it’ll mean a lot to her as well. I pressed the box to my forehead and sighed. I really hope she likes it. I tucked the box back into my inside coat pocket and messed with my black tie. I decided to dress up in my black leather pants, a white button up with a black tie, and a black blazer for this. I wanted this to be as romantic as possible and maybe make sure she can’t really take her eyes off me.

The doorbell rang and I quickly pushed myself off the last step and went to answer the door. I stopped in front of the door and looked to the mirror that hung on the wall to my right. I tugged on my blazer making sure it sat on my shoulders properly then straightened out my tie. I took a deep breath letting it out slowly. I faced the door and counted to five before opening it. She stood there in a red dress with lace patterns all over it. The cut down the front of her dress left her skin in the middle of her chest down to her waist visible through the lace as well as her shoulders. She took my breath away.

“You’re so beautiful,” I said completely breathless.

She blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks. You look very beautiful as well.”

I smiled. “Yeah, but I don’t light up the room like you do.” Her blush got deeper. I smirked then held out my hand. “Shall I take you to your birthday celebration m’lady?”

“You shall.”

She took my hand and let me lead her through my living room and out the sliding glass doors to my back yard. I led her to the studio and opened the door for her. “After you birthday girl.”

“Thank you.” She walked in through the door and I heard her gasp. I stood off to the side and watched her eyes take in the simple set up I did.

I had brought a small table into the studio and placed a red table cloth on top of it with a small vase holding a single red rose. I had two candles lit on the table and a few scattered around the room on stools I took from the kitchen. There were also two candles sitting on top of candle trays on top of the piano. I had dragged out the small cart mother kept in the basement in order to place the dinner I made along with the dessert on it as well as a small cooler with grape soda in it.

Her eyes were wide and they looked like they were watery. “You ok cupcake?”

She nodded and wiped at her eyes. “Of course. This is just wow.” She raised her hands up to frame the scene in front of her. “I just…you did this all for me?” She looked at me with wonder in her eyes.

I nodded. “Do you like it?”

She lunged at me and wrapped me in a hug. “I love it. Thank you Carm.”

I hugged her back. “You’re welcome.” I hugged her tighter then let her go. “Now let’s eat before the food gets cold.” I took her hand and led her to one of the chairs. I pulled the chair out for her and pushed it in toward the table after she sat down. I went over to the cart and lifted the lids off the two dinner plates and set the plates down on the table. “I’m not much of a cook, but my spaghetti and meatballs are the best.” I pulled out two grape sodas and poured them into plastic champagne shoots that I found in a box in the basement.

“Carm, this looks so good,” she said happily.

“I’m glad.” I sat down across from her and unfolded my napkin placing it on my lap. “Tell me what you think.”

She picked up her fork and twirled a few noodles onto it taking a big bite. She nodded her head and wiped her mouth with her napkin. “This is delicious. You’re going to have to make this for me again sometime.”

I smiled and drank some of my grape soda. “Just let me know when.” She smiled and took another bite. I smiled over my plastic champagne shoot then began to eat as well.

“What did you make for dessert?”

I giggled. “We aren’t even half way through with dinner.”

She shrugged. “I really like dessert.”

I shook my head and tried not to laugh too hard. “Chocolate cake with strawberry pieces on top.”

Her eyes widened. “That sounds really good.”

“Yes, well when you finish slowly eating your dinner we’ll have dessert.”

“Right.” She smiled sheepishly and went back to eating her dinner.

She actually slowed down and really started to appreciate how good the spaghetti and meatballs were. It made me happy to see her smile and enjoy herself. She’s been having a rough time after Perry’s accident and I’ve been making sure she took her medication as well as making sure she ate and got plenty of sleep at night. I just want her birthday to be a happy event even if it’s nothing big and even if she’s not celebrating it with all of her friends. I just want to see her smile. I want her to be happy. Even if she turns me down tonight at least I made her birthday a good one.

We finished our dinner and moved onto the dessert after letting our food settle a bit. I refilled our plastic glasses with the grape soda. She practically moaned when she tasted the chocolate cake with strawberry pieces on top. The sound sent shivers down my spine and throughout my body. She really has no awareness of what she does to me. I kept my composure as I ate my dessert and tried to act like her moan had no effect on me whatsoever.

We finished the last bites of our dessert and drank our grape soda quietly. It was a comfortable silence that we were used to since we spent so much time together just lazing around each other’s houses.

“Thank you Carm. I really appreciate all of this.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“I really did.” She blushed and looked away from me.

“Though I didn’t just plan a dinner.”

Her eyes flickered back to mine. “Oh.” she leaned her elbows on the table. “What else did you have planned for tonight?”

I set my plastic glass down and stood up. I slipped my blazer off then hung it on the back of my chair. I rolled my sleeves up to my elbows then walked over to her side of the table. I held my hand out to her. “May I have this dance?”

She blushed and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You may.” She took my hand.

I helped her up and led her to a space I left opened. I grabbed the little remote I had set down on the piano and pressed the play button. Music began to play through the speakers placed around the studio. I pulled her close to me lifting our joined hands up and placing my other hand on her waist. She placed her free hand on my shoulder and stepped in closer to me. Our bodies were pressed together and I could feel her breath against my lips as I looked down at her. I led her in a waltz around the small space as the lyrics to the acoustic version of _Latch_ by Sam Smith surrounded us.

“Interesting song choice.”

“I thought it fit well with how I feel about you.”

I moved my hand onto her lower back and leaned in to sing in her ear. “I feel we’re close enough. Could I lock in your love? Now I’ve got you in my space I won’t let go of you. Got you shackled in my embrace I’m latching onto you.” I spun us around. She wrapped both her arms around my neck. I held her tight against me. She pressed her forehead against mine making me lose my breath. I gulped and tried to regain my composure. “How do you do it? You got me losing every breath. What did you give me to make my heart beat out my chest?” I sang against her lips. She took in a sharp breath.

The sound of it made me lean forward until my lips pressed against hers. Her lips were soft and held the taste of chocolate on them. I melted into the feel of their warmth and how well they moved against mine. It felt like my lips were on fire from all of the emotions and desires I had been holding back this entire time. I wanted more than this soft kiss. I ran my tongue slowly along her bottom lip. I felt her shiver against my body as she opened her mouth to me. I slid my tongue into her mouth and moaned as my tongue met hers. Her hand gripped the back of my neck as my tongue slid against hers taking in the taste of her. I swirled my tongue around hers which rewarded me with a soft moan from her. I didn’t want to ever stop kissing her.

She slowly pulled away from the kiss and pressed her forehead against mine. She was breathing heavily as if I stole all the air from her lungs. “Carm…”

I moved my fingers up to her chin and tilted her head up to meet my lips again. I kissed her with more force and hunger this time. I wanted the taste of her on my tongue again. She wasn’t timid this time around and fought her way into sliding her tongue into my mouth this time. Her fingers tangled themselves in my hair as she kissed me like I would disappear at any moment. As much as I needed this kiss to say I wanted her, she needed this kiss to make sure I wasn’t going to run away. She pulled away again, but bit my bottom lip and gently tugged on it before letting it go and running her tongue over it to sooth the slight pain I felt.

“I love you,” I whispered. I cupped her cheek in my hand and rubbed my thumb against it. “I was scared and I still am a bit, but I want you. I need you.” I kissed her softly then pulled back. “I didn’t want to be in love again because I didn’t want to get hurt again, but I did fall in love and I’m finding it hard to care about whether or not I get hurt. I’m scared that I will, but I love you and I want to be with you. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you or that I won’t pull away at times, but I promise I do love you.”

She ran her thumb slowly over my lips then pressed a loving kiss to them. “I can’t promise I won’t hurt you either, but I know it will never be on purpose. I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you.”

I nodded my head. “So will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes,” she whispered against my lips before kissing me.

It was so gentle and caring that neither of us felt the need to deepen it. It was a kiss to express how much we loved each other. It was a kiss that said that we belonged to one another and that we would try not to hurt each other. It was a kiss that said we should trust one another. It may have taken me a while, but I trust her. I trust her with all of me.

I pulled away to catch my breath for a second then stepped away from her. She pouted and I couldn’t help smiling. “I have a gift for you.”

Her face shifted to curiosity. “Carm you didn’t have to get me a gift.”

“I know, but I wanted to.” I turned to go to my blazer and pulled the little black box out of the inside pocket. I moved back over to her and held it out to her. “Open it.”

She chewed on her bottom lip and took the box. She ran her thumbs over the box before opening it. She gasped and stared at it wide eyed. “Carm!”

I smiled shyly. “Do you like it?”

She pulled out the silver charm bracelet and held it at eye level. “It’s wonderful.” She placed it in the palm of her hand and ran her fingers over the bracelet and the two charms I had placed on it. “Carm it’s so beautiful.” She held it out to me. “Put it on me?”

“Of course.” I took the bracelet as she held out her right hand. I undid the clasp and wrapped the bracelet around her wrist. I brought her wrist to my lips and pressed a loving kiss to it.

She lifted her wrist to see the charms I had put on it. “What do the charms mean?”

“The guitar is for the weekend I stayed at your house for the first time and I saw you playing the electric guitar and the tree is for when we had that talk in the woods.” I looked down while doing my best not to blush. “I hope that’s alright.”

I felt her arms slide around my shoulders. “They’re perfect.” She kissed me thankfully. “I love you Carmilla.”

I smiled. “I love you too Laura.” I held her against me. "Happy birthday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other stuff. You can also track the #mtme hsau tag. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D


	19. Just Keep Swimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: cussing, symptoms of drug withdrawal, child abuse, attempted death
> 
> New things: Added the name of the person who's point of view the section is written for at the beginning of each section so hopefully that makes things easier. The stars "*****" mark that it's the same character point of view just a full day or more into the future.

**_Will_ **

I stood outside Mother’s room debating whether or not to go inside. I haven’t been in here since the day Mother showed us how she decorated her room. She told us never to come into her room unless she gave us permission. I ran my hand through my hair. I looked everywhere else. This is the only room I didn’t search. I don’t think Carmilla would risk coming into Mother’s room, but that’s if she was thinking rationally. I took a deep calming breath. I can do this. I just have to be very careful.

I opened the door and stood at the entrance. I looked around taking in the white and grey walls as well as the black and stainless steel furniture. The room was neat and clean, but felt cold. It reflected Mother perfectly.

I slipped a glove onto my left hand so I wouldn’t leave finger prints on the furniture and went over to the dresser. I pulled open the drawers and carefully riffled through the clothes making sure I put them back neatly. I looked under the dresser then went over to the night stands. I checked under the bed before heading into the bathroom. I opened up the cabinets and made sure to put everything back in their specific spots. I went back into the room and made my way to the walk-in closet. For someone who never stays at home, Mother had a lot of clothes in her room.

I walked around the walk-in closet and checked all of the boxes and drawers on the left side of the room. I moved to the right side and checked the drawers there. I got to the last drawer and saw a small red box tucked into the back corner of the drawer. The lid was closed shut. Odd. Everything in the other drawers were black jewelry boxes opened to expose the silver pieces within them. This box also didn’t fit in with everything else in the room since it was the only colorful object in the room.

I pulled the small box out of the drawer and sat down pulling it into my lap. I pushed the lid open and felt my heart drop. I closed my eyes. I was really hoping to be wrong. I opened my eyes and pulled the orange bottle out of the box. I stared at the white pieces of paper in the box and pulled them out as curiosity took over me. I flipped them over to see that they were pictures. The first one was a picture of Mother on stage when she was younger. The second was a picture of Mother and Carmilla’s father. The third was of Mother and my father. The final picture was of Mother with Carmilla and I when I was five and Carmilla was seven.

I saw Mother’s handwriting on the bottom right corner of every picture that showed the date of when each picture was taken. This box wasn’t Carmilla’s. I quickly looked around the room looking for something to wipe the box clean so Mother wouldn’t find out that I was in here. I sighed and tilted my head back. Here’s to hoping I’m lucky. I wiped the box with the hem of my shirt and tucked it back into its spot. I closed the drawer and made a quick escape.

 

 

I walked down the stairs to the kitchen with the bottle in my hand. She was sitting there eating a sandwich. She was staring down at her phone and had her bottle of prescribed Vicodin sitting next to her cup of ice tea. I clenched my hand around the bottle and walked into the kitchen. She didn’t look up until I place the orange bottle by her prescription. I gripped the edge of the island and watched as she froze with wide eyes staring at the bottle. She gulped and sat up straight. She didn’t take her eyes off the bottle and kept her mouth tightly shut.

“I had found it odd that you had stopped complaining about the pain in your ribs and leg and that you weren’t limping once you got home from school like you usually did after spending an entire day trying your best not to, so it took me a while, but look what I found in Mother’s room in a little red box.” I grabbed the unmarked orange bottle and shook it. “It’s odd because here is your prescribed dosage of medication and then here we have an unmarked bottle full of pills.” I picked up the other bottle and shook both of them making the pills crash against the bottoms and tops of the bottles. I set them back down on the island. “So explain to me how you promised me that you would tell me if you were using again or anything and I’m standing here with a bottle I had to tear the house apart to find.” She bit down on her bottom lip and stared down at the counter top of the island. She ran her nails against it and stayed quiet. “You promised me Carmilla. Now tell me why you broke it.” She didn’t look at me and stayed silent. I gripped the edge of the island then picked up both bottles. “Fine.” I uncorked both bottles and dumped the pills down the sink.

“Will!” I turned the faucet on along with the garbage disposal for extra measure. “Will what the fuck!” She tried to reach around me to turn the faucet and garbage disposal off. I shoved her away and held her at bay until I turned everything off once I felt the pills were gone or at least destroyed enough to be useless. “Will!” She growled.

“What?”

“I need those pills!” She yelled.

“Why?”

She shoved me. “To manage the pain in my ribs and leg. Now what am I supposed to do for the pain?”

I glared at her. “You weren’t managing your pain, you were addicted again or why else would you be pissed off at me right now!” I snapped.

“I didn’t relapse!” She shot back.

“Then why didn’t you tell me about your stash you hid in Mother’s room?” I said through clenched teeth.

“Because I needed those pills and you wouldn’t have understood,” she reasoned.

“Really? Because when the doctor offered them to you you tried to refuse them, but he prescribed them and you took them anyway. Then you got more pills and hid them from me. So where am I not understanding that you got hooked on them again even though you have been doing your best not to this entire time!” I shouted.

She grabbed me by the collar. “I needed them to not feel pain. I needed them to feel better.” She glared at me. “That’s what you don’t understand.”

“Better how?” I glared back.

“Just better,” she said tightening her grip on my collar.

I saw the weakness and desperation in her eyes. “Carmilla…”

“I needed them Will,” she choked out. “I needed them.”

“Carmilla...” I grabbed her hands as her grip tightened even more.

“I don’t want to feel pain.”

“You don’t feel anything.”

She shook her head. “Not this time. I can’t feel the pain, but I feel happy when I’m with you or Laura. Just not the pain. I can’t stand the pain.” I wrapped my arms around her. She was shaking. I hugged her even tighter. “I just need release form the pain. Just the pain.” She cried and I couldn’t say anything. She sobbed against my chest until she had let everything out. What Mother said this last time really stuck with her even though she still ended up asking Laura to be her girlfriend. It didn’t help the injuries were becoming a reminder of that last event. “Don’t leave me,” she pleaded.

“I’m not going anywhere. I never will.”

She wrapped her arms around me. “I need help again,” she said softly.

“I know.”

“Don’t tell Laura.” I stiffened. “She can’t know.” She stepped away from me. “Please don’t tell her,” she begged.

“I can’t promise anything. She’s your girlfriend now and she’ll break the door down if she has to in order to get to you,” I tried really hard not to smile at that image.

Her lips tilted up slightly. “You’ll just have to stop her then.”

I gaped. “You do know she takes Krav Maga lessons right?”

She shrugged. “Good luck brother.”

I huffed. “Thanks oh wonderful sister.”

She chewed on her bottom lip. “Winter break starts in three days which means today and the next three days are not going to go well since I’ve been taking a lot of pills and I will start to go through withdrawal.”

I crossed my arms and stared at her. “First of all, I’m sure you’re pretty high right now because you relapsed and probably took more than you were supposed to with your lunch. Second, you’re not going to get more. You’ll have to deal with taking only Tylenol.”

She shook her head. “Will that’s not going to work and you know it.” She completely ignored my accusation of her being high.

I ran my tongue along my teeth making a sucking sound as a way to try to keep my anger at bay. She made sense and it pissed me off. “You’ll be fine.”

She let out a frustrated sigh and ran her hand through her hair. “Fine. Whatever.” She turned away from me to leave the kitchen.

“Don’t go behind my back and break your promise even more.”

“Whatever,” she said angrily.

I leaned back against the sink. Please let her last these next couple of days.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I tried my best to not noticeably limp, but the pain in my knee was ridiculous. I at least got to lie in bed all day yesterday as I came down from my high and then started to take Tylenol, but since I’m actually walking around today my leg hurt like a bitch. I took a sharp breath and winced from the pain in my ribs. This was becoming unbearable. I gripped the straps of my backpack tighter and kept walking down the hall to my locker. I glared at anyone who was looking at me and giving me a funny look. I should have moved those damn pills to somewhere else. I’m surprised Will even had the courage to go into Mother’s room. That was a big rule breaking action that he normally would not do on his own or on purpose. It really sucks right now because I need those damn pills right now. I’m over the emotional pain since I have Laura, but this whole broken ribs and fractured, bruised, and dislocated knee cap was not working for me. I sighed. He was right to dump them though.

I leaned my shoulder against my locker and rubbed my knee. This is fucking ridiculous. I opened my locker and grabbed my books out of it. I tensed then relaxed as her arms settled around my waist and her lips pressed against the side of my neck. I closed my eyes and for a moment the pain went away. She hugged me tighter and kissed my neck again. I closed my locker then turned around to lean my back against it. I grabbed her waist and pulled her against me. I captured her lips as her hands cupped my face. I slipped my thumbs under her shirt and rubbed them against her hip bones. She shuddered and I pulled her in as close as possible to me. I ran my tongue hungrily along her bottom lip.

“Get a room you two!”

Laura pulled away with a shy smile and blush on her beautiful face. She pecked my lips then laced our fingers together. “We’ll meet you in the cafeteria Danny.”

“Yeah yeah. Try not to corrupt her too much Mistress of the Snark.”

I rolled my eyes. “Get out of here Xena.”

Danny glared at me and walked away toward the cafeteria. “Nice to see you two getting along,” Laura said sarcastically.

I quirked my eyebrow at her. “Oh yes we’re the best of friends,” I said matching her sarcasm.

She smiled and shook her head. “Come on. I’m starving right now.”

“Alright.”

I put my weight on my leg and winced again doing my best to hold in my grunt of pain. We started walking and I was good about not limping for a good five steps before I couldn’t take it. “Babe are you ok?”

I froze at the pet name and made us stop. “What?”

“I asked if you were ok?” She looked at me worriedly.

Ok so she’s not going to address the pet name. Not that I don’t like it. It just caught me off guard. I mean I do call her food names. She tilted her head to the side and chewed on her bottom lip. Right she asked me a question. “I ran out of my pain medication and it’ll be a couple days before I can get a refill.”

She looked confused. “I didn’t know you were taking pain medication.”

Shit. I never told her I had gotten hurt along with Will. “Yeah. I was climbing the tree with Will and fell when I reached out to try to catch him.”

“You never told me this,” she accused.

Crap. Please don’t think too much on this. I can’t handle it if you figure it out. “I just didn’t want to worry you is all.” Like I don’t want you to worry about the fact that I’m beginning to feel like shit because I haven’t had a pill in the last twenty hours.

Her gaze softened. “You don’t have to hide things from me you know. I love you and I want to be there for you.” She pulled my arm across her shoulders and wrapped her other arm around my waist. “Lean on me some more if you need to. I’m stronger than I look.”

I smiled. “I know buttercup.” I kissed her cheek and leaned a bit of my weight on her.

I hope I can keep her away until I get through the worst of my withdrawal symptoms. It’s just a whole different level from hearing about my past and from bearing my weight as we walk to the cafeteria. I don’t want her to see me that vulnerable. I never want her to see me that vulnerable. Plus I don’t want her to see that side of me. I don’t want to hurt her with what I may say or by what I might do. I just want to keep her safe. I kissed her cheek again and watched her blush. I don’t want her to take care of the mess I made of myself. I can let Will do it because he was there the first time when it was a thousand times worse, but not Laura. It was going to suck because Laura in some way was also an addiction for me. I could drown in my addiction for her for the rest of my life if it meant I could love her and she could love me too.

* * *

 

**_WIll_ **

“Fuck you Will you piece of shit!” I ducked as a plate was flung at my head and heard it shatter against the wall behind me. “You couldn’t have waited until after finals were done for the semester?” I ducked down again as a cup flew at me. “You are nothing but a pain in my fucking ass!” She threw another plate. “I didn’t ask for your damn help. As usual you do whatever the fuck you want without taking other people’s wellbeing into consideration!” A fork flew at me this time. “I got hurt because of you! If you had kept your mouth shut or told a fucking lie for once in your life I wouldn’t be in this much pain in the first fucking place. You’re fucking useless!” Another cup came at me. “All my pain is because of you. You did this to me. You drove me to have to take those damn pills!” I peeked to see if another object was going to be flown at me. “Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?” I stood up all the way. She wasn’t going to throw anything at me again. She fell to the floor and ran her hand shakily through her hair. “Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?” She banged the back of her head against the cabinet.

Dinner was going good until she refused to let me put her dishes in the sink for her. She stood up and grunted with pain. She lost her balance and had to use the sink to brace herself. Next thing I know she’s super pissed off. She was getting more irritable, so it’s not like I didn’t expect it. I just can’t let what she just said get to me. She doesn’t mean it. She’s just lashing out because of the pain in her leg, but also because of being off since her body is trying to balance out without the pills.

I moved around the island and crouched down beside her. She had her forehead resting in the palm of her hand with her fingers entangled in her hair. We stayed like that for a while in the silence. She was trying to calm down. I just had to wait for her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I know,” I whispered back.

“I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.” Her body shook as she started to cry.

I moved closer. “I’m ok. You didn’t hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” she said while sobbing.

“I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere.”

She buried her face in her hands. “You should go. I don’t deserve to be taken care of. I don’t deserve anything. I’m so fucking weak.”

“I’m not going anywhere Carmilla. I’m here for you always.”

She reached her hand out blindly and I grabbed it. She squeezed my hand like it was a life line and I just held it until she stopped crying. She leaned her head back against the cabinet and closed her eyes. She kept a firm grip on my hand. I didn’t move until her grip slackened and I could tell she was breathing deeply. She had fallen asleep. I slipped an arm under her knees and the other under her shoulders. I lifted her up and cradled her against me. I carried her up the stairs to her room and tucked her into bed. I pulled up my bean bag chair I brought in here from my room and sat down. We can do this.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I watched as she rapidly tapped her foot against the floor. She was squinting at the paper and looked angry and irritated beyond belief. I wasn’t having too much trouble with our Spanish final, so I know she should be having a complete easy time with it since she was fluent in it by now. Her fingers tapped against her thigh and she seemed to be sweating. There was something wrong with her and it had nothing to do with her exam. First she was limping yesterday and now she couldn’t keep still for the life of her.

I looked back down at my paper. I’ll ask her once we’re done with this exam. It was the last one for today at least. Maybe we can spend time together today since we didn’t get to yesterday because she said she had errands to do. I glanced back at her and saw her frowning down at her paper. She wiped the sweat off her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose. She closed her eyes for a moment then opened them again to stare at her exam. She titled her head to the right then the left before glaring down at her exam. Her foot seemed to find a faster speed to tap at as well as her fingers. She just seemed to be having trouble focusing. She moved her pencil into her left hand and used her now free right hand to rub her right knee. She kept working on the exam as she did this. So she’s ambidextrous like her brother. I didn’t know that.

She cleared her throat and I stared into her eyes. She was smiling wide. Totally got caught staring at her, but she’s my girlfriend now so I can stare at her all I want. She pointed the end of her pencil at my exam and then went back to working on hers. I sighed and stared down at my paper. Just a couple of more questions to go and I’ll be completely done. I spared another glance at her. She went back to fidgeting uncontrollably in her seat.

 

 

 

“Carm are you ok?” I held her close against my side as we walked down the hall.

“Of course cupcake.” She winced.

“Carm…”

She looked at me then sighed. “Alright, I’m not feeling too well. Think I got sick, but I have to finish these exams before I can lie in bed all day.”

I shook my head in frustration. “You should’ve told me. I can come over today with some cold medicine and make you some soup.”

She looked down at the ground. “No. it’s ok. I don’t want you getting sick.”

“Carm…let me take care of you please.”

She shook her head and smiled at me sadly. “I’ll be ok. Will has been good at making sure I’m alright.”

I pouted. “I’m your girlfriend. I want to take care of you.”

She looked away from me and winced from the pain in her leg again. She stayed silent as we made our way to her car. I let her go so she could lean against her car and catch her breath. She closed her eyes and ran her hand through her hair. “I’m sorry Laura,” she began and opened her eyes to look at me, “but I don’t think I’m fully ready to let you do that. I really want you too, but I’m not ready.” She pleaded with her eyes for me to understand.

She wasn’t ready to fully let all her walls down and be completely vulnerable with me. I can wait. I’ve been waiting. What’s a little longer? “Alright then, but text me if you need anything ok.” I reached out and caressed her cheek. “I’ll do anything for you.” I cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead since she’d probably freak out if I kissed her lips since she said she didn’t want me getting sick too.

Her hands rested on my waist and she pressed her forehead against mine. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Of course.” I kissed her forehead again. I wrapped my arms around her neck and held her close. “Just know I’m here for you alright?”

“Alright.” She smiled and kissed my cheek.

“Alright lovebirds lets go. I have exams to study for,” Will tease as he came up to us. Carm rolled her eyes and we all climbed into the car.

I’ll text her later to see if she’s doing alright or needs anything.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I groaned as my whole body began to ache like hell. I was sweating too much even though I was only in my underwear and bra. I pulled the blanket tight around me. It wasn’t helping with the sweating, but it was better than being cold. I curled up into a ball and clutched the sheets tightly while squeezing my eyes shut. I will not throw up again. I will not throw up again. I will not throw up again. I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom as the familiar acid taste reached my mouth. I fell to my knees in front of the toilet and emptied my stomach out into it. How the hell could I be vomiting this much when I haven’t really been eating in the first damn place?

I felt my hair being pulled away from my face. I kept vomiting into the toilet as a hand squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. I spat into the toilet trying to get rid of the left over taste and groaned while moving to lie down on my side on the bathroom floor. I shivered from how cold it was, but I wasn’t feeling overheated and sweaty anymore. I curled back up into a ball and closed my eyes tight. It was becoming hard to breathe and my chest felt extremely tight. My muscles seemed to all tense up at once and I clenched my jaw.

“Breathe Carmilla,” Will soothe as he ran his hand up and down my arm and pulled my hair away from my face. “Breathe,” he repeated. The tension in my muscles began to go away and I tilted my head back gasping for air. My whole damn body was screaming. I need release from this pain. Just one pill. I just need one pill and I’ll be fine. I can handle one pill.

“Will…” I groaned.

“I’ll get you some Tylenol.”

“Fuck you.”

He sighed and kept rubbing my arm. “That’s all you’re getting.”

“Fuck. You,” I punctuated with all the anger I could muster. I quickly pushed myself up from the floor and vomited into the toilet again. He held my hair back and steadied me by holding my shoulder. I fucking hate him right now. “I fucking hate you.”

He squeezed my shoulder gently. “You want to stay in here or do you want to get back in bed?”

I leaned my forehead into the palm of my hand and flushed the toilet. “Here. I won’t have to use my leg if I end up needing to vomit again.”

“Alright.”

I lay back down on the bathroom floor and wrapped my arms around my stomach. This fucking sucks. I shivered feeling unbearably cold now since the sweat on my body was being cooled by the floor and he fact I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I felt the warmth of my blanket as he tucked it in around me. “Thanks.”

“I’ll get you some toast and Tylenol.”

“Will?”

I could hear the groan of the wood as he gripped the door frame. “Yeah?”

“Has Laura called?”

“She did. She wanted to see how you were doing and wondered if you wanted to do anything tomorrow now that school was over for the semester.”

“You didn’t tell her did you?”

“No. I told her you were still sick and probably won’t be able to go anywhere for a while.”

I gripped my stomach tightly as it began to ache. My whole body was protesting by aching and feeling like I got hit by a semi-truck. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll be back with food and medicine.”

It won’t be long until Laura shows up here and forces her way into my room. I know she understands that I don’t want to be completely vulnerable with her yet, but that’s not going to stop her from coming to see for herself that I’m ok. Especially if she just thinks I have the flu. If she knew what was really wrong she may just run away and never look back. Maybe she should come over. If she runs now I could save her a lifetime of heartache. She can see me for who I really am and run away.

I gripped the toilet rim and hauled myself up to vomit some more. I spat into the toilet and flushed it. I lie back down and pulled my blanket tight against me. Who am I kidding? Laura would stay no matter what. To be honest, her willingness to stay with me is what scares me the most. I pulled the blanket over my head. Despite not wanting her to see this part of me, I really wish she was here to hold me.

********

“Laura you can’t go in there!”

“Shut up Will!” I pulled the blanket over my head and buried my face into my pillow some more.

“Laura I told you she’d call you if she needed you!”

“Yeah well I’m done waiting for a call that’s not going to come!” My dorm banged open and I could feel the anger radiating from her. Can I just be swallowed up into a black hole now or something? “Carmilla!”

“Hmm…”

“Carmilla!” I mumbled into the pillow. “Come out from under that damn blanket.”

Crap she’s really pissed. I moved the blanket off my head and saw her standing there with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. “Hey cupcake.”

“You’re ridiculous you know that?” She walked over to me and took off her shoes before climbing into bed behind me. Her arms wrapped around my waist as she pulled me back against her.

“Laura…”

“Don’t you dare Laura me,” she huffed. “I figured it out after our last day of finals four days ago. I was hoping if I gave you your space you’d call me soon and tell me.”

“Laura,” I sighed.

“You know it sucks I had to put the pieces together myself instead of you just telling me. I wasn’t going to run away if that’s what you were thinking.”

I sighed and clenched my blankets. “It was because I knew you wouldn’t run away that I didn’t tell you.”

Her body stiffened. “Why?”

I closed my eyes. “It scares me that you can accept this and still love me.”

She sighed and kissed my cheek. “Carm, that’s what love is. It means I’m still going to love you despite your flaws and be here for you. Trust me when I say I’m not going anywhere.” I nodded my head. “Good. Now what can I do for you?” She asked lovingly.

“Can you just hold me while I sleep?”

“Of course.” She kissed my cheek and held me close.

“Hey before you head into snoozeville,” Will started and I growled. “Since Laura is here to take care of you, I’m going to head out to hang out with the Zetas.”

“Fine. Now get out of here before I have Laura kick you out.” I felt her smile against my neck.

“Alright. Laura please make sure she takes her medicine and eats something.”

“I will. Go have fun Will. I’ll take over from here.”

“Thank you.”

I turned over and snuggled into Laura. Her fingers started to run through my hair slowly. I’m sure I smelled pretty bad since I had taken a shower in two days, but my body was still aching like hell. “Go to sleep Carm.” She kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes and for the first time days, I felt fully relaxed. I fell asleep instantly.

 

 

 

 

“Carmilla Dear!” I woke up with a start. Laura was sound asleep with her arms still holding me tight against her. Fuck! “Carmilla?!”

Laura stirred and groaned. I grabbed her waist and shook softly. “Laura I really need you to wake up right now.” She mumbled and buried her face in my hair. If it was any other time I would have found it adorable, but right now was not that time. “Laura please wake up.”

She stirred and blinked her eyes. “Carm?”

“Carmilla!”

Laura’s eyes opened wide at the sound of my Mother’s voice. “Carm?”

“My Mother is home from her trip. I didn’t tell her about us and she doesn’t know about what’s going on with me right now.”

Laura quickly sat up. “What do you need me to do?”

I sat up with her and ran my fingers through my hair. “Don’t mention our relationship and just say I had the flu.”

“Alright.” She nodded her head then scrambled off my bed to put her shoes on.

“Carmilla?” I glanced at my door and saw a glimpse of shock on Mother’s face as she looked at me and Laura. She quickly composed herself. “I didn’t know you had a guest over.” She stepped into my room and I saw the anger in her eyes. “Who is this lovely girl?”

Laura turned to me with worried eyes. “This is Laura Mother. She just came to check on me since I’ve had the flu for the last couple of days.” Mother’s gaze turned menacing.

“It’s nice to meet you Laura though I wish it was under different circumstances.” She held her hand out to Laura.

Laura took it. “Its nice meeting you too Ms. Karnstein.” She let go of my Mother’s hand then glanced at me before nervously standing up. “Well I should go now that your mother’s home. I’ll see you later Carmilla.” She looked at Mother. “Again, it was nice meeting you.”

“Likewise dear.”

Laura waved and walked out of my room. It was silent as Mother and I listened to the sound of Laura’s footsteps on the staircase, the marble floor, and then finally the opening and closing of the front door. I gulped and stared at Mother. I gripped my sheets to keep myself from shaking. She stood there and closed her eyes. She crossed her arms across her chest and stayed silent. She was thinking hard and I was fighting every urge to just bolt from the room and hope for the best.

“Put some clothes on. We are going for a drive,” she ordered with controlled rage.

“Yes Mother.”

She walked out of my room and I jumped out of bed. I limped over to my dresser and threw drawers open looking for some decent clothes. She wasn’t giving me the option of showering first if her tone of voice was any indication of her mood right now. I threw on my Metallica shirt with my black Orchestra sweatshirt, my black skinny jeans, and my black combat boots. I went into the bathroom to at least brush my teeth and hair so I wouldn’t look like a complete mess. I opened the medicine cabinet and found the bottle of Tylenol. I was actually able to feel the effects of it now that my body was getting used to not having Vicodin. I pocketed the bottle for later. My body wasn’t hurting at the moment since I was trying to fight the urge to run away. Thank you fight or flight response for making the pain go away. I took a deep breath and went downstairs.

Mother was waiting for me at the bottom of the staircase. “Follow me.”

“Yes Mother.” She led me out to the garage and we climbed into her car. She waited for the garage door to open then backed out of the driveway. “Where are we going Mother?”

Her hands clenched the steering wheel. “Do not ask me questions.”

I gulped and turned to look out the window. “Yes Mother.”

 

 

 

 

She pulled onto a neglected dirt road and drove down it slowly. The car ride was agonizing. The whole ride it seemed like she was fighting the urge to strike me right then and there. I ended up spending the entire time gripping the door handle for dear life. It wasn’t good if she stayed silent seething in her rage. I disobeyed her and kept seeing Laura and now she knew it for sure. I had thought she would be back after the holidays, but really I should learn to never take her word. She always comes home early. I should have known. I got comfortable and let my guard down.

We stopped at the edge of some trees and she cut the engine off. “Follow me.” She climbed out of the car then ducked her head back in to glare at me. “Do not even think of running away.”

“Yes Mother,” I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed out of the car. I did my best not to shake or show that I wanted to run away.

She locked the doors while slipping her heels off and started to walk into the forest. I followed behind her and realized she was following a grown over path. Where was she taking me? We walked on for a good ten minutes through the thick woods until we cleared the tree line. There was a large lake that reflected the moon and looked peaceful. Tall grass lined the edge of the lake and fireflies flew around the area like never ending fireworks. There was a wooden dock and a small row boat tied to it and pulled up onto the bank for extra measure. If it was any other time I would think this was breath taking, but under these circumstances I was more terrified than anything.

I glanced at Mother and saw her looking around. She straightened her back and started walking. I followed her through the tall grass as the fireflies flew around us. A couple of them tickled my face and I had to hold down the excited giggle that threatened to burst out. We walked over to the dock and the boat. Mother untied the boat from its post and set her heels down on the dock. She climbed down onto the ground and started to push the small row boat off the bank. She got it to budge and into the water more. She climbed in and stared at me.

“Finish pushing the boat into the water and climb in.”

“Yes Mother.”

I shoved against the boat with the strength I had left which wasn’t really much. It took a couple of shoves before I finally got it all the way into the water. I climbed into the boat thankful that I had my combat boots on so I wouldn’t have to feel how ice cold the water was.

“Pick up the oars and start paddling.”

“Yes Mother.”

I moved past where she was sitting in the middle of the boat to get to the bow and sat down. I started to row into the lake. My muscles decided that it was time to start screaming again since I was over using them when I had no food in my system and I was still getting over my withdrawal. I took loud ragged breaths as I kept rowing the boat. We were reaching the middle of the lake and she still hadn’t told me to stop yet. I didn’t want to ask to stop to catch my breath for fear of what she might do. I grunted and kept rowing the boat.

“Stop here.” I stopped rowing and pulled the oars into the boat. We were a little more than half way out into the lake. “Get in the water.”

I stared at her wide eyed. “W-what?”

Her hand smacked across my face and jolted me off balance causing the boat to tip over to the right along with me. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

I cupped my face as she sat there calmly. I looked into the water then hesitantly climbed out of the boat into the water. I felt a shock go through my body as the freezing cold water engulfed my body in its depths. My teeth started to chatter. I looked up at her waiting for her to say something. Instead I was met with the end of an oar pressing sharply against my chest and forcing me down. I gripped the oar giving up on treading water. She was forcing me under water and I was too weak to fight back. The oar dug into my chest and inched up hitting against my throat. I coughed and let go of the oar falling under the water. I panicked. I threw my arms out scrambling against the water to break the surface to get air.

I poked my head above water and took a deep breath before the oar shoved roughly down against my shoulder forcing me under water again. I grabbed at the oar trying to throw it off. Normally I could hold my breath for three minutes straight, but normally I would not be held down under water. My lungs burned for air. I stopped flailing around under water and lost my grip on the oar. I felt myself sinking deeper into the water. I coughed taking in a mouthful of water into my lungs, but that made me want to fight to get to the surface. I scrambled against the water and weight of my clothes dragging me down to break the surface again. I coughed out as much water as I could and did my best to start treading water again.

“I used to come here when I was younger. I almost drowned because I refused to lose a bet against a friend of mine, so I kept treading water even though my muscles ached and I had to keep dunking myself under water to give them a moment of rest.” She looked around. “It has been a long time since I have been here.” I coughed again. “You can let go you know. Just let the water take you and end all of your troubles. You can let go and finally be able to stop hurting William with your selfishness. You can let go and save that Laura girl from the inevitable heartbreak she will experience. You can let go and save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak you will experience. You can let go and finally forget Elle and the pain she caused you. You can let go and stop being a disappointment.” She glared down at me. “You can be selfish right here and now and just end it all if you just let go and let the water take you.”

I dunked under the water to let my arms rest for a brief second then pushed myself back up. It was much more difficult to tread water when you were completely weak as well as fully clothed. “When I was younger we used to throw objects into the water and compete to see who could find it at the bottom of the lake first. My friend lost his toy sword in this spot a long time ago. I wonder if it is still down there.” She looked at me while pulling the oar to her lap. She stuck it out and shoved it hard against my shoulder forcing me under the water again. I fought harder this time to move the oar off of me. After a few good tugs I pulled the oar into the water. She obviously let it go. I pushed up to the surface. I was beginning to not be able to feel my feet because the water was excruciatingly cold.

“Why do you continue to fight me Carmilla? Do you not want it all to end?” I glared at her as I breathed air back into my lungs. “It was not that long ago that you tried to end it all and leave William and I here alone. You were selfish then and you are still selfish now. You will always be selfish, so why not do us all a favor and end it now. One last selfish act to end it all.” I tread the water and glared at her. Like hell I’ll give up now. Yes I have issues and I’m not always the best person, but I’m not going anywhere now. I have Laura. She titled her head. “You really think that Laura is going to stay with you? She will see the type of monster you are. It will not be long until she sees you the way that Elle girl did then she will leave you just the same. I am trying to save you from that my dear. I do not want to see you suffer the same way again because you are a monster and no one can ever love a monster.”

I stopped treading water to let my arms rest. I dipped under the surface. She’s wrong. Laura loves me. She will always love me. She will always be there for me. She will never see me as a monster. Mother is wrong! I pushed back to the surface. I shook my head and wiped the water from my face. I was beginning to lose feeling in my hands, but I kept treading water anyway. I glared at her as she sat there watching me.

I spent what felt like an eternity in the water. I started to shiver and I was beginning to lose feeling in my legs and arms, but I kept forcing them to move. I kept forcing them to tread water. She merely stared at me. Laura loves me. She will always love me. She will always be there for me. I kept repeating those words over and over again. That’s what she says now, but what about later? What will happen a year from now or two years from now? She can get tired of you like Elle did. She can eventually see you for the monster that you truly are and leave. This can all just be temporary. She can eventually leave you and never look back. I shook my head to clear away the doubt. She won’t leave me. But what if she does?

I won’t survive.

My arms finally gave out and sunk under the water. I kept kicking my legs, but it was becoming useless if I couldn’t move my arms. I stopped struggling and let the water swallow me down. I closed my eyes. It will be easy to just let go. People will just think it was an accident that I drowned and think nothing of it. They’ll think I had taken a dare in the middle of the night. I mean the boat was still in great shape which meant people still came out here. I could let go and not be hurt later on. I can save Will from being hurt by Mother ever again. I can save Laura from being hurt. I can save myself from being hurt by Laura. I can finally forget about Elle. I just had to let go. I let some air out of my lungs. I can just let go and finally be done. I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.

My feet touched the bottom of the lake and I opened my eyes. I tilted my head back to look toward the surface. The light of the moon shined down upon me. It was serene. I feel at peace right now. I closed my eyes. I just need to let go. I opened my eyes and looked away from the surface taking in what was around me. My body began to float back up to the surface on its own, but unless I moved my arms and legs, I will never break the surface for air. I looked down at the lake floor. It was beautiful. Certainly better than slitting my wrists.

I bright glint caught my eye. I looked to where it came from and saw something shinning against some boulders. I stared at it as it beckoned me toward it. My curiosity won out and I found a little bit of strength to make my way the three feet to what was down here with me. I reached the object and saw that it was a little toy sword wedged between two boulders. I reached down to grab it and braced my feet against the boulders. I yanked at it until it came loose then held it in my hands. I gripped it tightly. I found what Mother and her friend could not find years ago. If I can find this stupid little toy sword then I can find the strength to survive if Laura did leave me. I could survive because at least I’d be alive to still be able to love her even if she didn’t want me anymore. Just loving her would be enough for me.

I kicked off from the bottom of the lake and fought my way back up to the surface. My lungs were already feeling like they were going to burst. I broke the surface just in time. I gasped for air and thrashed my arms against the water. I forced my legs to move again. I coughed and gasped for air. I kept a tight grip on the toy sword.

“You prove once again that you are selfish,” she said coldly. I looked over at her and saw her with both oars dipped into the water. “When will you ever stop disappointing me and be a good girl for once?” She snarled. She composed herself. “I am sure that you can get back to the dock just fine.” She gripped the oars tightly. “I have another flight to catch. I had only come home to pick up a few documents that I was not told I needed, so I will not be back until after Christmas. Do us all a great service and behave yourself,” she warned. She started to row away.

I waited for her to reach the dock before I forced myself to swim back to it. She was gone by the time I reached the dock. I swam over to the bank because I had no energy to pull myself up onto the dock. I crawled onto the bank and then collapsed. It was freezing, but if I could feel how cold it was then I was still alive. I laid there catching my breath and letting my muscles relax. I still had the toy sword in my hand. I looked at it. Yeah I’ll survive and this can be my reminder that I can and will survive. It was perfect too. Swords were for fighters. I can consider myself a fighter now. No more running away. I’m done running.

Except right now when I literally have to run back home. I groaned. This run was going to be a bitch.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other things. you can also track the #mtme hsau tag.


	20. The Art of Gift Giving

**_Carmilla_ **

I have to keep moving. I have to keep going. Forget about the burning in your lungs. Forget about the ache in your muscles. Just keep running. You’ll be home eventually. Just keep running. You can take a hot shower once you get home. Ignore the cold. Keep running and you’ll stay warm despite the cold and being soaked to the bone in lake water. Keep running.

I concentrated on running as another car drove by me. The taillights shown bright red as it stopped. It stayed in the middle of the road until finally pulling off to the side cutting off my running route. I frowned at it. It was a black SUV and did not seem to be friendly. I made to cross the street and run along the other side of the road until the passenger side door opened.

“Karnstein?”

I slowed down to a walk and took in the tall red head. “Lawrence,” I said with enough snark to make her frown as I came to a stop just far enough to still have view of the driver’s side.

She glared at me and I glared right back. The door to the driver’s side opened and I heard the crunch of the dirt as they stepped out. “Ladies lets save the Mexican stand off for another day shall we?”

I looked away to see who had spoken. I smirked. JP was dressed in tight black jeans with a black tank top on. He had a glow stick hanging from his neck and glow stick bracelets around his wrists. He had some glow in the dark paint along his forearms in the shape of tribal tattoos. “What are you doing with Clifford light show?”

He smiled. “Thank you for noticing. I work hard to be a light house for all the single people.” He winked. I rolled my eyes. He laughed. “Alright, but seriously why are you all the way out here in the middle of the night soaking wet?” He avoided my question.

I shrugged. “Isn’t it obvious?” He crossed his arms and gave me a pointed look. “I went for a swim.”

He looked me up and down. “Right and I went to see the Wizard of Oz.”

I smirked. “So did you use the yellow brick road or rainbow road?”

He shook his head. “Don’t sass me young lady.”

“Young lady? What are you fifty?”

He glared at me. “Fine. We’ll stick to the ‘I went for a swim’ excuse, but you’re getting in the car with us and we’ll be driving you home since it’s another fifteen miles away.”

I glared at him then glared at Danny who was standing there with her hands on her hips just watching us. I won’t be able to last another fifteen miles like this. I sighed and did my best to run my fingers through my drenched hair. “Alright.”

JP clapped his hands excitedly. “Great. Now let's get you out of those clothes and into my car.”

I stared at him confused. “When did we agree that I was changing my clothes?”

“Just now.” He opened the back seat door and reached inside. He came back out with a bright pink V-neck shirt and a black pair of sweat pants. He held them out to me.

“I am not changing my clothes especially to change into that,” I pointed at the pink shirt.

He raised his eyebrow. “Oh, then I guess I can always just call Laura and have her and her dad come pick you up,” he said with a touch of impatience. I bunched my hands into fists then relaxed them before grabbing the clothes. “That’s what I thought,” he said smugly. I rolled my eyes. He reached back into the backseat and came out with a towel. “I’ll cover you while you change.”

I moved to stand between the car door and the back seat of the car. He moved and lifted the towel looking away from me to finish making the impromptu changing room. I struggled to get my wet clothes off and shivered when the cold of the night hit my bare skin. I debated taking my bra and underwear off, but I honestly just don’t want to feel the weight of the lake on me anymore. I slipped the warm clothes on and realized the pink shirt had the words ‘Tron in the Forest’ written across the front. I dumped my wet clothes onto the floor of the backseat, but held onto the toy sword.

“Alright I’m good.”

“Great!” He dropped the towel and tossed it into the back seat. “Climb on in m’lady,” he said mockingly holding his hand out to help me inside.

“If only my savior wasn’t a guy,” I teased grabbing a hold of his hand to climb into the back seat since I was quickly running out of strength now.

“This isn’t Burger King. You can’t always have it your way.” He made sure I was fully in the car then closed the door. I pulled my knees up to my chest and fought back another shiver. I watched as Danny climbed back into the car and started to face all of the vents in the car toward me before turning the heater on to full blast. I felt the warmness of it which made me shiver again.

I heard the trunk of the car open and then quickly close before JP climbed into the driver’s seat. “Here you go.” He handed me a blanket.

“Thanks.” I took it and quickly wrapped myself in it. He buckled in his seat belt and pulled back onto the road. It was silent as I just looked out the window. I bit my bottom lip. “Thank you for stopping.”

“I wouldn’t have stopped, but Danny made me because she recognized that it was you.”

I glanced over at Danny. She shrugged. “You looked like a drowned cat.”

If only she knew how accurate half of that statement was. “Thank you.”

She stared out her side window. “Don’t make it weird Karnstein.”

I smiled. “So my savior actually was a woman,” I teased.

She turned to glare at me. “Don’t mention this ever.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Does that also include the fact you two were just coming back from a rave in the forest?” Her eyes widened slightly. “I mean you two are underage after all.”

“Yeah it would be great if you didn’t mention anything,” JP answered.

“Only if you tell me why you were actually there.”

“I’ll talk if you talk,” he replied. He glanced at me through the rearview mirror.

I bit my bottom lip. “Alright so we’re all under agreement that this night didn’t happen?”

JP smirked. “Agreed.”

“Same,” Danny said.

I nodded my head. I pulled the blanket tighter around me. I looked to see that JP was looking at me with worried eyes through the rearview mirror. I looked away. I leaned my head against the window and stared at the passing forest. One day we’ll be able to talk about this night again and I can be fully honest with them and thank them better, but for now, the secret between the three of us will have to do. I closed my eyes and soon drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I fidgeted in my seat and kept glancing out the window of the restaurant. I looked back to my dad. He raised his eyebrow at me then went back to looking at the menu. I glanced out the window again sighing after finally seeing her and Will making their way to the front entrance. She caught me staring and gave me a small smile. I smiled back feeling my nerves slowly floating away from me. Will grabbed her arm and quickly dragged her away to actually come inside. I caught the end of his eye roll. I shook my head and tried to hold back my laugh.

“Hey Mr. Hollis!” Will called as he came over with Carmilla trailing behind him.

“Hello Will. Good to see you outside of band activities.” My dad slid out of the booth so Will could slide in.

“Hello Mr. Hollis,” Carmilla said while I got up so she could slide in to be next to the window and across from Will.

“Hello Carmilla. Good to see you’re feeling better.”

“I’m still not one hundred percent better, but at least I’m not stuck in bed anymore.”

He nodded his head. “Well I hope Laura has been helping you to get better and not making you worse with feeding you just cookies.”

“Dad!” I said embarrassingly.

Carmilla chuckled. “She’s able to read the instructions on the soup cans just fine.”

I glared at Carmilla and she gave me a playful smirk. I rolled my eyes and looked at my dad. He looked between us with a curious gaze. “So can we skip the pleasantries and get to why Laura set up this lovely lunch meeting.”

I chewed on my bottom lip and stared at the table top. I heard Carmilla sigh. “We’re dating Mr. Hollis,” she said with a serious tone I have never heard her use before. She sounded older. It sounded weird.

“Oh. For how long has this been going on?” He asked.

“Since her birthday.”

He put the menu down on the table and stared at us both. I fidgeted again and Carmilla’s hand rested on my knee giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Laura?” I looked at him. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

I sighed and focused on the comfort Carmilla’s hand on my knee gave me. “I wasn’t ready to say anything.”

“So you lied and stayed over at her house every weekend and then stayed at her house every night this past week and a half to take care of her,” he stated with restrained anger.

“I’m sorry dad.” I stared at the table.

“Carmilla I thought I could expect more from you,” he sighed with disappointment.

“You can’t really blame Carmilla sir. Laura does have her wrapped around her finger,” Will interrupted. “Ow!” I tried to fight back the laugh I had as I looked at Carmilla glaring daggers at Will after having kicked him under the table.

“Don’t kick your brother Carmilla,” my dad chastised.

“Sorry Mr. Hollis,” she said before looking down at the table.

“Dad?” I asked.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “What’s done is done, but we’ll be talking about how you’re going to be grounded after Christmas for lying to me.” I nodded my head. He then looked at Carmilla. “Please tell me you two haven’t done anything,” he said wearily.

“No Mr. Hollis. Our relationship is still new and I’m still getting to learn more about Laura.”

He nodded his head seemingly happy with the answer. “Well I can only say that it’s about time and that you’ll have to sleep in a separate room from now on when you stay over,” he smirked.

“Dad!” I gasped and shook my head.

Carmilla laughed. “I was being stubborn.”

“I’d say,” he answered.

“Oh god,” I put my head in my hands.

“Looks like everyone was getting tired of the both of you,” Will added.

“Shut it Will!” Carmilla said while laughing.

“Well he is right,” my dad added.

“Alright new topic that has nothing to do with my dating life,” I interrupted mortified by the situation.

My dad chuckled. “Alright kiddo.” I shook my head again. “So what are you two doing for Christmas?”

“We don’t really celebrate any holiday, so we don’t have anything planned,” Carmilla answered.

I looked at her. “What do you mean you don’t celebrate any holiday?”

“I mean that ideally we’d celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas because we’re part Jewish and Christian.”

“How come you never told me this?”

She shrugged. “It never came up.”

I looked at her some more. “So exactly when have you had the time to go light the Menorah?” She raised her eyebrows at me. “I know a little bit about the tradition.”

Will cleared his throat, “We actually haven’t had the chance to celebrate it in a long while since our mother travels a lot during the holidays for business and we don’t have any family here.”

Carmilla nodded her head, “Plus I’ve been sick throughout the entire celebration so I couldn’t cook even if I wanted to.”

“Did it pass already?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, but we’re used to missing it by now since neither of us are actually good with a calendar,” Will answered.

“Plus it’s just the two of us so we prefer to sleep in and watch movies or play video games all day,” Carmilla added. I watched her give Will an apologetic look. He shrugged.

It’s more than what they’re saying. I’ll ask about it some other time. “Well you can stay over Christmas Eve and at least celebrate Christmas,” I said giving my dad my best puppy dog eyes.

He stared at me long and hard before caving in and sighing. “You’ll be sleeping in separate rooms, but you can sleep over and celebrate it with us. I’d love to have the both of you for Christmas as well as no one should be alone during the holidays,” he said sincerely giving Will and Carmilla a meaningful look.

Carmilla blushed and nodded her head. Will looked down at the table, “We’d love to sir. Thank you,” he said shyly.

“Alright then. I’ll have to go to the market and get more food,” dad said.

“Are you all ready to order?” The waiter said cheerily as he came up to us.

“Give us another moment. We haven’t actually looked at our menus,” my dad answered.

“Sure thing. Can I get you two anything to drink?” The waiter asked looking at Will and Carmilla.

“Mountain Dew will work for me and Ice Tea for her,” Will replied.

“Alright. I’ll be back for your orders in a moment.” The waiter walked away to help another table.

“Well I’ll text Perry and everyone else to let them know Will and Carmilla will be there for Christmas,” I said.

“The d-others are going to be there?” Carmilla asked stopping herself from saying dimwit squad in front of my dad.

“Yup. We do a little party in the late afternoon and everyone brings food,” I answered.

“Oh. That’s nice.”

I bumped her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll be with you the entire time.”

She nodded her head. “Alright.”

I placed my hand over the hand she still had on my knee and squeezed it reassuringly. She smiled. We looked down at our menus and actually tried to find something to order. The rest of lunch went well and my dad seemed to connect with Will a lot about cars. They got lost in their love of muscle cars while Carmilla and I played tic-tac-toe on the napkins. She obviously kept letting me win which was frustrating, but seeing her smile helped me forgive her for going easy on me. I kissed her cheek at some point and her face went pink from the embarrassment as she quickly glanced over to my dad. He didn’t seem to be paying attention until I looked at him. He caught my eye and smiled nodding his head in approval.

Yeah I can see this becoming a regular thing with the four of us.

 

 

 

 

 

I lay down on my bed and curled up with my pillow. I wasn’t going to push my luck about staying over at Carmilla’s again tonight since my dad was still angry at me about staying there when I didn’t tell him about Carmilla being my girlfriend. I don’t want to be grounded for longer than he has planned which I’m still waiting to see how long that was going to be. I pulled out my phone and pulled up my conversation thread with Carmilla.

**Me [4:37 PM]: Sorry I can’t stay today.**

**My Carmilla <3 [4:39 PM]: It’s ok. Don’t want your dad to get even angrier. **

**Me [4:39 PM]: True**

**My Carmilla <3 [4:45 PM]: Cutie I’m falling asleep.**

**Me [4:46 PM]: Ok. Get your rest.**

**My Carmilla <3 [4:48 PM]: I rest better when you’re here.**

**Me [4:49 PM]: I can try to sneak out.**

**My Carmilla <3 [4:54PM]: Let’s not get you even more grounded.**

**Me [4:55 PM]: Fine. Get your rest.**

**My Carmilla <3 [4:56 PM]: I’ll try. Love you buttercup <3**

**Me [4:56 PM]: Love you too <3**

I exited the conversation thread and pulled up the group thread with Perry, LaF, Danny, Kirsch, and JP.

**Me [4:59 PM]: Carmilla and Will will be joining us for Christmas**

**Clifford [5:02 PM]: Great the Grinch is coming**

**Ginger Twin 1 [5:03 PM]: Be nice Danny. Everyone is invited.**

**Ginger Twin 2 [5:03 PM]: Hope your dad has home insurance Hollis**

**Puppy [5:04 PM]: Whoo!!! Bigger party!**

**Sass Master [5:04 PM]: This should be interesting**

I stared hard at my phone trying to hold back anger and my need to laugh.

**Me [5:06 PM]: I’m going to kill Carmilla**

I quickly added Carmilla to the group text and went through my phone to fix my contacts.

**Danny [5:08 PM]: Can I help?**

**Perry [5:09 PM]: There will be no murdering anyone for Christmas!**

**Ginger Twin 2 [5:10 PM]: Well that didn’t last long.**

**Sass Master [5:11 PM]: And the claws come out!**

**Puppy [5:11 PM]: Whoa little nerd**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:13 PM]: Why the hell am I getting messages from you dimwits? **

**Me [5:14 PM]: What the hell Carmilla?!**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:15 PM]: Oh.**

**Me [5:18 PM]: Oh????**

**LaF [5:20 PM]: Laura just said hell. You’re in trouble.**

**Danny [5:20 PM]: What’d you do Elvira?**

**Perry [5:21 PM]: Let’s just all calm down.**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:21 PM]: Well it was funny.**

**Me [5:24 PM]: -_-**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:25 PM]: Well it was. **

**Kirsch [5:25 PM]: Ok did I miss something?**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:27 PM]: What don’t you miss?**

**JP [5:28 PM]: And the fangs come out!**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:29 PM]: Wow sassy pants.**

**JP [5:30 PM]: Not as sassy as you**

**Perry [5:31 PM]: No name calling!**

**Me [5:33 PM]: No messing with my contacts again!**

**My Carmilla <3 [535 PM]: Alright creampuff. Scouts honor.**

**Danny [5:38 PM]: I bet you don’t even know what honor is.**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:40 PM]: Enlighten me oh great and honorable Xena**

**JP [5:41 PM]: I feel like I should grab some popcorn for this.**

**Perry [5:42 PM]: Don’t encourage them JP.**

**LaF [5:44 PM]: I got my money on Carmilla. Sorry Danny.**

**Kirsch [5:46 PM]: So not a bro thing to do LaF**

**Me [5:47 PM]: Danny, Carm, stop it.**

**Danny [5:49 PM]: Yeah Dracula, stop it.**

**My Carmilla <3 [5:50 PM]: You first Bean Stalk.**

**Me [5:50 PM]: ENOUGH!!!**

**LaF [5:52 PM]: We’ve got caps lock people.**

**Perry [5:53 PM]: LaFontaine enough**

**JP [5:54 PM]: It was just getting good.**

**Kirsch [5:55 PM]: Agreed**

**Danny [5:55 PM]: Sorry Laura.**

**My Carmilla {5:55 PM]: Sorry cupcake.**

**Me [5:56 PM]: Apologies accepted.**

**Perry [5:59 PM]: Now that that’s over, I look forward to seeing you and Will for**

**Christmas.**

**LaF [6:00 PM]: And that’s my cue to go too. Later everyone.**

**Kirsch [6:01 PM]: See you all on Christmas!!**

**JP [6:01 PM]: Night everyone**

**Danny [6:01 PM]: See you on Christmas.**

**Me [6:02 PM]: Night Everyone!**

I exited the conversation thread and dialed Carmilla’s number.

_“Hello creampuff,” she said happily._

“I hate you,” I sighed.

 _“You know it was funny.”_ I could just picture her smirking.

I groaned. “Maybe just a little.” I rolled onto my stomach. “But I’m never leaving you alone with my phone again.”

_“Well you didn’t exactly leave me with your phone when you went to the bathroom at the restaurant. You just left it unlocked on the table.”_

“Yeah yeah yeah.” I smiled. “You know you’re not fooling me right?”

_“What do you mean?”_

“I know you see them as your friends.”

_“Do not.”_

“Yes you do.”

_“No.”_

“Yes.”

_“No.”_

I laughed. “Alright fine you don’t.”

_“That’s right.”_

“I’ll let you get some rest now.”

_“Alright creampuff. I’ll see you Christmas Eve.”_

“Ok. I love you.”

_“Love you too.”_

I ended the call and sighed. Christmas was going to be interesting.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I woke up to the feeling of arms circling around my shoulders. I froze for a moment then relaxed once feeling her now familiar lips press against my forehead.

“Your dad is going to kill us you know,” I whispered.

She moved one of her hands off my shoulders and began to run her fingers through my hair. “I couldn’t sleep,” she whispered back before kissing my forehead again.

“I don’t think he’ll care.”

“Well we’re not alone which is his main concern.”

I sighed. “Alright, but you’re taking all the blame.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck.

She pulled me in tighter. “Good night Carmilla.”

“Goodnight cupcake.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Laura! Carmilla! Will!” I groaned and snuggled into Laura some more. Will groaned and pulled the blanket over his head. The door creaked as it opened slowly. “Carmilla, Will, it’s time to wake up.”

“Five more minutes,” Will grumbled.

“Laura?” Mr. Hollis asked. She pulled the blanket over the both of us. “Didn’t I tell you that you and Carmilla had to sleep in separate rooms?”

Her arms tightened around me and I couldn’t help smiling against her neck. “Technically we at least were not alone in the same room,” she answered.

“That’s not the point.” He sighed. “We’ll talk about you being extra grounded later. For now, I made pancakes and we have presents to open.” He clapped his hands. “Now chop chop. Christmas doesn’t last forever.”

I listened as his footsteps disappeared down the staircase. “I told you so,” I teased.

“Shut up,” she grumbled.

I laughed. “Come on. I want some pancakes.” I let go of her and stretched.

“Since when are you a morning person?” She sat up in bed and ran her hand through her messy hair.

I shrugged. “It’s Christmas.” I turned over and kicked Will out of bed. He tumbled over the edge and fell on the floor.

“What the hell?!”

“Merry Christmas little brother.”

He hopped back on the bed and grabbed a pillow before hitting me with it. “Merry Christmas to you too big sister.” He smiled and hit me with the pillow again.

“Alright you two, no getting injured on Christmas…well more injured,” Laura said as she looked at Will’s cast and then my leg. I fidgeted. I still didn’t tell her about my ribs. I don’t want her to stop hugging me even though it hurts like hell.

“Right. Pancakes.” I stood up on the pull out bed and hopped over the back of the couch. “Come on. I’m starving.” Laura and Will looked at each other and shrugged. “What?”

Will smiled. “Nothing. Let’s go.” He hopped out of bed. “Race you down the stairs!” He called once he had moved passed me.

“You cheat!” I chased after him as best as I could.

“No running down the stairs!” Mr. Hollis called.

Will and I slid along the hard wood floor in front of the kitchen. I shoved him out of the way and walked into the kitchen first making my way to the small dinner table that had the stack of pancakes sitting in the middle of it. I sat down and threw my hands in the air.

“I win!”

“You cheated!” Will sat down across from me.

“You had a head start,” I countered. I reached over with my fork and grabbed three pancakes and placed them on my plate.

“You shoved me,” he whined.

I shrugged. “We’ll call the cheating even, but I still got here first.”

“Alright you two no arguing over breakfast,” Mr. Hollis said while placing down full cups of orange juice in front of us.

Will stacked a couple of pancakes onto his plate as Mr. Hollis came back with two more cups of orange juice for him and Laura. Laura walked into the kitchen and took the seat next to me. She reached for her orange juice taking a drink from it first before reaching over to grab some pancakes for herself. Mr. Hollis took the last three that were on the plate and we all started to pass the maple syrup around. I chewed on my pancake and watched as Mr. Hollis messed up Will’s hair even more before patting him on the back. Laura pressed a kiss to my cheek and I turned to look at her. She smiled. I ducked my head down and smiled down at my pancakes. Is this what it feels like to be happy?

After breakfast we made our way to the living room and sat down on the couches as Laura pulled out the gifts. She handed Will and I two gifts each and I raised my eyebrow at her. “One from me and one from my dad,” she answered.

She pulled out the gifts we had gotten for her and her dad. I watched as Will opened his gifts and smiled at how happy he looked. He actually looked like a kid for once. Laura had gotten him a remote control car and Mr. Hollis had gotten him some baseball cards of his favorite team. I watched Mr. Hollis open up the gift Will and I gave him. It was a build your own model muscle car. Laura opened up the present Will had gotten her. It was a leather bound notebook so she could write her thoughts down for journalism class and I had given her a heart charm for her charm bracelet. She kissed me on the lips despite her dad watching us. He cleared his throat and Laura rolled her eyes.

Once they all opened their gifts I went ahead and opened mine. Mr. Hollis got me some noise cancelation headphones since I’m always listening to music. I opened Laura’s gift and smiled. She got me a necklace with a silver heart and key on the end. Now it was my turn to kiss her on the lips even though her dad was watching. He cleared his throat again. I blushed and had Laura put the necklace on me. She then had me put the new charm on her bracelet.

“Thank you Mr. Hollis,” I said gratefully.

“I think it’s about time you can start calling me John.”

“Thank you Mr-John,” I stammered out after he gave me a pointed look.

He smiled and opened his arms. “Come here.” I moved over and gave him a hug. He hugged me tightly and leaned his head down to whisper in my ear. “I can tell you haven’t celebrated Christmas since you were younger. No one smiles the way you do unless you’ve never felt kindness in a very long time.” He let go and put his hands on my shoulders. “You always have a home here with us. Both you and Will.”

I did my best to hold back my tears. “Thank you.”

He nodded then messed up my hair. “Will come here and let me give you a hug.”

“No way I don’t do hugs,” Will said getting up from the couch.

“Oh come on!” Mr. Hollis said while moving closer to Will with his arms open.

“Nope!” Will tried to make a break for it, but Mr. Hollis was too fast. He swept Will up into a hug. Will smiled and laughed before hugging him back. “Thank you sir.”

Mr. Hollis messed up his hair again. “That’s John to you too kid.”

Will nodded his head. “Thanks John for everything.”

Mr. Hollis wrapped his arm around Will’s shoulder. “Alright let’s get this place cleaned up and ourselves ready for the party,” Mr. Hollis ordered. He clapped his hands. “Chop chop!”

Laura rolled her eyes again, but started to pick up the wrapping paper. Cleaning up and getting ready was the easy part until after I got out of the shower and just needed to grab my sweater to finish my outfit when I saw Laura waiting there with a Christmas sweater in her hands. “No,” I automatically said moving pass her to get to my black sweater.

“Please Carm,” she begged.

“No way.”

“Oh come on. Will is wearing his.”

“Good for him, but no.”

“Please!” She whined while giving me puppy dog eyes.

I glared at her not wanting to give in until she started pouting. “Ugh! Give me the damn sweater,” I said frustrated.

She gave me a radiant smile and handed me the sweater. She kissed me hard then pulled away. “I’ll let you finish getting ready. Everyone is almost here.”

“Oh gee what fun that’s going to be,” I said sarcastically.

“Be nice Carm,” she warned.

“Only if they are cutie.”

She shook her head. “Best behavior.”

“Right.”

She turned and left the room. I looked down at the red sweater and stared at the grumpy cat on the front. I sighed. The things I do for love. I pulled the sweater on then went to put on my boots. I rolled the sleeves up to my elbows. I sighed. I am so whipped. I trudged out of the room and made my way down the stairs. Will was leaning against the wall outside of the kitchen. His Christmas sweater was blue and had the version of the Grinch with a big heart. I smirked and went over to him to bump his shoulder.

He looked at me and smirked. “I see someone is completely whipped.”

“I see someone has a love for Christmas sweaters.”

He shrugged then looked around. “I don’t mind it, but all these people are making me feel suffocated.”

I looked around as well and felt myself losing my ability to breathe. “I know what you mean.” I leaned against the wall next to him.

“I mean this is great and everything and the best Christmas I have ever had since the last time we actually had one, but there is just too many people. I feel out of place.”

I nodded my head. “It’s a different world. I don’t feel like I deserve or belong in it.” I looked at him caringly. “But you do.”

He looked at me sadly. “I wish you could see that you deserve more than what you feel that you do.”

“One day.”

“Bro!” Kirsch called out.

“Hey bro,” Will answered.

“Hi Carmilla,” Kirsch said while giving me a goofy grin.

“Hello p-Kirsch,” I answered. Alright I can be nice just for today if it would make Laura happy.

“So everyone told me to come get you two so we can exchange gifts,” Kirsch said with an even bigger grin on his face.

“We know what gifts we got you, so no need for us to watch you open them,” I said trying to hold back my sarcasm as much as possible.

“We all got you two gifts as well,” he replied. He grabbed both of our hands and pulled us into the living room. “Now come on. We have gifts to tear open!”

I looked to Will and he just looked back with as much confusion as I felt. Kirsch led us to the couches and sat us down in the two seats left next to Laura. Kirsch went over to sit in between Danny and JP. Perry was sitting on the other side of Laura while LaFontaine sat on the floor in front of Perry. They all had the gifts that Will and I had bought them and were all wearing Christmas sweaters that I’m sure Laura gave to them once they walked in. Mr. Hollis came over and deposited a mountain of gifts in front of Will and I. He winked at me then moved away to stand with the adults.

“Alright,” Laura began as she clapped her hands. I fought back a laugh because she was so like her father in this moment. “We’ll start with JP and go around leaving Carmilla and Will to go last.” Everyone nodded their head and JP started to tear into his gift.

I stared down at the ground and tried not to fidget. Laura’s hand slid into mine and intertwined our fingers together. I looked at her then glanced at JP. He lifted his gift up and shot me a crooked smile. “Glow in the dark goggles. Excellent.” He nodded his head and gave me a knowing look. “Thank you both. I’ll never get lost in the dark again,” he said playfully while putting the goggles on to rest on top of his forehead.

Kirsch opened his gift next and pulled out a basketball jersey. He turned it to the back to see the name James and the number twenty-three on the back. “No friggin way! You kidding me! A LeBron James jersey!” He jumped off the couch and quickly came up to us giving us a big hug. “You two are awesome!” He let go and then stared at his jersey. “Seriously, thanks bros.” He went back and sat down. He started to carefully fold his jersey up.

Danny opened her gift next and held up a book all about how to build your own street racing car. She grinned and flipped through some of the pages. “Now this is going to be very helpful.” She looked to Will and I. “Thanks.”

Perry and LaFontaine argued about who would go next until they agreed to open their presents at the same time. Perry smiled widely as she looked at her new mixer. LaFontaine grinned wickedly as they opened their pack of chemistry joke cards. “Thank you,” they said at the same time.

They all looked at Will and I. “Open them at the same time?” I whispered to Will.

“Please,” he responded sounding very overwhelmed.

We agreed to open up Perry and LaFontaine’s gifts first. Perry got us Christmas hats the same color as our sweaters, but with our first initial on the front. I tried not to openly cringed and looked at everyone else. They all reached up to touch their own hats and I sighed internally. I pulled the hat onto my head and smiled. LaFontaine got me a box filled with bookmarks with Shakespeare quotes on them and Will a new pair of mallets for his bass drum. We then opened Danny’s gifts. She got Will a carrying case for his new mallets with his name itched onto it. Surprisingly, she got me the complete works of Shakespeare. Kirsch got Will a box set of all of the Marvel movies and he got me a sketch pad. JP gave us both dreidels.

“I brought mine with me so we can totally play right now if you’re up to it,” JP said excitedly.

“How did you know?”

He smiled and looked to Laura. “Laura told me. My mom even made you two latkes since we had a lot of ingredients left over.”

I glanced at Laura then looked back at him. “Thank you JP and I would love to kick your butt later.”

“Bring it sista!”

I laughed and looked at everyone else. “Thank you all.”

“Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate the gifts,” Will added.

They all nodded. “Alright let’s not get emotional and make this weird. Come on Elvira I need a picture of you in that ridiculous get up,” Danny said good naturedly.

“No way Xena. Not going to happen.”

“Alright kids. No name calling on Christmas. Now clean up and go do what you do,” Mr. Hollis instructed.

“Yes John,” everyone said at once. The other adults laughed and went back to their conversations.

We cleaned up our trash and Will and I grabbed our gifts and left to put them in Laura’s room since we were going to start watching Christmas movies in the entertainment room that we slept in last night. Luckily we didn’t have to fight to put the pull out bed back into the couch since everyone was just going to squish in on top of it for today. My heart ached as I put all my gifts in the bag. I could tell they all took great care to pick out gifts that I would like. It was strange, but yet it felt right for some reason. I closed my bag up. I’m not even going to start hoping or thinking about what this all means. I don’t deserve it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A pair of arms circled around my waist and was coupled by a chin resting on my shoulder. “You ok?”

I put my hands on top of hers. “I’m fine cupcake.”

“Liar.”

I smiled. “Right. You know me so well already.”

“I do. I know that you do really care about all my friends and see them as your friends as well.”

“We had this talk already.”

“Well this time I have knowledge that you chose all the gifts for everyone while Will just carried all the bags.”

I sighed. “I can’t trust him with anything,” I said jokingly.

“You care because why else would you be able to get them gifts that actually fit their personality.”

“And I bet you just told them what Will and I liked.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t. I was actually surprised when they told me what they got you when they came over. Apparently Danny noticed you had a secret love for Shakespeare and Kirsch noticed your notebook had drawings along the borders of your notes. JP was the only one I said anything to since he’s also part Jewish.”

“You’re making it weird you know.”

She laughed. “Why? Because I’m pointing out the fact that you care about them and they care about you and Will because they noticed the little things about Will just as much as you.”

I sighed. “Exactly. Now stop making it weird. It’ll affect my sarcasm later on.”

“Right.” She kissed my neck. “I know this is all too much for you since you’re not used to being around so many people who care about you, so we can stay out here for as long as you want.”

“You caught that huh?”

“Of course I did.”

I looked up at the stars. “It’ll take a while for me to get used to it all,” I admitted.

“There’s no rush.”

I turned to look at her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. I leaned my forehead against hers. “Thank you for everything. I wish there was more I could give you today to show how thankful I am.”

She pulled me closer to her. “Just you being here is enough.”

She leaned up and kissed me lovingly. Her lips tasted like sugar cookies and hot chocolate. They were warm against my cold ones since I had been standing outside for a long while. I pulled her in more and kissed her with all the love I had to give and hoped that it was enough. Her hands slid under my sweater and black shirt. She rubbed her thumb against my back soothingly as if understanding and accepting what I had to offer. I moved my hands to cup her face before I pulled away.

I stared into her eyes. “My heart would not exist as it is now if not for you.” I kissed her forehead.

She leaned her forehead against mine. “Your heart has always been this way; I just get the privilege of seeing all of it.”

I smiled and kissed her softly. “Seulement pour toi.”

“Okay where did the French come from and please translate.”

I smirked and kissed her. “I lived in France for a while when I was younger. I also know German.”

“Wow ok. What did you just say?”

I pulled away and intertwined our fingers together. “You’ll have to figure that out yourself.”

“Not fair Carmilla!”

“Everyone is waiting for us up stairs. It’s not fair to keep them waiting.” I tugged her back inside.

“Fine, but this is still not fair.”

I laughed. “Nothing is ever truly fair.”

We made our way back up to the entertainment room and took up our spots again as the next movie was just about to start.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I woke up again to the feeling of arms wrapping around me. “Again cupcake?”

She snuggled against me and pulled me closer to her. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and tucked her head under my chin. She nuzzled her face against my neck.

“Only for you,” she whispered then kissed my shoulder.

I smiled and pulled her in closer. I kissed the top of her head and soon fell back into a comfortable sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other stuff. You can also follow or use #mtme hsau.


	21. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: child abuse

**_Mother Karnstein_ **

I took a sip from my wine and stared at her over the rim of the glass. “Sit up straight Carmilla.” I watched as her jaw clenched as she sat up straight. It is a bad habit; one she shares with her biological father…among other qualities.

“How was your trip Mother?” William questioned.

I turned my gaze to him. “My time away was pleasurable and beneficial. The showcases were favored by many and I have acquired more opportunities for future productions.” I fixed Carmilla with an icy stare and gripped my wine glass slightly tighter. “Posture Carmilla.”

“When will your new productions begin?” William interjected.

“I will be leaving once March begins.” I placed my fork down on the table and looked to Carmilla. Her shoulders were slumped and her posture was slightly slouched. “Sit. Up. Straight,” I said punctuating each word.

“I’m glad you will be staying until March Mother. Maybe you can come see Carmilla and I play for our school’s centennial celebration.” I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and watched as his gaze flitted between Carmilla and I. His hand gripped his fork tighter as he attempted to still the trembling in his hand.

“Possibly. I still have much work to do here at the dance studio in town. They signed me on to manage some of their showcases for the younger children.”

“That sounds like it would be interesting,” he commented.

“It is enough for now.” I wiped my mouth with the edge of my napkin then placed it down on top of my empty plate. “Excuse me.” I pushed back from the table and stood up. I slipped my scarf off from around my neck as I briskly walked to stand behind Carmilla. Her body went ridged as I wound the scarf around her shoulders and pulled on the ends to force her back against the chair. I tied the ends together behind the chair and rested my hands on her shoulders. “It seems you cannot sit properly without some assistance.”

“Sorry Mother,” she supplied.

I squeezed her shoulders. “It will not do to fall behind on your duties dear. You must constantly be a good and proper young lady no matter where you find yourself or whom you find yourself with.” I caressed her cheek and felt her jaw clench at my slightest touch. Truly an unnerving habit. “I will be pleased to remind you of who you are my dear while I am home.” I kissed the crown of her head. “Finish eating my darling and William will release you from the hold of my scarf once you have finished.” I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Do note that I do not like to repeat my lessons least they take a more unpleasing turn.” I kissed the crown of her head again. I waltzed to my side of the table grabbing my wine glass then turned to William. “Please be a dear and make sure the dishes get done.”

“Yes Mother,” he responded. His eyes did not meet mine, but I can forgive my darling boy for his rudeness. I made my way out of the kitchen with my wine glass in hand to retire for the evening.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I lay on my bed reading a book with my headphones in when my door was thrown open. I quickly jumped off my bed and made a run for the bathroom only to be pulled back by my hair. I reached up and grabbed her arms as she dragged me to the center of my room. She let go of my hair then grabbed my shoulders spinning me around. Her hand connected with the side of my face and the corner of my mouth. My tooth nicked the corner of my mouth and I felt the wetness of my own blood against my lip. She slapped me again and I put my arms up defensively.

“You are making it a habit to embarrass me at any moment!” She screamed as she grabbed my hair again and threw me face down to the ground. I braced my hands out in front of me and heard my wrists give a small snap from the impact. “I had to hear from Mr. Voyer that you had claimed a chair in this year’s Lilith Symphony this coming spring.” She grabbed my arm twisting it behind my back harshly as she flipped me onto my back. An excruciating pain wedged itself in my shoulder and made me cry out. “Do you understand how embarrassing it was to not understand or know what it was he was talking about?” She slapped me across the other side of my face this time then shoved against my shoulders to throw me hard against my bedroom floor. The back of my head slammed against the floor and my eyes went blurry and black at the edges. “You made me look like a fool because I had no knowledge of what you have been doing in terms of your musical talent while I have been gone.” I blinked a few times in a failed attempt to focus.

I felt her grip around the collar of my shirt and then the feeling of being lifted up. It wasn’t long before my head was connecting with the floor again. She lifted me back up from the floor and slammed my head against the floor once more. She lifted me up and I could barely see pass the blackness that was clouding my vision. “You are ungrateful for everything I have done for you to make you as great as you are. Do you honestly believe you are magnificent at playing the violin because you have talent? You would be nothing if I had not forced you to practice every single day. You were a worthless waste of time that no instructor wanted to teach. I had to pay double the amount of money in order to make them stay to make you who you are now.” She let go of me. I fell back on the floor. “I made you and it would be best if you do not forget that. You are nothing without me.” I listened to the sound of her footsteps against the floor as she walked out of my room.

I turned over onto my side and curled up into a ball before I completely blacked out.

 

 

 

 

I winced and scrunched my eyes tightly shut before opening them slowly. I blinked a few times trying to take in what time of the day it was.

“Nice to see you finally wake up.” I turned to see Will sitting on his bean bag chair.

“How long was I out?” I made to move my right arm, but hissed because of the eminence pain that racked through my shoulder.

“Don’t move. I had to pop your shoulder back in place.”

“That explains why my arm is feeling like it’s going to fall off.” I rubbed my shoulder gently grimacing at the pain that was beginning to make me feel like my arm was tearing off.

“Yeah. You were out for quite a while.”

“Mother?”

He sat down on the edge of my bed. “She wasn’t here when I got back from Kirsch’s place. I don’t know where she went.”

“Right.” He sat there quietly staring at me. I sighed. “What is it?”

He looked away and ran his hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me you tried out for the symphony?”

“I didn’t tell anyone. Mr. Voyer only knew about it because I asked him to be my recommendation.” I stared up at the ceiling. “I didn’t honestly think I would actually get a chair. I just wished I found that out in a different way.” I looked down at my shoulder. I won’t be playing violin for a while.

He sighed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” he said with a shaky voice.

“Don’t.” I reached out with my good arm and squeezed his hand. “You’d only be sharing the bed with me otherwise.”

“Still,” he began, “I could have tried.”

I sighed. “There’s nothing we can do. It’s been done already.” He nodded his head. I squeezed his hand again. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”

“That’s the point.”

I looked at him confused. “What do you mean?”

He stared at the ground. “You shouldn’t always have to be fine after she loses her temper.”

I sighed. “That’s the world we live in Will.”

He ran his hand through his hair again. “I know.”

I moved to sit up and his hands automatically moved to help me. I wrapped my good arm around his neck and pulled him into a hug. “Just another year and a couple months and we’ll be free. I’ll turn eighteen and have access to my money.” I let him go and cupped his face in my hand. “We’ll make it.”

His eyes filled with sadness. “What if you don’t?”

I pulled his head down and kissed his forehead. “I’ll make it if it’s the last thing I do.” He nodded his head.

I looked over at the toy sword that sat on my night stand. I may be worthless and I may be nothing, but I am not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave Will or Laura no matter what happens. I’m not going anywhere…so long as Mother doesn’t go too far again. I will continue to have some hope.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“I can’t wait for school to start. I miss seeing you.”

_“Same here cupcake.”_

“I don’t think it’s fair that Will gets to come over while you’re banned.” I rolled onto my back and thought about how Will has been spending a lot of time with my dad talking about cars and sports. I can’t get too mad that Will has taken up my spot. I loved seeing how his eyes light up when my dad does something nice for him or teaches him something new. Besides I haven’t been spending a lot of time with dad lately, so Will spending time with him was good. I’ll have to start hanging out with dad some more.

_“I’m only banned for a month. We’ve lasted two weeks; we’ll get through the next two.”_

I sighed. “I know it just sucks. I miss cuddling you.”

_“Well I miss kissing you,” she said teasingly._

“Carm I swear sometimes you need an ice bath,” I said while laughing.

_“Tell me about it,” she said suggestively hinting at more than just wanting to kiss me._

I sighed again and bit my lower lip. “I’m sorry. I’m just not ready for that yet.”

_“Laura, I know and I told you I was fine with that. I was only joking alright? No need to apologize for that. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”_

I could almost picture her holding her breath right now. “You’re the best you know that?”

_“So you say, but I have yet to see it.”_

“I know. I’ll keep saying it until you do.” I looked up at my ceiling. I wish she could see herself the way I do. I’ll just have to keep telling and showing her how awesome she is until she can see it for herself.

_“Look Laura I have to go. My mother just got back home, so I’ll talk to you soon alright?”_

“Have you told her about us yet?” I rolled over onto my stomach again and hugged my yellow pillow tightly. Will had brought it back to me after the first week of being grounded since Carmilla thought it was funny to steal it on her way out the day after Christmas.

I could hear her sharp intake of breath. She wasn’t telling me something. _“No. She’s not exactly a fan of me dating in general.”_

“Right.” I buried my face into my pillow.

_“Anyway I have to go. I’ll talk to you later cutie.”_

“I love you.”

_“I love you too. Bye.”_

I hung my phone up then locked the screen. There were still things that she wasn’t willing to tell me. I chewed on my bottom lip and heard Will laughing down stairs. Maybe if I asked him he would tell me what’s going on. No I shouldn’t. If Carmilla hasn’t told me there’s a good reason for it. I sighed and buried my face back in my pillow. I hate that she’s keeping a secret from me.

* * *

 

**_Mother Karnstein_ **

I walked up the staircase and ventured to Carmilla’s bedroom. Her door was closed and I knocked before turning the door knob to grant myself entrance to her bedroom. She sat up on her bed and I held my tongue on wanting to chastise her for her slouching. This is not what I was here for. I had lost my temper again and wanted to make it up to my darling girl by getting her something nice to wear for her symphony debut.

“I was wondering if you would not mind joining me for a trip to the mall. I was hoping to purchase you something nice to wear for your symphony debut this coming spring.”

She quickly stole a glance at me before continuing to stare at the floor. “Of course Mother. I would appreciate that.”

“Good. Change into something more appropriate and we shall meet downstairs in ten minutes.”

I exited her bedroom and waltzed down the hallway to my own bedroom. I opened the door to my bedroom and walked over to my walk-in closet. I flicked the light on and strolled over to the drawers on my right. I kneeled down to the last drawer and pulled it open slowly. I collected my red box from the back corner of the drawer then sat down on the chair cushion situated in the middle of the room.

I smoothed my hands over the lid of the small box before pushing the lid up to reveal the photos I had stored inside. I tentatively reached into the box and grasped the edges of the photos with my fingertips. I gathered them into my hands and turned them over to reveal the images on the front. I shuffled the picture of myself performing my first solo at the age of fourteen to the back of the pile and stared at the photo of myself and Carmilla’s father, Augustin. She looks just like him. I ran my thumb over the photo tenderly. She also has many of his bad habits. She is as worthless as he was.

I put the photos back into the box then returned it to its place in the drawer.

 

 

 

 

“My dear what type of dress catches your eye?” I fingered through the dresses that lined the walls as she moved around the racks.

“I don’t actually want to wear a dress Mother. I prefer slacks and a button up.”

“That is non-sense. A dress will flatter you more than a power suit.” I relieved a lovely black dress from its place on the wall and held it at arm’s length to inspect it more fully.

“I don’t feel comfortable wearing dresses,” she grumbled.

I tightened my grip on the hanger of the dress and settled it back into its proper place before giving her my full attention. This is an apology for my actions. What she wants she shall receive despite my reservations on the matter. “I understand dear. It is important to be comfortable, but you also must appear proper.”

“Yes Mother.”

“Follow me dear.” I placed my hand on her left shoulder mindful of the pain she felt in her right one and led her toward the suit section of the department. “Choose what you wish so long as it is black.” I took a seat in one of the offered chairs in the department and watched as she moved around the walls until coming upon a simple all black suit. She unhooked it from its place on the wall and held it against herself. “Try it on,” I demanded.

“Yes Mother.” She took the suit into the dressing room on the end of the wall.

I crossed my legs and smoothed out my skirt. It was not long until she exited the dressing room donning the suit with the white button up shirt she had worn to the mall. It was loose in many places, but it still was flattery to her fair complexion and her slender body. I looked to her face and noticed she was holding herself back from smiling. She began to roll the sleeves up to her elbows. I sat up straighter as I watched her lithe fingers work the fabric up to her elbows. The action was similar to her biological father. I closed my eyes momentarily to release myself of the memory. It was in vain for when I opened my eyes to gaze upon her face, she looked strikingly like her biological father except for her eyes.

“I like this one Mother. I hope it is alright.”

My eyes roamed around the room until settling on one of the employees. “Madam we need your assistance,” I called sweetly gaining the attention of the employee.

“How can I help you ma’am?” She asked as she approached.

“I need the suit my daughter is wearing fitted to her body.”

“Of course ma’am. Allow me to take her measurements.” The employee walked over to Carmilla with a measuring tape that hung around her shoulders. She plucked a pin cushion out from the cabinet by the dressing rooms and set to work on taking in the suit. I removed myself from the vicinity to browse the other parts of the store.

 

 

 

 

 

“Mother?”

I stood up straight before addressing her. “Is the suit to your liking?”

“Yes Mother.”

I strolled over to her and cupped her face in the palms of my hand. I kept my gaze on her eyes as it was the only feature worth giving attention to. “Are you pleased with your gift darling?”

“Yes Mother.”

“I am glad.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I know it does not make up for what I had done, but I hope it is enough to show how much I do truly care for you my darling girl.” I caressed my thumbs against her prominent cheek bones. “Remember that only I can ever love you despite all your flaws.” I released her face and turned away from her. “Let us go home. We shall come back for your suit once they have finished tailoring it.”

“They said you can pay for it once they finish.”

“I have already paid for it. We need simply to retrieve it once it is done.” I turned back to her and motioned for her to come close. She hesitated, but came to me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. I kissed the crown of her head and led her out of the shop. “Now let us go home.”

“Yes Mother and thank you.”

“Anything for you my darling girl.”

* * *

 

**_JP_ **

I walked out of the locker room and made my way to the football field. I stopped at the fence to look out at the field to see the band members and orchestra people mingling a lot better than before. That stupid assignment actually came in handy. No one was arguing and no one was off standing by themselves or in clusters of just band or orchestra members. It was nice.

I looked around the field in search of my two favorite people to watch. I found Laura despite her short stature, but didn’t see Carmilla. Odd. They were always stuck to each other like glue. I looked around the football field and the track that circled it. No Carmilla in sight. I turned around and searched the bleachers until I recognized the wavy black hair sitting in the front row bleachers staring at Laura. I watched her watch Laura and noticed that she was leaning all her weight onto her left arm.

Her eyes didn’t waver from Laura and turned up into a small smile. She leaned forward and winced. I noticed that she did her best to not move or use her right arm as much. She leaned her left elbow onto her thigh before resting her chin in her left hand. Her right arm hung limp at her side. I sighed. Her shoulder must be what’s bothering her which can only mean that her mother is back home now.

I made my way over to her and took a seat next to her.

“I don’t remember saying you could join me,” she murmured.

“Last time I checked this was a free country and that I don’t have to ask for permission to sit somewhere.”

“It would have been polite to ask Captain America.”

“I see myself more as Deadpool, but I can see where you can get confused Black Widow.”

“Now who seems to be confused? I’m clearly Director Fury.”

I leaned back against the bleacher. “Didn’t peg you to be a Marvel fan.”

“It’s not like I go around advertising it.”

“True.” I sat up again and leaned forward. “So your mother’s back home huh?” I turned to look at her.

She looked away from Laura to stare at me. “How do you know that?”

“You’re injured that’s how.”

Her eyes widened slightly and her eyes looked around us. She fixed her eyes back on me. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh? Then why are you sitting here instead of getting ready to practice with the rest of us?”

“I missed the last step on the staircase and dislocated my shoulder trying to break my fall.”

I sighed and looked at her with knowing eyes. I lifted my shirt to reveal the side of my rib cage. She took in a shocking breath. “Yeah you fell down the stairs and I landed on a porcupine.” I let my shirt fall. She gulped and just stared at me with complete wide eyes now. I leaned back against the bleacher behind me. “I was nine when they finally came to get me. I bounced around the foster care system until my mother’s sister found out about what happened and came to get me. She’s raised me ever since.” I looked away from her. “I have plenty of other scars besides the cigarette burns I just showed you. That’s the reason why I know your mother is home. You’re only ever injured when she is. I’ve kept quiet about it, but now that you’re dating one of my best friends, I can’t keep my mouth shut.” I looked at her again. “Especially now since it’s gotten worse and will only get even worse the longer she stays at home.”

She looked away from me. “You can’t say anything to anyone. We don’t have any family to take us in if it gets out.”

“Did you tell her?”

“Who?”

“The Virgin Mary,” I said while rolling my eyes. “Who do you think I’m talking about?” I added.

She shook her head. “She can’t know. No one can know.” She stared at me with scared, but serious eyes. “Do not tell anyone please.”

“Carmilla…”

She shook her head. “You were lucky JP. You had family to take you in. Will and I have no one. We would be separated and there’s no real chance of us getting adopted let alone getting adopted together.” She blinked fiercely to keep her tears at bay. “I just have to put up with it until my eighteenth birthday and then we’ll be able to be free.”

“What happens on your eighteenth birthday?”

“I inherit the money my father left me after he died along with his estates.”

I tilted my head back to look at the sky. “What happens if you don’t ever see eighteen?”

“Then I need you to be there for Will,” she said brokenly.

I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “You’re gonna trust me with your brother?”

She met my gaze with a sadness and fire mix of a gaze. “Yes. Since you figured it out, I’ll need you to convince him to come out with the truth if I don’t end up making it.”

I sighed heavily and let my shoulders slump. “And you expect me to keep quiet for now.”

“Yes.”

I looked out at the field to where Laura was. She was smiling happily and glancing ever so often at Carmilla. “I’ll stay quiet, but it better not touch Laura or so help me I will go to the police.”

“Thank you.” I stood up and held my hand out to her. “What?” She asked.

“Give me your phone. I’m going to give you my number and you will text me if it gets worse. If I’m going to keep your secret I’ll be damned if I let anything terribly bad happen to you because of it.” She handed me her phone and I quickly punched my number into it. “You better call or text me if anything worse happens.”

She took her phone back and pocketed it. “I will.”

I placed my hands on my hips and stared at her. “Now hurry up and heal. We’re going to need you Director Fury.”

She tilted her head to the side and smirked. “Whatever you say Deadpool.”

I saluted her then walked off to join everyone on the field. Please for the life of me don’t let me regret keeping this damn secret. I already regret keeping this damn secret for as long as I have already since I first saw her last semester and noticed all the odd injuries and how she would wear make-up for short periods of time before going back to her natural look. I should have said something sooner. I shook my head and let my hand grasp at my side feeling the scars through my shirt. I was scared. I’m still scared. I don’t want to say something and Carmilla’s mother do something that may end it all for Carmilla. I may not know Carmilla very well, but I can tell there’s at least a small glimmer of hope still brewing inside her. I looked at Laura. And now there’s someone to help keep the darkness at bay. I looked at Will and saw him laughing. Someone for both the Karnstein siblings.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I cuddled into her and let her arms hug me tight against her. I tried not to wince because of the pain in my shoulder. I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I have been without her for a month and just really need her to hold me right now. I need her to keep me from falling apart. I need to feel her love for me. I need to know that someone other than Mother can love me despite everything. I just need her.

“Carmilla?”

“Yes?”

I felt her gentle fingers swipe across my cheek bones collecting tears I didn’t realize were falling. “Are you alright?”

I nodded my head and buried my face against her shoulder. “I’m fine Laura.”

“You sure?”

I breathed in deeply taking in her vanilla scent. “I am now.”

Her arms wrapped tighter around me and I felt her lips against my cheek. Her fingers ran slowly through my hair as her other hand rubbed circles against my lower back. “You are the most important person to me and I love you no matter what,” she whispered soothingly.

I relaxed against her and felt tears sliding down my cheeks again. She always knows what to say and I am thankful for that. I clenched her shirt tightly. She makes me feel like I’m the only star in the sky and I want to stay there for her. I cried harder. I am not worthless. I am not nothing. Someone other than Mother does love me. I just need to hold onto that for as long as possible.

“I love you,” I whispered against her collar bone.

She kissed the top of my head. Her fingers gently nudged my chin up to meet her tender lips. Her thumb brushed against my jawline. She pulled away and nuzzled her nose against mine. “And I love only you.”

I kissed her gently then rested my head against her shoulder. Only she can mend me. 

 

 

 

 

 

I stared up at the stars in the sky and hugged my knees to my chest. I heard the sound of footsteps behind me.

“Is there a reason why you asked me to come to the park at two in the morning?” He plopped down beside me.

I kept my gaze on the stars. “Glad you actually answered my text.”

“Well I did say to text me if anything happened.” I could feel his eyes on me and then his fingers were under my chin gently turning my face toward him. He sucked in a harsh breath and shook his head. “Ran into a door?” I bit my bottom lip and nodded. “You have make-up to cover it?”

“Yeah I do,” I said noticing my voice crack. He let my chin go and tilted his head back to look at the night sky. “JP?” I asked. He turned to meet my gaze and I could see the hint of sadness that plagued his eyes, but it was mixed with pain as well as if his own wounds were reopening. “How did you survive?” I asked brokenly.

He scooted closer to me and wrapped an arm around the middle of my back as to not hurt my shoulder. He looked back up at the night sky as I stared waiting for his answer. “I survived because I never stopped having hope that it would end. I didn’t know how it would end. I just held onto the hope that it would.” He looked away from the sky to stare at me caringly. “I am lucky for the way things turned out, but I wouldn’t change what happened. It made me realize that the world is not perfect and that the people who are supposed to love you either don’t or only know to hurt you in order to show it. It helped me realize that every day is not guaranteed to be a good one.” His eyes began to water and he closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them and blinked a few times to hold his tears in. “I am happy now because I never gave up hope. I get to be carefree now and enjoy life for what it is and I am thankful that I get to live each day. You need to hold onto the hope of your eighteenth birthday and you need to hold onto the fact that Laura and Will love you. Will is your rock and Laura is your light.” He gave me a small smile. “And I am here to keep you hoping when you feel you can’t anymore.”

I let out a long slow breath and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Thank you.”

He pulled me against his side some more. “I just wish I could get you out of there.”

“You know as well as I do that if you try it would end badly.”

He sighed. “That’s the part that sucks.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder. I closed my eyes. “It does, but like you said, I just need to hold onto hope that it will all end.”

He rested his head on top of mine and we looked over the park. I just need to hold onto hope. I just need to survive until March. I just need to make sure Mother doesn’t tear me down too much before then. Just two more months of having to lie to Laura and having to feel like I am living two different lives. I just need to survive and hold onto hope. I also need to be more careful to not be caught leaving Laura’s house or being anywhere near Laura. I sighed. I can do this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and other news or to ask questions. you can also track or use #mtme hsau.


	22. Do What You Must

**_Carmilla_ **

“So what exactly did Mr. Voyer and Mrs. Truman decide on for us to play?” I rotated my shoulder. It was a lot better, but it still ached a bit, but at least now I can manage to hold my violin without dropping it after an hour.

“A mashup of Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey and Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine,” SJ answered.

“How have you not figured that out when you’ve been watching us practice with the band?” Natalie asked looking taken aback by my lack of insight.

“Please do you honestly believe she’d be paying attention to all of us when her girlfriend is playing?” Elsie pointed out while rolling her eyes. Natalie looked over at SJ and they both nodded in agreement.

“What are we talking about?” Betty asked as she came and sat down next to us.

“Carmilla being too busy staring at Laura’s ass to know what songs we’re playing,” Elsie answered.

“Elsie I will mess up your bow if you don’t shut it,” I growled. She tightened her grip on her bow and shifted it to her other hand away from me.

“Don’t be mean. You know she’s right,” SJ said defensively. I rolled my eyes.

“In any case, do you think you’ll be able to keep up with us?” Natalie asked.

“I’ll be fine. I went over the sheet music last night with Laura.” I pulled out the sheet music and shuffled through them.

“Did you actually study or were you distracted?” Elsie asked suggestively.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Yes we did go over the sheet music.”

“I think what Elsie is really wanting to know is if you’ve had sex with Laura yet,” Betty said bluntly.

“That’s none of your damn business,” I snapped.

“That means no,” SJ stated.

“What is you people’s obsession with my sex life?” I asked.

“It’s more of the lack of sex that we’re interested in. I mean you are the hook-up master,” Betty said.

“That’s not me anymore.”

They all stared at me for a long moment. “We know. We just wanted to hear you actually say it and the only way to do that is to insult you in some way,” SJ admitted.

“What?” I asked highly confused.

“Carmilla we’ve known you since Elle and we know you hooked-up with girls and made it a game because you never wanted to get close to anyone again, so we had to make sure this wasn’t one of your games. I mean you hardly talk to us anymore,” Betty explained.

“Yeah you’re always with Laura which is great because she makes you happy, but you can’t shut us out,” Elsie added.

“We were just worried for the both of you,” Natalie said.

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shut all of you out,” I apologized sincerely.

“It’s alright. Just don’t forget about us even though we do tend to get on your nerves,” SJ joked.

“Right.” I looked down at the ground.

“Alright enough with this mushy stuff. Let’s start practicing and get Carmilla caught up,” Elsie said with a clap of her hands.

I sat down and pulled my violin onto my lap. As much as these girls tend to make me want to strangle them every once in a while, they really do care about me. I sighed. Laura may be the one to make me always feel better, but I can’t forget these girls were there for me when Elle happened. They have always been there. I need to hang out with them more.

* * *

**_JP_ **

There was a loud knocking at my door and I quickly made my way down the stairs. Luckily my mom wasn’t home right now or she would be extremely pissed. I checked the clock on the wall by the door and saw that it was close to one in the morning. Guess mom’s date went really well. I pushed the curtain to the side to peek through the glass of the door to see who it was. I sighed heavily before opening the door.

“Hey,” I said while stepping to the side so she could walk inside.

“Hey.” She walked in and slid her hands into her pockets. “Sorry for making so much noise. I’m sure that’s not why you actually gave me your address.”

I shook my head. “No, but you’re officially in charge of waking up the dead in a zombie apocalypse.”

“Right because that’s the best thing to do during a time when we’re all trying not to die.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Someone has to be the bait.” I locked the door and stared at her. I let my eyes roam over the visible parts of her body and didn’t see any bruises or cuts anywhere which means it must be in a spot underneath her clothes. “You want something to drink?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Sure.” She slouched a bit more as she turned to follow me. A small grimace played across her face before quickly disappearing.

I led her into the kitchen and opened up my fridge. “Mtn Dew or Dr. Pepper?”

“Mtn Dew.” She stood in front of the counter and didn’t move to lean back against it like she does with every other surface she ever has her back to. It must be her back.

“So you want to tell me why you’re here or are we just going to keep dancing around it?” I asked while leaning against the island opposite from her.

“You got ice?” She asked.

“Yeah. I got some ice packs.” I set my drink down and moved to open up the freezer to pull out an ice pack.

When I turned around she was standing there in just her bra. The right side of her ribcage and part of her back were beginning to turn black and purple. I tucked the ice pack under my arm ignoring how cold it was and reached into the cupboard next to the fridge to pull out an ace wrap from the first aid kit tucked in there. I grabbed another ice pack out of the freezer then moved over to her. She raised her arms a bit to let me press an ice pack to her ribs. She held it in place while I began to wrap the ace wrap around her. After wrapping it around twice, I pulled on the slack I had left to shove the second ice pack down against her back. I then finished wrapping the ace wrap around her and clipped it into place. She lowered her arms and bit down on her bottom lip to stop from crying out in pain.

“Hey JP who was at the door?”

“Well if it isn’t the Bean Stalk,” Carmilla sneered as she reached for her shirt.

Danny’s sleepy eyes shot wide open as she took in Carmilla before Carmilla could get her shirt on. “Nice seeing you too Elvira.” Danny’s face went from shocked to concerned.

“Carmilla was attacked and my house was nearby so she stopped to get some ice,” I supplied.

“Did you call the police?” Danny asked highly concerned and angry.

“Nope. I handled it. Besides I’m not exactly supposed to be out anyway. My Mother would kill me if she found out.” I caught the small hint of fright in Carmilla’s voice.

“You sure? I can take you to the hospital or something,” Danny genuinely offered.

Carmilla’s mouth dropped open a bit as she stared at Danny. She shook her head slightly. “I’m sure. Thanks anyway.”

Danny nodded her head knowing not to press any further. “Anyway JP, I guess I should be heading back home now. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Sure thing. Thanks for your help tonight,” I replied.

“Yeah. Bye Carmilla.”

Carmilla stared at her curiously. “Bye Danny.”

“See ya JP,” Danny said while waving.

“See ya.”

The door opened then closed. I looked at Carmilla and saw her run her left hand through her hair while she let out a slow breath before wincing in pain. “Not used to you two being nice to each other,” I said into the silence.

She looked at me and glared. “Tell no one.”

I raised my hands up in surrender. “Sure sure.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Want to tell me how that happened?” I gestured toward her injury with my head.

“I was texting and tripped over my carpet making me slam against my dresser.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “That’s the worst cover-up story I have ever heard. Now tell me the truth while you come up with some other lame ass excuse.”

She glared at me then looked away. “Dresser and kick.”

I tilted my head back to stare at the ceiling. “Carmilla,” I sighed.

“I just need to get through February and then she’s gone starting March.”

I shook my head to stare at her. “You just got over a black eye, a concussion, and a dislocated shoulder.”

“What do you want from me?” She growled.

I shook my head and shrugged. “What I want you won’t do because of Will and I understand that.” I looked at her and saw her demeanor shrink. “You want to spend the night?”

She bit her bottom lip. “Sure, but I’m not sleeping where the Amazon was which by the way why was she here?”

I shook my head. “Everyone is allowed their secrets until they want to reveal them,” I answered.

She cocked her head to the side then shook it. “Right.”

“Follow me then. We’ll have to stay up for a while until it’s time to take the ice packs off.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Trying to see where I can make our piece more spectacular for the centennial celebration.”

“Of course you would suggest something completely boring.”

“I’m a drum major; it’s my job to make the performance as awesome as me.”

“Now you’re just being conceited.”

“I’m confident beyond belief not conceited. There’s a difference,” I defended.

“Sure sure. Keep walking oh great one,” she mocked.

“Alright now you’re going to sleep on the floor,” I teased.

“Whatever,” she grumbled.

We made it to my room and she quickly went over to gently lie down in my bed. I went over to my desk and pulled out the sheet music to start working on it. I walked over to my bed and sat down in the space she left me. She had her eyes closed and she curled up into a small ball as if trying to protect herself. I just stared at her. How can she take all this pain and not give any indication that she’s hurting while at school or around Laura? She must be suffering from all that pain and yet she lets Laura hang onto her all day. Her breathing became heavy and deep. She had fallen asleep. I sighed and looked down at my sheet music. I wish I could do more, but I’ll keep doing what I can for now.

* * *

 

**_Betty_ **

I climbed out of my car as soon as her dad’s truck pulled into the driveway. I slowly walked over to her and watched as she climbed out of the truck and stretch. She rubbed her eyes and locked the door behind her before closing it. She turned to walk to her house.

“You know I don’t like being lied to,” I said into the silence.

She jumped a bit and then glared at me. “What the hell are you doing here Betty?!” She whisper shouted at me.

I moved closer to her and got in her face. “You said you were going to be working late with your dad to finish up a car, so I went by the shop to surprise you with some food but it was closed. Then I came here looking for you only to be told that you had gone to JP’s to work on a science project. I drove by his house and saw that no one was there,” I said as my anger grew.

“Where I am is none of your damn business. You are not my mother!”

“No, but I thought I could be your girlfriend. Now I see I am sadly mistaken on that part.” I stepped back from her putting some distance between us so I could breathe.

She took a step back as well. “Betty I…I…you see…” she stammered. She sighed closing her eyes. She opened them slowly. “I do want you to be my girlfriend, but you kind of scare me.”

I tilted my head at her and watched her shift her weight from foot to foot. “What do you mean I scare you?”

She slid her hands in her pockets. “I always feel the need to protect the people I care about no matter what, so it’s strange to have someone stand up and protect me no matter what.” She looked up and quickly raised her hands in surrender. “It’s not like I don’t like it or anything, it’s just different. It uh…it…it actually feels nice for a change,” she admitted.

I put my hands on my waist. “Didn’t Laura defend you when you two were together?”

She burst out laughing. I glared at her. “Sorry sorry, but Laura and I were never together. Plus even though Laura is trained in Krav Maga she’s really not one to confront people until she’s gotten completely fed up with them.” She shrugged. “Even then Laura would rather talk your ear off by giving you a lecture than to put a fist in your face.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “I liked Laura a lot and thought she needed me to protect her, but in the end she didn’t like me the same way nor did she need me to protect her. It took me a while to realize she didn’t need me to protect her and by that time it was too late to show her that I changed and that I could be a supportive girlfriend to her instead of an overbearing one if she would have given me the chance. It then took me a while to let go of my feelings for her. I still care about her, but not in the same way I did before.”

“What about me?”

She stepped closer to me. “You’re part of the reason why I’ve finally been able to let go of my feelings for Laura.” She reached out and took my hands in hers. “You scare me because you can take care of yourself, but also because you can take care of me as well. That concept is new to me. I never felt like I needed to be taken care of until I met you. I’m not used to it, but I do like it. I like being able to depend on someone else and not have someone depend on me all the time. I like being taken out on a date once in a while instead of always taking someone on a date. I like when you show up randomly with some food you cooked for me. I like that you can hold your own in an argument. I also like that you are not afraid to call me out on my bullshit.” She tugged me closer to her. “I just really like you.”

I tried my best to stop the smile that was creeping its way onto my face. I stepped back from her putting distance between us again. “You still lied to me, so I don’t know if I can actually trust you.”

She released my hands. “My father’s shop has been losing money since that new one opened up a couple blocks down last summer. He doesn’t know that I know, so I’ve been lying to him and have been doing odd jobs here and there with JP in order to save up some money in case we have to close the shop.” I moved in closer to her and took her hands this time. She bowed her head to rest on my shoulder. “We’re falling behind on bills and my younger brothers need new clothes and shoes because they’re growing like trees right now. I’m doing my best, but it’s still not enough.” She lifted her head to look at me. “I’ve been trying to work as much as possible which is why I haven’t been wanting to make things official with you. I can’t be with you all the time.”

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around her waist. “I’m happy to have you when possible, but don’t forget you’re still a teenager not a parent.”

She smiled. “Luckily I have you to remind me of that.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “I just have to do what I feel is right.”

“Yeah.” I kissed her sweetly. “We’ll talk more about this later. I can tell you’re tired, so go get some sleep.”

She nodded her head. “Sorry for lying and for the food you brought going to waste.”

I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. Just get some rest.”

“Alright.” She leaned down slightly and kissed me tenderly. “We’ll talk later.”

“Right.”

She let me go and walked to her house to sneak back in quietly. I watched until her front door closed then walked back over to my car. I climbed into the driver’s seat and started my car. Maybe now we can actually move forward into something more.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

“It’s not just all physical. I’m the type that won’t get oh so critical. So let’s make things physical. I won’t treat you like you’re oh so typical,” I belted out while dancing around my room. I twirled around and threw my hands in the air. I jumped around and head banged. “All you’re thinking lately is getting underneath me. All I’m dreaming lately is how to get you underneath me!” I turned to face the door and stopped. She leaned against my door frame with an amused smile on her face. I pulled my headphones out of my ears. “Hey,” I said breathlessly.

“Here, comes the heat before we meet a little bit closer. Here comes the spark before the dark, come a little closer,” she sang as she slowly made her way over to me. “Lights are off and the sun is finally setting. Night sky is changing overhead.” Her voice dropped as she stood in front of me.

I forgot how to breathe as she leaned down towards my lips. She paused just a bit in front of my lips and waited. I closed the small gap and greedily kissed her. My hands shot up to tangle in her hair as her hands found their way under my shirt to put pressure against the bare skin of my hips. She moved forward backing me up toward my wall. I moaned into her mouth as my back hit the wall. This seemed to spur her on because her hands began making their way up my sides. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth then bit down on it. She whined from the contact and pressed her body more firmly against mine. I shivered from the feel of her body pressed against me and gasped when her lips began to trail down my neck.

I pulled on her hair which elicited a low moan from her against my collarbone. She kissed up my neck then captured my lips again. Her hands began to make their way back down my sides and gripped the waistband of my shorts. I opened my eyes and placed my hands on her shoulders giving her a gentle push. She immediately pulled away putting some distance between us. Her hands fell to her sides.

“As much as I want this to go further, I can’t.”

She closed her eyes taking a calming breath. She opened her eyes then kissed my forehead. “Alright.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too.” She kissed me sweetly then pulled away. “Movies?”

“Of course.” I fell into bed with her and curled up against her side. She sucked in a breath and I immediately backed away. “Oh god are you ok?”

Her jaw clenched tightly and her eyes were shut firmly. After a moment she relaxed. “You might want to curl up on my left side cutie. I kind of bruised my right side recently.”

“How?”

“I lost my balance when I was carrying a donation box up the stairs and slammed against the railing in order to keep myself from falling down the stairs.”

“Do you need me to get you some ice or something?”

She shook her head. “No I’ll be fine.” She patted the space to her left. “Now come here.”

I climbed over her and curled up against her left side. “Sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s alright. I forgot to tell you about it since we were otherwise preoccupied.”

I blushed and cleared my throat. “Right.”

“Creampuff?” She asked after about ten minutes.

“Yeah?”

“So Tegan and Sara huh?” She teased.

I smacked her shoulder lightly. “You knew the lyrics as well.”

She laughed and kissed the top of my head. I began to wiggle away from her, but her arms pulled me back in. She kissed the top of my head again and I sighed. I got comfortable against her again and kissed her shoulder. I’m glad only I get to see this side of her.

I slid my hand under her shirt and rubbed circles against her stomach. She tensed a bit, but then relaxed. It was another five minutes before she finally fully got comfortable. I’m still waiting for her to tell me what it is she’s hiding from me, but until then moments like these where I can comfort her will have to do.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

My door opened and I quickly jumped to my feet and waited. Will poked his head in before pushing the door open all the way and letting himself in. He closed the door behind him and walked over to my bed with a first aid kit. I got up from my spot at the window nook and sat down next to him. He slipped his shirt off then turned his back to me. I popped open the first aid kit and peeled away the gauze pad that covered the ugly scratch on the middle of his back. I cleaned the cut and heard is sharp intake of breath then covered it with Neosporin before putting a new gauze pad on and tapping it in place. He grabbed his shirt and slipped it back on while I cleaned up.

We sat there for a while. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees while I sat cross legged and picked at the nail polish on my fingernails. He sat up straight. I felt his eyes on me. I picked at my nail polish for a while longer then sighed and looked at him.

“She bought you another gift,” he stated.

“Combat boots this time.”

He nodded his head. “New sunglasses.”

We both went silent again. I picked at my nail polish while he moved to lie on his side on my bed. After a while I spoke first this time. “I had to lie to Laura today.”

“Why?”

“She lay against my right side and I couldn’t hide how much it hurt.”

“Did she believe you?”

I shrugged. “She doesn’t really have a reason not to since I’ve been honest with her and she trusts me to be honest with her.” I sighed. “I can get through this, but I can’t get pass lying to Laura.”

“We do what we have to,” he said sadly quoting the words I told him years ago.

“If only we didn’t have to,” I quoted his words back to him.

His hand grabbed mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. I squeezed his hand in return. If only we didn’t have to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can go follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates, to ask questions, or for other stuff. you can also track #mtme hsau tag.


	23. Why Me?

**_Laura_ **

Her fingers ran through my hair as I cuddled her. She got me cookies and didn’t say anything. She just turned on Netflix and put on _Mulan_ for me. Others would think it was a bit weird that she could tell I wasn’t feeling well just from the way I was texting, but after everything that we have shared between us, it only seems natural. She feels like another part of me and understands when to just let me be instead of trying to push me to talk when I don’t feel like it like everyone else does. I don’t blame my friends for being worried; I just don’t know how many more times I can tell them I don’t want to talk before they get it. Plus it’s hard to explain to people that I don’t have a reason as to why I’m not feeling well, I just don’t.

I hugged Carmilla a bit tighter and felt her sharp intake of breath. I frowned at that and sat up. Alright this is enough. “What’s wrong?” I looked down at her as her hand traveled down to rest on top of mine on the bed.

“What do you mean?”

“That was the third time you took a deep breath while I hugged you.”

She smiled. “You take my breath away.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t lie to me.”

Her eyes flickered with something I didn’t catch on time as she sat up to rest on her elbows. “There’s nothing wrong cupcake.”

“You’re hiding something from me. Don’t think I haven’t noticed since we first started to spend time together.” I fully sat up to sit cross legged.

She rolled her eyes and lay back down. “It’s nothing Laura. Really.”

“If it’s nothing then why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it really is nothing,” she said with frustration. “Now can we go back to watching the movie?”

“No.” I got up from the bed.

“Laura…”

“No Carmilla. If you’re not going to tell me what’s wrong then we’re done here. I can’t handle this right now.” I walked away and into my bathroom closing the door behind me.

I can’t. I really can’t right now. Why can’t she be honest with me? There’s something wrong and I thought it was just her drug addiction, but it’s something more and she won’t tell me. I leaned back against the door and slid down it until I hit the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and pressed my forehead to them. I just really don’t feel well and I really want my girlfriend to be honest with me. I just…I just need to feel better. I need to be normal.

“Cupcake?” She asked while knocking softly on the door.

“You should go home. I’m not feeling well.”

The door creaked as I could sense her putting some of her body weight against the door. “I know cupcake and that’s why I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry if I upset you and made you feel worse than you were already feeling. I want to be here for you.”

“But you won’t let me be here for you,” I admitted feeling a wave of guilt fill me at that admission. I really don’t want to pressure her. Why am I pressuring her?

There was a long pause. “I know Laura and you are here for me. I might not feel ready to tell you what’s going on, but being around me is enough to help me through it. You don’t know how much you help me just by being by my side and loving me despite everything.”

I lifted my head and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Will you ever tell me?”

I could faintly hear her sigh. “I don’t know. I would like to, but not now.”

I hugged my knees. “I don’t want to come out yet.”

“I’ll be right here until you tell me to go.”

I moved to lie down on the floor and curled up into a ball. I cried and I don’t know why.

* * *

 

**_LaFontaine_ **

I watched Laura pick at her food on her plate as she leaned her head into the palm of her hand. She was wearing her oversized band sweater with some track pants while she had her hair up in a bun. It was only during the times when she was really down that she seemed to wear these sorts of outfits. I knew better than to question it since looking up her symptoms and figuring out they were signs of depression. I just really wanted to understand her more and I might not fully understand the concept of it, but I know enough to know that if she wants to talk about it or be around us, she will. I can’t say the same for Perry though. Perry worries a lot and she will always fuss over all of us when we look like we’re not doing well.

Speaking of which, I turned around to see Perry walk into the cafeteria. She was already doing her nervous tick where she picks at her finger nails and does more hand gestures than needed. Our relationship has been strained as she still has issues with being honest with me. At least she’s stopped calling me Susan even when she gets angry or frustrated with me. It’ll be a while until she starts using my pronouns without trouble.

She walked over to me and took her usual seat next to me. “Hello LaFontaine,” she greeted as her eyes flickered to Laura.

“Hey Perr. How was class?” If I can distract her she won’t bug Laura.

“It was great sweetie. How was yours?” She set her backpack down under the table and started to fidget while stealing glances at Laura who has now pushed her tray of food toward the middle of the table and rested her head in her arms.

“It was great.” I took her hand. “Want me to stand in line with you while you get your food?” Alright let’s get Perry away.

She shot a glance at Laura again. “Laura sweetie, are you feeling alright?” She asked. Crap this is not going to go well.

Laura lifted her head. “I’m fine Perry. Thanks for asking,” she asked tiredly.

“Are you sure? I can walk you to the nurse’s office?”

Laura sat up fully. “Really Perry I’m fine.” I could tell Laura was holding back from snapping at Perry.

It was then that Carmilla sat down next to Laura and passed her a bag of cookies while pressing a kiss to her forehead. She reached behind Laura and began to rub her back. Laura leaned her head against Carmilla’s shoulder and opened her bag of cookies. She munched on them slowly as Carmilla began to eat her lunch while still rubbing Laura’s back. Laura seemed to perk up just a bit at this and I couldn’t help but smile a bit. These two really suited each other. Plus it helped knowing that Carmilla knew exactly what to do to take care of Laura. Despite all the bad rumors I heard about Carmilla and the way she acts when she’s not around Laura, she really does care. That’s all that matters really.

Laura turned to Carmilla and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Carmilla blushed and finished chewing her food before pressing a kiss to the side of Laura’s forehead. Plus these two are adorable yet disgusting to watch. They’re like an old married couple sometimes.

“I’m going to go grab some lunch,” Perry announced drawing my attention back to her. Her worried face and fidgeting had calmed down as she looked at Carmilla and Laura. She even had a small smile on her face. She must be thinking the same thing I am.

“Want me to go with you?”

“Yes please.” She held her hand out to me. I took it and followed her to the lunch line. I rubbed my thumb against the back of her hand. “They’re good together aren’t they?” She asked.

I looked back over to our table and saw Laura smiling a bit as Carmilla made to feed her a cookie before pulling it away and eating it herself. Laura gave Carmilla a playful shove before resting her head on Carmilla’s shoulder.

“Yeah they really are good for each other.” I looked back at Perry and kissed her cheek. “We’re good for each other as well.”

She looked at me with a sad smile. “We are. I just need some more time before I can be completely honest with you.”

“I know. I’m patient.” I squeezed her hand. I think we’re all getting to a better place.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I sat on the counter and let JP wrap the ace wrap around me in order to keep the ice packs in place against my ribs.

“Well it’s black now so it’ll start to lighten up soon,” JP noted as he clipped the ace wrap down.

“Laura is suspicious now though, so it would be great if it can hurry up and heal completely.”

“You didn’t tell her anything did you?” He handed me back my shirt.

I hopped off the counter and held my shirt in my hand. “No. I just told her I wasn’t ready to tell her yet even though I want to.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “You know that’s not going to make it go away right?”

I rolled my eyes as I pulled my shirt over my head. Good thing I wore my oversized Guns and Roses concert shirt. “I know, but it will last for a while at least.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Enjoy it while it lasts,” he said sarcastically.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Don’t sound too happy about it.” I grabbed my Mtn Dew and took a sip.

“How is Laura doing?”

I picked at the bottle cap. “She’s doing alright. She just needs time is all.”

“Don’t make it worse,” he warned.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

He uncrossed his arms. “Everything good at home though? I haven’t seen any new injuries yet.”

“Mother’s been busy, thankfully.”

“Hopefully she stays busy this entire month.”

“Hell will freeze over before that comes true.” I placed my soda on the counter.

“Well I heard it was going to rain tomorrow, will that do?”

I smirked. “Not even close.”

He smiled. “Alright let’s go up to my room while you ice your ribs.”

I followed him out of the kitchen. “Thank you JP.”

“Don’t make this sappy,” he responded.

I smiled. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I rolled over in bed and pulled the blanket tighter over my head. Carmilla was in the bathroom and her side of the bed was warm after having watched half of season five of Buffy. I snuggled into her side of the bed letting the warmth that was left behind fill me up. This really is a bad one. I heard a phone vibrate and I poked my head out of the blanket to glare at my night stand. One of the phones vibrated again. I reached out to grab it thinking it was my phone since Carmilla and I had similar models of the Samsung Galaxy even though hers was the new S5 version while mine was the S4.

I watched as the screen lit up and the message scroll across the top. This is definitely not my phone. I moved to put the phone down, but what was in the message made me stop. I sat up leaning on my elbows more and brought the phone closer to me. Another text message came through and scrolled across the top of the screen.

_Carmilla! You better be getting laid or whatever since you’re fucking ignoring me!_

_We’re having a 911 situation right now! Answer your damn phone!_

I stared at the screen and chewed on my bottom lip. I hope everything is alright. I looked to the bathroom as the door opened. Another message came through and I stared down at it.

                _I swear if SJ wins the bet I am going to be pissed. Now answer your fucking phone!_

I stared down at the screen very hard and thought back to the previous message. What bet?

“Cupcake?”

I turned to look up at Carmilla as she stared down at me with her hand on the bed. “You got a message.” I held the phone out to her and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Thanks cupcake.” I watched her as she entered her passcode.

“What was the bet?” I asked worriedly.

She froze as she glanced down at her phone then back up at me. “What do you mean?”

“What was the bet?” I asked feeling myself get a bit angry.

“Laura I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“In one of the messages it said that they hope SJ doesn’t win the bet, so what was the bet?”

Carmilla glanced down at her phone and quickly read through the messages. Her eyes widened and she lowered her phone. “Laura…”

“What was the bet?” I said angrily.

“It’s nothing. I thought they dropped it since it was months ago.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“Laura-

“WHAT WAS THE BET?!” I shouted.

She took a step back as I moved to stand up. “Laura please she just said that to piss me off so I could answer the phone,” she answered while taking another step back.

“Carmilla,” I warned.

She put her hands up. “It was a bet to see when I would sleep with you. It was before we started to really get close to one another.”

I balled my hands into fists and tried not to explode. “Get out,” I said through clenched teeth.

“Laura…”

“Get out!!!” I shouted.

“Laura please. It doesn’t mean anything. Elsie really just said that so I could answer the phone,” she defended.

“GET OUT!” I screamed.

She stared at me and backed away towards the door. I could see tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “Laura…”

“Get out before I call my dad home from work to throw you out,” I warned.

Her shoulders slumped in defeat and she looked down at the ground. “Laura…”

“Just go Carmilla. Run away. I don’t want to see you ever again.” Her head snapped up and I saw the hurt in her eyes and in her body. It broke my heart, but this is just fucking too much right now. “Leave Carmilla!”

“Okay,” she said defeatedly with a hint of a sob wanting to come through. She walked out the door.

I stood there for a moment before reaching for the nearest object and throwing it against my wall. I kept grabbing stuff and throwing it not caring about the mess or what I was breaking. I just needed to not feel angry anymore. I was feeling nothing and everything all at once and I just didn’t want to be here. Why? Why was a bet even made in the first place? Why did she even get close to me? Did she get close to me for the bet then fell in love or did she get close to me because she wanted to and the bet was a consolation prize? Just why? I stopped throwing things and fell on the floor. Why? I collapsed unto myself.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I ran down the stairs while trying not to cry right now. Not now. I will not cry. I heard a loud thud come from Laura’s room and I turned around to listen. I heard more thuds. She was throwing things. I gulped and gripped the banister of the staircase tightly as I listened to things crashing against walls. I turned away and made my way down the last steps of the staircase. Dammit Elsie! Why did you send that type of text? You and the others said you didn’t see me like that anymore so why? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I need to call Elsie. I need to find out why. I need to know. I heard more stuff being thrown and I quickly put my shoes on and escaped out the front door.

The cool night air slapped me in the face, but it didn’t chill me as much as the look of hatred in Laura’s eyes did. I gulped down the sob that wanted to be let out and I balled my hands into fists as I bit down on my bottom lip. I blinked my eyes rapidly to try to keep my tears at bay. I walked off her porch and then sped up a bit until I had broken into a sprint heading towards the forest. The cold night air whipped against my face as I forced myself to sprint as if my life depended on it. I sprinted fast while hyperventilating which should have made me want to stop since my lungs were now screaming for a real breath of air, but I will not give it to them. The pain in my lungs feeling like nails being pushed through them made me want to run harder. If I just keep running this is the only pain I will feel. If I keep running everything else will go away. I just need to keep running.

I started to get dizzy since I wasn’t breathing properly and I had to stop before I passed out. I made it to the treehouse in record time and looked around the meadow. I collapsed onto my knees and tilted my head up to the night sky. It wasn’t really late so the sky wasn’t as dark as it would be once it was ten o’clock, but it was still beautiful. I drank in the cold night air filling my lungs and getting rid of the dizziness. I continued to stare at the night sky until my tears finally started to fall from my eyes.

My vision blurred as I let myself finally cry. I looked down at the ground then fell forward on my hands. I dug my nails into the dirt and bit as hard as possible on my bottom lip causing it to split open and start bleeding. I pressed my head to the floor then pushed myself up to scream into the night. My hands were balled into fists as I continued to just scream and cry. I hurt and I wanted the whole world to know it. I hurt and I wanted the heavens to hear me.

Was I not allowed to be happy? Was I not allowed to be loved? Was I not allowed to love? Was I destined to just continue to be in pain? I screamed even more until my voice finally gave out and I couldn’t continue anymore. Why? Why me? Have I not suffered enough? Have I not been through enough pain and sorrow? Why me? Why? I leaned forward again pressing my forehead to the ground and cried into the dirt below me. Why me? Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates or to ask questions. You can also track or use #mtme hsau.


	24. Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: cussing
> 
> The "*****" means same character pov just a different day.

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I walked quickly down the hallway and made my way to Laura’s locker. She has to let me explain. I need her to let me explain everything. I need her. I stopped in front of her locker and slipped my hands into my pockets as I checked down both ends of the hall for her. I leaned back against her locker and bit down on my lip feeling the scab that had formed right in the middle after last night. I looked to the clock at the end of the hallway and saw there was only five minutes until the bell for the next class rang. Where is she? She should have been here by now to switch out her books.

“Excuse me.”

I turned to see LaFontaine standing in front of me. “She’s not coming is she?”

They shook their head. “She’s really hurt and I can’t say I don’t blame her, but I also know that you love her and that this is most likely a misunderstanding.”

“But?”

“You still really hurt her even though it wasn’t intentional and it wasn’t even you directly.” They rubbed the back of their neck. “Look I can see that you’ve changed especially when you’re around her, but she’s in shock and needs some time.” I pushed off Laura’s locker and let them move in front of it to open it.

“How is she doing though?”

“She looks just as bad as you.” They pulled a book out of Laura’s locker and closed it. “You two need to talk, but you can’t force it.”

“Then how exactly am I supposed to talk to her if I can’t force it?”

They shrugged. “I don’t know. Just wait for her.”

“LaFontaine I can’t just let it sit. She needs to know the truth.”

“I agree, but that doesn’t change the fact that she needs to be ready to not just talk, but listen to you.”

I sighed. “Fine. Just let me know if she’s still alright.”

“I will.” They backed away from me and headed to go meet Laura.

Fuck. I ran my hand through my hair. Please let her talk to me soon.

* * *

 

**_Elsie_ **

I put my books down on the desk and sat down next to Laura. She looked up at me and looked completely tired and worn out. She had dark purple bags under her eyes and her eyes were red as if she still hadn’t finished crying even though it has been three days since they had the argument. She chewed on her bottom lip and continued to stare at me. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“You can’t blame her for a text message I sent her to piss her off,” I said waiting for a reaction. She gave me none. “There was a bet I had started months ago, that myself and the other girls, had dropped once we figured out that Carmilla was honestly interested in you. I only brought it up in the message because I really needed her to answer her phone and pissing her off gets the quickest reply out of her.” She kept staring at me and still didn’t say anything. “Look I was there when things fell through with Elle and I have always been there for her after the fact. I won’t apologize for coming up with the bet in the first place, but I will apologize for it doing this to the both of you when that was the last thing I wanted to do since you’ve made her the happiest she has ever been.” She looked away from me. “You make her better and she makes you better as well. Don’t punish her for something that is my fault. And also you should know that I texted that because Natalie had ended up in the hospital, so really don’t punish Carmilla anymore than she’s probably already punishing herself. You two need to talk and you need to let her explain herself.” I grabbed my books once I saw the teacher come into the classroom. I had to get to my class on time.

“It doesn’t make it hurt less or make it okay,” she whispered.

I turned back to her. “And it does nothing when you don’t bother to talk about it.” She refused to meet my gaze, so I turned and walked out of the classroom to head to mine. Can’t say I didn’t try.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I turned my phone off and placed it on my night stand. I hugged my yellow pillow closer to me and buried my nose in it. It still smelled like her. I really miss her, but I’m still angry with her. I pulled the blanket over my head tighter and started to cry again. Why did this happen? We were fine before we started dating and now it just feels like it has all gone to hell now that we actually have been dating. I don’t understand it. All I wanted was for her to be honest with me and talk to me. It is more than just the stupid bet that I understand was made before we actually started to hang out a lot more. It’s about the fact that she was still hiding something from me and it hurt. I don’t want there to be secrets between us, but I can’t do anything more if she won’t even talk to me. Plus really a bet concerning sex?

“Alright you really need to get out from under there little nerd.”

I poked my head out from under my blanket to see Kirsch and LaFontaine standing in my doorway. “Go away.” I pulled the blanket back over my head.

The blanket was yanked away from me and I sat up to glare at Kirsch. “No little nerd you need to get out of bed. It’s Saturday and you have done enough moping for the last four days already.”

“I have not been moping!” I shouted.

He rolled the blanket into a ball then sat on my bed. “Talk little nerd.”

I looked to LaFontaine and they shrugged before climbing into the bed to sit against the wall. I stared back at Kirsch. “What do you want me to say exactly?”

He shrugged. “Whatever you want to say.”

“That doesn’t help.”

“Alright then what’re you feeling?”

I crossed my legs and chewed on my bottom lip. “I feel a bit betrayed.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like Carmilla probably didn’t defend me when Elsie made that stupid bet in the first place.”

“And?”

“And she’s hiding something from me and won’t tell me.”

“Why do you need to know?”

“Because I’m her girlfriend!”

“Besides that?”

I stared at him and chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t know.”

He nodded his head. “SJ told me about the bet and Carmilla did defend you. She told them to drop it or she’d destroy them. As for the other thing, just because you’re her girlfriend doesn’t mean she has to tell you everything right away. She’ll tell you when she’s ready and pushing her to open up is not fair.”

I looked away from him. “When did you get so smart?” I grumbled.

“I’m dating SJ. I learn a lot of stuff.”

I sighed. “I’m not ready to talk to her yet though.”

“Why?”

“Because I also feel embarrassed.”

“About what?” LaFontaine asked finally saying something.

“About the fact the bet was about sex and I well…we still haven’t gone that far. I don’t want people knowing that and I’m worried Carmilla may have mentioned to them that I’m still a virgin.”

“Sorry to say this little nerd, but they knew before they even made that bet in the first place,” Kirsch said.

I frowned. “Does everyone know?”

He shrugged. “Not sure.”

I looked to LaFontaine. “Not everyone knows, but a lot of people know that this is your first relationship, so they may have put two and two together,” they answered.

I sighed. “Great people probably look at me and laugh because I have zero experience and Carmilla has a ton. She’s probably tired of waiting for me too.”

“Has she said she’s tired of waiting for you?” LaFontaine asked.

“Well no.”

“Has she pressured you about it?”

“No.”

“Then don’t think for her and just talk to her. It was easy for you two to talk before you started dating so why is it so hard to do it now that you are?”

“Because I’m afraid she’d change her mind about me and break up with me,” I said while trying to hold back my tears.

“Laura.” Kirsch moved closer and pulled me into a hug. “She’d be crazy to let you go.”

“I know, but it just feels like she’s not completely in this relationship,” I sobbed.

“I know, but you can’t force her either. She has her reasons.” He pulled away and wiped at my tears. “You can’t avoid her forever.”

“I know.” I sighed and grabbed my pillow. “Can we not talk about this anymore?”

“Sure,” LaFontaine answered. “We came for a movie and popcorn night anyway.” They moved off my bed to grab my laptop while Kirsch went downstairs to make popcorn.

I need to talk to Carmilla, but I need to get control of my emotions first. I also need to remind myself that I can’t force her to tell me what’s wrong just because I’m her girlfriend. I sighed. There’s still a lot for me to learn. I just know I love her.

* * *

 

**_Danny_ **

I was so pissed off. I was angry at Betty for being a part of the bet that broke Laura’s heart and I’m pissed off that Elvira let the bet happen in the first fucking place. I walked down the hall with my hands balled into fists. This is fucking ridiculous. The snarky bitch finally starts dating Laura and manages to ruin it and crush my best friend’s heart. I rounded the corner of the hallway and saw said bitch closing her locker. I walked right up to her and grabbed her by the shoulder. I spun her around not really thinking about it at all when my hand connected with her left cheek. The sound had everyone stopping in the hallway. She looked up at me with wide eyes and now that I had released my anger I actually really looked at her.

The bags under her eyes were black. Her eyes were pink from probably having cried earlier today. Her clothes were baggy and hanging off her body and she just kept staring at me with her mouth shut. She stepped back and shook her head. She turned and walked off without saying anything. She just let me hit her and she wasn’t going to say or do anything. She was completely defeated. She was broken more than I could ever break her. It was like she wanted to get hit as well because it was better than having nothing done to her. I moved to catch up to her until a hand closed around my elbow and held me back.

“Summer Psycho no.”

I turned to look at Kirsch. “Let go of me Kirsch!” He shook his head and dragged me out of the hallway all the way to the locker rooms. He pulled me into the boys’ locker room and let go of me. “What the hell?!”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “You just slapped Carmilla across the face in the middle of the hallway. She’s going to have a mark there for the rest of the day if not for the next two to three days.”

I balled my hands back into fists and felt my anger rising again. “That’s none of your business!”

“It is because if Laura sees it she’s going to feel worse than she already feels because she’ll think it’s her fault. We’re trying to get them to stop running away from each other not force them further apart.”

I glared at him then turned to punch the punching bag behind me. Once I threw the first punch I kept throwing punches. “It’s not fair!” I hit the bag again. “I wanted to date Laura and Carmilla gets the damn chance to and ruins it!” I put more force behind my punches. “I’m not in love with Laura anymore, but it still pisses me off because I can’t stop caring about her!” I shoved the punching bag. “Then Betty was also a part of that damn bet and I feel pissed off!” I started to kick the punching bag. “Who is Betty anyway?! Is she who she is around me or is it all an act?!” I shoved the punching bag again then screamed in frustration. I fell onto my knees and struggled to catch my breath.

I sensed him kneeling down next to me and then his hand on my shoulder. “This is about Betty more than Carmilla and Laura.”

I gasped and started crying. “I love her Kirsch, but I can’t be with someone who will hurt my friends.”

He squeezed my shoulder then pulled me into his arms. “I know. I feel the same way about SJ, but like you can’t beat yourself up about it. You gotta talk to Betty cause otherwise you’ll hurt yourself and others and that’s not who you are.”

I cried against his shoulder. “Why do I have to care so much?”

“Well if you didn’t you wouldn’t be you.” He pulled away and patted my shoulders. “Come on you have to go apologize to Carmilla.”

I laughed. “Great. Just what I always wanted to do.”

“I’m sure you’ve done worse things,” he joked.

I shoved him then started to follow him out of the locker room. “Thanks for stopping me. I may have just hit her again for not getting angry at me.”

“It’s cool. We all need to be held back at some point.”

“Right.”

* * *

 

**_Will_ **

I slowly walked into the house and shut the door behind me as quietly as possibly. I stood at the entryway for a moment to listen for Mother. There was silence except for the sound of running water coming from upstairs. I did my best to not make so much noise walking across the marble floor to the staircase. Then did my best to not let the staircase creak as I went up each step trying to figure out where the sound of running water was coming from. I got to the top of the staircase and made my way down the hall. I got to Mother’s room and paused to listen. The sound of running water wasn’t coming from her room which means she’s thankfully not home.

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and made my way to my room. The sound of water was coming from the bathroom I shared with Carmilla. I walked into my room and could tell that the water was coming from the sink, so she wasn’t taking a shower or anything. I set my stuff down and began to set up my Xbox so I could play online. I took my shoes off and changed into my pajamas so I could just relax for the rest of the afternoon. I started to get my game started and listened as the water kept going. I looked toward the bathroom door on my side and stared at it waiting for the sink to turn off.

I set my controller down and walked to the bathroom door. I grabbed the door knob and turned it. It was locked which she didn’t do unless she was taking a shower. Panic flooded through my body as I knocked on the door. “Carmilla?” there wasn’t an answer. “Carmilla!” I said louder. Still no answer. I turned the door knob again and knocked on the door harder. “CARMILLA!” I shouted. She didn’t answer me. I started ramming my shoulder against the door.

Fuck please don’t let this happen again. The door wasn’t giving way and I backed up from it and started to kick it. Come on open! I kept kicking at the door until it finally broke open. It banged against the wall before beginning to swing close again. I pushed it open and saw Carmilla sitting there on the floor with a razor blade in her hand. An empty bottle of pills was sitting on the counter and the sink was still running water. I moved slowly over to her. I turned the water off which seemed to snap her out of her gaze as she nearly jumped onto her feet. I raised my hands up to her and the wild look in her eyes locked onto mine. She relaxed and settled back down. I kneeled down beside her and gently took the razor blade out of her hand.

She let her hands fall into her lap. She stared at them and didn’t move or say anything. I sat down in front of her and reached out slowly to grab her hands. She didn’t flinch away from me which was good. I took her hands in mine and turned them over to see if she had done anything. There was a small cut on the tip of her finger, but besides that, everything else was alright. I sighed and got comfortable on the floor as I stared at her.

“I didn’t do anything,” she whispered in a raspy voice. This must be the very first time she’s used her voice in days since she refused to talk to me as well. “I threw the pills down the sink and let the water run.” I thanked God for that. At least I don’t have to take her to go get her stomach pumped. She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest. “I miss her.”

“I know, but this is not how you fix it.”

“I know,” she whispered.

I moved to sit next to her and wrapped my arm around her. “Don’t give up. She’ll come around eventually.”

She rest her head on my shoulder. “I hope so.”

* * *

 

**_Perry_ **

“Alright Perry what’s the deal?” Danny asked as she sat down on my bed followed by LaFontaine. Kirsch came in and took a seat on the floor.

“It’s about Laura and Carmilla,” I responded.

“What’d you have planned?” Kirsch asked.

“Nothing yet, but I just wanted to check in with everyone and see that we are all on the same page about them.”

“Meaning what exactly?” Danny questioned.

I cleared my throat and stood up straight. “That they have our support once they decide to actually talk to one another,” I said confidently.

“When hell freezes over,” Danny commented.

“Lawrence!” I chastised.

“Well sorry, but I still don’t see it. I don’t see what all of you see in Carmilla.” She shrugged.

I took a deep breath. “Well regardless, we need to continue to support them.”

“Well I’m on board,” LaFontaine said.

“Same here,” Kirsch chimed in.

We all looked at Danny. She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll do it for Laura.”

I nodded my head. “Alright. Now remember to not tell Laura or Carmilla. They have to do it on their own and ask us for help on their own as well.”

They all nodded their heads. I just hope Carmilla and Laura get it together soon.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

**Me [5:13 PM]: Hey I need a favor**

**Science Ginger [5:14 PM]: The assignment for class isn’t due until**

**Thursday, so you still have two days.**

**Me [5:16PM]: Thanks, but not what I wanted to ask.**

**Science Ginger [5:17 PM]: What can I do for you then?**

**Me [5:22 PM]: Help me come up with a plan to get Laura to talk to**

**me.**

**Science Ginger [5:25 PM]: What did you have in mind?**

**Me [5:28 PM]: I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you.**

**Science Ginger [5: 30 PM]: Right. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.**

**Meet me in the gym after school.**

**Me [5:31 PM]: Thanks.**

************

I set my backpack down on the bleacher and started to pace while I waited for the ginger. The door to the gym opened and in came said ginger. “What did you come up with?” I immediately asked.

They came over and sat down on the bleacher. “Alright the idea I have originally started from what Perry said and I took it from there. She’ll be coming over soon with the written plans she has.”

“You went to your girlfriend for help?!” I said worriedly.

They shrugged. “You didn’t say I couldn’t involve anyone else.”

“I assumed it was obvious.”

“And that right there is your problem.”

The door to the gym opened again and in came the other ginger twin with a bright green folder in her hand. "I have the plans right here and everyone else is on board.”

“Wait how many people did you two tell?”

“Enough to make our plan work.” Perry said while setting her backpack down and giving LaFontaine a kiss on the cheek. She opened the green folder and looked at me. “How serious are you?”

“Why do you ask?”

“This plan will either get us suspended or expelled.”

“I’m very serious.” Also very curious since Perry doesn’t look like the type to want to do something to land her and LaFontaine in trouble.

“Good. This plan combines Laura’s two favorite movies.”

“I don’t think Harry Potter is going to work,” I said sarcastically.

“Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire are not the two movies I meant. I’m talking about her other two favorite movies that are not the Disney ones.”

I quirked my eyebrow up at her. “What idea did you two come up with using Begin Again and Ten Things I Hate About You?”

“One to embarrass you beyond belief because Laura feels embarrassed, but also one that shows her you love her because she thinks you’re not fully in the relationship,” LaFontaine answered.

I sighed. “She really thinks that?”

“Yes. Now pay attention because we only have until Friday to get this all sorted out,” Perry said business like.

“Right. What’s the plan?”

“Kirsch is getting his Zeta…uh…bros Nathan and John to help out while Danny is getting her friends Emily and Sam from the Summer Society to give us a hand as well.”

“What will they be doing?”

“Emily and Sam are going to get us the supplies we need while Nathan and Sam will be our road blocks.”

“Meaning what exactly?”

“Nathan and Sam will be throwing water balloons at teachers who try to come by and stop us.”

I gaped at her. “Seriously?”

She blushed and started to twirl her hands. “Yes well it’s a good way to stop them and maybe they’ll be lenient on us.”

“We were hoping you could get Betty, Elise, SJ, and Natalie to help us out as well,” LaFontaine cut in.

I nodded my head. “I can. I’ll get Will to join in.”

“Good. We already got JP to help out since he does the morning announcements and is wicked good with electronics,” they added.

“Great. Now what is the other part of the plan?”

Perry and LaFontaine shared a look. “You sing over the intercom while we help out by handling the instrumentals for you,” Perry said in a rush.

“Seriously?”

“You have any better ideas?” LaFontaine asked giving me a steely look.

I ran my hand through my hair. “No.”

“Good it’s settled.” Perry said grabbing up her lists out of the folder and passing them to me. “Read these over and the only thing we have to do is get a practice space.”

I shuffled through the detailed papers. “I have the perfect place.” I looked at them. “I hope you like the forest.”

They shared a look again. “Right. Just message us the details then,” LaFontaine said while grabbing their backpack.

“Memorize my hand outs,” Perry added. They held hands as they walked out of the gym.

I looked down at the papers and sighed. Looks like I at least get to pick the song.

* * *

 

**_JP_ **

I finished taping down the wires so that no one would trip over them then opened the door to let everyone into the room. I held the door open as each person slipped into the office and started to set up their instruments underneath the microphones I had placed around the room. It took a moment, but I was able to split the lines to connect them to the main announcement microphone so that the instruments and Carmilla’s singing could all be perfectly heard over the intercoms in the school. I shut the door behind me as Carmilla walked in looking like she was marching to her death.

“Did the ghost of Christmas past visit you last night?” I asked her.

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t even start.”

I shrugged then reached out to take her hand. I gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’ll work.”

She nodded her head. “I hope so MacGyver.”

I squeezed her hand again then went over to the announcement microphone. “Alright I’m going to need all of you to stay as quiet as possible while I do the morning announcements as to not give us away.” They all finished getting their instruments situated and adjusting the microphones. Carmilla walked over to me and leaned back against the front desk. I looked at all of them before giving them a nod to stay quiet. I pressed down the button to turn the microphone on then leaned into it.

“Good morning Silas beauties. Hearts are in the air, flowers are being handed out, and I’m looking for a Valentine to meet me at Lastrang’s tonight for a lovely candlelit dinner. I like chocolates more than flowers, but strawberries more than both of those things. For those of you who forgot or just waited until the very last moment, Valentine’s candy grams can still be purchased and they will be delivered by your lovely cupids, the student government, by the end of the day. Don’t forget to come see me starring the band and orchestra play at the end of this month for our centennial celebration.” I pulled out the duct tape from my back pocket and taped the button down on the microphone so it’d stay on. I looked at everyone and got a thumbs up to proceed.

Well here goes nothing.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

_“And finally I have a little something here for you Laura Hollis presented to you by Carmilla and your friends,” JP announced._

I froze in my seat as everyone in class turned to look at me. I am so going to kill them all. I sat up even straighter in my seat as music started playing through the intercom followed by Carmilla’s voice.

_“I don’t know why I don’t see happiness in this town. Everyone I meet seems so uptight wearing a frown.”_

* * *

 

**_Danny_ **

Kirsch bumped my elbow and smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and stared at Carmilla singing into the microphone. “I don’t know if I’m the fool who’s getting this all wrong. That’s the dream to sing, the perfect girl, the perfect song. All I know is I can’t keep on wearing this disguise when you’re the only one that sees what’s real in my eyes.” A smile spread across Carmilla’s face, the first I’d seen since we decided to do this.

I mentally sighed. She may be a sarcastic and snarky person most of the time, but I have to say that she really does love Laura as much as she says she does, possibly even more. Maybe I’ll actually put in some effort with her after all of this, if it works and Laura decides to give her a chance and sort things out.

I looked around at everyone else in the room and saw the smiles they all had on as they played and watched Carmilla. She had begun to pat her hand against her thigh to the rhythm of the song as her smile got bigger and her eyes closed. She was singing her heart out. Everyone played harder for both Carmilla and Laura and I couldn’t be happier to be doing this for my friend and even the snarky vampire wanna be.

* * *

 

**_Elsie_ **

“I swear if that nerd doesn’t take Carmilla back after this I will spend the rest of my high school life torturing her,” I said as Betty looked around the corner again.

_“You take me to another space in time. You take me to a higher place, so high. I’m about to get out of the race. I don’t mind. All I know is that everything means nothing if I don’t have you,” Carmilla sang._

“I doubt Laura is that stupid. She fell for Carmilla just as much as Carmilla fell for her,” Betty said while taking a moment to lean against the wall.

“Yeah well she’s stubborn. I mean look at how far Carmilla has had to go because she wouldn’t even listen. I mean even I tried to talk to her and she wouldn’t listen,” I said frustrated.

She peaked around the corner. “Teacher!” She bent down to grab the small blue bucket by her left foot and pulled out a water balloon. She rushed passed me as I got my bucket and knocked on the front office door three times before following her.

We skidded to a stop behind the next corner and looked around it catching sight of Mr. Tellwell. We stepped out from around the corner and launched the water balloons at him as he reached for the door knob. The two water balloons hit him in the face and the shoulder. He froze in place then turned to look at us. Mad was an understatement.

“Betty! Elsie! Stay right there!” he pointed his finger at us. We looked at each other then took off running.

* * *

 

**_Danny_ **

JP slipped out of the room once he saw the teacher run after Betty and Elsie. I looked around at everyone as we started to get to the end of the song. Everyone’s face had taken on a hint of panic. Just a couple of more seconds. Just a couple of more seconds. Just a couple of more seconds and we can make a break for it. The door was wrenched open just as we finished.

“RUN!” JP yelled into the room. We dropped everything and rushed out the door.

“Follow me!” I yelled as I sprinted down the hallway in front of the group.

“Danny!” Betty called from my left as her and Elsie made their way to us.

“Wha-

“Teacher behind us!” Betty pushed me in the opposite direction and we all sprinted down the right hallway toward the library.

“All of you stop now!” One of the teachers following us yelled. We rounded the corner that lead to the library. I pulled the door open and held it as everyone ran inside.

“What now? The exit is triggered to sound the fire alarm and notify the fire department when someone opens it,” Perry said as we all quickly made our way to the back of the library.

“Don’t worry I have a way out,” Carmilla said while pushing ahead of us and lead us to the very back corner of the library.

“Looks more like you got us trapped!” I said frustrated.

“Calm down Beanpole.” She pointed at Kirsch. “Lift me up to the window.”

He looked at her then shrugged. “Sure thing little hottie.” He laced his fingers together in front of him making a cradle for her foot. She stepped into it and he hoisted her up.

“You do know those windows don’t even open right?” I pointed out.

She fiddled with the latch until it clicked then pushed the window open. “You were saying Gingersnap?” Kirsch put her down.

“I know you’re all in here so just come out!” A teacher yelled.

I turned and gave her a curious look. “I’ll explain later,” she answered. As she said that Kirsch had lifted Elsie to the window then SJ followed as Elsie dropped to the ground outside.

“Yeah later,” I said.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

“I am so not going to last an entire month in there with all of you,” Elsie said as we exited the classroom after finishing an hour of detention.

“Well if someone’s truck didn’t decide to pick today to stop working we would have been fine until tomorrow,” Danny snapped.

“Look Summer Psycho I said I was sorry,” Kirsch looked down at the floor.

“At least we got detention and not something worse,” Natalie stated.

I pushed passed everyone then turned to face them all. They stopped and stared at me. I sighed and looked at the ground. “Look it’s going to suck to be in detention with all of you and having to be on the damn prom committee, but thank you…even if it didn’t work.”

“I’m sorry could you repeat that? Couldn’t hear you from way up here,” Danny teased.

“Shut up Xena!”

“Who says it didn’t work?”

I spun around to see her making her way to us. “L-Laura?” She walked right up to me and crashed her lips onto mine. Her arms went around my shoulders tugging me closer to her. I smiled into our kiss and wrapped my arms around her waist holding her tight against me.

“Get a room!”

Laura pulled away and looked over my shoulder. “Shut it LaF!” I buried my face into the crook of her neck. “We still need to talk,” she whispered.

“We will.” I lifted my head and captured her lips into another kiss. She smiled into it this time.

“Seriously though, get a room,” LaFontaine teased again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Higher Place by Adam Levine from the Begin Again soundtrack
> 
> follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates or to ask questions. You can also track or use #mtme hsau


	25. Save Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: child abuse

**_Carmilla_ **

“Your dad’s not home today?”

She closed the door behind me. “He got scheduled because the usual weekend doctor is out on vacation.”

“Right.” I slid my hands into my pockets and stared at the ground. I really don’t want to do this.

Her arms slid around my waist and rested there as she stared up at me. “I’m here.”

I leaned down and pressed my forehead against hers. “Let’s go up to your room.”

She leaned back and kissed my forehead. Her arms moved off my waist leaving me to feel heavier rather than lighter. She slipped her fingers between mine and led me up to her room. My heart was pounding like it wanted to burst a hole through my chest in order to get away. My breathing began to get shallower and I was struggling to get a good breath into my lungs. What am I doing? What do I do if she ends up wanting to tell her dad or someone else? What if telling her this is her limit for what she can handle? What if after this she really does just end it and walk away? What will happen to Will and I? I can’t. I can’t do this. I need to go. I need to run.

She squeezed my hand drawing my attention to her. She closed her room door behind us and got close to me. She wrapped her arms around my waist again and held me tightly to her. She leaned her head back to stare into my eyes. “Whatever it is, I am right here and I’m not going anywhere.” She kissed me tenderly.

I slowly pulled away savoring the taste of her on my lips. “I’ll be right back.” I ran my hands along her arms until I got to her hands. I gave them a squeeze then turned to go to her bathroom.

I closed and locked the door behind me. I stood in front of her mirror and gripped the edges of her sink tightly. I bowed my head and took deep calming breaths. I closed my eyes and concentrated on trying to calm my wild heart. I shook my head and pushed off the sink. I stood up straight and stared at myself in the mirror. I let out a slow deep breath. I slipped my shirt off then turned on the sink. I rinsed off my face with the cold water. I dried my face with the face towel hanging on the towel rack then looked at myself in the mirror again. I was lucky that Mother got that call from the dance studio yesterday and I only ended up with the black eye after she heard about Will and I getting detention for a whole month for the front office take over.

I stepped back from the mirror to let the top half of my body to be visible. Some of my ribs were protruding out and had never gone back into place. I guess they never really needed to since they always kept breaking. My right side was still bruised and damaged, but was getting better. I took in other small scars from instances I don’t even remember anymore since they all just blur together. I don’t even know what my back looks like and I don’t think I want to. I traced one of my scars that trailed along my hip bone then took another deep breath. It was now or never.

I unlocked the bathroom door and opened it slowly. Laura was sitting on her bed hugging her yellow pillow while she chewed on her bottom lip. She looked up at me and her eyes widened in shock as she jumped to her feet. I looked down at the ground and ran my hand through my hair. I looked up and saw that she had stopped in the middle of the room. She was giving me space. I slowly moved closer to her until there was only a foot of space between us. Her eyes took in every inch of me. I looked down and saw her fingers twitch. I reached out and grabbed her hands placing them on my stomach.

She met my gaze and I nodded my head slightly. She traced over the small scars along the sides of my stomach and the one right in the middle. Her fingers barely touched the bruise along my right side, but I could feel the electric charge and it made me shiver. She pulled back immediately and looked at me with scared eyes. I took her hands again and gave them a reassuring squeeze before turning my back to her. I pulled my hair over my left shoulder so she could see it better. Her fingers gingerly traced over the scars on my back until she snaked her arms around my waist and kissed the back of my shoulder. I sighed and turned around to face her. She stared at me and pressed a soft kiss to my black eye.

I sighed and stepped back from her. I held onto her hands and tried to steel my nerves. I gulped and blinked my eyes trying not to let my emotions get the better of me which is weird because I’ve never gotten emotional about this topic. It has always just been a way of life and something to survive through. I never gave much thought to it or let it get to me because I had to hold strong for Will. So why is it now that all I want to do is just break down?

I cleared my throat. “I’ve been hiding the fact that the bruises and the scars that I have are from my Mother.” Her jaw practically dropped. “I couldn’t tell anyone because I don’t want to be separated from Will since we don’t have any living relatives to take us both in.” I choked on a sob. “I’m taking a big risk right now because I don’t want us arguing again because I’m hiding something from you.” I stared into her eyes. “And I’m just tired of hiding this from you.” I shook my head and let go of her hands. “I don’t want to keep having to lie to you anymore and I’m exhausted from always having to be strong and deal with this quietly. I’m just so tired.” My voice cracked as tears began to flow from my eyes. “I hate this. I hate that this is my life. I hate that I can’t do anything about it. I hate that I can’t have a completely normal life. I hate that I just can’t be close to you because of this,” I ran my hand through my hair. “I hate that I feel like I’m losing my mind.” I started to hyperventilate and got dizzy. I fell on my butt on the floor. “Why me? Why me? It’s not fair. Why me?” My body began to shake as a dam of emotions finally broke free.

Her arms circled around my shoulders and held me close. “I have you. Let it all go. I’ll catch you.”

My arms immediately circled her waist and I yanked her onto my lap to hold her as close as possible. I’m breaking please help me. I buried my face into her chest and sobbed as I felt as if each scar was burning my skin anew. I’m breaking. I’m finally breaking. Please don’t leave me. “Please don’t leave me,” I choked out. “Please. I beg you. Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I promise,” she whispered calmly. She kissed the top of my head and held me safely in her arms.

I felt safe. Truly safe. I let it all go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I slowly came back to consciousness and felt her fingers threading through my hair as she sang. “The worst is over now and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away. There’s so much left to learn and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.”

“Cause I’m broken when I’m open and I don’t feel like I am strong enough. Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome and I don’t feel right when your gone away,” I sang softly with my sleepy voice.

She pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Hey.”

“Why are we on the floor?” I tugged the blanket tighter around me since I was still shirtless.

“You exhausted yourself and fell asleep. I can’t carry you like you can carry me, so I just made us as comfortable as possible on the floor.”

I hugged her tighter. “Thank you.”

Her hand moved to trace circles against my bare back. It sent a chill down my spine as her fingers moved over some scars. “I’m here for you always.”

I closed my eyes again and sighed. “You didn’t tell anyone while I was asleep did you?”

“No.”

“Why?”

She stayed silent as her fingers kept tracing circles into my back. “I wanted to. I wanted to call my dad and show him. I wanted him to see and to call the police. I wanted everyone to know so that you could be safe.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But I know why you don’t tell anyone. You only have your brother and no matter how long you two are apart temporarily, you need each other in order to survive. You’ve dealt with this for so long because you always had him and he always had you. I don’t want to see either of you hurt anymore, but I don’t want to think about what will happen if you two got separated.” She kissed the top of my head. “No more lies though.”

“I promise.” I sat up. “Which means I should tell you that JP knows, but he figured it out on his own because he went through a similar thing.”

She sat up next to me. “Anything else?”

I shook my head. “Though how do you know Will is involved as well?”

“You two certainly do not make it easy to tell, but now that I actually know what I’m looking for, it’s easier to recognize the little things you two do when it comes to people getting too close to certain areas of your body.” I stiffened as her fingers traced the bruise on my side. “Like that for one. Plus when you took those deep breaths when we got into that argument.”

I relaxed into her light touch. “I won’t hide it from you anymore. I’ll tell you when it happens so you can be careful.”

Her lips pressed against my cheek making me close my eyes and thank whoever is out there for this girl. “That’s all I can ask for since I know you won’t give me what I truly want.”

I turned to look at her sad eyes. “What do you truly want?”

“For you to be safe.” Her eyes glistened with tears.

I leaned my forehead against hers. “I’m safe when I’m with you,” I whispered.

Her hands cupped my face. “That’ll do for now.” Her lips pressed against mine tenderly and lovingly.

I shifted my body so I was fully facing her without breaking our kiss and wrapped my arms around her waist. She did the same thing, but kept enough space between us. I guess she didn’t want to hurt me by pressing her body against mine. I pulled her closer. I need her as close as possible. I let out a small gasp from the feel of her body pressing against my bruised ribcage which made her jerk back. I chased after her lips. I slid my nose reassuringly against hers as I held her even closer. Her fingers slipped into my hair and she kissed me more urgently. She kissed me like I could disappear at any moment. Like this could be the very last time. It both hurt but filled me with love at the same time. I was worth it. I was worth loving to the point she feared losing me. I was loved to the point that it could also hurt. I was loved and she has become my sanctuary.

I cupped her face in my hands and pulled away feeling the tears leave my eyes again. “Only you. I love only you,” I whispered against her lips.

Tears streamed down her own face as she looked into my eyes seeing the vulnerability I always try to hide. “I love only you and I will always be here for you. You are safe with me.” She smiled softly. “You’re home.”

I wiped her tears away and stared into her loving eyes. “I’m home.”

* * *

**_LaFontaine_ **

I sat with Perry on the bleachers and looked out to the football field. Laura was chasing after Carmilla with a water balloon while Carmilla ran around in zig zags trying her best not to get hit. She was actually smilling and laughing. It was so weird. It was like a completely different Carmilla existed out there right now. If aliens were real I would think she was body snatched and swapped with a clone. She jumped and turned flinging her own water balloon at Laura. Laura ducked and threw her own water balloon. It got Carmilla in the leg and they both broke out laughing. Carmilla fell over laughing and Laura came over to tackle her flat on her back. She kissed Carmilla while pulling out a water balloon from her jacket pocket and then breaking it on Carmilla’s head. She jumped up as Carmilla lay on the grass completely confused.

“So that’s where the left over water balloons went.” I turned to look at Danny as she sat down on the bench behind Perry and I.

“Yeah. They’ve been at it since lunch started, but I think they’ve ran out now.”

“I can’t believe those two. They still have classes to go to after this and they’re going to be soaking wet,” Perry complained.

“That’s their choice and honestly I don’t care. I think this is honestly the happiest I have seen either of them since they started dating and they were pretty happy then.”

“Yeah it’s disgusting,” Danny grumbled.

“True, but it’s still good to see.” Carmilla got a hold of Laura and started to tickle her. “You can tell they’re at a better place in their relationship now.” I smiled. “Like nothing can hold them back.” They fell over onto the grass and laid there. Laura rested her head on Carmilla’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around Carmilla’s waist.

Perry hummed and I looked at her. She stared at her English homework, but her hands were shaking. I reached out and took one of them in my hand. I caressed her hand with my thumb and kept doing it until she looked up at me. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. I have my own relationship problems to still deal with, but I think we’re getting to a better place as well.

“Alright if you two are going to start being grossly in love as well I’m going to head out,” Danny teased.

Perry blushed and looked down at her homework again. “How are things with you and Betty?” I asked.

Danny scowled. “We haven’t talked since I found out her part in that stupid bet.”

“Why not?”

She averted her gaze to the football field. I turned to look as well and saw that Carmilla was rubbing Laura’s back as her fingers played against the palm of Laura’s hand. “Because I don’t see us being like that anytime soon,” she admitted. I stared at her and she shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe one day, but for now Betty and I are nowhere near having a relationship let alone a stable one.” I nodded my head. “Well I’m going to go. I have a test to study for. You two have a good day.”

“You too,” Perry said.

“Have a good one,” I responded.

Danny grabbed her stuff and left us by ourselves. Perry hummed again and I looked at her. She kept her gaze on her homework. “Are we stable?” She asked nervously.

I stared down at our joined hands and watched as my thumb caressed her hand. “I think we are.”

She nodded her head and kept working on her homework. I think we are, but now I know it’s not guaranteed that we always will be. I kept staring at our joined hands. I don’t want to lose this though. I never do. I will do my best to keep this and do everything I can to continue to make this work. Perry finally looked up at me. She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. A gentle smile lit up her face. Yeah, I’ll always keep fighting for this.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

She pulled me closer to her and slid her tongue against my bottom lip. I moaned and parted my lips. Her tongue slipped into my mouth and slid against mine. My fingers tightened in her hair as her fingers dug into my hipbone. I pulled away taking in a sharp breath. I pressed my forehead against hers and she rubbed her fingers soothingly against my hips. I slid my leg up and over her hip then kissed her hungrily. Her hand slowly ran down from my hip, along my thigh, and to my knee. Her hand then went back up to rest on my thigh.

I ran my fingers through her hair and then slid my hand under her shirt. I pressed my hand against her stomach feeling how warm it was, but also feeling the shiver that ran through her from my touch. I traced her stomach muscles with my fingertips and her other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer against her. My hand traveled along her left rib cage and then gently brushed over her right being careful of the bruising. Her free hand slid under the back of my shirt and traced circles against my back. I lightly ran my fingers slowly against the scars on her stomach. Her hand froze and she pulled back.

I moved my hands to cup her face. “Talk to me,” I whispered against her lips.

She put some space between us letting her hand slide down to rest on my knee. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath letting it out slowly. “I’m not ready.” She opened her eyes and stared into mine. Her eyes were pleading. “I had no problem with other people because I never let them see the scars that I have nor did I have to explain how I got them if they did.” She rolled over on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. “I didn’t even tell Elle no matter how much she asked me to tell her. I never said a word.” I slid my hand into hers. “So this is new for me.” She turned to look at me. “To be completely open and honest and vulnerable.”

I squeezed her hand. “When we’re ready we’re ready.” I leaned over and kissed her softly. “And nothing less.”

She scooted closer to me and nuzzled her nose against mine. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here for me and being understanding.”

I caressed her cheek. “You don’t need to thank me for that. I care so much about you and I only want to do what I can for you.”

She gave me a peck on the lips. “You save me every day.”

A phone started vibrating and I groaned. “Seriously?” I rolled over to see it was her phone.

“Always perfect timing,” she said sarcastically.

I grabbed her phone and started shaking. “It’s your mom.”

She bolted up and ripped the phone out of my hands. She quickly answered it. I sat up and grabbed her free hand slipping my fingers between hers. “Mother.” Her grip tightened. “No Mother. I am not with her.” She glanced at me. I kissed her shoulder. “I’ll be home right away.” her hand began to shake. She hung up the phone and her whole body began to shake as well. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me. She leaned her head against my shoulder and gripped the bottom of my shirt tightly. “If you don’t hear from me within the next half hour I need you to call the police,” she said with a shacky voice.

“Don’t say that, please.”

She pulled away and I began to wipe away her tears. “I mean it Laura. Please,” she pleaded.

“Call them now,” I urged.

She shook her head. “I need to go protect Will,” her voice broke as a sob climbed up her throat. “I need to go.”

“Don’t,” I begged.

Her shaking hands reached up and cupped my face. “I have no choice.” She shook her head and scooted off my bed. “I need to go.” She sat on the edge of my bed and began to put her shoes on.

I crawled over to her and sat behind her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed my forehead to her back. “Please,” I begged again. I can’t let her go. I can’t see her break any more than she already has. I can’t let her be hurt again. I can’t let her go. I can’t let her.

“I’m sorry.” She stood up and walked to my door.

“Fifteen minutes,” I said solemnly.

“Ok.”

I listened to her footsteps get farther and farther away from me and closer to the door. I sat on my bed and tried to hold it together. I listened as the door opened and closed. I looked at my clock and noted what time it was so I could know when fifteen minutes had passed. I then stared at my blanket before burying my face in my hands and allowing myself to finally cry. I need to be strong for her when I can be, but this is not how it should be. I should have done more to stop her from going, but I can’t stop her if Will is involved and I can’t go with her. I can’t believe I just let her walk out to go get hurt. I let her go to be beaten by her damn mother. I am a horrible person.

* * *

 

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I had to go. I have no choice. Mother hurt Will and won’t stop hurting him until I get home. I need to protect him. I need to be her punching bag, so he can be alright. I have to protect him. I tried to gather up my nerve as I walked to my house. I hope Laura will be ok. I need her to be ok. I don’t want to hurt her, but I have to do this. I hope she can be ok no matter how this turns out. I hope she won’t hate me for doing this. For leaving her.

I opened the door to my house and slammed it behind me. I hope that gets Mother’s attention and she quickly comes to get me. I walked slowly through the house waiting to hear anything. The sound of a door opening from the kitchen caught my attention. I made my way to the kitchen trying to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. For some reason this time feels different from all the rest. I walked into the kitchen and saw Mother standing in front of the basement door. I gulped as I stood by the entrance of the kitchen.

“Hello Mother.”

She pulled on the bottom of her blouse to straighten it out as much as possible. “Carmilla darling.” She began to walk over to me. “Do you enjoy disobeying me?”

“No Mother I do not.”

“Then tell me dear girl, why do you continue to see that Laura behind my back?” She said Laura’s name like it was the most disgusting word to ever cross her lips.

I twitched my fingers trying to not ball them into fists. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I was rooted to my spot as she creeped up to me then placed her hand on my shoulder. “Interesting since William told me everything.” Her hand slid off my shoulder as she walked behind me. “He said that you have been seeing Laura this entire time even after our last discussion.” Her hands gripped my shoulders as she leaned in closer to me. “You know she does not really love you,” she whispered in my ear. “Only I can ever love you. Only I can ever be here for you when you need me. Only I can care for you like no one else can.” She kissed my cheek and wrapped her arms around me. “You are mine.” She hugged me tightly. “I must remind you of that my sweet girl.” She lifted me up and I yelped.

“Mother!” I screamed. I began to kick at her with my heels as she carried me toward the basement.

“You will learn my dear girl that you are mine and that no one else can ever be there for you. You must learn to obey me.” I kicked my heel again this time finally connecting with one of her knee caps. “Ouch!” She yelled as she suddenly dropped me right at the entrance to the basement. I was not prepared and ended up tumbling down the stairs to the bottom. “You ungrateful child!” She shouted.

I slammed hard against the basement floor landing on my shoulder. I heard a loud pop come from my shoulder and bit down on my lip as I tried to push myself up. My shoulder was dislocated again. I used my good arm to get on my feet. Once I was standing, I saw Will standing there tied with his hands above his head to the support beam holding up the floor above us with his shirt cut open down the front of his body and I stood frozen at the sight. He had red marks that looked like they came from a cane across his chest and stomach. Some of the marks had blood dripping from them and his head hung slack as blood seemed to drip from his mouth. What has she done to him?

A hard blow to my stomach knocked the wind out of me and I coughed as I fell to my knees. I clutched my stomach and tried to get air into my lungs. Another blow against my back had me lurching forward and using my good arm to catch myself from falling completely flat on the ground. A hard blow connected with my dislocated shoulder and I screamed from the pain. I lifted my good hand from clutching the floor to clutch at my shoulder. She wrestled my hand off my dislocated shoulder and tied a rope around it. She then grabbed my other hand and tied a rope around that one. From there the most excruciating pain shot down from my shoulder throughout my entire body as she pulled on the rope until my arms were above me. I wanted to pass out, but bit down on my lip until I drew blood reopening the wound there in order to keep myself conscious.

I looked at the ground as I kneeled on the basement floor. Her fingers firmly grasped my hair then yanked it back. I was facing Will and noticed his head start to move. He was beginning to wake up. “You see what you do to your poor brother when you disobey me? You see what happens when you’re not a good girl?” She said menacingly into my ear. “This is your fault.” She released my hair. “He suffers because of you. He gets injured because of you. If you could just understand that you need to be a good girl and that I am the only one who can love you unconditionally then I would not need to do this. I would not need to hurt him or you.” A pointed object was pressed against my cheek as I watched Will lift his head and blink a couple of times. “I will make sure this lesson stays ingrained in your mind.” She removed the pointed object from my cheek.

She moved my hair over my shoulder and yanked on the back of my shirt. Scissors. She had scissors pressed against my cheek. I listened as she cut open my shirt. Will shook his head and looked like he could be suffering from a concussion with the way he was trying to focus. I watched him as I tried not to pay attention to the cold that was now hitting my bare back. He had blood dripping from his mouth and his jaw was swollen while his cheek was bleeding from a red mark that crossed it. Mother’s fingers traced along my back and I closed my hands around the ropes tied around them in order to stop myself from shivering from repulsion.

Will finally focused and his eyes went wide as he took in the state I was in. he started to struggle hard against his restraints. I subtly shook my head at him pleading with my eyes for him to stop. I need him to stop. If he doesn’t, she will only hurt him more. If he stops she’ll only focus on me and he can be safe for the rest of this. He won’t have any more scars from this. He kept struggling with fire in his eyes as he disagreed with my plea. I shook my head again and tried to get him to stop by doing something I would not normally do. I let him see the brokenness in my eyes. I let him see my pain and then I begged him again. He gripped the rope tightly and the fire in his eyes still burned, but he stopped struggling. He nodded his head and looked down at the ground.

Mother’s fingers went down my spine slowly then back up before removing them from my back. Her heels clicked against the basement floor as she circled around me and I saw what she had hit me with earlier. It was a small cane that had been a part of a batch of small canes she had bought for her younger dancers for their dance showcase. She tapped it against the palm of her hand as she stood in front of me. She stopped and pressed the cane under my chin forcing my head up. “You do any little thing to anger me.” She pulled a handkerchief out of the pocket of her black slacks and pressed it to my bloody lip. “You will learn.” She folded the handkerchief and slipped it back into her pocket. Her heels clicked against the basement floor as she circled back behind me. The end of the cane pressed against my bare back and scrapped against my skin as she dragged it down the length of my back. “You will learn.”

The whoosh of air was followed by a loud smack as the cane connected with my bare back. I bit down on my lip trying not to let any sound out. Another loud smack and I arched my back away from her as the stinging sensation followed the hit. Her hand clasped down on my shoulder and she yanked me back down to rest fully on my knees again. She kept her hand on my shoulder and hit me again as hard as she possibly could in her position. The cane connected right across my spine and had me crying out. My grip on the ropes tightened. I saw Will’s hands tighten around his rope, but he continued to stare at the floor. Good. Seeing this will only make hearing it even worse.

Mother let go of my shoulder and smacked the cane against my back as hard as possible again, but this time I think she may have used both her hands because I arched my back while screaming out in pain and could feel my skin tear open. I held tightly onto my ropes as I let the pain pass over my body. It had opened my skin because I could feel the wetness of my blood dripping down my back. I settled back down onto my knees and clenched my mouth shut as tight as possible. I could no longer feel the pain in my dislocated shoulder which could be a bad thing, but that didn’t matter when another hit caused my skin to tear open and another trail of blood to begin to trickle down my back.

Will’s head shot up after the fourth strike like that. “Don’t you fucking look!” I yelled at him. His eyes widened as he stared at me then looked to our Mother. He shook his head and bit his lip. I could see it in his eyes. There was no end to this that would have us both walking out of here without outside help. I looked up at the ceiling as I was hit again. Laura, save us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very late, but I got distracted (I was watching season 2 of Agents of Shield). 
> 
> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and if you want to ask questions.


	26. We'll Do It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of blood

**_Laura_ **

“What do you mean you can’t enter her home!” I yelled into the phone. I looked at the clock. Half an hour. I called ten minutes after Carmilla left and the police station has had me on the phone for twenty minutes.

_“I’m sorry, but we have no probable cause to force our way into the Karnstein home,” the police officer said calmly. “We can only pass the file over to Child Protective Services and allow them to conduct their investigation.”_

“There’s no time for that!” I began pacing around my room again. “Her mother is beating her right now along with her brother!”

_“Did you witness it first-hand?”_

I sighed in frustration. “No, but I know her mother is doing it as we speak!”

_“I’m sorry. As I said before, I can send officers over there to speak with Ms. Karnstein-_

“That’s not enough!” I screamed then hung up the phone. I sat on my bed and put my face in my hands. Oh god please let them be ok. Let them be ok. I took a deep breath and browsed through my contacts on my phone. I pressed the call button and listened to the line ring.

_“Hey short stuff!”_

“JP, Carmilla’s in trouble,” I choked out as my tears finally began to fall again.

_“Did you call the police?”_

“They can’t do anything but send officers to question Ms. Karnstein about the accusation.”

_“I’ll be over with some help. Just sit tight Laura. We’ll get her.”_

“Please hurry,” I pleaded.

_“I will.”_

I hung up the phone and let it slip from my fingers to crash onto the floor. Why? Why her? Why Will? Why? Why won’t anyone help them? Why won’t anyone save them? Why? What have they done to deserve this? What have they ever done to deserve this? I sobbed into my hands. Please be ok. Please be ok. Please. Don’t leave me Carmilla. Please don’t leave me.

* * *

 

**_JP_ **

“Alright this is the situation,” I began as I looked at all of them. Perry had Laura cradled in her arms and was trying to calm her down while Danny and Kirsch looked like they wanted to murder someone. LaFontaine also looked pissed off and ready to start a fight. “Carmilla and Will have been being abused by their mother and this time might be the final straw. The police aren’t going to barge into their house and save them, so that task is left to us.” I looked at the clock. It’s been forty-five minutes since Carmilla left to her house. “We’ll need to distract Ms. Karnstein long enough to get Carmilla and Will out of there and to the hospital as quickly as possible because if I’m right, they’re going to need a doctor stat.” I looked at all of them. “So any ideas?”

“Yeah we barge in there and beat the crap out of her,” Danny said angrily.

“I’m not for hitting women, but I can totally go for hitting that woman,” Kirsch chimed in.

“We need to figure out what room she has them in and how to get in the house without being caught,” LaFontaine said with restrained calm.

“The sliding glass doors in the back are always open during the day because that’s where their sun room is,” Laura said. I looked at her and saw the determination on her face. “The closest places to the front door are the kitchen and living room as well as a door that leads to the garage.”

“The garage would have to be sound proof in order for her to have them there since it’s close to the front door,” I mused.

“We don’t have time to search the whole house,” Danny said sounding frustrated.

“We’ll figure it out when we get her to the front door,” I said.

“How do we do that exactly?” Perry asked.

I tugged on the end of my shirt. “We play her music and say it’s for charity or something,” I answered.

“We didn’t bring our instruments,” Kirsch stated.

“I brought two snare drums with me.” I looked at LaFontaine. “You still know how to play right?”

“Yeah, but why have me play when you have two people here who are actually trained to play?”

“I need Kirsch and Danny to sneak into the house since they’re the strongest of us all and can help Carmilla and Will out of their house and over the wall that separates their house from the street.”

“Don’t screw up meathead,” Danny spat.

“Same to you Summer Psycho,” Kirsch replied.

“Perry is going to let Danny and Kirsch know where Carmilla and Will are being kept by using these walkie talkies.” I pulled the walkie talkies out of my backpack and handed one to Perry and the other to Danny. “I’ll have one hidden behind my back so Perry can hear the whole conversation.” I tugged on a longer shirt and taped the push-to-talk button down so it could only transmit sound and not receive it before clipping it to the back of my pants. I pulled the shirt over the walkie talkie. “I’ll be channel two while Danny and Kirsch are channel one.”

“What do I do?” Laura asked.

“I need you to be the driver.” I tossed her the keys to my SUV. “No matter what, do not leave the car and just focus on getting to the hospital as quickly as possible.” She nodded her head. I sighed. I know she wants to go in herself, but I need her to keep a level head if this was all going to work. “Alright let’s get going.”

 

 

 

 

 

I walked around the corner with LaFontaine following behind me. I caught a glimpse of Danny and Kirsch hopping over the five foot wall with ease and quickly making their way to the sliding glass doors in the back. I took one look back to see Laura gripping the steering wheel while Perry stood by the wall to wait to open the car doors for when Danny and Kirsch came back with Carmilla and Will. I walked up the concrete walkway to the front door and rang the doorbell. I stepped away from the door and went to stand by LaFontaine on the grass a couple of feet away from the door. Just far enough to get Ms. Karnstein away from her front door so she won’t hear Danny and Kirsch sneak in.

The door was soon opened. That was quick. “What can I do for you lovely children today?” Ms. Karnstein asked with a sickly sweet voice. If I didn’t know what she was capable of, I would have thought she was very polite and sweet.

“We were just wondering if we could play you some songs. We’re trying to raise money for the school’s music program, so we’re going door to door playing duets of our sets for any amount of money you wish to donate. We just hope we weren’t interrupting anything important,” I said easily.

She grabbed her wallet and stepped out of her house making sure to close the door behind her. “No worries. I have just put my cupcakes in the oven.” I doubt that since she was still wearing a business outfit. She pulled on the end of her buttoned up black blazer and straightened out the hair that fell over her shoulders. It looked like she rushed to get the blazer on and her hair down. This is not a good sign.

“We’ll try to not take up too much of your time then. Don’t want to overcook those cupcakes,” I said as nicely as I could while trying not to throw my drumstick at her face.

“That would be lovely,” she answered.

I took a deep breath and looked at LaFontaine who looked like they were struggling just as badly to not hurt her right then and there. “Ready?” I asked them. They gave me a slight nod. “Alright. On the count of three then.” I counted us in and we began to play.

* * *

 

**_Perry_ **

I changed the channel to one once Ms. Karnstein closed the front door. I pushed the push-to-talk button. “You can go in,” I whispered into the microphone.

_“Roger that,” Danny answered._

I switched the channel back to two. _“Don’t want to overcook those cupcakes,” JP said._

I switched the radio back to one once I heard JP and LaFontaine begin to play. _“Just walked through the sun room. Where are we going?” Danny radioed._

I stood there for a moment and closed my eyes. She got to the door very quickly and said she was baking cupcakes. Maybe the kitchen.

“Try the kitchen,” I said.

_“Roger that,” Danny responded._

I looked at my watch. Carmilla and Will had been alone with their mother for a full hour before now. It has been two minutes since JP and LaFontaine have started playing. That leaves another seven minutes before they get through all three songs. I looked at Laura. She had rolled the driver’s side window down and was gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles were pale white now. She chewed on her bottom lip. I looked down at my watch. Four minutes left. Danny and Kirsch need to hurry.

_“We found them. Be there soon,” Danny radioed._

“Roger that,” I replied. I opened up the back door then went to open up the trunk as well. I saw a blanket folded up in the corner and reached in to grab it. We can use this.

* * *

 

**_Danny_ **

_“You can go in,” Perry said._

“Roger that,” I answered. Kirsch slid the sliding glass door open enough for us to slip through. The two siblings were definitely not in the sun room. “I’ll check the living room and you go upstairs.” I pointed to the small staircase hidden off to the side.

“Call if you find them,” he said before bounding up the stairs as quietly as possible.

“Just walked through the sun room. Where are we going?” I asked as I quickly made my way to the living room at the front of the house. I peeked into the room. Nothing.

_“Try the kitchen,” Perry answered._

“Roger that,” I answered. I walked over to the kitchen and froze for a moment. There was a bloody handkerchief on the island. I walked over to it. It looked like it was tossed there in passing. I gulped. This is not good. I looked around the kitchen and noticed a door. It was slightly open. Laura didn’t mention there being a basement, so maybe it’s just a pantry. I looked around, but saw nothing else that could explain where Ms. Karnstein would have come from. I went to the door and pulled it open.

“Carmilla!” I heard Will whisper.

I quickly turned around and went to the staircase in the front. “Kirsch!” I whispered shouted.

“You find them?” He answered as he began to come down the stairs.

“In a basement in the kitchen.”

He moved passed me to get to the kitchen. I followed close behind him. “We found them. Be there soon,” I said into the walkie talkie.

* * *

 

**_Kirsch_ **

I moved passed Danny and made my way to the kitchen. She followed closely behind me. I skipped down the stairs not caring about the noise I was making. I froze on the last step. I had to grip the railing to keep myself steady. I felt Danny stop behind me. Her hand grasped my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We don’t have time,” she whispered.

I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. “I know.”

I pulled my Swiss army knife out of my back pocket and walked over to Will. I tried to ignore his eyes as he stared at me. “Laura?” He asked.

“She’s waiting for you both,” I answered. I cut him free and caught him as his body fell forward. I turned to see Danny checking on Carmilla. “Here,” I called to her as I held out my knife.

She stood up from kneeling in front of Carmilla and took my knife. “Get him out of here. I’ll meet you outside.”

I nodded. I got a closer look of Carmilla and could tell she was passed out. Her shoulder was also dislocated by the way her shoulder was popping out weirdly and the back of her shirt was torn open. What was worse was the blood that caught my eye. There was a cane that was lying on the floor covered in blood. From there, there was some blood covering the walls behind Carmilla and even a bit on the ceiling. It looked like a murder scene. I hope that isn’t the case.

I lifted Will completely off his feet and carried him up the stairs. I quickly made my way to the sun room and to the sliding glass doors. I used my foot to push the glass door wider to fit us both out of it and then made my way to the wall. “You think you can climb over?”

He lifted his head to take in the wall. “With some help.”

“Alright.” I lowered him onto his feet then made a cradle with my hands. He stepped into it and pulled himself up onto the wall. I watched as he bit his bottom lip to try not to scream out in pain. JP and LaFontaine were working through the last song. We were almost out of time. I quickly scrambled over the wall as Will straddled it trying to compose himself. “Drop down.” I said as I stood underneath him with my arms open. He looked at me debating whether or not to do it. “We don’t have time.” He closed his eyes and let his body fall sideways. I caught him in my arms then quickly carried him to the trunk of the car. I set him down and watched as he scooted back until his back was against the back seat.

“Carmilla?” He asked.

“Right behind us.” I said. I pulled my sweater off and handed it to him. “Put that on.”

He nodded his head. I turned and went back to the wall. I climbed onto it and straddled the wall just as Danny was rushing out the back of the house. JP and LaFontaine had finished their set. They both glanced at us and JP started to talk loudly. Danny came over to me and started handing me Carmilla. I bent down making sure to squeeze the wall with my thighs as tightly as possible as I pulled Carmilla up into my arms. I could feel blood cover my arms. I glanced at Danny and saw blood on her arms as she climbed over the wall. I handed her Carmilla then jumped down from the wall. Danny hopped into the backseat and Perry closed the door. I jumped into the trunk.

“We don’t have time to wait for JP and LaFontaine to get to the car. Carmilla needs a hospital now,” Danny stated.

I stopped Perry from closing the door of the trunk and fished my truck keys out of my pocket. “Leave these on the sidewalk for JP and LaFontaine,” I told her.

Perry took my keys and tossed them onto the sidewalk. “They’ll figure it out.” She closed the trunk and ran around the car to hop into the backseat with Danny. “Hospital now Laura,” she ordered.

“Is Carmilla-

“Hospital!” Perry said cutting Laura off.

The car reversed and quickly did a U-turn to head to the hospital.

* * *

 

**_Danny_ **

I followed Kirsch down the stairs until he stopped. I can’t believe this. Will was tied up and standing on one side while Carmilla was on her knees and tied up across from him. Will kept his eyes on us while Carmilla’s head stayed bowed. I reached out and squeezed Kirsch’s shoulder. “We don’t have time,” I whispered as I saw the specks of blood that were on the walls behind Carmilla and on the ceiling above her.

“I know,” he answered.

He went over to Will while I went over to Carmilla. She still had not raised her head to look at us. I kneeled down in front of her and cupped her face in my hands. I slowly and gently lifted her face to me and saw that her eyes were closed. She had passed out. I moved two fingers down to the pulse point on her neck and felt for a heartbeat. It was there, but it didn’t seem to be a strong one. I placed my finger under her nose and could feel that she was still breathing as well.

“Here,” Kirsch called out to me.

I stood up and took the knife he handed me. “Get him out of here. I’ll meet you outside,” I ordered. He nodded his head then picked Will up into his arms.

I turned back to Carmilla and noticed the cane that was lying next to her. Unbelievable. How can a parent do this to her children? What the hell did they do to deserve this form of abuse? It’s sick. I cut at the ropes binding Carmilla’s wrists noticing that her shoulder was out of place in her left arm. Once I freed her arms her body slumped forward. I caught her by her shoulders to stop her from crashing into my knees and saw the mess of blood and red marks covering her back. I kneeled down and pulled her head against my shoulder. I tilted her sideways so I could pull her knees out from under her. Once that was done, I slipped my arm underneath her knees and the other across her upper back then lifted her up.

I carried her up the stairs toward the sun room. My arm was being coated in her fresh blood as I carried her through the room and out the sliding glass doors. Just as I got out the doors, JP and LaFontaine had finished playing. JP started talking as I quickly made my way to Kirsch who was straddling the wall. I carefully passed him Carmilla and he lifted her up into his arms and cradled her. I scaled the wall and landed on the other side then held my arms out for her. He passed her down to me and took her into my arms again. His arms were coated in blood now as well. I turned and climbed into the backseat with Carmilla in my arms. She had not woken up. How long had she been passed out? Did she pass out before we got there or did she pass out when she heard us coming down the stairs? I looked down at her as I held her in my arms. You better wake up Carmilla.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I speed to the hospital being sure to slow down whenever I got a glimpse of a police car. I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw that Perry had placed a blanket on top of Carmilla. I could see the back of Will’s head leaning on Kirsch’s shoulder. Danny kept her eyes set on Carmilla and a tight grip on her shoulder. I couldn’t tell if Carmilla was alright or not. I looked back at the road and made the turn into the emergency room section of the hospital. I pulled up in front of the doors and put the car in park.

“Shit!” Danny yelled as she threw her door open. “You just had to pick now didn’t you you damn broody vampire wannabe.”

“What happened?” I asked. I jumped out of the car.

“Laura!” Perry yelled.

“Danny what happened?” I asked again. Danny had Carmilla in her arms and ran into the emergency room. “Danny!” I ran after her.

“Help!” Danny yelled. “She’s not breathing!” My heart dropped.

A nurse ran from around the front desk as a doctor came running over with a gurney. Danny met them and placed Carmilla on the bed. “What happened?” The nurse asked.

“Her mother,” Danny said to the nurse.

“We need to bag her!” The doctor yelled out as they rolled Carmilla down the hall. The doctor had his stethoscope pressed to her chest. “She has no pulse! We need a crash cart!”

I started to get dizzy as the noise seemed to die down around me. I stared after Carmilla as they wheeled her further down the hall. I moved to run after her. “CARMILLA!” I screamed. An arm caught me around the waist. “CARMILLA!” I fought against the hold and kept screaming as the noise in the hospital filled my ears again.

“Laura. They’re going to take care of her.” I kept trying to wiggle out of the hold. “Laura!” I recognized Danny’s voice and sagged in her hold.

“Carmilla,” I sobbed.

Danny held me against her and kept me on my feet. “She’ll be fine.” She wrapped her other arm around my shoulders. “She’ll be alright.” My legs could no longer hold me up. I collapsed and Danny held me as she lowered us to the floor. She held me tight as I screamed and cried.

* * *

 

**_Kirsch_ **

I walked into the hospital with Will and stopped. I watched Danny hold Laura back while Laura screamed for Carmilla. The nurse saw us and came over to us. “What’s wrong with him?” She asked as she guided me over to a wheel chair for Will.

“I’m Carmilla’s brother Will,” Will answered. I settled him in the wheel chair.

“What happened to the both of you?” She asked as she wheeled him away from me.

“Our Mother,” he said bitterly.

“We’ll take care of both of you.” The nurse turned back to me. “All of you will have to wait in the waiting room.”

“Right.” I said. I watched as she wheeled Will through the double doors.

“Did they take them?” Perry asked as she came in.

“Yeah.” I answered. I went over to sit down next to Danny and Laura. I placed my hand on Laura’s shoulder.

Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t Will tell me about this? I’m his bro. Zetas for life. Zetas are supposed to count on one another. Zetas are supposed to trust one another. I could have helped him. I could have helped Carmilla as well. I could have helped them both. Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t I notice? Why didn’t I notice this was going on? I shook my head. Why?

* * *

 

**_Perry_ **

“Are they alright?” I turned to see JP and LaFontaine run in.

“I don’t know. They rushed Carmilla away and they just took Will to the back.” LaFontaine moved over to me and intertwined our fingers.

“Laura?” LaFontaine asked.

I turned and looked over my shoulder. JP nodded his head and moved passed me to Laura. I turned and watched as he went and sat down with Kirsch, Danny, and Laura. He put his hand on Laura’s knee.

“How are you doing?” LaFontaine asked me.

“How did we not notice?” I asked them.

They wrapped their arm around my shoulders. “They never told us.”

“But we should have known.”

“Perr, they didn’t want us to know.”

“But still.” I started to pick at my nails. “We should have known.”

“I know, but we need to focus on right now and right now Laura needs us.” They squeezed my shoulder. “Come on.” I let them guide me over to our group of friends. We settled down in front of Laura. I grabbed Laura’s hand and squeezed her hand. LaFontaine covered both of our hands with theirs and wrapped their arm around my waist. All we can do is wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for news and updates or to ask questions.


	27. Always

**_Laura_ **

“Laura!” I looked up to see my dad run over to me. Danny moved her arm off my shoulders as her dad walked in followed by everyone else’s parents. “Are you alright?” He kneeled in front of me and started to check to see if I was alright.

“I’m fine dad,” I said as my voice cracked a bit from crying and yelling.

“Thank god.” He pulled me into a hug. “This is the last time I leave you alone when I have to fill in at St. Mary’s. You could have gotten hurt. Do you understand that?” He let me go and stared worriedly into my eyes. “What were you thinking?”

“I needed to help them.” He opened his mouth and I shook my head. “The police wouldn’t do anything because it was the first accusation against Ms. Karnstein and it was coming from a sixteen year old and I didn’t have proof other than the scars I saw on Carm’s body. I did what I did because she was hurting Carm and Will and I’m not going to apologize for it.”

He pulled me close and kissed my forehead then wrapped me in his arms. “Don’t ever do that again alright?”

“I won’t dad.”

“Mr. Hollis?”

My dad kissed my forehead again then stood up. “Jake.” He shook Jake’s hand.

“I’m going against hospital policy and the law here, but since your daughter brought them in I feel like I should tell you.”

My dad nodded his head. “I appreciate it.”

I stood and went to stand next to my dad. “How is she?”

Jake put his hands on his hips as he looked at me then looked at my dad. My dad put his hand on my shoulder. Jake looked back to me. “We had some trouble getting her heart to start again, but we succeeded. We took care of the cuts on her back and stitched up the worse of them.” He looked down at the ground. “She has yet to wake up. We think she’s just tired and needs some rest, but if she does wake up we’ll let you know.”

“What about Will?”

“He’s doing alright. A few stitches, some fractured ribs, and his zygomatic bone is also fractured.”

I nodded my head. “Can I see them?”

He looked at me. “I wish I could let you, but we’re waiting for Child Protective Services to send over a case worker to represent them. Once they come I’ll ask them if you can see them.”

We turned after hearing a coughing noise behind us. “Hello, I’m Mrs. Perry and I am the Karnstein sibling’s power of attorney.”

“I’m going to need to see some proof of that,” Jake answered.

Mrs. Perry pulled her phone out of her purse and dialed a number. “I’ll let you speak to Judge O’Riley himself. He should have gotten the paperwork my husband sent him from Child Protective Services since he’s the head of the department.” She held her finger up to silence us. “Hello Judge O’Riley. I’m calling because Dr. Jake Huntington needs confirmation of my status as power of attorney over the Karnstein siblings.” She held the phone out to Jake.

He took it. “Hello Judge.” He listened for a while and nodded his head. “I will check our fax machine for the paperwork.” Another pause. “You have a great evening as well.” He hung up the phone and handed it back to Mrs. Perry. “I’ll check on the paperwork. In the meantime they are your responsibility.”

“Perfect.” She placed her phone back in her purse and clasped her hands together. “Now when can Ms. Hollis see the siblings?”

He stared at her for a moment then turned to me. “Come with me Laura.”

I nodded. I looked at Mrs. Perry. “Thank you.”

“Thank Lola.” She said looking over her shoulder. “She can be convincing when she wants to be.”

I looked over at Perry. She was leaning against LaFontaine again while LaFontaine’s parents fussed around them. “I’ll make sure to do that when she doesn’t look so tired.”

“Laura?”

I turned back to Jake and followed him. “Sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry. I’m just glad I’m not going to lose my job now since I was planning to sneak you in to see Carmilla and William when I could.”

“You didn’t seem happy.”

He shrugged. “It’s not everyday someone blindsides me.”

I nudged his side. “Except that one time I got you with a paper airplane on the back of the head in the staircase when I was eight.”

He smiled. “You were the size of a small teddy bear; of course I didn’t see you.”

“I was not that short,” I said while pouting.

He smiled and pulled me into a side hug. “I’m glad I got a reaction out of you. She really is going to be alright. She just needs her rest.”

“I know, but I still can’t get rid of the feeling of something going wrong.”

He rubbed my shoulder. “I know.” He led me down the hall until we got to their room. He put his hand on the door knob. “William should still be awake and Carmilla is fine despite the wires and the monitors alright. They’re there to monitor her breathing and heart rate.”

“I know.”

He smiled softly. “I know. I’m just reminding you.” He opened the door for me. I took in a deep breath then walked into the room.

Will was sitting up and flicking through the channels on the TV while Carmilla lay in the bed beside him. She was still unconscious, but the consistent beep of the heart monitor eased my rising panic. Will looked at me and smiled. I moved over to stand between the two beds. “How are you?” I asked him as I looked down at Carm and tucked some of her hair behind her ear.

“I’m fine. Just some stitches and broken bones.”

I slipped my hand into Carm’s and ran my thumb along the back of her hand. “How bad was it?”

There was a long pause. I looked up to see him looking down at his hands folded up in his lap. “She wouldn’t be here if all of you didn’t come to get us.” He looked up and tears slid down his face. “I’m sorry. I wish I could have done more to protect her. I’m sorry.”

I reached out and wiped his tears away. “It’s not your fault.” I got closer to him and wrapped my arm around him pulling him into a hug. “It’s not your fault.” I looked at Carmilla and squeezed her hand. He cried into my shoulder and hugged me tightly. “It’s not your fault,” I choked out as I stared at Carmilla’s unmoving body.

* * *

 

**_Mr. Hollis_ **

I leaned back against the elevator wall as it took me up to the third floor. I ran my hand through my hair and looked at my watch. Another long nine hours. The elevator dinged and the doors slid opened. I walked into the hall and made my way to the Karnstein’s room. I opened the door and leaned against the door frame. Laura was curled up against Carmilla as usual with their fingers intertwined sleeping while Will sat in his bed watching old Disney movies.

It’s been five days since the incident and Carmilla had yet to wake up. Despite the injuries to her back, she was still in a coma. None of us know when she’ll wake up, but the only thing that we know is that it’s up to her to wake up. She’s not waking up because she doesn’t want to, so she’ll wake up when she wants to. With the life she seemed to have had, I don’t blame her for not waking up. I just wish she would so Laura could get better as well.

My little girl. She skipped school the rest of the week in order to be here with Carmilla. She hasn’t eaten and the only time she sleeps is when she’s lying next to Carmilla. She’s deteriorating right before my eyes and I can’t do anything about it. It’s almost as bad as when she lost her mother. She doesn’t want to do anything and she doesn’t really feel anything other than the heaviness within her body. She’s hollow and I think her psychologist will need to up her dose soon so she can function enough to get through the school day.

I sighed and made my way over to her. If only I would have known what was going on at the Karnstein house, I could have protected Will and Carmilla. I could have contacted the police sooner and had the situation dealt with before it got this fair. I could have prevented this incident. I could have helped them and I could have prevented Laura’s heartbreak. I could have spared them all from this pain. I should have known.

“That time already boss?”

“Yes it is. The only reason why the nurses don’t kick her out when visiting hours are over is because I work downstairs and am her ride home.” I scooped Laura up into my arms. Her fingers tightened around Carmilla’s. I gently pried them apart. She turned her head into me and curled up into me. My heart broke at how small she made herself in my arms. It wasn’t the first time, but every time she did it, it reminds me of how vulnerable she is.

“You know it’s because she doesn’t bother us.”

“I know.” I shifted her weight a bit to get a better hold on her. “We’ll be late tomorrow because Laura needs to see her doctor.” I partially lied.

“Alright. I’ll call if anything changes.”

“Need me to bring you anything?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m good for now.”

I nodded my head. “See you tomorrow kiddo.”

“See ya.”

I turned and left out the door with Laura in my arms. It won’t take long for her to wake up and notice she’s not next to Carmilla anymore. I kissed her forehead. I wish I could have done something.

* * *

 

**_Will_ **

“School is going alright. I caught up with all of my classes and am actually ahead now which is weird. I think it’s because Perry nags me too much about getting my work done before I play on the Xbox. It’s like having a mother.” I finished arranging the flowers by her bed. “You know Carmilla, you’re going to have a hard time catching up with classes if you don’t wake up soon. I’m sure you’ll be able to, but it’d be easier if you woke up so you didn’t get too far behind.” I sat down in the chair next to her bed. I leaned back and sighed. “You know the sucky part out of all of this is that they didn’t even catch Mother. She fled and is nowhere to be found. Apparently there was a police offer that was close to our Mother and he called her to give her a heads up that the police were on the way to get her.” I sighed and shook my head. “They’re not going to catch her, but I can care less so long as she stays away from us.” I tapped my fingers on the arm rest of the chair. “I miss you and I need you to wake up soon. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

The door slowly opened. I turned to see Laura at the door. “Sorry. I’m just going to drop off these flowers.”

“It’s fine. You should stay.”

She walked over and put her flowers on the bed side table next to the other ones. “I have a doctor’s appointment today. I’ll be by tomorrow though.” She leaned over and kissed Carmilla on the cheek.

I nodded my head. “Right. You have a good day.”

“You too.” She smiled weakly and walked quickly out of the room.

I leaned forward in the chair. “That’s not going well either. Laura looks so frail now. She’s gotten smaller and just isn’t herself. She sees the doctor a lot as well. I don’t really know what for, but it doesn’t look like it’s working. I do what I can, but I can only do so much when she won’t open up to me. Unfortunately she had to hear about everything that happened that day because we still ended up having to have a deposition about what happened and I had to tell them my side of the story.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I think she blames herself because Mother got angry that you were with her and that you were still seeing her. I told her it wasn’t, but I don’t think I got through to her.” I stared at the floor. “She needs you even if she won’t say it.” I moved closer to her and grabbed her hand. “I need you. So it’d be great if you can wake up soon.” I squeezed her hand. “Please wake up soon.”

 

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I turned the page of my textbook and highlighted another important section. It was never too early to study for finals even if they were two months away. It was the only thing that kept me occupied at the moment. I looked at the work sheet I was given and reread question eleven. I turned back to my book and flipped through the pages to see if I possibly missed the answer. I furrowed my eyebrows and glared at the book. The questions were meant to go in order. How was I not finding the answer to this darn question?

“You know that bunched up face you make is just adorable.”

I yelped and jumped. I turned to look at Carmilla. “You’re awake?”

She blinked a few times then smirked. “It will seem so.” Her voice was cracking from not being used and she gulped to try to clear it.

I leaned toward her and caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. “You’re really awake,” I whispered. This isn’t another dream.

She nodded. “How long have I been out?”

“Three weeks.” I pulled back from her. I closed my textbook and hopped off the bed to get her a cup of water. I pressed the paging button to get a nurse into the room.

“Three weeks?”

“Yeah.” I poured her some water then moved back to her. I slipped an arm under her shoulders and helped her to sit up enough to drink some water.

“That’d explain the horrible sound of my voice.”

I set the glass down and ran my fingers through her hair. “You’re really awake?”

She reached up and wiped at my eyes. I closed my eyes. I was crying. “I’m awake now. Sorry to make you worry.”

I shook my head. “It’s not your fault.” I choked on the words as the door opened and the nurse came in.

“Ms. Karnstein it’s good to see you awake.” The nurse made her way over to Carmilla as she paged for a doctor. “How are you feeling?”

“Like Sleeping Beauty.”

“A sense of humor. I didn’t think you had one.”

“Well apparently I have been out for three weeks, so we haven’t gotten acquainted.” She winced as the nurse brought the bed to a sitting position.

Just then the doctor walked in. “Glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Like a vampire who needs blood.”

She chuckled. “Good to see that you have a sense of humor.”

Carmilla looked at the nurse. “She thinks I’m funny.”

The nurse shook her head. “She thinks she’s funny.”

Carmilla gave a throaty laugh which turned into a cough. “Let’s hold off on the laughing until you’ve completely gotten used to being awake,” the doctor cautioned.

“Right,” Carmilla answered.

The doctor went through the check-up then grabbed the clipboard and started to jot down notes. “Well nothing wrong from what I can see, but we’ll run some tests to make sure your coma didn’t cause any side effects to your brain or any other part of your body.”

“Good. My brother?”

“He’s fine. We cleared him after a week and is currently residing with the Perry family.”

Carmilla looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll explain,” I offered.

She nodded her head. The doctor cleared her throat getting Carmilla’s attention. “We’ll be back to get you for the tests.”

“Alright.” The doctor put the clipboard back at the end of the bed and exited the room with the nurse. Carmilla patted her bed and scooted over. I climbed in next to her and slid my fingers between hers. “Explain please.”

I sighed and rested my head on her shoulder. “Perry’s mom is acting as your attorney for now, so she has temporary custody of you and Will until you get discharged from the hospital. After that a case worker will collect you and Will and take you into the foster care system. Perry’s mom is trying to do what she can to make sure you and Will stay together, but it’s difficult because of your ages.”

Carmilla nodded. “One of the reasons why I never said anything.”

“I know.” I sighed and got up from the bed. She reluctantly let go of my hand. I stared down at the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

I chewed on my bottom lip. “It’s my fault. It’s my fault you’re here. If you weren’t with me you wouldn’t be here now. You’d be safe.”

“Laura it’s not your fault.”

I nodded my head and couldn’t stop the tears from coming. “It is. It is my fault and I’m so sorry.” I looked at her through blurry eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Laura…”

The door opened and I turned away wiping at my eyes. “Sorry to interrupt. I need to take Ms. Karnstein to get tests done,” the nurse said.

“Call me Carmilla please. It makes me uncomfortable to be called Ms. Karnstein.”

“Of course Carmilla.” I turned around to look at the nurse. “Ms. Hollis I’m going to need you to wait in the waiting room downstairs until we finish with all of the tests.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I need to get going now anyways.” I moved over to Carmilla and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Laura…” She pleaded.

I shook my head. “Not now. Please.” She nodded her head. I gathered up my things. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Ok.”

I looked at her and saw the hurt in her eyes. I moved over to her and cupped her face in my hands. I kissed her tenderly. “Tomorrow.” She nodded her head. “I love you,” I whispered then walked out the door.

I made my way to the elevators. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. She got hurt because she was with me. She got hurt because she was seeing me. She got hurt all because of me. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. The doors to the elevator opened. Luckily I was alone as the doors shut. The elevator began to make its way to the first floor. I bent over placing my hands on my knees and broke down crying. It’s all my fault. If I didn’t love her, if I had pushed her away, if I had run away, she would be safe. She wouldn’t have gotten hurt and she wouldn’t have been in a coma. She’d be alright. It’s my fault.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

“Ms. Karnstein we really need your statement for our report,” the police officer with blonde hair asked.

“For the last time do not call me Ms. Karnstein,” I said frustrated. “And I’m not saying anything. You got the story from everyone else now leave me alone!”

“I’m sorry Ms-Carmilla. We need your side of the story. We got everything from Will on what your Mother has done to both of you, but we need your side.”

“Leave!” I yelled.

The door opened and Laura walked in looking like she was about to hurt someone. “What is going on in here?” She demanded.

“Ms. Hollis could you please wait outside for a moment,” the brunette officer asked.

“She stays or I won’t talk.”

“What?” The blonde one asked.

“Either she stays or I won’t answer your questions.”

They looked at each other. I looked over at Laura. She walked over to me and grabbed my hand. I slid my fingers between hers. This is not how I wanted to start the day after the way she left yesterday. “Fine. She can stay.”

I nodded my head. I scooted over so Laura could climb into the bed. She climbed in and held my hand firmly in her grasp and rubbed her thumb against the back of my hand. “Go ahead and ask your questions.”

They looked down at their notebooks. “Besides this recent incident, what was the worst thing your mother did to you?”

I clenched Laura’s hand tightly as the feeling of water beginning to flood my lungs took over. She squeezed back. “I’m here,” she whispered in my ear.

I nodded my head slightly. “She tried to drown me,” I admitted. I could feel Laura stiffen next to me. This was bad. She already thinks it’s her fault.

“How and is there anything else she has done to you?”

I took a deep breath. Laura relaxed a bit next to me. She let go of my hand. My heart dropped. She slid her arm across my shoulders and pulled me in close to her. I relaxed. I nuzzled my head into her neck and took in the scent of roses and chocolate. I leaned into her. “There’s a lot more,” I answered. Laura took my hand again in her free one as I began to outline everything I could remember.

 

 

 

 

 

The police left closing the door silently behind them. I waited an extra minute or two after they left before I let everything come crashing down. I can’t breathe. I need air. I can’t breathe. Please help me. Please help.

Gentle arms wrapped tightly around me. “I’ve got you,” she whispered calmly. “I’ve got you.” She held me close to her. I reached up and grabbed onto her shirt.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.

“It’s not your fault.” She rubbed along my arm. “You’re safe now.” She kissed the top of my head. “It’s not your fault.”

I shook and cried into her shoulder as I clung to her shirt. Every bad memory flooded my mind and I closed my eyes to try to will them away. I tried to lock them back up in the back of my mind. I can’t do this. I can’t keep going if these memories don’t bury themselves again. I need to be ok. I need to be ok for Will. I need to be ok for Laura. I need to be ok.

“Let go. I’m here for you. Just let it all go.” She kissed the top of my head. “You don’t have to be strong with me. I’ll always be here,” she soothed. “You’re home.”

I wrapped my arms tightly around her and broke down completely for the second time in front of her. I’m home and I’m safe.

 

 

 

 

 

I nuzzled her neck. “Why do they only have Disney movies?”

“Because you’re still considered a child since you’re under eighteen.” She ran her fingers slowly through my hair.

“I’m tired of Disney movies,” I whined.

“Well it’s either this or day time sitcoms.”

I groaned and hugged her tighter. “Cupcake…”

She laughed. “I’ll try to sneak in some movies that are not Disney.”

I kissed her neck. “Thank you.”

She kissed the top of my head. “Anything for you.” She rubbed circles on my arm as I rested my head back on her chest to listen to her heartbeat. It could put me to sleep.

“Laura?”

“Hmm?”

“You know it’s not your fault either right?” She stiffened. “After Elle, Mother got worse and didn’t want me to be with anyone. She said that no one would ever or could ever love me. That she was the only one who could.” Her fingers stopped combing through my hair. “I believed her. I believed her up until I met you.” I propped myself up on my good arm. “You saved me Laura in more ways than one.” I kissed her cheek then wiped away her tears. She looked so small and frail now.

“I’m just sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner,” she said weakly.

I pressed my forehead against hers. “You got there. That’s all that matters.”

She cupped my face. “I’m still sorry.”

“I know. It’s not your fault.” I kissed her lips reassuringly. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered.

She nodded her head. It’s no one’s fault but Mother’s. She’s the one at fault. She’s the one at fault and she got away. So long as her friends don’t know what she did, they’ll continue to help her get away and hide from what she’s done. That or she’ll just pay them enough to look the other way.

I buried my face in Laura’s neck and kissed it. I just need Laura and Will. That’s all. Well maybe I can include the dimwit squad as well. They did help save me…and they’re not really so bad.

* * *

**_Laura_ **

I tightened my hand around the strap of the guitar case slung across the front of my body. It has been a while since I felt the weight of the guitar on my back. It has been a long time since I touched it. I tightened my grip on the strap even more. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this for her. The elevator opened up to the third floor. This is for her. This is my birthday gift for her since she’s still stuck in the hospital being observed because of her injuries and coma. I slipped my hand into my pocket and ran my thumb over the small box I had tucked into it. I hope she likes this gift as well.

I walked over to her room and slowly opened the door. She was sitting up with her textbooks thrown all over her bed with worksheets spread out everywhere or tucked into the pages of her books. The window was open letting in the afternoon sun. I stood in the doorway feeling my breath being taken away. The sun made her look beautiful beyond belief and I wish I could just sit down and draw this image of her. I know I can never fully capture her beauty on paper, but I wish I could try.

“You’re staring cupcake,” she said while a smile spread across her face. She looked up and raised an eyebrow up at me giving me a curious look. “What’s all this?”

I adjusted the guitar on my back pulling it higher onto my back. “It’s your birthday today.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

She looked at me then grabbed her phone. Her eyes widened. “Wow it’s already March twenty-second.” She put her phone down and rubbed at her eyes. “That coma really did mess with my sense of time.”

I smiled and walked over to her. “Good thing I’m here to remind you.” I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her sweetly. “Now let me clear the bed so I can give you your birthday present.”

“Mmmm…” She pulled me into another kiss. Her tongue ran slowly along my bottom lip and I parted my lips giving her the access she wanted. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped me as her tongue slid against mine. Her fingers slid into my hair and tightened slightly gaining another moan from me. I put my hands on her wrists and slowly pulled away despite wanting nothing more than to just melt into her. “Cupcake,” she whined.

“Not the right place,” I answered as her heart monitor was beeping rapidly to match with her increased heartbeat.

“I dislike that damn machine.”

I smiled. “Is it because it tells me that your heart is racing?”

She smirked. “It’s because it’s so loud and distracting.”

I blushed and stepped away from her. I set my guitar down against the bed and began to pile up her textbooks and worksheets. “How’s catching up with everything going?”

“Alright I guess. Xena and the science ginger have been helping me out a lot with the things I don’t understand.”

“When are you going to start using their real names? I know you see them as your friends now.”

“When hell freezes over creampuff.”

I shook my head and stacked everything up on the bed side table. She crossed her legs and sat up even straighter. I climbed up onto the bed to face her and reached down to grab the guitar. I laid it across my lap and unzipped the guitar case. I pulled the acoustic guitar out of the case then set the case aside. I stared down at the guitar and bit my bottom lip. I slowly ran my fingers over the strings and the wood. Even though I’ve been practicing on it for the last week, it still felt strange to have it out instead of in the attic. I looked up to see Carmilla watching me.

“It was my mom’s. I haven’t played it since the day she died because it used to be our thing on Sundays.” I pulled the strap up and over my head while propping it up on my lap better. “We would wake up early and go to the music room so we wouldn’t wake up my dad.” I smiled. “We would sit for a long time just playing song after song and singing to our heart’s content until my dad would interrupt us to come down for breakfast. From there we would take our guitars downstairs and play in the living room for my dad.” I plucked each string individually. “My guitar is still up in the attic with the rest of her belongings.” I looked at Carmilla again. “I wanted to use hers because I wanted her to know how important you are to me.” I ran my fingers along the wood. “I can still feel her here with me while I hold her guitar, so I wanted her to meet you.” I smiled. “I hope that’s alright.”

She smiled. “Of course it is cupcake. I’m glad to meet your mother.”

I nodded. “Good. Now I’m going to play you a song.” I got comfortable with the guitar and played a few warm up cords with my fingers. I pulled out my pick from my pocket. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I began to play the song. I didn’t want to look at Carmilla while I played or else I would mess up, but there’s no way I cannot look at her when she’s so beautiful. “We all have a weakness, but some of ours are easy to identify. Look me in the eye and ask for forgiveness. We’ll make a pact to never speak that word again. Yes you are my friend.” I glanced up at her and saw her eyes begin to tear up. I kept my eyes on her as I sang and bobbed along with the lyrics and the rhythm. Tears started to fall slowly from her eyes. “We all have someone that digs at us; at least we dig each other. So when sickness turns my ego up I know you’ll act as a clever medicine.” I closed my eyes and let my voice feel the full extent of my emotions. “If I turn into another, dig me up from what is covering the better part of me. Sing this song. Remind me that we’ll always have each other when everything else is gone.” I opened my eyes and sang to her. I watched as a smile spread across her face. I smiled and sang louder not caring who I disturbed. I love this girl. I love her and I want her to know.

I played the last few chords then swung the guitar behind me. “Laura…” She was full on crying now.

I pulled the guitar off completely and set it down on the floor leaning against the bed. I sat up on my knees and kneeled in front of her. I wiped away her tears and kissed her lovingly. “Carm…”

She shook her head and smiled. “Sorry. I’m just not used to being loved this much.”

I shuffled even closer to her. She straightened out her legs so I could sit in her lap. I kissed her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, and then finally her lips. “I’ll only love you more as time goes on.” She put her hands on my hips and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her loving the taste of her on my lips and on my tongue. Her hands began to travel down to my thighs. I stopped and pulled away. “I have a gift for you.”

“I thought you singing was my gift,” she whispered trying to capture my lips again.

I pulled back some more. “It was, but I also have something else for you.” I moved to kneel up straight, so I could get into my pocket. I pulled out the small black box and held it out to her. I settled back down onto her lap and opened the top of the box. “It’s just a promise ring for now, but I would like you to wear it if you want. It just means that I love you more than anything and want nothing more than to continue to love you for as long as I can.”

She stared at the ring. “Laura…” She looked at me worriedly.

“I know that things are going to change, but whatever comes at least this will remind you that I love you always.”

She looked at the ring again and bit down on her bottom lip. “Yes. I will wear it.”

I smiled and pulled the ring out of the box. I grabbed her right hand and slid it onto the ring finger there. “Good it fits. I sort of had to guess your size.” I slid my fingers between hers and pulled them to my lips. I kissed the ring on her finger then looked at her. “I love you no matter what happens.”

She smiled, but the worry didn’t leave her eyes. “I love only you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com for updates and what not.


	28. I Love Only You. Someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is finally here. I hope you all enjoy this final chapter. :')

**_Carmilla_ **

“Cupcake you need to eat,” I said as I stared at her from her doorway. She was wearing a grey T-shirt that looked like it was two sizes too big when just two months ago it fit her fine and a black pair of tight jeans that were now hanging loose from her hips instead of fitting snuggly against her body.

“I will after I change the bandages on your back.” She scooted back on her bed and patted the space between her legs. “Now get over here.”

I rolled my eyes and made my way over to her. I turned my back to her and sat on the bed. I scooted back until she put her hand on my shoulder. I pulled my shirt off wincing at the slight pain still present in my shoulder. It had healed for the most part in the month I had spent in the hospital, but it still ached. I felt her fingers begin to grasp at the gauze pads over to the cuts on my back. She peeled them back and began to wipe them clean with Q-tips as to not peel the scabbing off before it was ready. Once the cut was clean, I felt the wood of the Popsicle stick as she smeared Neosporin on top of the cuts. She then placed a new gauze pad on top and taped it down to my back. She did this repeatedly to the other fourteen cuts I had on my back.

“What do you feel like eating buttercup?” I winced a bit as she went over one of the cuts that still had stitching on it.

“Cookies.”

I shook my head. “No more cookies. You need actual food.”

“Pizza then.”

“Alright. Anything else?”

“No.” Her hands worked steadily on my back.

She was the only one I would allow to touch me after I woke up. The nurse had to teach her how to take care of each cut taking special care with the ones that had stitching on them. The nurse had to watch a couple of times to make sure Laura was getting it right, but once the nurse was satisfied, she would just leave the supplies near and let Laura do it herself. I didn’t feel comfortable with anyone but Laura touching me. She didn’t pity me nor did she look at me weird. She just took it and went with it. She still felt like it was her fault and nothing I said changed her mind. Nothing I could ever say would ever change her mind. Hell, she couldn’t even change my mind of the fact that this whole situation was my fault. If I had just been a good girl. If I had just listened to Mother. If I had stayed away from Laura like Mother told me to, none of this would have happened. Yet if I did listen, I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to love Laura. But was it all worth it now that I’m in this situation?

I looked down at my promise ring. I pressed my thumb to the bottom of it and spun it around my finger. A promise. What good will it do now that Will and I will have to go eventually because we’re still considered minors? What good does it do if I’ll be separated from her because of the law? She can forget about me if I’m not permitted to send letters. She can forget about me when she can’t see me all the time like she does now. She can forget about me once she realizes that all the baggage that I have is really too much to deal with. She can leave me and who was I to stop her?

I love Laura, but did I have a right to stop her if I got moved somewhere far away where I could do nothing to stop her from leaving? Did I have the right to stop her from living her life baggage free once it was decided as to what the government was going to do with Will and I? Mrs. Perry cannot stall the court any longer than she has already. She cannot keep us forever and we have no family to take us in. Eventually I will have to leave and I will have to be separated from Will as well, so who was I to keep Laura to myself when I won’t even be here to begin with anymore? I stopped twirling the ring around.

Was it worth it in the end?

I closed my eyes at the feeling of her gentle lips pressed against the bare skin of my shoulder. “I’m done,” she whispered.

I opened my eyes slowly. “Thank you.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed from one shoulder, across the back of my neck, to the other shoulder, and then back.

Yes, it was worth it.

* * *

 

**_Mrs. Perry_ **

I frowned down at the document that was recently faxed to me. I shuffled through the pages in the document. The court was no longer going to allow me to keep the Karnstein siblings without a legitimate reason now that Carmilla has been released from the hospital for the past week. They were beginning to run out of patience for my motions for a stay based on medical reasons. I pushed the pages back together and tapped the whole document against my desk in order to straighten them out. Thus far, I have not been able to find a foster home that would take the both of them in because of their age and separating them was going to do more harm than good. I stared down at the documents. Just a few more days and I will have to turn them over to their case worker.

My phone began to ring and I quickly picked it up. “Mrs. Perry, how may I help you?”

_“This is Robert. I looked into the names you gave me.”_

I stood up and made my way to the filing cabinet at the far corner of my office. “What were you able to find?” I pulled open the first drawer and pulled out the Karnstein folder I kept with all of their paperwork that I was able to gather from their home and what I myself have filed on their behalf.

_“Ms. Karnstein sure does enjoy lying.”_

I opened up the folder. “Does this mean what I believe it means?”

_“Yes ma’am. They’re alive. I’m faxing my file over to you now.”_

I pulled out a picture and flipped it over to look at the names written in neat handwriting on the back. “Just the type of news I needed to hear today. Thank you Robert. I appreciate your work as always.” I closed the folder.

_“Anytime ma’am. You have a wonderful day.”_

“You as well.” I hung up the phone and stared at the picture. “Now let us see how much information Robert was able to gather.” I turned to my fax machine as it sprang to life.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

“I’m surprised we got to stay with Mrs. and Mr. Perry for this long,” Will said as we made our way downstairs.

“Well two weeks is a long time to keep using my injuries as a reason why we need to stay together and in this town,” I answered.

“Yes well this whole meeting thing has made me anxious. Do you think they were able to find us a foster home that will take us both in?”

“I don’t know. I would honestly be ok with a group home as well, but I doubt we’ll be that lucky.”

We got to the dining room on the first floor and walked in quietly. Mrs. Perry was sitting at the head of the table with a folder placed in front of her. “Please take a seat. My husband unfortunately got called away for an emergency case, so it will be just the three of us.”

We made our way to the seats closest to her. “Were you able to find someplace to take both of us?” I asked as I sat down. Will sat next to me and folded his hands on his lap.

“No, but I believe I found you something better.”

“What could be better?” Will asked.

She opened the folder and pulled out an old picture. She slid it across the table to me. I picked it up and looked at it. “What does a picture of our grandparents have to do with anything? They’re dead,” I said.

Will took the picture from my hand and stared at it. “Yeah I don’t get it either,” he added.

“Well that is just the thing. They are not dead. Your mother lied about their death.” She pulled out a more recent looking picture. “Your grandparents are alive and well in Austria. I contacted them and made them aware of the situation. They are willing to take both of you in.”

I stared down at the picture to see a happy old couple smiling up at me in a picture that looked like it was taken within the last year or two. “Why didn’t they ever contact us?” I asked. Will took this picture out of my hand as well.

Mrs. Perry folded her hands together. “They were made to believe that the both of you along with your mother had passed away in a horrible car crash.” My mouth fell open. “It seems your mother did what she could to ensure that you were isolated from anyone who could ever care about and love you.”

“She wanted to be the only one in our lives,” Will said disgustingly.

“It would appear so,” Mrs. Perry stated.

My jaw clenched as my hands balled into fists. “She kept me away from the very people who took care of me for long periods of time while my father worked and partied.” I shook my head then slammed my fists against the table. “They were willing to keep me after my father killed himself, but she decided to take me and has tortured me every day since.” I unclenched my fists. “What is wrong with her?”

Will squeezed my shoulder. “There’s no point in trying to understand her. Mother is gone and so long as she stays gone who cares.” He looked at Mrs. Perry. “When do we need to start packing?” I unclenched my fists and pressed my palms against the table.

“Not for a while. There is still a lot of paperwork that needs to be done to transfer guardianship over to them and we need to get into contact with a social service representative there who can check in on their living arrangements to ensure that you both will be safe and comfortable there. There is also the matter of the fact that they are your mother’s parents, so we need to make sure that they are not abusive since most cases of abuse happen because it is a cycle.”

“They’re not,” I said calmly. “They’ve never mistreated me when I would spend months with them while my father was busy or away. They were my second home.”

“Wait is it because you knew German the reason why Mother had me learn it as well?” Will asked.

I ran my hand through my hair. “That and because I couldn’t speak English very well.” I looked at Will with a shy smile. “My English was horrible because I had a heavy accent from knowing both French and German, so Mother got tired of correcting me all the time and just decided to have you learn German and have us speak in German whenever I was here.”

“Is that also why you had to repeat seventh grade even though you had done it in France?”

I nodded my head. “Yes. That is also why I had that horrible tutor come every day for that whole year. They worked hard to make sure I got rid of the accent I spoke with and that I could pass for having grown up here the entire time.” I smirked. “But I still kept up with my German and French while I was here as well as the Spanish and Italian my father had me learn in order to be able to entertain the children of his actors whenever they were on set.”

Will shook his head. “You are a whole other world.”

I shrugged. “It’s not like Mother ever allowed me to tell you everything plus it didn’t matter anymore since I finally got to be with you and be a big sister.”

He smirked. “I guess it really doesn’t matter too much big sister,” he teased.

I shook my head. “You’re not going to let that go huh?”

“Nope.”

I looked at Mrs. Perry. “How long then before everything gets cleared and we have to head out?”

“Well we’re already in April, so I’m pushing to try to get it all done by the time the school year ends next month. Plus it would make transferring your school information easier if you complete this year and just start anew over there.”

I nodded my head. “Not that long then.” I stared down at my promise ring. “Yet enough time to pack and say goodbye.” I looked up at her. “When do we start?”

She nodded her head. “I have taken care of the initial paperwork, but it would be good to begin to think about what you plan to take with you and what you plan to leave here that way we can steadily begin to send those items to your grandparent’s home.”

“Anything else?”

“No, but I will keep you up to date with everything as things get done.”

“Thank you.” I stood up and pushed my chair in. Will nodded to Mrs. Perry and did the same.

We walked out of the dining room. “When are you telling Laura?” He asked.

I sighed and began to twirl my promise ring around on my finger. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t wait too long.”

“I won’t.”

I stared down at the ring then ran my hand through my hair. Fuck.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

She pulled away from me again. I stared at her. She’s been doing that for two days straight already and it’s starting to get on my nerves. Every time I’d go to touch her she’d flinch. Every time I’d hug her she would stiffen and not hug me back. Every time I’d go to kiss her she would turn away and let my kiss fall onto her cheek. Every time I reach out to take her hand she’d quickly slip it into her pocket or pull her phone out to text Will or play a game. It is really starting to get annoying.

I paused the movie on my laptop. “Alright what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean cupcake?”

“Carmilla.” I gave her a pointed look.

She ran her hand through her hair and bit down on her lip. “Nothing is wrong.”

“Clearly something is because you won’t let me near you.”

She played with the promise ring I gave her which I noticed had become a new nervous tick. “Something came up recently.”

“Ok. What’s happened?”

She stared down at the ring and bit her lip. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Mrs. Perry found out my grandparents are actually alive.”

My eyes widened. “That’s a good thing. How are they? Can I meet them? Are they going to take you and Will? Where have they been all this time?” I fired out in quick succession.

She held her hand up and looked at me with sad eyes. “Mother lied to us about them being dead, so it took a while to find them. They are going to take us in once all the paperwork has been done and they pass inspection to make sure they’re not like my Mother.” She looked away. “They live in Austria.”

I tilted my head to the side and stared at her. Austria? Wait that’s all the way in Germany. Wait. No. That’s why she’s been distant. “You’re going to move to Austria,” I stated.

She nodded her head. She looked back up at me. “I’m sorry.”

I stared at her and blinked a few times. She’s moving. She’s moving to a different country. She’s moving across the globe. “When?” I choked out.

“Mrs. Perry is trying to make sure it happens after we finish up the school year to make sure the transition is easier.”

A little over a month. “Is that why you’ve been pulling away?”

She pulled back and looked down at my bed. “I’m sorry.”

I watched her begin to pick at my bedsheet. “You don’t get to do that.” She looked up at me and I shook my head holding up my hand to silence her. “No. You don’t get to pull away without telling me why first. You don’t get to make that decision on your own now. There are two of us in this relationship.” She stared at me with pleading eyes. “I know that this leaves us only a little bit of time to spend together, but I would rather spend every moment I have with you before I can’t spend any time with you at all anymore.” I placed my hand down next to hers making sure not to touch it. “We can still talk and send letters and everything once you move, but I want to spend every moment I have now remembering every single touch and every single kiss.” She moved her hand closer to mine until they were touching. “Don’t you want the same?” I looked up to meet her eyes.

Her eyes flickered with the signs of a waging war. She looked away. “I want to spend all the time I have with you, but Laura long distance is not great for a relationship.”

“We can make it work.”

She shook her head. “We’ll have two different schedules and the time difference will be too much of a strain. Plus we won’t be able to visit one another often.”

“We can make it work,” I pleaded.

She moved her hand away from mine and cupped my cheek in her hand. “Laura, that’s no way to have a relationship.” I opened my mouth, but she shook her head. “No. Laura I will write to you often, but you know that it can’t work. We’ll be in two different places in the world where my nights will be your days and your days will be my nights. As hard as we will try, and I know we will try very hard, we won’t ever have enough time to give one another. Skype lets us see one another, but what good is it if we will hardly ever have time to see each other?” She searched my eyes trying to get me to understand. “I would want nothing more than to stay with you, but realistically it just doesn’t work. I will be busy trying to get in the symphonies there since I missed my chance here and I will be going to school and then working on top of that since I have no money. You will be going to school and focusing on band and everything here. All of that doesn’t leave us time to see one another.”

I blinked to hold back my tears. “So that’s it then?”

“Laura…”

I shook my head and pulled away. I wiped my eyes. “I get it. I do. I know it’s the right thing to do because of everything, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.” I looked back at her. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

Tears began to fall from her eyes. “Then don’t say goodbye,” she whispered. “We’ll just say see you later.”

I laughed. “Really?”

She smiled. “What else can we say?”

I reached out and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Someday.”

She nuzzled her cheek against the palm of my hand. “I like that.”

I moved closer to her and took her face in both my hands. “But you’re still here with me, so let’s make the most of it while we can.” She nodded her head. I leaned closer to her lips and stopped just before kissing them. “I love you always,” I whispered against her lips.

Her arms wrapped around my waist. “I love you endlessly.” She closed the gap and kissed me lovingly.

I do and will love her always. Someday we’ll have each other without all of the obstacles. It might not have been meant for us to be together now, but it is meant for us to be together someday. I’d bet on it with my life.

I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her like there’s no tomorrow. For now she’s with me and that’s all that matters.

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I slid my hand under her shirt and bit down on her lip. She moaned and gripped my hair tighter. The slight pain sent pleasurable sensations throughout my body. I’m not really ready yet to be honest, but we’re running out of time and there’s no better time than now when her father is at work for another three hours. I slid my shaking hands up the side of her stomach and felt her shiver against my hands. I love her. I don’t want to leave. Why do I have to leave? It’s not fair. I bit on her lower lip again and slid a hand around to her back and grasped the clasp of her bra. I need her. I need her before she’s gone. I unclasped her bra.

Her hands shoved roughly against me pushing me off her suddenly. I looked at her dazed. I moved my hand out from behind her back and braced both my hands on the sides of her head. She kept her hands on my shoulders and breathed heavily. She stared up at me worriedly. My breathing was ragged and I just wanted her to consume me. I wanted her to have all of me before I go. Her hands tentatively moved from my shoulders up my neck then onto my face. She held my face in her hands as if I would suddenly crumble. Her eyes searched mine and the worry only grew deeper.

“Not like this,” she whispered. I gulped. “Not because you’re leaving in two weeks. Not because you think it’s the end. Not because you feel you have to.” Her thumbs caressed my cheeks. “Just because you’ll be moving soon doesn’t mean you’re ready.” I closed my eyes as her thumbs swiped underneath my eyes catching the tears that had begun to fall. “Not like this Carm.”

I bowed my head and started crying. She pulled me down against her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around me. I held her tight and cried. How does she know? How does she always know? I don’t want this. I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to go. I just want to stay here like this. I just want to be with her. It’s not fair. She ran her fingers through my hair. I’m not ready to let go, but I know I have to. I have no other choice. It won’t work otherwise. Better to let go now then to let go when we’re thousands of miles away from one another. Better to let go on good terms than when we’re filled with frustration and anger. Better to let go with love.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

She kissed the top of my head and sighed. “I can’t say that I didn’t think of doing the same.”

I chuckled. “Really?”

She tightened her grip slightly. “No laughing.” She eased up and I could just tell she was smiling. “Yes really. I just thought better of it because it would be for the wrong reasons and not for the right one.” Her fingers combed through my hair. “It’s not fair to either of us if it’s for the wrong reasons.”

I kissed her neck. “You’re right.”

“But I still want to, just not like this.”

I nuzzled her neck. “Next time.”

“Next time.”

I shifted my weight so I was more comfortable and so my entire weight wouldn’t be fully on top of her. She slid her hand under the back of my shirt and traced circles against my back. I hummed and closed my eyes. I slid a hand under her shirt and traced the same circles against her stomach. She sighed happily. I closed my eyes and began to hum. I listened as her breathing deepened and her fingers slowed. It wasn’t long until she fell asleep. I’m going to miss these simple moments.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I slowly opened the door to the studio. I haven’t been in here since the birthday date she did for me. I smiled. It was here that she asked me to be her girlfriend, so of course she’d choose to hide out here. I stood at the entrance. She sat at her piano and stared down at the keys. She ran her fingers over the keys and a small smile found its way onto her face. I tangled my hands together behind my back and cleared my throat. Her head snapped up quickly as she jumped to her feet. Her face went from panicked to loving in a matter of seconds. She’s been doing that a lot more now. It’s like she’s expecting her mother to come in at any moment. As much as I don’t want to think so, but since they still haven’t found her, there is still a chance her mother will come back. I mentally shook my head. Don’t think like that.

“How did I know you might be here?”

She smiled shyly. “Well this is where I asked you out among some other positive things because of you.”

“Like what?” I slowly walked over to her.

She settled back down in front of the piano. “I’ve played some songs here while thinking about you and it has made coming in here a bit easier, but I would still prefer to be nowhere near here.” She looked around. “No amount of paint and redecorating can help me forget this is where I ruined my leg and lost my ability to dance properly.”

I ran my fingers along the wood of the piano as I circled it before moving to the far wall. “Some things can never be forgotten.”

“Even if there are some things better left forgotten,” she responded.

I looked over my shoulder at her and saw the pain in her eyes. “I realized something recently.” I made it to the far wall and picked up the acoustic guitar that hung on one of the display racks.

“What did you realize?”

I turned back to her and slung the strap of the guitar over my head and onto my shoulder. “We’ve never sang together.”

She gave me a pointed look. “I clearly remember us singing together buttercup.”

I shook my head and smiled. “No, I mean just you and me. No one else. No one else playing or watching or me interrupting.” I grabbed a stool and dragged it along with me back to the piano.

“Yes, you interrupting me while I was playing the electric violin was not nice.”

I smiled and set the stool down next to the bench of the piano. “I couldn’t help it. You looked so beautiful.”

She blushed and ran her fingers along the piano keys. “You’re the beautiful one.”

I blushed and pulled my guitar pic out of my back pocket. “Will you play with me?”

She looked up at me and smiled adoringly. “Is it a song I know?”

I smiled shyly. “Possibly.” I looked at her more seriously as I began to strum the first set of chords. She shook her head as she looked down at her piano. I looked down at the guitar as I restarted the song. Yes this song may seem childish because of what it was created for, but in truth it is a love song. “When you walk away you don’t hear me say please, oh baby, don’t go. Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight. It’s hard to let it go.” I looked up to see her watching me. Her eyes stared at me with a mixture of sadness, love, and understanding. I sang directly to her making sure she caught every word I was saying.

She turned away from me and began to play the piano for the second part of the song. “The daily things like this and that and what is what that keep us all busy are confusing me. That’s when you came to me and said.” She stared into my eyes. “Wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water? When we are older you’ll understand it’s enough when I say so and maybe some things are that simple.” She looked away and down at her piano. I watched her as she kept her head bowed down at the piano. She closed her eyes as her fingers moved across the keys. I looked down at the guitar and kept singing allowing myself to get lost in the lyrics. “Hold me whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on. Regardless of warnings, the future doesn’t scare me at all. Nothings like before.” I kept singing and playing as my foot began to tap along. I stopped playing once I sang the last two lines and she finished it off with her piano.

Her shoulders slumped as her hands moved to grip the edge of the bench. I swung the guitar off and set it down to lean against the leg of the piano. I stood up from the stool and moved behind her. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. Her hand moved and gripped my arm. She bowed her head down and kissed my arm. Her thumb caressed my arm as she leaned her back into me.

“I love you Carmilla.”

She rubbed circles against my arm and I heard her sniffle. “I love only you.”

* * *

 

**_Carmilla_ **

I crossed my legs and stared down at the game I was playing on my phone. “Stop tapping your foot,” I said annoyed. I looked away from my phone to stare at Will.

He stopped tapping his foot and rubbed the palm of his hands against his pants. “Sorry. Just nervous.”

“They’ll like you. Don’t worry.”

He nodded his head. “They haven’t ever met me though, so what if they don’t?”

I sighed and put my phone away. No messages. “They’ve always wanted to meet you and now they get to have you live with them. You’ll be fine and they’ll love you because I love you.”

He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh really?”

I rolled my eyes. “If you ever tell anyone I said that I’ll bury you.”

“Sure you will,” he teased. He shook his head then ran his hand through his hair. “I love you too,” he mumbled.

“Did it burn to say that?”

He shrugged. “Just a little.”

I smiled and shook my head. “This is going to be a long flight.”

He nodded and looked around. “Yeah. I wonder where Mrs. Perry went.”

I shrugged. “She said she was going to get us some snacks and make sure there’s going to be someone waiting for us in New York to show us to our connection flight.”

Will nodded. “How’s Laura?”

I sighed. Yesterday was certainly something. I was not expecting her to sing that song at all. “She cried a lot.”

“You two are really ending things?”

I picked at my nail polish. “Yes.” I looked at him and shrugged. “We agreed it was what was best even if neither of us really wants to.”

He started tapping his foot again. “I can’t say I like it either, but I understand it. There’s no time nor any real way to make it work with the separate lives you’ll both be living at opposite ends of the world.” I glared at him and he stopped tapping his foot. “But like you said it still sucks.” He looked over my shoulder and smiled.

I stared at him then turned to see what he was looking at. I shook my head and turned away to try to hide my smile. “The dimwit squad,” I muttered.

“Don’t act like you’re not happy to see us!” JP called out.

“Just trying to see that if I pretend you’re not here if you’ll actually disappear.”

“Not a chance.”

I got up with Will following behind me and made my way over to the group. JP stepped up to me first and pulled me into a tight hug. “Thanks for coming,” I whispered.

“We wouldn’t really let you go without saying goodbye,” He whispered back. He pulled away and smiled. “You’re part of the family now, so you get the family treatment.”

I shook my head. “Thank you.”

LaFontaine stepped up next and pulled me into a hug. “I’m going to miss your snarky comments and nicknames, so don’t forget to write alright.”

“I won’t.”

Perry pulled me into a bone crushing hug. “You take care of yourself and make sure to eat and get plenty of rest.”

“I will Mama Bear.” She rubbed my shoulders and gave me another bone crushing hug.

“Carm-sexy!” Kirsch held his arms open.

I rolled my eyes and walked up to give him a hug. “Beefcake.”

He hugged me tightly. “You be careful over there. The people there might not be as nice as us.”

I smiled and pulled away. “No one can be as nice as you.”

“Do my ears deceive me? Did Elvira really give someone a compliment?”

I rolled my eyes and faced Danny. “It is possible sometimes Amazon.”

She smirked and held up her fist. “This is the closest you’ll get to a hug from me Vampira.”

I shook my head and fist bumped her. “Good. I don’t want to be squished to death by your giant arms.”

She shook her head. “You be careful.”

“I will.”

“Don’t forget about us now!” I heard Elsie’s voice call out.

I turned to look as Elsie came over followed by Natalie, SJ, and Betty. “Wouldn’t dream of it!” I called back to her.

Elsie came up and hugged me. It then turned into a group hug. “We’re going to miss you,” Natalie said.

“Yeah it’s not going to be the same without you,” SJ added.

“But make sure to stay in touch,” Betty said giving me another hug.

“I’ll try.” I smiled. “Thank you all for coming. It means a lot.”

“We wouldn’t miss sending you off for the world,” Elsie said.

I nodded and looked down at the floor. “Thanks.” I pulled my phone out. Still no message.

* * *

 

**_Laura_ **

I chewed on my bottom lip as the escalator made its way to the second floor. I should have messaged her, but I just couldn’t. Messaging her on her phone knowing that I won’t be able to do that anymore after this just makes me not want to ruin the current messages I have saved on my phone from her. I don’t want any messages reminding me of her leaving. Not when I actually do have to say goodbye. No. Not goodbye. Someday.

“You ok kiddo?”

I looked back at my dad. “Yes. It just is a lot.”

He nodded his head and squeezed my shoulder. “I know, but things happen.”

I nodded. “I know.”

We got to the second floor. It was easy to spot where she was because everyone was grouped around her. She was smiling even though her eyes were betraying how sad she honestly was. She was picking at her nail polish. She glanced over JP’s shoulder and saw me. She turned back to JP and excused herself. I took a calming breath. This is it. She came over to me and she looked away from me to look at my dad.

“Hello John.”

“Carmilla.” He opened his arms and she quickly stepped in to hug him. “I’m going to miss you kiddo.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” She pulled away. “Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad to have known you.”

“Same to you.”

She glanced at me. He nodded his head. “I’m going to go say goodbye to Will.” He squeezed her shoulder then walked away.

We stood there awkwardly. She began to spin her ring around her finger. I stared down at the floor. This is it. I took another calming breath and looked up. She was staring at the ground. I moved closer to her and wrapped my arms around her neck. She looked up. I tugged the back of her neck making her lean her head down. I pressed our foreheads together and closed my eyes.

“I’ve been thinking, trying to figure out ways we can make this work, but I know it won’t,” I admitted. “We’ll be too busy with our separate lives that even though we love each other so much, there’s honestly not going to be a lot of time we can spend on Skype together to make up for the time we lose in our daily lives.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me close to her. “I love you and this sucks, but I know we’re going to have separate lives to live now and not a lot of time for us to just be together and to be in each other’s lives like we have been in these past few months.” I gulped and tried to hold back my tears. “So for now I’m ok with this. I’m ok with parting with you.” I took a deep breath. “I’m ok with breaking up with you.” Her arms tightened around me. “Just know someday we’ll have our chance. A real chance.”

“Someday cupcake.”

“Someday,” I whispered. I nuzzled her nose then kissed her with all the love I had to give.

She held me close and kissed me back with a love that burned me to the very core of my heart. I don’t want to let her go, but I know I have to. She needs to be happy and to be with family that will love her the way she deserves to be loved. She needs to be with family that will take care of her and support her. She needs to have a family. A real family and not just me and Will.

“Carmilla!” Mrs. Perry called out. “You’re boarding now!”

I broke away from our kiss. She pulled me in for a tight hug. I hugged her tightly. “Seulement pour toi,” she whispered.

“Only for you,” I whispered back.

She pulled away and wiped the tears from my eyes. I reached up and did the same for her. I leaned up and kissed her again. She pulled away and kissed my forehead then let me go. She backed away from me not breaking eye contact. I stayed still for a moment then began to follow her. She turned around and made her way to her stuff. I followed behind her watching her back. She quickly grabbed her stuff and stood in front of everyone.

“Goodbye everyone,” she said.

“Bye,” everyone said.

I walked over to Will and pulled him into a hug. “Take care of each other.”

He hugged me tightly. “We will. I’ll miss you short stuff.”

“I’ll miss you too.” I cupped his face and pulled it down to kiss his forehead. “You better write to me as well.”

He smiled. “I will and I’ll make sure she doesn’t forget to as well.”

“Thank you.”

He hugged me again. “You take care of yourself as well,” he said.

“I will.”

He let go and kissed my forehead. “See you later.”

“See you.”

I covered my stomach with my arms in an attempt to hold myself together. Will turned back and waved before giving the flight attendant his boarding pass. Mrs. Perry gave him a hug then he waved to us again before heading to the tunnel to get on the plane. Carmilla handed over her boarding pass and kept her back to us. She gave Mrs. Perry a hug then made her way to the tunnel. I watched her back the entire time. This was it. My last image of her. Once she got to the tunnel she stopped and turned around. Our eyes met and she gave me a sad smile. I did my best to smile back, but could feel the tears trailing down my cheeks. Her eyes were sad and worried, but still so full of love. She nodded her head then turned away as I saw a tear escape her eyes. She walked into the tunnel. She was gone.

I closed my eyes and began sobbing. Strong arms wrapped around me and held me up as I felt my knees get weak. She’s gone. She’s gone. It was a long while before I finally calmed down. I turned to see that Danny was the one supporting me again. I gave her a tight hug and thanked her. She nodded. Everyone else moved over and gave me reassuring hugs. I wiped the tears from my eyes and made my way to the viewing window.

I stood in front of it with my arms wrapped around my stomach. I spotted her plane and watched as the plane moved away from the tunnel to get on the runway. It made its way down the runway and began to climb into the air. The wheels left the ground and were pulled into the plane. It soared up into the sky. My phone vibrated repeatedly and I pulled it out of my pocket once I could no longer see her plane. I pulled up my messages and saw that there were multiple ones from her. I covered my mouth as I read them.

**My Only <3 [7:43 PM]: No sky will be as blue without your smile to light up the sky.**

**My Only <3 [7:43 PM]: No night will be as warm without you by my side. **

**My Only <3 [7:44 PM]: No day will be complete without your laughter.**

**My Only <3 [7:44 PM]: No music will sound the same without your heartbeat. **

**My Only <3 [7:44 PM]: I love only you. **

**My Only <3 [&:45 PM]: Someday.**

I sobbed and reread the messages.

Someday.

 

 

 

 

**The End**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and following this story. This is the end for now. I appreciate all of you and hope you stick with me as I continue this story with the sequel that will be coming out within the next week or so. I love you all. 
> 
> You can continue to talk to me and ask questions by going to musictomyearshsau.tumblr.com 
> 
> Once again thank you for a lovely ride. I'll make the next one just as enjoyable.


End file.
